Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Why Millennials Have Less Sex Than Older Generations

Intimate games in bed, passionate lovers

The millennial is full of articles about how hookup culture has taken the world by storm and young people are engaging in more casual sex and less likely to get married than generations that came before. If you believed all these posts, you'd think that people born between 1980 and 2000 are the most sex-up fiends ever. Yet, research finds that millennials are actually having less sex than other generations. How can this be?

Why Don't Millennials Have More Sex?

You might come up with a few of your own theories about why millennials are having less sex than their parents. Perhaps you think that it's because they have to work two jobs just to keep a roof over their head or spend more time watching porn and having solo sex than engaging with partners. Both of those things may very well be true, but researchers have investigated those factors, and the findings might surprise you. First, they've looked into hours worked and found that people who work more don't necessarily have less sex than other people. In fact, they may be having more sex. Secondly, at least one study has found that people who watch porn are actually having more sex, not less!

So if it's not porn or long workdays, why aren't millennials hopping in the sack more, especially if those two theories actually suggest that an increase in porn and sex should be linked to? There is one trend among millennials that could explain why they're having less sex than their older counterparts: marriage.

Millennials are getting married less frequently than their parents and grandparents, and they're waiting longer to do it. Studies in the past have shown that married people have more sex than single people, so this could be a significant factor in millennials' low rate of getting it on. A steady partner provides more opportunity to have sex.

Another not-so-surprising factor? Medication, specifically that intended to treat mental health issues. SSRIs, which are typically taken as a treatment for depression, have a well-known side effect: lowering libido. And millennials are prescribed medication for depression more than any other generation. So while they're working to be happy and healthy, their sex drives might be taking a hit.

The Internet has also been blamed for millennials having less sex than other generations, despite apps like Tinder and Grindr that fuel so-called “hookup culture.” While these apps may make it easier for people who are looking for sex to find it, the sheer number of devices at our sides at any given time provide plenty of distraction. Where millennials are watching TV, playing video games, or scrolling through endless Facebook feeds, Baby Boomers had little access to such entertainment and distraction. They didn't have a TV in every room of the house so that they could binge hours of TV on end. Sex it was.

This suggestion could be supported by data. One 2017 survey published in Archives of Sexual Behavior looked at how often Americans of any age were having sex. Compared to the 1990s, the 2010s were less sexually active. Researchers specifically found that people were having sex nine fewer times per year. While this might not seem like much, it adds up over the years. Remember that we're talking averages here, which means while some people may not be having less sex than they were twenty years ago, some people are having significantly less sex!

Some people might find this news alarming, especially if they feel like they're already having less sex than they want. Does this mean that people won't be having sex at all in another twenty years? While we're certainly hesitant to make such bold claims, there is are lessons to be learned after looking at these numbers.

How to Keep Your Sex Life Active

If you want to avoid being another statistic, here are a few things you can do.

  • Choose a partner who is sexually compatible. If you both prioritize sex as a significant element of your relationship and enjoy the same sexual activities, there's a greater chance that you'll remain sexually active – and satisfied!
  • Make sex a priority. Recognize that it won't “just happen.” Sometimes there needs to be effort. Plan date nights and examine your schedule to determine when sex works best. For some people, the sex-before-bed routine means they never have sex because they're always too tired. A quickie at lunch or roll in the hay before morning might be the better option to ensure you have sex.
  • Minimize distractions in the bedroom. This means leaving your phone and tablet on the kitchen counter, not putting a TV in your bedroom, or at least scheduling device-free time so that you can connect with your partner. Even if it doesn't lead to sex, this time is beneficial for your relationship.
  • Learn about your desire and what triggers it. Create an atmosphere full of those triggers so you'll want to have sex and not just find yourself wishing you had more sex but never being in the mood.
  • Talk to your partner about sex – outside the bedroom. Get into the habit of discussing what worked, what didn't work, and what you'd like to try together. Be game to make the fantasies of your partner(s) come true, as much as you can at least. 
  • Explore sexually. New activities, locations, and even partners can be quite arousing because of the novelty. Try new sex toys, bondage, talking dirty in bed, or sending sexy texts while one or both of you are at work. Avoiding routine means you're excited for all the sex you'll be having instead of putting it off. 
  • Take care of your health. Eat well, exercises, and get enough sleep. Good health, in general, is conducive for a better sex life. Pay attention to sexual side effects of any medication you might take. Keep up with pelvic and prostate exams. And if you do notice any changes, talk to your doctor immediately. Do not be afraid to talk to your doctor about any sexual concerns. She has heard them all – and more. 

