Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Friday, December 27, 2019

Keeping Sex Pleasurable After Menopause

Sexy middle-aged woman in lingerie, lying in bed

Menopause can occur naturally or surgically, that is after an oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries). Natural menopause occurs most frequently after age 45, but it can happen earlier or later. No matter the cause, menopause manifests in several bodily and mental changes due to a decrease in estrogen. Understanding what's happening with your body helps explain why you feel the way you do and can help you determine how to best claim your sexuality after menopause.

The decrease in estrogen leads to the most obvious symptom of menopause: no more periods. You might also be aware of symptoms such as mood swings or hot flashes that are not uncommon with menopause.  However, there are other less-obvious side effects, and they can seriously affect your sex life.

Vaginal Dryness

Estrogen plays a critical role in the vagina's ability to self-lubricate, so women who are going through menopause may experience vaginal dryness as blood flow to the genital decreases. Dry sex is often painful. There are several options to relieve vaginal dryness, fortunately. They include vaginal moisturizers like Replens, which helps to increase moisture overall and personal lubricant, which you can apply prior and during sexual activities for temporary relief of dryness.

Decreased Libido

Several studies have found that menopausal women experience a drop in desire; although, this isn't always the case. This can happen because hormones drop with menopause. Mood swings, poor sleep, and hot flashes can also make it difficult for menopausal women to get in the mood for sex.

Vaginal Atrophy

While many people focus on the previous two sexual side effects of menopause, vaginal atrophy can also significantly impact your sex life. Decreases in estrogen mean vaginal tissues are less elastic. The result? Painful sex, even if you are in the mood! Vaginal atrophy can increase the likelihood of tears, which can make you more susceptible to infections as well, and bleeding.

Your doctor may prescribe medication such as that can increase the thickness and durability of vaginal tissue. However, this medicine can also increase the likeliness of blood clots and stroke in some women.

Orgasm Difficulty


Along with painful sex and decreased libido, some women have more difficulty with orgasm after menopause. Orgasms may be less consistent or less intense. Kegel exercises, which tone pelvic floor muscles, may improve your orgasms. These exercises can also be beneficial for urinary incontinence, which some women experience with menopause.

Dealing with the Sexual Side Effects of Menopause


Many times, women will continue having sex even if it's painful or not something they want due to menopause. Or they may retreat within themselves, which can cause strife in their relationships. However, it doesn't have to be this way.
There is no single cure to all of the side effects caused by menopause. However, you can work with your doctor to find what's right for you. Many women undergo hormone therapy after menopause to replenish the hormones their bodies no longer make and relieve symptoms such as vaginal dryness and atrophy. Estrogen comes in a variety of forms from pills to creams to injections. Talk to your doctor to find out more.

Some people may not see improvements when taking estrogen and others may not be appropriate candidates for hormone therapy. There are some steps you can take to remain sexual, including the use of vaginal moisturizers and lube mentioned above.

  •  Masturbate: Many doctors and patients find that remaining sexually active can put off or reduce the side effects of menopause. So keep having sex or masturbating as long as it's possible and pleasurable.
  • Focus on foreplay: At any age, increasing foreplay can help you become more aroused, experience more pleasure, and increase the likelihood of having an orgasm. Manual and oral sex, sensual massage, and other activities are just a few ideas to get you started. Don't forget about written or visual erotica, which can help to get you going.
  • Try outercourse: If penetrative sex is something you can no longer do or cannot do as much as you once did, try outercourse. This includes activities such as dry humping, making out, and mutual masturbation all fall into this category. Expand your idea of what “counts” as sex, and you'll find that your sex life can continue quite happily. These activities can provide a sexual release and keep you connected to your partner.
  • Be mindful: Studies have found that mindfulness can help with sexual dysfunctions such as arousal. Mindfulness can promote relaxation, which is good for sexual enjoyment. Mindfulness can keep you in the moment and focused on the journey (pleasure) versus the destination (orgasm). Activities such as tai chi and yoga also encourage mindfulness and can be helpful during this time.
  • Talk about it: Sexual communication is always important but especially so if you're experiencing changes because of menopause. Your partner may not be aware of some of the lesser-known side effects. Furthermore, don't be afraid to talk about any symptoms you may have with your doctor. It's their job to help you find ways to cope with menopause, even if talking about sex seems embarrassing to you. Trust us, your doctor has seen and heard it all.
  • Switch things up: Breaking out of your sexual routine can give your sex drive a boost and make you feel more connected to your partner. Try something new such as using a sex toy if you never have before. Roleplaying and BDSM can also reignite the spark that may have been extinguished by menopause and other factors.
  • Remember safer sex: Sex after menopause can be great. After all, there's no risk of pregnancy, and the kids are out of the house so you can get down whenever you want. However, the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection still exists. You can reduce those risk by using safer sex devices such as condoms for penetrative sex or oral performed on a man or dental dams for oral sex performed on a woman.

