Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Mutual Masturbation

Male lover takes off red panties from a woman
When most people think of sex, they think of two people canoodling around and touchin’ all over one another. When most people think of masturbation, they think of one person hangin’ out by themselves doing their own thing with their hands or toys or what-have-you. But what if I told you that these two activities are far from mutually exclusive, and are actually super awesome together? Hold onto your hats, humans and gentle-persons, for we’re about to chat about the magic of mutual masturbation.

The word “mutual masturbation” refers to the sexual act of masturbating with another person. While to some people it might sound like an odd concept (I can hear your thoughts of “But wait! Why would I want to masturbate if my mega-hot babefriend is lying naked right next to me?”), there are a whole host of reasons why mutual masturbation is the bee's knees. Here are just a few.

Feeling lazy? It gets the job done.

Most likely, no one knows your body better than you do. Often, masturbation is the quickest and most reliable way to orgasm. Mutual masturbation is perfect for those moments when you just need an orgasm with minimal effort. Instead of moving your whole body, you can just move your hand, and all while lying next to that mega hot naked babefriend.

Foreplay? Moreplay! Mutual masturbation gets things going

That attempt at a lazy co-masturbation session just might spring into a fully-fledged romp in the sheets! Getting turned on is a funny thing. For many folks, responding to arousal just brings more arousal! Once you’ve started, you may just find yourself wanting more than just your hand or toy. Maybe you’ll want a turn getting handsy with your partner. Maybe they’ll want to make out while masturbating. Maybe you’ll climb on top of them! Mutual masturbation may be just the beginning.

You can learn from one another

Watching how the other person’s hands move (or how they move their toys) is a great way to learn how that person likes to be touched. Pay attention to the details. Do they move quickly or slowly? Do they squeeze tightly or keep a loose grip? Do they make certain patterns like circles or up and down motions? Try repeating these techniques on them the next time your hands are on their bits. You might surprise them with your newfound knowledge!

It’s hot.

Have you ever gazed into the eyes of a beautiful person masturbating to you masturbating? Watching their shenanigans has the potential to turn you on, while the feeling of them watching you (and observing their reaction) has the potential to make you feel confident and sexy. Put on a show or just sit back and relax. It’s a win-win. If you’re worried you’ll be self-conscious, an option is to wear blindfolds or turn the lights out, so no one is watching anyone. Depriving yourselves of the sense of sight is a fun activity in itself and can tune you into the sound of your partners moans and the smell of their cologne (or body. Hello, pheromones!).

Mutual masturbation can be an experience just as intimate as your usual sex. Make it more romantic by gazing into one another’s eyes. Make it more dirty by performing your very own porn-esque show. Add some power exchange by dictating how your partner should touch themselves. No matter the spin you put on this unconventional yet sexy activity, communicate beforehand as always, and explore it your yourself!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, April 19, 2018

What We Learned About Sexuality in 2017

A couple is lying on a white bed. The girl lies on her stomach. The guy lies on it and gently kisses her. They are in the bright bedroom.
If you're not one to read research papers, you might have missed some of the studies that were published over the last year. However, 2017 illuminated both how far sexuality research has come and how far we have yet to go to understand the complexity that is human sexuality.


Men Still Don't Know How Often Women Orgasm

File this under “Frustrating sigh.” One of last year's surveys looked into how often women orgasm during sex with male partners, with vaginal penetration alone and with clitoral stimulation. The results aren't surprising. Women come more often with clitoral stimulation (up to 60% of the time compared to up to 30% of the time with penetration alone). In fact, women are more likely to describe themselves as having an orgasm when the wording references clit stimulation.

While men recognize the importance of clitoral stimulation to a man's orgasm, they overestimate how often their partners orgasm in both situations. Men estimated that women had orgasms between 61% and 70% of the time with clitoral stimulation, but they were even further off when it came to unassisted orgasms. Men assumed women had orgasms closer to half of the time rather than less a quarter of the time.

Women Experience Variations in Orgasm

Another study looked not just at how often women orgasm but at the quality of their orgasms and the factors that play into this. As expected, women were significantly more likely to orgasm when clitoral stimulation was involved.