The fact that millennials are having less sex than previous generations might sound alarming, but it's just a sign that things are changing. Remember that plenty of people are having lots of sex, and you can be one of those people as long as you make sex a priority.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

No-Shave November: Prostate Health Awareness

Prostate Cancer Awareness, Man hand holding light Blue Ribbon with mustache for supporting people living and illness. Men Healthcare and World cancer day concept

Look around you during the month of November and you may see some men with mustaches that most certainly weren’t there before. “No-Shave November” or “Movember” as the month is affectionately called is dedicated to raising awareness for men’s health issues, especially prostate and testicular cancers, mental health, and suicide. These topics are often taboo for men to talk about, and the organizations behind the campaigns work hard to fund research and promote awareness of these often undiscussed issues, oftentimes in the form of encouraging men to grow out their mustaches to spark conversation.

Most men have a prostate, so one of these men’s health issues is prostate health. The prostate is a small walnut-sized gland nestled between the bladder, the rectum, and the internal base of the penis. It is responsible for making prostatic fluid, which, upon ejaculation, mixes with sperm to provide the cells with food and an ideal environment.

The prostate continues to grow as men age, and in many men this can cause problems. With a larger prostate pressing on the urethra (the tube that channels urine out of the body) or bladder, urination becomes more frequent and more difficult. Nearly all men over 50 experience this, and it can also cause difficulties in getting and maintaining an erection. If you or someone you love is experiencing these issues, talk to or encourage them to talk to their doctor.

Although enlarged prostates and infections are more benign prostate issues, prostate cancer is the main concern. Prostate cancer is the most common form of cancer among men, and 1 in 41 die from the disease. It is recommended, then, for anyone with a prostate to start talking to their doctor about screenings after the age of 50, and 45 if there is a family history of prostate cancer. The most common screening is a blood test for prostate-specific antigen, or PSA, a protein produced by the prostate. A high PSA may indicate presence of an enlarged prostate or cancer, and can then be followed by further tests.

The good news is that besides getting regularly screened and paying attention (and possibly eating a tablespoon of ground flaxseeds per day), there’s another much more fun way to care for a prostate, and that’s through prostate massage. Although medical research has yet to confirm it, anecdotal evidence shows that regular prostate massage may improve prostate health, prevent and help heal infection, and possibly even prevent cancer.

To massage a prostate, lube up a finger or toy and insert it into the rectum. Use a toy with a curve to more effectively target the prostate, or curve your finger towards the navel and feel around for a walnut-shaped bump that can be felt through the wall of the rectum. Use a back and forth or up and down motion, move in circles, and experiment with what feels good. Some popular toys are even designed to be used hands-free for solo play. Your efforts may cause fluid (pre-ejaculate) to drain out of the body through the urethra, which doctors think may help cleanse the prostate.

The purpose of No-Shave-November is to get people talking about men’s health issues, so maybe it’s time to do just that. That doesn’t have to mean bringing up the benefits of prostate massage at the Thanksgiving dinner table (that might be awkward!), but it could mean asking your partner if he’s talked to his doctor about a PSA test, or if his family has any history of cancer. Perhaps you could even join the crowd of folks embracing No-shave November and grow out your very own mustache!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Creative Ideas for Storing Your Sex Toy Collection

Set of sexy underwear for woman and passionate night

While you can purchase a variety of storage options intended specifically for sex toys, these tend to be more costly and don't scale well as your collection grows. Many of these items disguise your toys – tissue box covers with hidden compartments and pillows with hollow centers – if that's your main concern and you only own a few toys. But as you branch out and add new items to your collection, you might need to get creative with sex toy storage. We've got a few ideas to help you calm that clutter!

Of course, if you're a purveyor of sex toys and want everyone to know, you might just place all your vibrators and dildos in a decorative wine rack on your dresser or nightstand. That's not as practical as some people require, however.

Over-the-door storage solutions might be intended for shoes or even toiletries, but they also work well for many vibrators and dildos, not to mention lube! Just hook it on your bedroom or even closet door, and you're good to go. You can store your charging cables with the toy in the clear pockets, which makes it easy for you to grab any toy that you wish to play with. Plus, toys aren't stored touching one another, so there's no worry about any interactions.

