Using a sex toy might be just what you need to spice up your
sex life, even if it's just sex with yourself.
Some people find that they experience more pleasure and easier orgasms
by using sex toys. Vibrators, especially, can help some women have an orgasm
for the very first time. You may already have a favorite sex toy when you start
sleeping with a new partner, or you may be considering using sex toys for the
first time with an existing lover. However, the way you bring up the idea can
impact whether your partner is down with the idea.
Pick the Right Timing
Discussing your collection of sex toys before you've even
had sex or breaking out your favorite dildo during your first sexual encounter
with a person might be a deal-breaker. Someone who is new to sex toys may feel
overwhelmed if you opt for a sexy surprise. A partner may also be offended if
you bring up the idea right after sex if it seems like you were disappointed.
Instead, you can bring up the topic of sex toys after you've
had sex. Consider a casual conversation when your partner is relaxed and not
busy. Your discussion can help you determine how your partner feels about sex
toys, and bring up the idea if they seem receptive. You may need to discuss why
your partner doesn't like the idea first.
Focus on the Benefits
For some people, not using sex toys means sex is less
satisfying. However, you're not likely to get very far if you simply complain
about what doesn't work for you. You don't need to list every single thing that
has disappointed you. Instead, you can let your partner know what does work for
you and suggest how toys will help you become closer, explore your sexualities,
and have even more pleasurable sex. Imagine telling your partner how hot it
will be to see them using a toy on themselves or you. These conversations can
be a starting point for you to discuss your sexual needs and desires with your
partner – and to learn about theirs!
Communicate Openly About Sex
To piggyback on the previous idea, being able to communicate
about sex will make introducing sex toys that much easier. Furthermore, talking
about sex is the only way you can know what your partner wants and likes and to
figure out how you can expand your sex life.
As part of your communication, you can let your partner know
why sex toys work for you. Perhaps you can only achieve orgasm with vibration
or you need something more intense or consistent than a partner can provide.
Use these conversations as a way to reassure your partner that a toy can't and
won't ever replace them. A sex toy can bring you pleasure, but at the end of
the day, it's just a tool. You cannot have a romantic connection or sexual
chemistry with a sex toy.
Shop for Toys Together
Invite your partner to shop for toys with you, whether
that's online or in person. This allows them to figure out what they might be
interested in and ensures that the toys you use together are yours and aren't
associated with a former lover.
If shopping successfully gets your partner's juices flowing,
they might even suggest something you hadn't considered before, which can
encourage even more exploration.
Pick the Right Toy
A lot of men, especially, may worry about their partners
using insertable toys that are larger than them. You might love your big purple
dildo, but it may not be the right toy to introduce to your partner. Instead,
opt for something a little less intimidating or that doesn't feel like
“competition.” A bullet vibrator, for example, doesn't compete with your
partner and is small enough not to intimidate most people. Or you may opt for a
fantastic design rather than one that looks like a penis.
Introducing sex toys to a partner can be similar to
introducing kink. Work your way up to things that are a little more “out
there.” Gauge your partner's reaction as you go.
Toys Are for Both of You
You might need a toy to get off or simply prefer one, but
you won't have much luck if you introduce the idea of sex toys as something
that's for you alone. Instead, focus on how toys can improve things for both of
you. For example, men can enjoy vibrations as well as women. Or you might opt
for a cock ring that offers clitoral stimulation while also helping him stay
harder. If you can connect a toy to something your partner already does, your
partner might be even more receptive to the idea.
Buy Their First Sex Toy
If your partner is open to it, buy them a sex toy. This
could be a vibrator or dildo or a stroker like a Tenga egg. Let your partner
use the toy, perhaps in private, to get used to the idea of using toys. It can
be hot to watch them use it, too! This makes it much easier to incorporate
toys into partnered play.
Introducing Sex Toys to Casual Partners
The way you introduce sex toys to a casual or non-romantic
partner may differ from how you go about it with an established or long-term
partner. You want to ensure that you both have a good time, but you might be
more focused on pleasure that only a toy can bring over this person's feelings.
There are still some things you can do so your partner will be more receptive
to the idea. For example, try asking something such as “Do you want to see how
I come?” This type of sexy dirty talk will keep things sexy and make your
partner feel like a contributor to your pleasure.
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r
