There's nothing I love more than control. Even still, having control over some things gives me a queasy sensation in my belly like I've moved a bit too fast just after eating a large meal. Chastity play is one such situation where my enjoyment is a confusing mix of feelings that is best described as uncomfortably fun. As a beginner, these feelings often mean my wonderful CB-6000 sits around collecting dust, which is sad.
The best way to ease discomfort with things like this is to simply explore what it is and how it works. So, I set out on a mission to figure out what people actually get out of chastity play, with the hope that I can answer that for myself when I’m all done.
While it seems unnecessary to say, many people, myself included, forget that things being fun is enough often a perfectly valid reason to do them. Much like sweet grits and Pokémon Go, chastity play is fun for lots of people and it really doesn’t matter if it’s understood or not. If that was enough to get over self-doubt and general anxiety, we wouldn’t be here. So, let’s dig a little deeper.
My sub is full of energy, has an one-track mind, and a preoccupation with how sexy their Dom is. While I enjoy it, he could definitely use a bit more focus in general. From my conversations with fellow D-type folks, that seems to be an incredibly common refrain. So, perhaps the sub community can use a bit more focus en mass. Luckily, many people find that chastity play helps the wearer focus on things other than sex.
Although I’m a little dubious, it’s true my pup finds solace in the weight of the collar around his neck. When locked in his cage, I definitely notice that mine becomes more attentive and present. I guess urban legend, that infamous George-focused Seinfeld episode, and the echoing words on semen retention from Tibetan Tantra educator Devi Ward can’t all be wrong.
Plus, even my pup Bubby agrees. “My time in Chastity allows me enough focus to explore alternative avenues of pleasure, such as: personal self-care, nipple play, and getting off in providing my Dom his daily services.”
Humility & Obedience
It is said that for a man to submit, one must grab him firmly by the balls. Chastity play has a sub by their dick and balls, lock and key. The Vulcan in me logics that the combination should be somewhat if not significantly more effective. Looking back, the times my pup is in his cage are some of the most cooperative times we share. He’s generally very mouthy, but the cage tends to help keep his smart-assed comments to a minimum.
Since we only use our chastity cage for short periods, I’m not sitting on a mountain of data. Still, I must give the cock cage its due credit; it’s only one of a few physical things that help my bull-headed boy behave. I’m not sure of the how behind the attitudinal adjustment, but it’s a comforting tool to have regardless.
Boundaries & A Sense Safety
In relationships of all sorts, it’s important to periodically test each other’s boundaries are so you’re reminded of where the lines are. In D/s dynamics, it’s usually best to set certain boundaries and lock them in place. Of course that doesn’t have to mean a chastity; a ring, collar, bracelet or tattoo will do, too. Still, with the previously mentioned benefits, it’s pretty good option.
According to Bubby, “Chastity play has even aided in my own therapy by teaching me what it means to feel safe in my body. As a person who struggles with self-harm, I find it to be very tranquil and grounding like a sexy warm hug :)”
Folks with penises tend to have a particular nagging fear or sense of discomfort with their genitals just hanging there unprotected. It’s one of those feelings that doesn’t quite have a specific source but is widespread, might be evolutionary and, at the very least, is more real than we like to admit.
Male chastity play is one kink that has very little stigma due to its relative rarity and quiet popularity. Still, the very idea is enough to make me queasy. I started this piece to explore the benefits of chastity play and help that belly ache fade away. I’ll admit that I wasn’t quite successful.
While it feels great to put words to the feelings and organize the experience into something more digestible, my disquieted belly might be still around for a spell. My anxiety has never been one to give up without a fight, after all. Regardless, I did tap into why chastity play is causing such discomfort: I don’t understand it.
Yes, even now I don’t fully understand chastity play. Sure, I’ve learned a lot about it intellectually, but it’s going to take some time before I understand it intrinsically and can fully appreciate it. See, even us sex bloggers have a hard time wrapping our head and hearts around things sometimes.
By: Jerome Stuart Nichols
Follow on Twitter @NotJeromeStuart