Continuing with the over-the-door theme, there are hooks that can just as easily hold a flogger as they can a towel. But if you have multiple BDSM implements, you might need more space than even a multi-hook provides. Consider a tie or skirt hanger that will allow you to hang your items straight, so the only thing that will be kinky is you and not the tails of your toys. Or you can use a key holder for a few items. For the serious connoisseur of impact play toys and other goodies, a peg board like you would see in a workshop is a versatile tool.

Need something more discreet? There are plenty of other shoe organizers to choose from. Or you can consider a jewelry dresser with shallow drawers that are perfect for your sexy accouterments. Another option is to re-purpose a buffet table from the dining room to use to keep all your sex toys organized. Got an old wardrobe or entertainment center? Don't toss it out! There may be life in it just yet – as sex toy storage!

If your bed is high enough, consider an under-the-bed tote. These are short but long to accommodate a variety of goodies, including sex toys. Wheels make them easier to pull out and put back in black with no one the wiser.

When you find your nightstand overflowing with toys, consider plastic drawer carts. They're cost-effective and come with option wheels, which makes moving them easy, and many of them stack should you need taller options. Narrow carts don't require a lot of room, either. Some even come with integrated trays on that that would conveniently hold your accessories and lube.

Speaking of all things small and easily lost (we're talking about cables, batteries (you should remove them in between uses to prevent them from leaking and ruining your toys), adapters, and more), you can buy tackle or tool boxes that won't break the bank to store all the odds and ends. Bonus: they come with handles (and sometimes wheels) built in! Otherwise, you can grab some drawer dividers (think the ones for silverware or socks) to keep everything in its place.

That leads us to travel. Storage options are all well and good, but sometimes you need to take your sex toys to your lover's house or a play party. What do you do then? Don't fret because we have ideas for even the most awkwardly-shaped toys.

A duffel bag or similarly small piece of luggage often does the trick, and you probably own one. Professional cosmetic cases roll just like luggage and have various compartments to keep items in place. Liberator makes chic toy bags, however, if you're more concerned with form. Although laptop bags aren't as handy for traveling with sex toys because they lack straps and compartments to keep everything in place, they are an option, as are briefcases. In fact, many sex toy storage cases resemble briefcases, and some lock!

What about floggers, canes, and even larger massagers? Try a roll-up brush holder intended for artists for your shorter items or a poster storage tube with shoulder strap for the longer pieces.

If you're in the mood for a DIY project, consider something like a recessed medicine cabinet only much taller. You might have seen similar storage for accessories such as shoes and scarves or even spices. It'll work just as nice to hold your whips, and you can pick a mirror or decorative door that suits your tastes. Another DIY idea? A window seat that holds all your naughty gear while still being functional.

Your toy collection will determine the type of storage you need, and your space might limit the solutions you can try. Keep an eye out the next time you're at a furniture store or in the home goods department. You might be surprised at what you can use to store – or hide – your sex toys as long as you're willing to get creative about it.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Friday, November 2, 2018

What to Do About A Mismatch in Libido

Low stamina and sexual drive

Last month we talked about what's normal when it comes to having sex. We looked at the numbers for Americans and broke it down by sex, relationship status, age/generation, and more. You can look at that post if you want to learn more about the statistics. We think it's more important for people to be happy than be normal. But people often ask this question and not without reason.

It may also matter more why so many people to know what is “normal” than what they want to know is normal. It should come as no surprise that many people are concerned over how often they have sex. If you fall into this group, rest assured that what is normal in the realm of human sexuality covers a wide range. It's highly unlikely that you're abnormal; although, you may be atypical.

But people often ask this question because they're concerned about a libido mismatch in their relationships. You might feel one of two things.

1. You wish you had more sex.

If you fall into this group of people, you don't have as much sex as you'd like. It could be that you're single and would have more consistent sex in a relationship. Perhaps you just need to put yourself out there and meet new people so you can have sex more frequently.

And if you're in a relationship? You might want sex more often than your partner does (excluding issues such as long distance). He or she may even accuse you of being obsessed with sex. But you can just as easily feel sexually frustrated if you have a “normal” sex drive compared to your partner's extremely-low sex drive as you would if you had a hyperactive sex drive and your partner experiences a more average drive for sex.

One thing is clear: pushing or nagging your partner to have more sex isn't going to help. It will likely cause your partner to retreat more while resentment builds in yourself.

But what if you're on the other side?