Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Women's Sexual Dysfunction

Couple having problems

An estimated 40% of women experience some type of sexual dysfunction, including pain and difficulty reaching orgasm. Three common types of sexual dysfunction are vaginismus, dyspareunia, and anorgasmia. Living with these issues may be frustrating and upsetting, and understanding their common causes and treatments is a vital step in finding sexual satisfaction.


Vaginismus is a persistent involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles (pubococcygeus, or PC) that interferes with penetrative vaginal sex. For many people with vaginismus it can also be difficult to complete pelvic exams or to insert a tampon.

The cause of vaginismus is primarily psychological, but can also involve dysfunction with PC muscles.  Many people develop vaginismus as a result of trauma or painful sexual experiences. Body image issues, feelings of shame or guilt regarding sex, and relationship problems can also lead to this type of dysfunction.

The good thing about vaginismus is that it is often easily and successfully treated. At home you can practice relaxation techniques such as calming breathing exercises. You can also purchase a set of dilators, which are smooth insertables that typically range from .5” to 1.25”. Practice using these in a comfortable environment, starting with the smallest size. Alternatively you could buy a few sex toys that you like in different sizes. Using lube is recommended as it can make penetration easier.

Some physical therapists are able to treat pelvic floor dysfunction including vaginismus. The therapy sessions include trigger point release, tissue manipulation, and biofeedback. The biofeedback helps you visualize the tightening and loosening of your PC muscles and helps you learn how to control and relax them. Some kegel exercisers like the Minna K-Goal utilize biofeedback too and are something you can use at home.


Dyspareunia is defined as recurrent genital pain associated with intercourse. Occasional genital pain is not unusual, but dyspareunia is pain that occurs consistently.

Dyspareunia has many causes, some of which can be difficult to identify. It is advisable to speak to your doctor if you're experiencing pain with intercourse, especially since it may be caused by infection or other medical conditions including endometriosis, ovarian cysts, and uterine fibroids. Sometimes dyspareunia is a result of vaginismus or weak PC muscles, of a lack of lubrication. Occasionally the cause is anatomical, such as an obstructed or thickened hymen, or constrictive clitoral hood.

Since there is a wide range of underlying causes, there are of course many different treatments. Alleviating genital pain can be as simple as using lubrication, or using lube that works better for your body. In cases when genital pain is related to vaginismus or weak PC muscles, kegel exercises and physical therapy can be beneficial. In the case of anatomical or medical causes, a doctor can assist you with addressing these issues using medication or other means.


Also known as female orgasmic disorder, anorgasmia is an inability to achieve orgasm during prolonged genital stimulation.

For some people, difficulty reaching orgasm can be a matter of inexperience -- particularly with self touch. A lack of familiarity with one's own body and preferences can make it difficult to provide the right kind of stimulation to achieve orgasm. If you don't know what feels pleasurable for yourself, partners will have a hard time knowing what makes you feel good too. Masturbating and getting to know your body, trying different things and maybe incorporating toys, can help you learn what feels most satisfying.

Sometimes the cause is related to misinformation or unrealistic expectations, especially ones related to orgasm with penetration. For example, many people believe it is easy for women to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, but this isn't true for a majority of people. If you're not orgasming when you have penetrative sex, that's completely normal! Clitoral stimulation, whether with fingers or toys or using the coital alignment technique, is usually necessary. Again, trying different things and using sex toys can help reach orgasm during sex.

Anorgasmia can have psychological causes as well, including feelings of shame or guilt, depression, anxiety or stress, poor body image, past trauma, relationship problems, etc. Mental health or sex therapy to address these issues can be beneficial.

Medication, especially anti-depressants, may interfere with ability to orgasm. It is important to discuss potential side effects with your doctor. Use of alcohol or other drugs can effect this as well, and decreasing or stopping the use of these can lead to an ability to orgasm again.

By: April
Follow on Twitter @VivaLaSexyBlog 

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Is There A Right Way To Use A Sex Toy?

couple of woman and man buyers choosing color sexy toys in the sex shop
You might be surprised to learn about one question that patients sometimes ask their doctors: Is there a right way to use a sex toy? But doctors have fielded this question from people who have purchased sex toys and are wondering if they're using them right and potentially if there is something wrong with their bodies if they don't like the way it feels.

Is There A Right Way to Use a Toy?

Most retailers break down their toy selections into categories. You might see internal or G-spot vibrators, small or clitoral vibrators and anal toys. These categories make it easy to shop for the right toy for you, but you shouldn't consider them guidelines when it actually comes to using those toys. Instead, think of them more as suggestions.

For example, small vibrator that fits in the palm of your hand might be the perfect clitoral vibrator to use during solo sessions, but this doesn't mean it can't fit between you and your partner's body during sex, that you can't use it on your nipples, or that you can't lube it up and use it for an allover massage. Add it to a handjob to see how your partner responds.

Furthermore, a rabbit vibrator is intended for dual stimulation: vaginal/G-sot and clitoral. But you can turn it around so the bunny is rumbling against your perineum.

Switch up your position, whether you're alone or with a partner, to experience different sensations. If you reach around from behind to use your favorite dildo vaginally, does it feel different from reaching from the front?

You can try anal beads vaginally (see our safety warning below first), use strap-on dildos for prostate stimulation, or use a G-spot vibrator for any spot that tickles your fancy.

Press your wand vibrator against Kegel balls while you have them inserted to experience the difference.

Consider turning off vibration to simply thrust, rub or rock to your heart's desire.

If you're a man, you can use a vibrator, too. They're not just for women!

The more creative you are, the more pleasure you stand to experience. While you might not love vibration everywhere, or find that your favorite toy is better for clitoral stimulation than anything else, you might be surprised at how many erogenous zones your body actually has (definitely more than just your genitals!).

In fact, we might argue that a toy that is versatile is better than one that only serves a single purpose. An internal vibrator that's just as good clitoral stimulation means you're really getting your money's worth. And if you only like clit stim, you won't feel like you've wasted your time when you discover that your G-spot really doesn't respond to vibrations.

This leads us to our next point.