77% of women said that their orgasms varied in quality. Influences that lead to more satisfying orgasms included taking their time, a partner who knows them, emotional intimacy, and clitoral stimulation during sex.

Monday, April 9, 2018

Vibrator Addiction - Unfortunate Reality or Urban Legend?

Woman sexy underwear fashion on bed
There's a sort of fear of using your vibrator too frequently or only being able to get off with a vibrator. Some people call it vibrator addiction, but can you really become addicted to your vibrator?

Addiction to Vibrators

Let's start by understanding addiction. Addiction isn't just a preference for something. It's a physiological response to something's presence, and addiction manifests as withdrawal when that thing is no longer available to you. That just doesn't apply to vibrator use (and most doctors don't even think that sex addiction is a real thing).

Instead, what people really mean when they talk about vibrator addiction is can you get to used to using a sex toy that you can't experience pleasure or orgasm from any other method. The answer to this question isn't as cut and dry, but it is far from a negative prognosis.

It's absolutely possible to get used to masturbating a certain way or with a specific item, and this isn't limited to vibrators. Guys can rely on their iron grip so much during masturbation that they find oral sex too soft to orgasm. Women who rub their clits ferociously might experience difficulty orgasming from a lover's lighter touch.

So it's reasonable that you can get used to the rumbling of a vibrator, which is unlike anything your hand or a lover's body part can replicate. The sensations are mechanical and strong, an intensity that is unmatched by a warm body. But while your body might become used to those sensations, it's not losing sensitivity.

Retraining Your Body

There's no cause for alarm, however. You may have trained your body to experience pleasure in a certain way, but you can train it to be more receptive to masturbating without a vibrator. It takes time and will power.

The first method is to simply switch up how you masturbate. Leave your vibrator in the drawer, and use your hand, instead. You may not orgasm the first few times, so simply set a timer. Relax and enjoy. Eventually, you may find yourself having orgasms without the aid of your vibrator. But you'll have to do without until you get to that point.

Some people schedule regular vibrator breaks to ensure their bodies don't come to rely on the sex toys. You might only use your vibrator every other masturbation session. You might realize that while your vibrator finds a more consistent orgasm that takes less time, it can be fun to take your time and enjoy the journey.

Alternatively, you can simply turn down your vibrator and get used to masturbating on a lower level. Moving your vibe differently than you're used to can help, as can placing a sheet between your toy and your body or leaving your underwear on during your solo sexy time.

Or you can pair your vibrator with another toy or even a partner during sex. When you are able to orgasm with both sensations, it can become easier to orgasm once you remove your vibrator.

Should You Ditch Your Vibe?

But you shouldn't think that you have to stop using your vibrator as long as you like it and it works for you. Some people reach for a vibrator because they've never experienced orgasm before or because it greatly reduces the amount of time and effort required to have an orgasm. There's no reason why you shouldn't keep using your favorite vibrator if you fall into this group.

Really, there's no reason for someone not to use a vibrator unless they want to change things up. If the motivation to use your vibrator less comes from a partner who thinks you shouldn't use it, it's probably due to them feeling insecure. If you use it for masturbation, your partner may wonder why you masturbate at all. They may worry that you don't need them as long as you have a vibrator. Partners can shame you for using a vibrator. But a sex toy is just an item while a sexual partner is a person with whom you can share a deep and sexy connection.

Plus, using sex toys together can be quite fun! Shopping for a toy with your partner might be a good way to introduce a partner to a vibrator rather than pulling out Ol' Reliable from the nightstand during your first roll in the hay. It can be intimidating for a new partner to come face to face with something that has been giving you orgasms for potentially years.

But if you and your partner can't come to an agreement about a vibrator, your best course of action might be to keep the toy and find a partner who can get down with the way you get off. Your pleasure should take a higher priority than someone's ego.

In the end, an orgasm is an orgasm. One isn't lesser than the other because of the body part you were stimulating or how you achieved it. We certainly wouldn't tell someone who can only orgasm with the assistance of their vibrator is having an orgasm that is anything less than awesome.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r