Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

What You Can Learn From How Lesbians Have Sex

Whether you're a straight woman who is fed up with the script you've been fed about sex, a man who wants to provide more pleasure for his female partners, or even a gay man, you can likely benefit from these findings of lesbian sexual behavior.

Sex Survey Says

According to one survey, women who have sex with women are more likely to define a wider variety of activities as “having sex.” While most only two activities (giving or receiving anal sex) “counted” as sex to everyone in the study, the majority of lesbians or bisexual women defined ten activities as definitely having sex. The list includes using a double-ended dildo, 69-ing, other uses of dildos, genital rubbing, oral sex, and mutual masturbation, among other sexual activities. This certainly answers the silly question “How do lesbians have sex?”!

A second survey of 822 lesbians uncovered the fact that women who have sex with women are having significantly less sex. However, this isn't necessarily cause for alarm. Instead, lesbians have fewer but longer sex sessions. While most couples spend 15-30 minutes engaged in sex, lesbians reported trysts that lasted a median of between 30 and 45 minutes. Furthermore, 20% of lesbian couples also reported having sexual encounters that lasted over an hour! Very few straight couples have sex that lasts an hour, let alone longer than 60 minutes!

Yet another survey reports that lesbian women are likely to have an orgasm with a familiar partner 74.7% of the time while their straight counterparts are only having an orgasm 61.6% of the time. You can look at this another way: women more consistently give other women orgasms than men do.

What You Can Learn From How Lesbians Have Sex

Now, you might think that this is all very interesting. But how does it relate to you? Perhaps you're a straight woman or man. You might be a man who only sleeps with men. Does the way lesbians define sex have anything to do with you?


The first thing you can learn from the way lesbians have sex is obvious. Define more activities as having sex. This might mean that you incorporate more fingering or oral sex into your routine. These activities can directly lead to orgasms for women who, the majority of whom require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. In fact, you might focus on activities that do not guarantee an orgasm for the male partner.

It might feel weird if you're a man who isn't trying to have an orgasm during sex. It may be a little awkward if you are your partner aren't sure when sex is over (whenever you want – unless you want to grab a snack from the kitchen and get back to it!). But looking at sex from a different angle cab also be rewarding.

When you broaden your definition of what counts as sex, you won't skip something because it's “just foreplay” or a “bonus.” You'll prioritize a wider range of activities in addition to penetrative sex, which means that you're less likely to fall back on the same recipe for sex. If you're in a rut, why not switch things up? Perhaps you don't go for penetration at all at one point. Maybe you try phone sex for the very first time!

The second thing that other people can learn from lesbians is to focus on quality over quantity. Lesbians are not having sex more frequently than others, but this doesn't seem to impair their satisfaction levels! If you define the end of sex as a man's orgasm, the other partner might be left out in the cold. However, if you slow things down (and continue with other activities even if one partner has already had an orgasm), female partners as well as men who require more stimulation to orgasm are going to have a greater chance at achieving the big O.

Remember that women tend to be better at getting their female partners off than men. While some of it might be due to a more intimate understanding of female erogenous zones, couldn't a lot of it simply come down to spending more time focusing on their partner's pleasure and spending more time on sex in general? Plus, lesbian couples don't zero in on activities that would provide a male partner with an orgasm – IE vaginal penetration and thrusting.

Of course, orgasm isn't necessarily the goal of sex. By slowing things down, you spend more time connecting with your partner, giving and receiving pleasure, and enjoying yourself in a way that makes sex meaningful even if you don't have an orgasm! Instead of jumping right to penetration, you might add a sensual massage or a steamy makeout session. Literally slow down your breathing and movements. Savor the moment – and your partner. That sounds like advice any person can use.

The goal of this information isn't to tell you exactly how to have sex or for you to mimic anyone else. Instead, you should look for ways that you can break out of your sexual routine and redefine the sex you have so that you and your partner are more sexually satisfied.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Everything You Never Knew About the Clitoris

Woman lying in bed and playing with herself

Think you know everything there is about the clitoris? Think again! No matter how good a lover you are or how experienced you are at masturbating, you might be surprised by these little-known facts about the most powerful button on the human body.

