An Introduction to Oral Pleasure: Cunnilingus

Depending on how you obtained your early sex education, you may not have had much discussion about oral sex. Just getting around to discussing basic sexual intercourse can be difficult. Oral pleasure may have been left to the realm of mystery in which you had to figure things out yourself, both giving and receiving. When it comes to female oral pleasure, cunnilingus, sometimes we’ve held onto myths, assumptions or misinformation. Whether you are long time fan or newly exploring, I hope this introduction to the how and why of oral pleasure will help you.

An anatomy lesson

Cunnilingus comes from the Latin words for vulva, cunnus, and licking, lingere. The Merriam-Webster definition is “The act of stimulating a woman's sexual organs with the mouth for sexual pleasure.” The woman’s sexual organs being the vulva (which includes the clitoris, labia majora, labia minor) and the vagina. The clitoris may have only a small section exposed, the tip of the iceberg so to speak, but it also continues under the surface. The exposed portion, the clitoral hood and the gland clitoris, is highly sensitive to pleasure in most women while the internal portion is sensitive to pressure and vibration. The area has a high concentration of nerve endings and blood vessels. Feelings of sexual pleasure not only come from direct stimulation of the clitoris but also the labia minora, the inner lips extended along the vulva just inside the outer labia majora. All areas from the mons pubis down to the perineum are open for lingual stimulation. Statistically, 70-80% of women find they orgasm much more readily with clitoral stimulation than with penetration or g-spot stimulation. This makes oral sex a great path to awesome orgasms.

Introducing Sex Toys - S&M toys

If you’re new to BDSM, you may be curious about how pain can be pleasurable. Most people experience pain as something unpleasant such as getting a spanking as corporal punishment, getting hit in anger or by accident. Pain play can feel good because of the chemicals released when experiencing both pain and pleasure. The rush we feel, with the release of endorphins and epinephrine, along with the release of melatonin and serotonin, react in our minds and bodies similar to a runner’s high. The impact also stimulates nerves that heighten arousal. So rather than thinking of pain play as just being beaten with painful objects to illicit extreme pain, think of it as a consensual stimulation of the senses that also triggers pleasure. The giver receives pleasure for the arousal of their partner and the intimate connection during play.

Where to start

Don’t just jump in, start with communication. Talk about what you’d like to try and what you’re afraid of trying. Incorporate safe words and discuss boundaries. Stay in tune with each other and check in from time to time. Try less intense toys and work your way up. Just remember that it doesn’t have to be scary and intense, it can be fun and lighthearted too.

What’s your pleasure?

There are different kinds of impact styles. Thudding, a blunt heavy hit and stinging, a sharp burning hit. Some prefer one more than the other, while some prefer a combination of the two. Paddles and heavy floggers have a thudding feel while crops, whips, slappers and canes are more stinging. You can also find softer versions of these toys that are neither thudding nor stinging. Start with gentle hits and work up. Move around the body; don’t just stay in the same place, and alternate smacks with soft touches. Take your time; anticipation can be an amazing turn on.