Not everyone experiences menopause the same, and your symptoms can vary in intensity as you go through menopause. However, knowing what can happen and how to work around it can ensure that menopause doesn't interfere with your sex life and prevent you from being as sexual as you want. 

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

How To Introduce Sex Toys To A Partner

Girl in Red Lingerie Stands near Wall front Man.

Using a sex toy might be just what you need to spice up your sex life, even if it's just sex with yourself.  Some people find that they experience more pleasure and easier orgasms by using sex toys. Vibrators, especially, can help some women have an orgasm for the very first time. You may already have a favorite sex toy when you start sleeping with a new partner, or you may be considering using sex toys for the first time with an existing lover. However, the way you bring up the idea can impact whether your partner is down with the idea.


Pick the Right Timing

Discussing your collection of sex toys before you've even had sex or breaking out your favorite dildo during your first sexual encounter with a person might be a deal-breaker. Someone who is new to sex toys may feel overwhelmed if you opt for a sexy surprise. A partner may also be offended if you bring up the idea right after sex if it seems like you were disappointed.

Instead, you can bring up the topic of sex toys after you've had sex. Consider a casual conversation when your partner is relaxed and not busy. Your discussion can help you determine how your partner feels about sex toys, and bring up the idea if they seem receptive. You may need to discuss why your partner doesn't like the idea first.

Focus on the Benefits

For some people, not using sex toys means sex is less satisfying. However, you're not likely to get very far if you simply complain about what doesn't work for you. You don't need to list every single thing that has disappointed you. Instead, you can let your partner know what does work for you and suggest how toys will help you become closer, explore your sexualities, and have even more pleasurable sex. Imagine telling your partner how hot it will be to see them using a toy on themselves or you. These conversations can be a starting point for you to discuss your sexual needs and desires with your partner – and to learn about theirs!

Communicate Openly About Sex

To piggyback on the previous idea, being able to communicate about sex will make introducing sex toys that much easier. Furthermore, talking about sex is the only way you can know what your partner wants and likes and to figure out how you can expand your sex life.

As part of your communication, you can let your partner know why sex toys work for you. Perhaps you can only achieve orgasm with vibration or you need something more intense or consistent than a partner can provide. Use these conversations as a way to reassure your partner that a toy can't and won't ever replace them. A sex toy can bring you pleasure, but at the end of the day, it's just a tool. You cannot have a romantic connection or sexual chemistry with a sex toy.

Shop for Toys Together

Invite your partner to shop for toys with you, whether that's online or in person. This allows them to figure out what they might be interested in and ensures that the toys you use together are yours and aren't associated with a former lover.

If shopping successfully gets your partner's juices flowing, they might even suggest something you hadn't considered before, which can encourage even more exploration.

Pick the Right Toy

A lot of men, especially, may worry about their partners using insertable toys that are larger than them. You might love your big purple dildo, but it may not be the right toy to introduce to your partner. Instead, opt for something a little less intimidating or that doesn't feel like “competition.” A bullet vibrator, for example, doesn't compete with your partner and is small enough not to intimidate most people. Or you may opt for a fantastic design rather than one that looks like a penis.

Introducing sex toys to a partner can be similar to introducing kink. Work your way up to things that are a little more “out there.” Gauge your partner's reaction as you go.

Toys Are for Both of You

You might need a toy to get off or simply prefer one, but you won't have much luck if you introduce the idea of sex toys as something that's for you alone. Instead, focus on how toys can improve things for both of you. For example, men can enjoy vibrations as well as women. Or you might opt for a cock ring that offers clitoral stimulation while also helping him stay harder. If you can connect a toy to something your partner already does, your partner might be even more receptive to the idea.

Buy Their First Sex Toy

If your partner is open to it, buy them a sex toy. This could be a vibrator or dildo or a stroker like a Tenga egg. Let your partner use the toy, perhaps in private, to get used to the idea of using toys. It can be hot to watch them use it, too! This makes it much easier to incorporate toys into partnered play.

