Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

How To Introduce Sex Toys To A Partner

Girl in Red Lingerie Stands near Wall front Man.

Using a sex toy might be just what you need to spice up your sex life, even if it's just sex with yourself.  Some people find that they experience more pleasure and easier orgasms by using sex toys. Vibrators, especially, can help some women have an orgasm for the very first time. You may already have a favorite sex toy when you start sleeping with a new partner, or you may be considering using sex toys for the first time with an existing lover. However, the way you bring up the idea can impact whether your partner is down with the idea.


Pick the Right Timing

Discussing your collection of sex toys before you've even had sex or breaking out your favorite dildo during your first sexual encounter with a person might be a deal-breaker. Someone who is new to sex toys may feel overwhelmed if you opt for a sexy surprise. A partner may also be offended if you bring up the idea right after sex if it seems like you were disappointed.

Instead, you can bring up the topic of sex toys after you've had sex. Consider a casual conversation when your partner is relaxed and not busy. Your discussion can help you determine how your partner feels about sex toys, and bring up the idea if they seem receptive. You may need to discuss why your partner doesn't like the idea first.

Focus on the Benefits

For some people, not using sex toys means sex is less satisfying. However, you're not likely to get very far if you simply complain about what doesn't work for you. You don't need to list every single thing that has disappointed you. Instead, you can let your partner know what does work for you and suggest how toys will help you become closer, explore your sexualities, and have even more pleasurable sex. Imagine telling your partner how hot it will be to see them using a toy on themselves or you. These conversations can be a starting point for you to discuss your sexual needs and desires with your partner – and to learn about theirs!

Communicate Openly About Sex

To piggyback on the previous idea, being able to communicate about sex will make introducing sex toys that much easier. Furthermore, talking about sex is the only way you can know what your partner wants and likes and to figure out how you can expand your sex life.

As part of your communication, you can let your partner know why sex toys work for you. Perhaps you can only achieve orgasm with vibration or you need something more intense or consistent than a partner can provide. Use these conversations as a way to reassure your partner that a toy can't and won't ever replace them. A sex toy can bring you pleasure, but at the end of the day, it's just a tool. You cannot have a romantic connection or sexual chemistry with a sex toy.

Shop for Toys Together

Invite your partner to shop for toys with you, whether that's online or in person. This allows them to figure out what they might be interested in and ensures that the toys you use together are yours and aren't associated with a former lover.

If shopping successfully gets your partner's juices flowing, they might even suggest something you hadn't considered before, which can encourage even more exploration.

Pick the Right Toy

A lot of men, especially, may worry about their partners using insertable toys that are larger than them. You might love your big purple dildo, but it may not be the right toy to introduce to your partner. Instead, opt for something a little less intimidating or that doesn't feel like “competition.” A bullet vibrator, for example, doesn't compete with your partner and is small enough not to intimidate most people. Or you may opt for a fantastic design rather than one that looks like a penis.

Introducing sex toys to a partner can be similar to introducing kink. Work your way up to things that are a little more “out there.” Gauge your partner's reaction as you go.

Toys Are for Both of You

You might need a toy to get off or simply prefer one, but you won't have much luck if you introduce the idea of sex toys as something that's for you alone. Instead, focus on how toys can improve things for both of you. For example, men can enjoy vibrations as well as women. Or you might opt for a cock ring that offers clitoral stimulation while also helping him stay harder. If you can connect a toy to something your partner already does, your partner might be even more receptive to the idea.

Buy Their First Sex Toy

If your partner is open to it, buy them a sex toy. This could be a vibrator or dildo or a stroker like a Tenga egg. Let your partner use the toy, perhaps in private, to get used to the idea of using toys. It can be hot to watch them use it, too! This makes it much easier to incorporate toys into partnered play.

Introducing Sex Toys to Casual Partners

The way you introduce sex toys to a casual or non-romantic partner may differ from how you go about it with an established or long-term partner. You want to ensure that you both have a good time, but you might be more focused on pleasure that only a toy can bring over this person's feelings. There are still some things you can do so your partner will be more receptive to the idea. For example, try asking something such as “Do you want to see how I come?” This type of sexy dirty talk will keep things sexy and make your partner feel like a contributor to your pleasure.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r