It's More Than Meets the Eye

When you think about the clitoris, you might think only about the visible part: the glans, which is surrounded by the clitoral hood (foreskin or prepuce). You can push back the hood to see more of the glans, but it's small either way. The important part here is that the glans is just a small part of the much larger clitoral structure. Perhaps you've seen a model, complete with the glans up top but growing down and out to form the rest of the structure. It looks something like a fleur-de-lis if you squint, but what exactly are those other parts?

The pair of “legs” stemming from the bottom of the clitoral glans is an upside down “V” shape, the legs or crura of the clitoris. The crura attach to the pubic arch and connect  to the corpus cavernosum, which are  made of spongey, erectile tissue that can fill with blood and expand during arousal and stimulation. The penis also has a pair of corpus cavernosum, so you can see how alike the clitoris and penis are.

Below the corpus cavernosum lie the vestibular bulbs that sit closely on either side of the vaginal opening. During arousal, the bulbs fill with blood, causing the vagina to expand.

Anatomy lecture aside, the inner portion of the clitoral structure is just as significant as the external portion? Why? The internal clitoris can also be stimulated through the vagina. The different sensitive spots inside the vagina merely provide access to the inner part of the clitoris, and the most notable of these is the G-spot. In a sense, vaginal/G-spot orgasms are simply inner clitoral orgasms!

The Clitoris Is Sensitive – Really Sensitive

The clitoris and penis both have many nerve endings, but the clitoris has around twice as many with between 6,000 and 8,000 usually. This explains why stimulating the clitoris can feel so damned good – and sometimes too intense. If you find that you or your partner cannot handle stimulation, try a lighter hand.

Make sure the clitoral foreskin isn't pushed back and stimulate through it, instead of directly against the glans. You can also rub or use your sex toy to the side or below your clitoris for indirection stimulation. You can also try stimulating your clitoris through your labia or underwear, or place a towel between yourself and your toy or hand if you're especially sensitive.

And It Can Become More Sensitive

Thrill seekers might be excited to learn this about the clitoris: at least one study has found that stimulation with a vibrator can cause the clitoris to grow even more nerve endings! Now that's super cool!

Some Are Lefties and Some Are Righties

If you've ever taken the time to chat about masturbation styles with your partner or friends, you've probably realized that most people masturbate with one hand, just like writing! It's often their dominant hand, but this isn't always the case.

The clitoris can also be “handed,” too! Many women find that their clits prefer stimulation either from the left or right side. It might associate with which hand they use for stimulation, but some prefer to cross over when flicking the bean, so their clitoris is actually the opposite from their dominant hand.

The Clit's Only Role Is Pleasure

Yup, you read that right: the clitoris is responsible for pleasure and nothing else. It doesn't aid reproduction or bodily function like other organs. The clitoris is just there to make sure you have a good time, which sounds pretty good to us!

Clitoral Distance Affects Orgasm Frequency

There's typically a reason why so few women consistently orgasm from vaginal intercourse: their clitoris is too far away from their vaginal openings to be stimulated from the thrusting of sex! Because so many women require clitoral stimulation to get off (not to mention the ones who simply prefer it that way), the distance between the clitoris and vagina plays a large role in whether or not a woman will climax during PIV sex without direct manual stimulation (of course, we always recommend being direct if it will equate to a better time in bed).

In fact, Princess Marie Bonaparte educated about this. She called it the rule of thumb because, as she described, if the length between the clitoris and vagina was longer than the distance from the tip of your thumb to the first knuckled (approximately 1 inch), it was unlikely that orgasm would occur during sex.

Of course, we now know how vital the clitoris is to a woman's pleasure so you can try a bullet vibrator or even a wand during sex (or masturbation). Another tool to consider is the pillow. A woman can grind against a strategically-placed pillow, and some sex pillows even have slots for your favorite toy so you can get clitoral stimulation even during positions where you're not facing your partner.

