Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Friday, May 26, 2017

12 Sex Myths That Are Untrue

Sexy young couple kissing and playing in bed.

No matter how much we try to educate people are sex, some sex myths just keep getting passed around. These urban legends are so persistent that you might believe them to be true, but we're here to shed some light on the subject.

Myth: Guys Always Want Sex and There's Something Wrong If They Don't

This goes hand-in-hand with the sex myth that a guy is always hard and ready to go, but both are simply wrong. Not every man wants sex all the time, and a man who wants sex may not be able to get erect, even if he's younger than is typically associated with erectile dysfunction. But society expects men to be on standby at all times when it comes to sex, and men who don't want sex at a given moment or who can't get hard are treated as less masculine.

One thing to remember is that a semi-erect penis can still function, and sex can include all sorts of activities that aren't penis-centric.

Myth: The Goal of Sex Is Orgasm

This sex myth is dead wrong if only because there's no one goal of sex. It might be pleasure, which you can achieve without orgasm. Perhaps you want to feel desired or closer to your partner. You might want to cheer them up. Sex might be giving your mood a boost.
There's no one reason to have sex (or to masturbate!), and that's perfectly fine.

Myth: Women Only Want Sex for Men and Need to Be Convinced to Have It

Many women like sex and some enjoy and desire sex more than men or their partners. Secondly, we should never coerce people into sex. That only perpetuates rape culture. When it comes to sex, only an enthusiastic “Yes” is a yes.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part Two: During Sex

Gentle young couple lying and making love in bed

Watching a hollywood sex scene would have you thinking that the way sex works is a neat little equation of two people making out, the scene fading to black, and some moaning. The next second, the pair is lying in bed with the sheets pulled up to their chests.

As much as movies and porn will try to make you believe it, sex is not seamless. Just as there are moans and giggles and pleasure, there are hydration breaks, spilled lube, an accidental knee to the stomach, and bumped teeth. There are farts and queefs and even *gasp* talking.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking up in bed, don’t worry, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Our culture tells us it’s weird and awkward to use our words during sex. We’re just expected to know exactly what to do. Of course, this isn’t the case at all, and it leaves so many people without the pleasure they deserve. In the heat of the moment, it can be so hard to say the words “Um, actually, my clit is a little to the right”, so here is a little guide with different ways to get you more comfortable using your voice in bed.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part One: Before Sex

Tender young couple lying and hugging on couch

For some reason, sex tips from popular magazines always involve some type of physical movement. Usually it’s “wiggle your tongue this way” or “move your hand that way”. They’ll list uncomfortable, wild positions or expensive lingerie that they claim will get you in the right mood, which will naturally lead to flawless sex. Of course, in practice, these grand ideas often fall short.

The truth is, the best way to get the sex you want is to ask for it. Your partner can’t read your mind, and as effortless and perfect porn may make sex look, what porn and movies don’t show are the directions given beforehand on what the people should do to make it look so effortless. The reason it looks effortless is because they planned it to be that way by talking about it. This series on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider tackles what you should be talking about to get the best sex ever, as well as ways to make talking about sex less awkward. Here we’ll focus on what to talk about before any sex even happens.

Protection and boundaries

Of course, the first step to getting the good stuff is avoiding the bad stuff. Talking about STI and pregnancy prevention methods and your personal sexual boundaries before you even hop into bed is a way to make sure everything is clear and laid out. It helps avoid stressful in-the-moment situations. Ask your partner about their preferences by simply saying “What sorts of pregnancy/STI protection do you use?” (For example: condoms, dental dams, hormonal contraceptives), and let your partner know your own protection preferences by saying something like “Is it cool if we use condoms? I get so much more into it if I know I’m having safe sex”. If you’re adventuring into kinky territory, come up with a safeword, and clarify boundaries by asking “Are there any parts of your body you don’t want touched?”.  If you explicitly mention what you don’t want, achieving what you do want will be so much easier.