Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Wand Vibrators More Than Hitachi

Vibrator adult sex toy

You've probably heard the Hitachi Magic Wand called the “Cadillac of vibrators” if you've read a sex toy review or two. For years, the Hitachi Magic Wand represented the gold standard of vibrators for decades despite its bulk and weight and the fact that it needed to be plugged in because of its powerful motor. Your mom may have used one or even your grandmother, and some people have used the same toy for years. The Hitachi has truly stood the test of time.

However, it's 2019, and it's not the only wand massager available, and it may no longer be the best one. This does make shopping for a wand a little harder, but we're here to help.

Does Hitachi Still Make the Magic Wand?

You might not realize that you can still get the Magic Wand if you don't keep up with sex toy news. It's just got a new name: Magic Wand Original. But while the wand is still available, that almost wasn't the case.

In 2013, the Hitachi company considered discontinuing the Magic Wand because it wanted to distance sex toys from its brand. Instead, Hitachi's distributor Vibratex, which you may know for its happy-looking rabbit vibrators, convinced Hitachi to keep making the Magic Wand but under a different name. So you have Vibratex to thank if your trusty Hitachi died and you wanted to replace it with the same toy.
Cordless, Variable, and More

This rebranding brought with it the long-desired Magic Wand Rechargeable. This version now boasts four speeds into of the two that the original comes with.

A note on Magic Wands: there are plenty of imitations on the market. If you want the real deal, purchase the Magic Wand Original or Rechargeable from a reputable sex toy retailer that's certified to sell the wand, which comes with a one-year warranty. Yup, Cirilla's is one of them, but Magic Wands sold on Amazon, Ebay, and other vendor sites may be fake. You might want to save a little money, but you won't save yourself any hassle. Learn more about counterfeit Magic Wands.

More Choices Than Ever

I've spent a lot of time talking about the Magic Wand Original after pointing out that there are alternatives available to customers. It's still an incredibly popular sex toy, after all. But what if the Magic Wand isn't your cup of tea? Perhaps you don't like the strength or depth of the vibrations. The head might be the wrong shape or size. Many people wish it were adjustable (for years, you could buy a cord attachment to hack the vibrations of the Hitachi). Whatever your preference, we've got you covered.

Cirilla's sells the following wands:

  • Le Wand – 20-setting wand available in regular and petite sizes with a variety of attachments and covers but you can always use the silicone head
  • Bodywand – fully adjustable thanks to a dial and without the risk of overheating due to air vents
  • Lelo Smartwand – rechargeable, silicone-coated wands available in medium and large sizes
  • Sola Sync – has a uniquely long handle, silicone exterior, 10 functions, and a wireless remote

Vibratex also makes corded and rechargeable versions of its own Mystic Wand that have been favorably reviewed. Lovehoney has thrown its hat into the wand game with both corded and cordless massagers. Another popular wand maker is Doxy, available in the original design, with a sleek die cast body, and an upgraded design that combines the best of both worlds. Doxy also makes a number of attachments.

Palm Power, Fairy Wand, Tantus Rumble, and Lovense Domi are just a few of the wands offered by reputable makers. CalExotics sells a few wands under the Embrace, Inspire, Miracle Massager, and Utopia lines. But Amazon is full of knockoffs.

There are simply too many options to list, but when it comes to choosing an alternative, a trusted name is often worth paying a bit more (wands can run from $60 to $150+). But you should read a few reviews for specific models before making your choice.

One thing that can make your decision easier is whether a toy is compatible with attachments.
Do More With Attachments

You probably have a good idea of what features you want in your wand massage, but you can do a lot more if you opt for an attachment. Attachments typically fit on the head of the wand to provide you with different sensations or, in some cases, different functions.

If you want a different sensation, a cover that fits over the head of the wand might do the trick. But if you want to use your toy in multiple ways, look for an insertable attachment so you can enjoy your wand vaginally or anally Some attachments provide dual stimulation with their shapes.

Attachments aren't just good for you if you have a clitoris or vagina. Le Wand even comes with attachments intended for use with a penis, and you can purchase stroker attachments that fit over the head of your massager.