Couples can also practice positions that are specifically intended to bring pleasure to the woman. The Coital Alignment Technique is one, and Thigh Tide is another (the woman straddles her man like in Reverse Cowgirl, but he bends one knee with his foot flat on the bed beneath them, allowing her to grind against it). Another tip? When in Cowgirl, the man can split his fingers between the middle and ring finger to make a “V” (or “Spock hand”) and slide the V around the base of his penis so that his partner can grind against his penis when she's on top.

The power if the clitoris is matched only by its mystery. Although, what we do know is amazing as is. While science continues to investigate this sexual gem, we hope that you do the same with your own clitoris (or one belonging to a partner) at home. 

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Friday, August 24, 2018

Shop for Sex Toys in Person

Shopping online is literally the best thing since sliced bread. There’s a greater variety of items, less people to bother you, it can be done from bed and in basically any state of dress or undress that suits your fancy in the moment. That’s before we even get to the magical creation known as a coupon code! Even with all it’s amazing benefits, there are some things that’re still better shopped for in person – chief among them: sex toys.

For a person who has made a career out of writing online sex toy reviews, that may seem like a counter-intuitive idea. That’s a fair assumption, but it’s all my sex toy review experience that makes me certain you’re better off shopping for sex toys in store versus online only. Sex toys are unique in their uses and return policies, the incredible variety of our personal preferences, and, most importantly, sex toy stores are just fun!

For all online shopping’s major benefits to most items, sex toys are an almost entirely unique category. If you’re a foodie, you’ll probably have a favorite style of knife or cooking technique. With sex toys, though, even someone without any knowledge about the category or even a very low sex drive will arrive with things they like or don’t.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Sex Toys Have Been Around Longer Than You Think

Anal plug with a fluffy pink tail.

Although the very first sex toys may not look the ultra-realistic dildo or the fantastic, purple rabbit vibrator that spring to mind when you think of these items, people have been crafting pleasure items for thousands of years. Join us as we take a look at the history of sex toys.

30,000 Years of Dildos

30,000 years ago, the residents of what is now Germany were crafting surprisingly-sleek dildos made out of polished siltstone. An 8-inch model of this sex toy was first unearthed in 2005, then went forgotten for several years before becoming part of a museum exhibit on sexology. This is a well-deserved place for the oldest-ever sex toy known to man.

Researchers have also found dildos made from ivory, bone, limestone and teak. The Chinese often cast dildos from metals such as bronze (and the Chinese were among the first to use cock rings – made from goat eyelashes!). A dildo made from chalk has even been discovered in modern-day England. Researchers place the age at approximately 4,500 years old!

It's not just the toys that have been uncovered, either! Depictions of dildos exist in Japanese and Greek art, to name just a couple cultures that were enamored with their dildos.

Greek men were even known to give their wives dildos, known as olisbos when they went off to war in an attempt to prevent illness due to lack of sex. The Greeks also created a softer alternative to stone dildos out of dough. Ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes described a plot by women to lure men away from war by withholding sex and using their dildos until the men established peace in a play known as Lysistrata. It seems the role of dildos in ancient Greece was varied.

Italians experimented with leather and wood for their “dilettos” during the 15th century. The designs may have been primitive, but they worked!

In the 1500s, dildos made their appearance in the United Kingdom, where citizens could enjoy the pleasure they provided.

Around 1850, inventors would begin to use rubber as the base for their dildos. It would take another 120 years for dildos made of body-safe silicone to be created. Even then, they were designed with a handle for people who had disabilities like creator G.I. Duncan had.

More recently, strap-on dildos were devised as a way for impotent men to engage in sex with their wives. In the 1960s, strap-ons weren't yet part of the LGBTQ narrative, and the inventor certainly didn't envision how roles could be reversed when women used strap-on dildos to penetrate their male partners anally.