Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Benefits of Male Chastity

Matching metal chastity cages

There's nothing I love more than control. Even still, having control over some things gives me a queasy sensation in my belly like I've moved a bit too fast just after eating a large meal. Chastity play is one such situation where my enjoyment is a confusing mix of feelings that is best described as uncomfortably fun.  As a beginner, these feelings often mean my wonderful CB-6000 sits around collecting dust, which is sad.

The best way to ease discomfort with things like this is to simply explore what it is and how it works. So, I set out on a mission to figure out what people actually get out of chastity play, with the hope that I can answer that for myself when I’m all done.

It’s hot

While it seems unnecessary to say, many people, myself included, forget that things being fun is enough often a perfectly valid reason to do them. Much like sweet grits and Pok√©mon Go, chastity play is fun for lots of people and it really doesn’t matter if it’s understood or not. If that was enough to get over self-doubt and general anxiety, we wouldn’t be here. So, let’s dig a little deeper.


My sub is full of energy, has an one-track mind, and a preoccupation with how sexy their Dom is. While I enjoy it, he could definitely use a bit more focus in general. From my conversations with fellow D-type folks, that seems to be an incredibly common refrain. So, perhaps the sub community can use a bit more focus en mass. Luckily, many people find that chastity play helps the wearer focus on things other than sex.

Although I’m a little dubious, it’s true my pup finds solace in the weight of the collar around his neck. When locked in his cage, I definitely notice that mine becomes more attentive and present. I guess urban legend, that infamous George-focused Seinfeld episode, and the echoing words on semen retention from Tibetan Tantra educator Devi Ward can’t all be wrong.

Plus, even my pup Bubby agrees. “My time in Chastity allows me enough focus to explore alternative avenues of pleasure, such as: personal self-care, nipple play, and getting off in providing my Dom his daily services.”

Humility & Obedience

It is said that for a man to submit, one must grab him firmly by the balls. Chastity play has a sub by their dick and balls, lock and key. The Vulcan in me logics that the combination should be somewhat if not significantly more effective.  Looking back, the times my pup is in his cage are some of the most cooperative times we share. He’s generally very mouthy, but the cage tends to help keep his smart-assed comments to a minimum.

Since we only use our chastity cage for short periods, I’m not sitting on a mountain of data. Still, I must give the cock cage its due credit; it’s only one of a few physical things that help my bull-headed boy behave. I’m not sure of the how behind the attitudinal adjustment, but it’s a comforting tool to have regardless.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Squirting 101: How to Squirt

Squirting through Gray Panties
Squirting. Is it the holy grail of a woman's sexual pleasure? Is it overblown? Is it really a sexual response at all? Read on to find out.

The Science of Squirting

There have been a lot of studies that indicate squirting is or isn't urine – or related to urine at the very least. Because of a lack of research on the study, it's difficult to be sure. New science may come out tomorrow that tells us even more about squirting. But here's what we know so far. If you're a woman who can squirt, you probably already know this!

During sex or masturbation, a woman's bladder quickly fills with fluid, including prostate fluid from the G-spot. If you find that you squirt just a little during sex, it might only be prostate fluid. For most women who are able to ejaculate, this liquid is ejaculated during a vaginal/G-spot orgasm. However, some women are able to squirt without any orgasm at all!

Although squirting seems really popular in porn, it's not something that every woman finds herself able or even willing to do! It also tends to look different in person. While you can push out more ejaculate by bearing down with your PC muscles – the opposite you would do to stop the flow of urine – it doesn't tend to dribble or bubble out from the vagina. In porn, women who “squirt” are sometimes pushing out water that they've been holding in their vagina for effect.

Can Everyone Squirt?

It's difficult to determine how many women can squirt it for several reasons. First, some women's G-spots aren't particularly responsive to even direct stimulation. Secondly, that lack of research makes it difficult to pinpoint what enables squirting. Finally, some women may be able to squirt but hold back because they're worried it's urine.

Recently, one study concluded that it was urine simply because a woman's ejaculate comes from the bladder and exits through the urethra, which has made some women -- and their partners -- reluctant to try squirting. Squirters don't necessarily agree with this search, however. Their experiences prove otherwise! Medication that affects urine doesn't affect a woman's ejaculate.

Regardless, squirting can be erotic and pleasurable if you're willing to give it a go. Make sure to put a few towels beneath you or invest in a Liberator Throe if you're a serious squirter. This blanket keeps the mess to a minimum! It's great for cleanup during sex even if you don't squirt, and you can protect your sheets from lube stains, too.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Guide to Personal Lubricants

Wicked Sensual Care Aqua Collection
A lot of people buy personal lubricant because it's available and cheap, but they could be making a mistake. For example, you can't use all lube with condoms, and some contain ingredients that are potentially harmful to your health or sex toys.

Why Use Lube At All?

Lube keeps things slippery. Not every vagina makes enough natural lubrication for sex (and the rectum doesn't lubricate at all!), especially if it's going to be a long session. Plenty of foreplay helps, but there's no shame in reaching for lube. Personal lubricants keep things comfortable.
You can also find lube with special features such as warming, cooling or flavors, which can make your sex life more fun. If you're struggling not to orgasm, numbing lubricants can delay ejaculation, but we don't recommend them for anal sex. There are even lubes intended to help you conceive and hypoallergenic formulas for those who are prone to infections.

What do you need to know when choosing lube? Read on.

Know Your Ingredients

In general, there are three types of lube: water-based, silicone and oil-based lubes. Plus, there are hybrids, lubes that contain both water and silicone ingredients to consider.

There are a few things to know about these ingredients.

  1. Oil-based lubricants are great for male masturbation and anal sex but are not safe if you use condoms, diaphragms or dental dams for safer sex because the oil degrades latex. Some people love the luxurious feel of coconut oil, and they reach into their kitchen cabinets before sex. Lube makers are paying attention and have begun including it in their products. We recommend caution when using oil-based lube for vaginal sex because it can interfere with your vagina's natural cleansing process. 
  2. Silicone lubes like Pjur tend to be slicker and last longer than water-based, so you'll need to apply them less. They're also condom compatible. But they can react with your silicone toys, especially if your lube is lower quality. You can do a patch test on part of the toy that you don't insert. If it becomes gummy, try a water-based lube. 
  3. Water-based lubes are the most economical and readily available. You can refresh them with water, but they do tend to become sticky as they dry. Try ID Glide if you're looking for a brand. However, ingredients such as parabens and glycerin can lead to yeast infections in some women. There are plenty of water-based lubes that don't use these ingredients, however, and they're safe with all toys and condoms. 
  4. Hybrid lubes like the one made by System Jo could potentially react with silicone toys, but they're condom safe and offer a balance between silicone slickness and water's easy clean up.