Another benefit of covers and attachments? You can take them off to clean them easily. And if the attachment is made of pure silicone (unfortunately, the head of the Hitachi is PVC), you can sanitize it by boiling or washing with a 10% bleach solution. Just be sure to rinse it well after you do!

While you can sometimes buy attachments as a bundle with the wand – and this might mean savings -- you can usually purchase them separately. This is ideal if you're unsure which attachment you'd like or would like to buy more than one to use with your massager.

Attachments are sometimes compatible with different models. Many companies designed their wands specifically to be the same size as the Hitachi. So an attachment that works for any of the following wands will work for all of them: Hitachi, Bodywand, Doxy, Lovehoney, Wand Essentials.

Finally, you can accessorize your wand with a harness that holds your wand in place (perfect for bondage scenarios where hands are bound), saddles for the Sybian that allow you to use a wand with it, and sex pillows with special pockets for holding your wand (Liberator makes the Axis among others).

While no one would blame you if you wanted to stick to the tried-and-true Magic Wand Original, there are plenty of alternatives out there. If you find the choices overwhelming, consider whether you want something cordless, with multiple speeds, or that's compatible with accessories. This will help you

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Thursday, May 9, 2019

How to Go from Good Sex To Great Sex

Above top view of passionate beautiful naughty sexualcouple, woman domination and provocation she is kissing the handsome man on a bed and wearing lace black erotic underwear

A lot of people simply want to know the techniques that will make good sex into great sex, and you'll find plenty of those within our blog posts. But you can try all sorts of new things to make your good sex great and wind up a little disappointed. Why is that? There are two factors at play: your attitude and communication.

Your Attitudes About Sex

We start with attitude because if you have a bad attitude about sex, then you're unlikely to communicate about it effectively. Of course, some people may have a pretty healthy view of sex. If you're one of
them, you might want to skip this section.

What do we mean when we talk about a healthy attitude about sex?

  • You recognize that sex (with others and yourself) is natural and healthy
  • You don't judge others or yourself for your sexual preferences (as long as they involve consenting adults)
  • You recognize that having great sex can take work
  • You proactively take charge of your sexual healthYou don't prioritize your partner's pleasure over your own
  • You have sex because and only when you want to
Many of these ideas are tenets of the sex-positive movement, and while it's gaining traction, it's harder to shed "sex negative" thoughts than you might realize.

If you've been taught your entire life that sex is scary or risky, that your sexuality belongs to another person (such as a partner), that your pleasure is less important than someone else's (often true for women), that sex is your duty, that sex should only be for procreation (thus sex with yourself, multiple people, using birth control, or with a same-sex partner is immoral), that you shouldn't be interested in sex or any of the myriad other things that society impressed upon us, you might not look so favorably on sex.

You may have spent much of your sex life having mediocre sex, perhaps dealing with pain or discomfort or partners who don't care about your sexual pleasure. You might not be familiar with your anatomy. You may never have learned that sex can be good for you. It may be something that you simply grin and bear until it's over. Or you may have felt coerced to say "Yes" to sex you didn't want.

None of these things is helpful if you want to have a happy and healthy sex life, and several of these attitudes can get in the way of your pleasure and fostering greater intimacy with your partner(s).

How do you change attitudes about sex?

It's certainly easier said than done. You might start by examining how those attitudes have harmed you. You might finally admit your real desires and fantasies.

It also helps to learn more about sex whether that be by reading books, listening to podcasts, or attending lectures and sessions. There are so many resources available if you want to learn. You might be surprised how much you didn't know, but it's not your fault. Society often hides sex in the shadows.

Sex positivity can include talking to people about sex. We don't mean just your partner; although, we'll get to that in a moment. We mean friends, siblings, parents, and anyone else whom you might know. Recognizing that sex is healthy and natural and something to be enjoyed enables you to talk without shame. Knowing this can encourage you to speak to your doctor about any sexual problems.

One particular person who may prove helpful is a sex-positive therapist who can help you work through long-held beliefs about sex that are not longer aiding you. Although some professionals may be sex-negative, the right therapist can help you experience your sexuality more fully.

Let's Talk About Communication

Once you've got a healthy relationship with sex, it's time to consider your relationships with other people (unless, of course, you're sticking to solo sex).

Many people have the type of sex they think they should have, which might be good enough, but may not scratch every itch. You might want to try something such as bondage or spanking instead of just having "vanilla" sex. You may want your partner to pay more attention to your clitoris during sex or find yourself wishing that foreplay took longer.

These are all valid desires and, in some cases, are quite natural. If you're a woman, you've dealt with sex that prioritizes a man's orgasm. Even men might be surprised by how much better good sex can become once they talk about it.

Some people might think that talking about sex is silly. As long as it's good enough, why do it? After all, it's such an awkward conversation to have.

While that's true, it sets limits on your sexual experiences. Talking about sex means you can describe your fantasies, ask for what you want, talk dirty, and get to know your partner better.

There are a few things to keep in mind when talking about sex.

  • These conversations don't have to be tense or a "big deal." Keep a light tone and use humor when talking about sex. Just make sure the humor isn't at the expense of your partner.
  • Don't assume that the response will be negative or a rejection. Allow your partner to surprise you.
  • It's usually smart not to have a conversation about sex in the middle of sex or right after because this may come off as criticism.
  • Start the conversation when you know your partner has time for it and not when they're busy or distracted. You can let your partner know that you'd like to talk about sex when there's time.
  • Try not to have conversations where your partner will feel "trapped." This means that conversations in a vehicle might be ill-advised.
  • Be prepared to hear your partner's own desires and needs when you open the channels of communication.
  • Avoid blame or judgment in these conversations.

Remember that the sooner you make a habit of talking about sex, the easier it will be. If you can talk about sex when your sex life is good, you'll have an easier time should you run into any trouble down the line. These skills can also apply to other difficult discussions you may have.

Talking about your sex life allows you to explore with your partner, and both of you may find that sex gets even better by doing so. Communication is the foundation that lets you try any toy or technique you might discover.

Adopting a healthy attitude about sex and developing the skills to talk about sex can transform a good sex life into an even better one, and it can also help you improve your sex life if it's lackluster.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Friday, April 5, 2019

Nipple Pleasure: Techniques and Toys

Passionate beautiful charming seductive tempting gorgeous brunette sitting behind embracing back

Nipples are awesome. They’re cute, they’re purposeful (if there’s an infant to feed), and thanks to being loaded with nerve endings, they’re pleasurable. As a bonus, everyone has them. Although nipple play is usually associated with women, men too can experience good feelings from having these sensitive spots touched. Nipple pleasure is for everyone!

Everyone feels differently about having their nipples touched. Some folks detest having them so much as accidentally brushed. Some like light touch, some like them really pinched, and some can orgasm solely from playing with their nipples without touching their genitals at all.

One way to find out what your own nipples (or those of your partner) enjoy is to start exploring. Experiment with varying sensations: light, soft touches, rougher pinches, a flick. You could try massaging, squeezing, using the thumb to rub around the nipple, rolling it between the thumb and index finger, or pinching a small or larger section. If you’ve got a partner (or can reach your own nipples with your face!), you can use a mouth and tongue to kiss or suck. As with any sexual activity, it’s often best to warm up with gentler touches before increasing intensity and clamping down. If you’re performing this on your partner, be sure to pay attention to their body language to see how they respond to each touch, and if you’re not sure, ask!

If you’ve discovered that nipple play is something you or your partner enjoys and you’ve done all sorts of things using just your hands, perhaps it’s time to try a nipple toy. Nipple toys are great for solo play, leaving your nipples secured and your hands free to do other pleasurable activities.

Nipple Suckers work by using suction to increase blood flow around this sensitive area. Some are a simple hollow rubber or silicone ball you squeeze air out of to suck nipples in. Some feature a tube with a twist to create a vacuum to do the same, creating a more intense feeling then the former.

Nipple Clamps come in different shapes and sizes. Some even have cool extra features like vibration or warming sensations. Tweezer style clamps look like their namesake and use a sliding ring to increase pressure. Alligator clamps look a bit like a clothespin, but tighten with a screw, as do Mandible clamps, which are especially pinchy. Clover or Butterfly clamps become tighter when the string is pulled. Other operate by sandwiching the nipple between two rods and using screws or bands to tighten to the desired level of pinch.

Some folks enjoy visually pleasing decorations, like fake piercings, tassels, or feathers. These may have adhesive backing for sticking on, utilize magnets, or be attached to a clamp.

If incorporating nipple play into your sexual arsenal makes you nervous, or if you’re having trouble finding pleasure in it, try mixing it with other sexual activities. Use a sex toy on your genitals while touching your nipples, or a sex toy on your nipples while touching your genitals. You can also have a partner provide either sort of pleasure to allow you to focus on what you’re doing.
Nipples are an underappreciated erogenous zone of the human body. Whatever you discover about your nipples, whether they’re extra sensitive or don’t feel a thing, know that it’s normal and healthy and unique to you.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Friday, March 29, 2019

A Guide to Impact Toys

dominant woman with riding crop, bdsm. Beautiful woman ass in fishnet stockings and whip. Strict woman domination

Have you ever fantasized about a good spanking? Do you love the sound of leather hitting skin? Have you ever looked at a whip, flogger, or paddle, and wondered what it would feel like? If so, you might be interested in impact play and the wide variety of toys that can be used for it. In BDSM and kink, “impact play” is the practice of consensually hitting someone with something for the pleasure for all involved. While that might sound intimidating and intense, impact play can be whatever level of intensity one wants to. It can vary from gentle playful spanking to a walloping with an elaborate array of implements that leave a happy receiver with bruises all over.

While all sex acts should always be discussed before they happen, because of this variance and possibility of harm to the receiver, it’s especially important to talk to a partner in depth before bringing out the paddles and floggers. This way, everyone involved can have a discussion about safety, boundaries, and preferences. When talking to a partner about impact play, be sure to establish safe words to halt play, areas on the body that are okay and not okay to hit (and do some research beforehand to learn about these safe zones), how soft or hard to strike, and what toys to use.

Impact toys can be made rom different kinds of materials, including leather, faux leather, suede, wood, rubber, and plastic. Depending on the material, shape, and size of the implement, it can cause different kinds of pain, differentiated as “thuddy” or “stingy”. A “thuddy” sensation refers to pain that is felt deeper in the body, while “stingy” describes pain that is felt on the surface of the skin. If you’re curious, you can test these sensations on your thigh with your hand. A slap with an open hand causes much more of a sting compared with a closed-fist punch, which offers more of a thud. Each implement will cause both types of pain, but some lean more towards one than the other. This list of toys is organized from least to most painful.


The tool that perhaps everyone begins impact play with, your own hand is perfectly equipped for hitting your consenting play partner. It’s free, you already own it, and it can be used to create a range of different sensations. As mentioned above, an open palm with fingers together will cause the most sting and a wonderful noise. Cupping the hand will give another different feel and sound, and making a fist will change things even more. Using a hand to first try impact play is great practice for what sorts of sensations the receiving person enjoys, which can lead to ideas on which toy to try next.


A classic paddle is often the next step after using hands. These toys are generally broad, flat, and made of firmer materials like wood. They offer one of the widest impact areas among implements, and have quite the variance in stingy and thuddy sensations. Thuddier toys tend to be heavier and more rigid, while something will sting more if it’s flexible and thin. Something with a texture will feel different than one with a smooth surface. A paddle with a pattern may even leave marks shaped like those patterns! Paddles don’t take much practice to aim and use, so they’re perfect for someone just starting out in impact play.


A Riding Crop  is like a mini paddle, but instead of a short handle and large broad impact end, it has a long thin handle with a small flat surface on the end. Because the area of contact is so much smaller, crops have much more sting than a paddle. They’re also a bit harder to aim with because of the long handle, and can take a bit more practice to get used to.


A flogger is a bundle of long strips of material (often leather, rubber, or rope) attached at a handle. Like paddles, these can vary in thud and sting depending on the material of the tassles, but unlike paddles, they offer more variance in sensations depending on how the tool is moved. These are more difficult to aim, and therefore require a little more research before using. It is recommended to learn how to use the tool correctly through video tutorials or in-person lessons, and then practice on a pillow or other object before using (gently to begin with) on a person.


A whip is not a tool for beginners. One of the most painful of impact implements, a whip is a long single strand of material. With this single point of contact, these toys are incredibly stingy and can leave quite the welt. These require lots of practice to ensure no harm comes to the person being hit.


A cane is a long rod, sometimes with a curve on the end just like a cane someone would use to help themselves walk. These tools are sure to leave quite the mark. Canes are only recommended for those with prior impact experience, and those who are sure that they enjoy pain. If pain is what you want, a smaller, more flexible cane will cause the most, while a heavier, larger one will be a bit less intense.

As with any sex toy, each person will have their own likes and dislikes. Some folks adore impact toys, while others simply can’t fathom why someone would find sexual gratification from pain. No matter what side you lean towards or what impact toy strikes your fancy, what matters in the end is safety and consent. Communicate, negotiate, and explore what feels good to you.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

How to Turn Your Partner On

Beautiful loving couple kissing in bed

The key to turning on your partner is knowing what turns them on. It might be something unexpected. For some people, feet are a huge turn on (in fact, a foot fetish is incredibly common), but others find feet to be quite a turnoff. You need to think both outside of yourself and society in general. Focus on what you know about your partner. If you’re unsure, there are a few options:

Ask directly
Try what’s worked before (or what commonly works for others)

Talk About It

If you’re in the middle of flirting, making out, or dirty talk, you can easily ask your partner in a sultry way what turns them on. They might feel special that you’re taking the time to get to know them, and you may have a chance to talk about your own preferences. Plus, talking about what turns you on can be a turn on in and of itself.

There are other ways you can go about this, too. You can instruct your partner to show you what turns them on or even request that they tell you what to do to get them aroused. Many people find power play to be quite erotic, so these games serve dual purposes.

If your partner has trouble opening up or if you’re not even sure what might be an interest, your communication might need a kick start. You can employ technology to help. You’ll find a few tools that enable you to discover new things to try and do so in a way that’s low-pressure. Mojo Upgrade allows partners to take a quiz separately and then view overlap, but it’s not the only option. Autostraddle’s Sex Worksheet includes a section about turnons. Although less fancy, yes-no-maybe lists allow each of you to rate what you’re willing to try, would consider, and will never do in bed.

You might hear something that you find surprising or even distasteful. You don’t want to judge your partner when they reveal something so vulnerable as what gets their motors running in the bedroom. This can make them clam up and refuse to open up to you -- or any other partner -- in the future.

Go With What You Know

Although it’s never a bad idea to ask your partner about their sexual desires, turnons, and preferences, there may be times where there isn’t an opportunity. This is when you might rely on what has worked to turn on your partner’s in the past. If you lack experience, you can get a feel for common turnons online.

Things that commonly turn people on include:

Deep kissing/making out
Touching their genitals over clothing
Kisses on the ears, neck, or collar bone
Sensual massage
Watching porn or reading erotica
Sexy texting
Taking off their clothes
Taking off your clothes/performing a striptease
Talking dirty
Performing oral sex on them
Grabbing their butt
Masturbate for them or let them “catch” you
Lighting candles or incense
Turning down the lights
Sensual music
A blindfold

Remember that while some (perhaps even many) techniques will work for most people, no technique will work for everyone. So while your experience or advice from other people may lead you down the right road, you shouldn’t expect that it will work. Be prepared that your partner may not like everything you try, and recognize that this is okay. Avoid saying anything that might shame your partner for their preferences or bodily responses.

You still need to pay attention to how your partner reacts -- if they make noises that indicate discomfort or pain, if they’re silent, still, or they pull away from you, they’re probably not having a good time. You should check in to determine if whatever you’re doing is okay.

Bodily cues such as enlarged pupils, faster breathing, a blush over the face and chest, pulling you closer, moaning, grinding against your body, and erection (penis, nipples, clitoris), or moisture can all indicate arousal.

Explore to Find More ways to Turn Your Partner On

Experimentation is a great way to find out what else turns on your partner or how you can adapt the typical turnons. Exploring in this way combines using what you know works and communicating because you’ll need to get feedback on what you’re doing. But many of these methods rely on your body versus your mouth and mouth. Don’t forget to pay attention to their body to see how well it’s working!

Use Tools At Your Disposal 

Just like there are tools you can use to find out what your partner wants to do once they’re already turned on, there are tools to help you get there. Pillow includes a number of exercises that you might find helpful.

You can also find books, films, and other media that will coach you through similar exercises.

Sensate Focus

Sensate focus is a well-known exercise created by sex researchers Masters and Johnson. It focuses on sensuality over sexuality. In fact, you should avoid sexual touch at first Sensate focus takes place in several stages. You should try each phase twice weekly for 1-2 weeks before moving on to the next.

           1. Touch, kiss, and caress your partner’s body, avoiding the breasts and genitals. Take your time to touch every part of your partner’s body and to use different techniques to do so. Your partner can provide nonverbal feedback such as squeezing or tapping during this process. A partner can gently move your hand away if they don’t like the stimulation. The session should last at least thirty minutes before you switch roles.
           2. Start with the non-sexual touching from the first stage. However, you can now add the breast or genital areas. Remember not to engage in penetration or sexuality activities that would lead to orgasm. Keep up with the second stage for 20 minutes before switching roles.
          3. You and your partner can touch at the same time. Remember what you’ve learned from the first two phases. It’s likely you’ll become aroused, but you shouldn’t try orgasmic touching.
         4. Start the final stage with the touching you learned in the first three stages. Assume a position like that used for penetrative sex but focus on external rubbing and grinding. Lube can be helpful for this exercise After a session or two, you can move to activities that are designed to lead to orgasm.

Note that sensate focus was designed with straight couples in mind. Depending on your definition of sex, exercises in these phases, especially step 4, may qualify as sex. And while you’re not supposed to orgasm until the last phase, it can occasionally happen in an earlier stage.

When You Can’t Turn Your Partner On

Sometimes, no matter what you do, you’ll fail at arousing your partner. It’s all too easy to take this as a failure or even rejection, but don’t give up just yet. It’s time to investigate.

Do They Know Themselves?

You might have heard that it’s much harder for a partner to help you have an orgasm if you don’t already know how to have one, but this can extend to turnons, too. If your partner doesn’t know what turns them on, perhaps because of sexual inexperience, you’ll have to try things and see what works. But if their turnons are especially unique, you might not be lucky enough to stumble across them.

Encourage your partner to experiment with erotic content and masturbation. They can also research different sexual interests and activities to learn what works for them. One thing to do is to look for common themes in the erotic content they enjoy whether that be porn, a steamy movie, or erotica. This can also be applied to sexual activity or fantasy. What happens when they’re turned on? How can you incorporate that into your sex life?

Should You Focus on Their Brakes, Instead?

Sex researchers Bancroft and Janssen developed the dual-control model of sexual, which you can learn about here. In short, there are the things that turn you on (accelerators) and what turns you off (brakes). If those brakes are at 100%, it doesn’t matter how hard you push the accelerator. To ease up on the brakes, you might need to help your partner de-stress, work on relationship issues, or even use different words when discussing sex (yes, this can be that important).

Sometimes a person’s sexual brakes are things such as body image or sexual confidence, which require your partner to work on them. You can be supportive, but there’s not much you can do aside from that. Still, if your partner can let you know what prevents them from being turned on, you can

Are You Giving It Enough Time?

Some people find themselves turned on at the drop of a hat, but others? Not so much. You can’t expect your partner to be turned on immediately. For some people, especially women, it takes more time. Some people have what’s known as responsive desire, which means their desire needs the right cues. Scheduling sex can build anticipation that triggers responsive desire. You can discover more about responsive desire in Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are.

As you get to know your partner, you’ll discover some of those cues. But you’ll need to give it some time to work.

Allow yourself and your partner to enjoy the journey. Don’t be focused solely on the destination. Every part of sex from the turnons to the afterplay can be pleasurable! It’s one reason why I think we should stop calling it “foreplay” and work on coreplay, instead.

Discovering what turns your partner on and using that to drive your partner wild with desire can be just as scintillating for you and can make you feel powerful when you figure out the keys to unlock your partner’s arousal. Just make sure your partner is on board with the idea and you don’t treat them like an object in the process.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r