Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Sex Toys for Erectile Dysfunction

Woman undressing man

Most people with a penis have had times where said penis will not behave. For some those could be instances of unwanted boners popping up at incredibly inconvenient and awkward times, and for others that could be an erection refusing to attend the party when needed. Sometimes though, the latter occurs so often it becomes a source of stress for the individual. Then, it’s a problem.

Erectile dysfunction is when someone has trouble getting and maintaining an erection firm enough to be used for penetrative sex. Many men experience this, and many factors can contribute to the issue. Studies have shown that folks with erection difficulties also have higher rates of other health issues, such as heart disease, high cholesterol, hypertension, and diabetes. The medications to manage these conditions can also influence erections, as can antidepressants and the mental health disorders behind them, such as depression and anxiety. As with many health concerns, erectile dysfunction is also common in those who smoke tobacco or drink alcohol heavily.

Because erectile difficulties can have so many different causes, general lifestyle changes are the first step in remedying the problem. Maintaining a healthy diet and exercising, quitting smoking, and reducing alcohol and caffeine intake can all help, as can addressing other underlying health issues. Medication is an option as well, and something to be addressed with a doctor. In the meantime, there are a few handy dandy tools that can help. Erections are achieved and kept when blood flows into the penis and stays there, and there are many sex toys that aid in just that.

Cock rings can help maintain an erection by constricting the base of the penis to keep blood from retreating back into the body. They come in many different sizes and materials to ensure you get one with a fit best for you. Some even vibrate for a partner’s pleasure!

Penis pumps work in the opposite way. Instead of trapping blood within the penis, a penis pump creates a sort of vacuum effect in a tube to bring blood to the area. Even folks without erection difficulties use them for extra firmness.

Vibrators also bring blood to the area. Just like they would stimulate the nerves in and around the clitoris, they stimulate the nerves in the penis. As with all toys, it’ll feel wonderful for one person, but completely uninteresting to another. Your best bet is to go with something strong like a wand-style vibrator, and experiment by resting it in different places.

Some tools operate in different ways to help someone work with their erection difficulties. Female condoms, also called “in-condoms”, are a type of condom that is inserted into a vagina or anus instead of rolled over a penis. These handy dandy latex sheaths prevent against both pregnancy and sexally transmitted infections. In-condoms are perfect for when an erection comes and goes as it pleases. With condoms worn on a penis, the condom may need to be changed multiple times if it slips off with erection loss. Additionally, while the base of an on-condom may act as a sort of cock ring for some folks, in others the tightness can in fact cause them to lose their erection. Since in-condoms are placed inside the vagina or anus instead of encasing a penis, with the loss of an erection the person can simply withdraw and wait until it comes back.

Butt plugs can help some folks maintain an erection both by simply providing pleasure, and by putting pressure on the prostate, a small gland responsible for producing semen. Both the rectum and the prostate are packed with thousands of nerve endings that, when stimulated, can be pleasurable for people of any gender. Pleasure, then, brings blood flow to the pelvis and into the penis for an erection boost. Some butt plugs are specially designed to target the prostate and to be worn during sex.

If you’re hankering for some humping , strap-on harnesses come in hollow versions with a space for a non-erect penis to rest comfortably inside the attached dildo. Strap-ons allow folks to enjoy penetrative sex even without an erection, and the thrusting motion can once again bring blood flow to the area. Additionally, by bringing a partner pleasure, their noises or reactions can cause arousal, and then an erection too!

Even if a penis still refuses to cooperate, there are so many ways to give and receive pleasure. You’ve got hands and mouths and toys and so many kinds of sex to experiment with and explore. So many couples have found new ways to experience pleasure by different means rather than the conventional penis-in-vagina penetration. Erection problems are far from the end of your sex life, so have a chat with your doctor, makes some lifestyle changes, and start experimenting!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Sex Tips for Men (Who Have Sex with Women)

beautiful loving couple kissing in bed

Many women complain about how clueless their male partners are. Humorous sex positions and inaccurate urban legends don't help. Neither do those oft-toted facts and techniques that promise to work on every woman. That's why we've come up with these sex tips for men. Note that while we're focusing on cisgender men who have sex with cis women, many of this advice applies women who sleep with women and people whose partners are trans men.

You Have to Talk to Your Partner

This advice is true for anyone of any gender no matter the gender of their sexual partners. But keeping in mind the way society teaches gender roles can help you communicate about sex more effectively.

Take women, for instance. Masturbation is not as encouraged or accepted as it is with men. Because of this, you may be more likely to know your preferences than your partner, which can lead to an increased likelihood of orgasm and decreased anxiety, at least, in some regards.

Furthermore, society teaches women that they must please others and that sex is more for men than women, so many women simply grin and bear it, even if it's not particularly pleasurable. They don't know that they can ask for what they need in bed or may be afraid to do so. Your partner's previous partners may have selfishly ignored her needs or been unperceptive to her sexual requests. If she's dealt with rejection or anger in the past, she may be reluctant to let you know about her fantasies. Knowing this, you can create a comfortable space for your partner to ask for what she needs.

Women learn that their worth is closely tied to their appearance. Many women find themselves monitoring their performance during sex rather than remaining in the moment. Once she realizes this, your partner can make an effort to remain in the moment through practices such as mindfulness, and you may be able to help her with it.

Communication also helps you establish consent and ensure your partner isn't just saying “Yes” because she feels like she has to.

Of course, talking about sex is easier said than done. But not doing it can lead to resentment and negative feelings that can emerge explosively. Establish the habit of talking about sex early on in your relationship, so you can avoid issues due to sexual incompatibility. This makes it easier to deal with any problem that may arise as your relationship continues.

Remember that while you can ask for small things such as a different technique during the act, requests immediately after sex can come across as dissatisfaction. Time other questions when you're both in a good mood (don't bring up sexual frustrations during a fight) and have time to discuss them. Try not to be accusatory or judgmental when talking about sex.

Her Orgasm Is Not About Your Ego

There are a lot of articles that will tell you the one trick that will blow your partner's mind or the 3 ways to give her an orgasm. These articles might be well-intended and can even teach you techniques you may not have known that can bring your partner pleasure. But those posts often focus on orgasm, suggesting there's a one-size-all approach that will work for every partner and in every situation, or that orgasm is the only thing that makes sex worthwhile. Neither of these things is true, however.

No one technique will work for every woman, and the same can be said for men. Your partner may need different techniques based on where she is in her menstrual cycle or for other reasons. If your goal is to get her to orgasm as efficiently as possible, you might feel frustrated when it takes longer or requires more creativity than you're used to. But then you're missing out on the fun of the journey.

Furthermore, whether or not your partner has an orgasm can reflect your skills as a lover, but there is a host of other reasons that might make it more difficult from depression to medication to injury or illness to stress to body image issues to her own anxieties about sex. And if you do make her orgasm, it's still not about you. You're not doing it just so you can say you can or mark it off on your calendar.

Making her orgasm is not your personal quest. If that's all you focus on, you can be placing a tremendous amount of pressure on your partner. Ironically, that pressure may be the very thing that makes it hard for her to come. Instead, focus on providing her pleasure and connecting with her. If she has an orgasm, that's great. If not, it was still time well spent.

Take Your Time

This goes right along with enjoying the time spent having sex. You can't enjoy time if you simply rush through it. And doing so might make sex especially frustrating for your partner.

While there's a lot of variation when it comes to sexual personal preferences, it's generally safe that women need a little more time than men in bed. Many men think this means their partner wants them to jackhammer away for 40 minutes to two hours, but you need to give thought to what happens before you even get to that point.

What you consider “foreplay,” is really core play to her. It's what helps her body become fully aroused, so penetration is more comfortable and orgasm is more likely. Using a couple different techniques before penetration, including manual and oral stimulation might be a little more effort, but it comes with a bigger payoff, too. You'll notice that both of these techniques focus on a specific location.

The Clitoris Is the Counterpart Sex Organ

If you know anything about human development, you might already know that the clitoris is analogous to the penis. There's a shaft that can become erect when aroused and stimulated, a foreskin known as a prepuce that protects this, and a whole lot of nerves that bring pleasure. In fact, the clitoris might even be more sensitive than the penis!

Because of this it only makes sense that you focus on your partner's clitoris if you want to bring them pleasure. Very few women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Even some of those who can, prefer a combination of vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Many women require clitoral stimulation and will get nowhere if you don't provide some direct lovin' to her clitoris.

Even the so-called G-spot orgasm is a result of clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is a much larger organ than we can see from the surface, and parts of it wrap around the vagina. The G-spot and any other sensitive spot isn't a specific organ as much as it is a spot where the internal part of the clitoris can be stimulated.

But this is an indirect way of stimulating a partner's clitoris. Direct stimulation is usually going to get the job done easier, so use your hands or mouth – or another tool – to stimulate her clitoris and remember to do so during every part of sex. This leads us to our next point.

Don't Be Afraid of Sex Toys

Your partner might own a vibrator or dildo or, hell, even an entire arsenal of sex toys. They may use them for masturbation, but there's no reason you can't use them during sex. Consider this, for most straight men, penetrative sex mimics their masturbation style. But this isn't true for a lot of women. Why not bring what you know works for your partner into your bedroom?

Some men worry that a sex toy will replace them or that their partners will become addicted to vibrators, both of which are patently false. First, you probably masturbate, but that doesn't mean you stop desiring sex. Secondly, you offer a lot more than just your penis or sexual benefits. How could a device replace you that easily? It can't!

But sex toys can help you pleasure your partner and learn more about her body. You might even discover that you like them, too!

There's a great benefit to using toys during sex: you don't have to be rock hard for hours on end. Sex toys help relieve the performance anxiety you might feel, which can actually lead to erection issues in a terrible cycle.

If you were hoping for a single sexual technique that you can use on every woman every time, you might be disappointed. However, this advice in this post does something even better: it creates a
foundation for quality sex for both partners.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Friday, January 18, 2019

How to Choose a First Sex Toy

Shopping for your first sex toy can be both exciting and overwhelming. So many options exist, but not all of them will fit your needs. Often, you might not even know exactly what your needs are! What size dildo do you like? Do you prefer broad or pinpoint vibrations? How strong do those vibrations need to be? When you’ve never tried a sex toy, you might not have the answer to these questions, but there are a few ways figure that out.

One of the trickiest aspects of sex toy shopping is balancing cost and quality. So many folks have spent ten bucks on a cheap vibrator only to toss it thinking they don’t enjoy sex toys, when the one that they tried simply wasn’t any good. However, sex toys can also be expensive, and not everyone can spend upwards of a hundred dollars on a dildo.

Finding the balance between budget and quality can seem difficult, but there is one thing you really shouldn’t skimp on, and that’s safety. The truth is that some sex toy materials are not safe for the human body, especially our most sensitive bits. Some materials leach toxic chemicals, which can irritate skin or cause allergic reactions, while some may harbor bacteria, even after being washed, and end up causing an uncomfortable infection. Steer clear of products labeled “TPR”, “TPE”, “PVC”, “jelly”, or any sort of “something-skin”. Instead, only buy products that are made of silicone, ABS plastic, glass, or metal. These materials are not only safe for bodies, but since they’re better quality, they’ll last longer, and you’ll get more for your money.

All toys share the overall importance of safety, but each one has it’s own different tips and tricks for a new purchase. Here are a few of those recommendations to help you find something that works for your both your body and your budget.


If you’ve never tried a vibrator before, chances are you might not know what you’d like. Vibrators come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and strengths, and everyone has their individual preferences. For example, some people prefer “broad” stimulation from a toy that will cover a large area (like a wand-style vibe), others prefer more “pinpoint” action from a toy with a point, (like a bullet vibe). For a first toy, look for something that offers both to see which one you prefer! On a similar note, try to find something with multiple vibration intensities and patterns.
Try: Blush Novelties Revitalize Massage Kit ($19.99), Blush Novelties Hue G ($36.99), We-Vibe Touch ($99.99), or Rave ($119.99)

Butt Plugs

When it comes to purchasing butt toys, safety is the most important thing to look for. Besides buying a silicone, glass, or metal toy (which is extra important for anal toys because of the bacteria in that particular part of the body), be sure the toy you choose has a wide enough base. Avoid any butt plugs with a ring on the end, as these often aren’t enough to keep it outside the body and may end up lost inside if inserted (definitely a trip to the emergency room you want to avoid). Instead, choose a plug with a base that looks like a T.
Try: INYA Spade Plug (small ($13) and medium ($16)) B-Vibe Snug Plug (Five different sizes $45-65)  nJoy Pure Plug ($73)


Often, the biggest issue folks have when purchasing a first dildo is estimating the ideal size. What may be considered small to someone may be large to someone else. Because of this, it’s best to get a ballpark measurement for what you’re looking for. If you use fingers or a penis regularly, measure the length and diameter to have a reference of what you already enjoy. Then, you can decide if you want something larger or smaller. If you hope to target the G-spot or prostate, look for a toy with a curve. If you plan to use a dildo anally, be sure it has a large base (like this) as opposed to no base (like this), so nothing gets lost in there!
Try: Blush Novelties Cici dildo ($25.99), BS Atelier Oben ($59.99) or Nude Realistic ($76.99)


Strokers or masturbators are a bit different in terms of cost and quality. Nearly all of them are made of TPR, but since they’re not being inserted into the body, bacterial growth isn’t as much of a concern. Single-use strokers can be found for as low as $8, but there’s always a chance to upgrade. Some strokers vibrate, some use suction technology, and some use a motor to provide extra pleasure. Whatever you choose, just don’t forget a water-based lubricant to keep things slippery!
Try: a Tenga Egg ($7.99), the Fleshlight Quickshot ($37.99), or the Fleshlight Flight Pilot ($59.99)

With any toy, you can always do a web search to see what others think of it. Although everyone has different preferences, folks can often tell how well the products works for it’s intended function. They can also tell you how firm or soft a dildo or butt toy is, how strong the vibrations are, and if it is faulty or easily broken.

As a final tip, keep in mind that not liking a toy does not necessarily mean you won’t like any sex toys. If this happens, try something totally different. Did you go for one of those bullet vibes? Try a wand instead. Stroker was too big or small? A web search can help you find something that will be the right size for you. Everyone is different, and you deserve a happy healthy sex life, complete with a toy that’s best for you!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Sexy Roleplay Scenarios with the Woman in Charge

sexy womans buttocks in underwears with a whip standing in front of handsome guy. BDSM concept

While sexual role playing scenarios often put the man in charge, there are many women who desire a more dominant role. Whether you switch from time to time or always feel the call of dominating your partner, the following situations put you in charge of the situation and let you feel as powerful and sexy as you really are!

1. Librarian and Patron

You might appreciate this if you're a bookworm. The sexy librarian trope is one that's easy to adopt with some heels and a pair of glasses, and you can have fun making sure your partner is quiet (even as you give him or her plenty of things that make this difficult to do), always puts books back where they belong, and returns materials before they've overdue. The role play scenes practically write themselves.

2. Owner/Trainer and Pet

Many kinksters are aware of just how sexy pet play can be. There are pony, cat, and dog boys and girls, among other species. You'll find plenty of costumes, tails, and other accessories to go along with these scenes as you train your pet to do exactly what you'd like. However, you don't need to spend a lot of money to enjoy this occasional role play scenario that puts you in charge.

3. Nurse and Patient

These roles work well if your idea of dominance is to take care of your submissive. Under the guise of nurse, you'll bathe your “patient,” fluff his pillows and perhaps even feed him. Have you ever noticed that traction is essentially a form of bondage? If you're into medical play, there are tons of accessories you can add to your scene. Plus, you can take even more control by promoting yourself to doctor.

4. Police Officer and Criminal

Imagine this: you're in police uniform and trying to prevent would-be criminals. You have cuffs and maybe a club to keep the world in line. Your partner has attempted to thwart the law and perhaps even succeeded, but now that you've caught him or her, it's up to you arrest them, read them their rights, and lock them in a cell. You might be lenient if they perform sexual favors.. or not.

A similar role play scenario can be detective/interrogator and suspect.

5. Personal Trainer and Client

Just like in real life, playing the role of the personal trainer lets you watch your partner as they flex muscles and work up a sweat. You get to tell your partner what they're doing right, but discipline but the wrong format can be particularly sexy. Plus, certain setups are ideal for bondage. Avoid actual weights or machinery that might be dangerous when you're in the throes of passion; although, a weightlifting bench might be a useful prop.

5. Boss and Assistant

While most people would have a woman playing the submissive secretary, you can easily turn the tables on this even going so far as to wear a suit and tie. Your assistant has a ton of duties to complete including pleasing you sexually, and he or she won't like to see you when those deadlines are missed. This scenario is fun because your “assistant” can stimulate you under a desk, lean over it while you mete out punishment, and you can enjoy sweeping the contents off a desktop before you appease your unrelenting lust.

6. Cougar and Cub

You might not know that the nickname given to a younger man who has sex with an older woman is a cub, even if you've called yourself a cougar a time or two in the past. Not only is this a fun role play scenario, but it's one you can actually live out if you like your partners a little younger. As an older and more experienced woman, you can teach your adoring partner a few tricks and feel absolutely desired. You can vary this one as the older woman next door who is taking a young adult's virginity if you prefer.

7. Teacher and Student

What's a strict teacher going to do when her student isn't listening or hasn't turned in homework on time? Perhaps a rap on the knuckles with a ruler will do it. Or wearing a dunce cap while standing in the corner could be an effective punishment. But if you want to make it a little naughtier, that ruler might become a spanking implement. And if your student is the naughty one, then it might be up to you to make sure they keep their hands to themselves!

8. Kidnapper and Hostage

There's no denying you're in control when you've kidnapped someone and are holding them hostage. There's no need to delve into exactly why you've done what you've done (unless you want to), but you have your hostage tied up and perhaps blindfolded. You control their every sense. Perhaps you threaten them with a (fake) weapon. Instead of money, you demand that your hostage makes you orgasm. Perhaps a little Stockholm syndrome could come into play.

Of course, you can decide what to include or omit in your role playing scene if there's a particular element that's too weird, unappetizing or difficult to believe. But trying on these roles allows women to take control and exercise authority while their partners must obey orders or face the consequences.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r