Introducing Sex Toys to Casual Partners

The way you introduce sex toys to a casual or non-romantic partner may differ from how you go about it with an established or long-term partner. You want to ensure that you both have a good time, but you might be more focused on pleasure that only a toy can bring over this person's feelings. There are still some things you can do so your partner will be more receptive to the idea. For example, try asking something such as “Do you want to see how I come?” This type of sexy dirty talk will keep things sexy and make your partner feel like a contributor to your pleasure.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Thursday, December 12, 2019

2019 Holiday Gift Guide

Girl with purple hair tips and tattoo on her arm dressed in red swimsuit, Santa's hat and white fur bracelets holds a lollipop at her lips on the background of pink wall

The holiday season is well upon us. Christmas music plays everywhere, decorations have been hung, and the stress of what gifts to get everyone has fully set in. Perhaps you’re the type of person that already has all their shopping done and is kicking back to relax and read some sex related articles (I envy you for your organization), but perhaps you’re reading this because you might be considering giving someone on your list a sex toy.

Giving a sex toy as a gift can be a bit risky. It can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for someone to receive a sex toy as a gift if they weren't expecting it, so it’s always important to be sure the recipient will want and be comfortable with opening a present and discovering something sex-related inside. Sometimes, this means directly asking them “hey, how would you feel if I got you some sort of sex toy as a gift?”. If the answer sounds uncomfortable or unsure, definitely consider something else. People can be picky about their sex toys too (after all, it’s something rather personal), so if the answer to that question is “awesome!”, then you might want to talk about what sort of toy they might be interested in and what their preferences are. After all, a tiny pink butterfly-shaped vibrator is quite different than an assortment of leather kink implements. For more tips on gifting sex toys, give this post a read. Otherwise, here are some gift ideas for sexy friends in your life.

For the blossoming kinkster: Under The Bed Restraint System
If you and your partner have played around with a bit of kink and are looking for the next step, this little kit provides an entire restraint system that fits any size bed. The set includes both wrists and ankle cuffs that can be attached to the straps, one another, or anything else, giving folks the opportunity to get creative and experiment with some bondage.

For your fave strap-on top: a new harness
Choosing a harness for someone can be tricky, but if you know their style, this could be a functional and fun gift for both of you! Try sneakily asking for what they need in a strap-on. Maybe their current one doesn’t fit right or comes loose during sex. Then, find one that might remedy that issue. The Fit Strap-On Harness looks like a pair of briefs but has a hole in the front with a 1.5” stretchy O-ring. It’s machine washable and has a built-in vibrator pocket for their own pleasure too!

For the long-distance sweetie: The We-Vibe Sync. This app-compatible vibrator can be controlled with a smartphone from across the room or across the world. It has two vibrating motors to target both the G-spot and the clit and can be worn with penetrative sex when you've reunited once again.

For the G-Spot or prostate lover: The Njoy Pure Wand: The Pure Wand is a curved metal dildo famous for targeting the G-spot or prostate like no other. Each end has a different size rounded bulb so your partner can find what size works for them. This toy is perfect for providing firm intense pressure, and has even been known to cause squirting!

For the DIYer: a Clone-A-Willy or Clone-A-Pussy Kit. If your darling is into both sex toys and crafts, why not get them a gift that does both? With a Clone-A-Willy or Clone-A-Pussy kit, your darling can make their own fully functional silicone dildo or masturbation sleeve molded after your (or their own) genitals. What an idea for a date night!

For the blowjob enthusiast: The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage
If your pal loves giving or receiving oral sex, the Quickshot could be great for adding just a little something extra. A shorter version of a masturbator, it provides extra stimulation around the base of the receiver’s penis while the open end leaves room for the giver to do what they do best. As a bonus, the clear holder and sleeve allow you both to see every bit of the action.

For those curious about butt stuff: The b-Vibe Anal Training & Education Set. If you and your dear have discussed forays into booty play, this kit might be a perfect place to start.  With three butt plugs of varying sizes (one of which vibrates), an in depth guide to anal play, and tools for proper cleanup and lubrication, y’all can ease into something new!

If you’re still unsure what to get, it might be worth it to let the person choose. Gift cards may be considered a cop-out, but it also ensures that the recipient will actually end up with something they will enjoy. Another option is to browse together and have them pick out a few things that interest them, then purchase one of those items. Gifting a sex toy can be a challenge, but with effective communicaiton, it doesn’t have to be.

What’s on your sexy holiday wishlist? Have you successfully given a sex toy as a gift in the past? Let us know in the comments below, and happy holidays!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs