No matter how much we try to educate people are sex, some sex myths just keep getting passed around. These urban legends are so persistent that you might believe them to be true, but we're here to shed some light on the subject.
Myth: Guys Always Want Sex and There's Something Wrong If They Don't
This goes hand-in-hand with the sex myth that a guy is always hard and ready to go, but both are simply wrong. Not every man wants sex all the time, and a man who wants sex may not be able to get erect, even if he's younger than is typically associated with erectile dysfunction. But society expects men to be on standby at all times when it comes to sex, and men who don't want sex at a given moment or who can't get hard are treated as less masculine.
One thing to remember is that a semi-erect penis can still function, and sex can include all sorts of activities that aren't penis-centric.
Myth: The Goal of Sex Is Orgasm
This sex myth is dead wrong if only because there's no one goal of sex. It might be pleasure, which you can achieve without orgasm. Perhaps you want to feel desired or closer to your partner. You might want to cheer them up. Sex might be giving your mood a boost.
There's no one reason to have sex (or to masturbate!), and that's perfectly fine.
Myth: Women Only Want Sex for Men and Need to Be Convinced to Have It
Many women like sex and some enjoy and desire sex more than men or their partners. Secondly, we should never coerce people into sex. That only perpetuates rape culture. When it comes to sex, only an enthusiastic “Yes” is a yes.
Myth: Black Men Are Well Endowed (And Other Groups Are Especially Small)
There's a persistent myth that black men have big penises, and you'd be likely to believe that if you watch a lot of porn. But if you're a porn aficionado, you'd also think very guy is pretty well-hung. After all, porn stars are chosen for their larger assets (including a woman's breasts). In reality, average erect length is just over 5 inches long.
But at least one study was unable to find any statistically meaningful difference in penis size between races (there's also no correlation between foot/shoe or hand size and penis size). This is good news for the average-sized black man who might otherwise feel like he's not living up to the stereotype.
Myth: Women Want a Partner With a Big Penis
There are a lot of sex myths surrounding penis size. Perhaps the most stubborn is that size matters, which is why we're caught up with penis size, to begin with. But size doesn't matter as much as some people think (or worry) that it does.
If you're an average-sized man, then your partner is likely happy. If you're below average but quick to go down on your partner and listen to their cues, they're probably happy. Perhaps your spouse doesn't even like penetration that much. Or they might prefer a thicker penis to a longer one.
The perfect penis for every individual varies, and some people really don't care that much.
Myth: Women Can't Orgasm
We weren't even aware of this myth until recently. But more than one woman believes that orgasm is impossible for women and, as an extension, that women don't really enjoy sex. But we know both of these “facts” to be unsubstantiated. Many women can orgasm (especially after they become comfortable masturbating and using toys), and even women who can't orgasm do enjoy sex.
If you're a woman experiencing trouble orgasm, rest assured that you're not alone. It might be that you're focusing on vaginal stimulation, which is what you get from sex. But over 2/3 of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so there's nothing wrong with you or your partner if you can't orgasm from sex.
A vibrator can help, and you can have fun learning how to press the right buttons before showing your partner how to do the same.
Myth: You'll Know When You Orgasm Because All Orgasms Are Like the Movies
Nope. This myth has led plenty of people, typically women, to wonder whether they've come. But orgasms are sometimes more about the release of pressure than they are pleasure. They can feel weird to those people who might be unfamiliar. And even if you've had orgasms for years, you can still experience an orgasm that's incomplete or less rewarding than others. That's okay. There's always next time!
Myth: All Women Are Bisexual
It would be great if this sex myth could just die already. Some people are truly bisexual, and one study suggests that about twice as many men identify as bi than women. Other studies also find that women and men who identify as straight explore same-sex activities at about the same rate.
One factor that keeps this myth alive may be that society enjoys seeing two women together, so exploratory behavior is encouraged between women, but it doesn't actually mean that all women are bi. Regardless, saying that every woman is bisexual actually contributes to the tendency to ignore bisexual people.
Myth: Women Want Commitment, But Men Want Casual Sex
Here's another sex myth that shows people just don't understand the differences between the genders. There is a kernel of truth to the idea that we teach boys to play the field and keep their eyes open for something better all the while telling girls that they need to snag the perfect man. It's certainly more accepted for men to be promiscuous, which has led women to keep certain tendencies out of the limelight.
But a woman can want just casual sex because she enjoys the pleasure of it without any strings attached, and a man can want sex only within the confines of a committed relationship. We're all people here, people!
Myth: Only Vaginal Sex is “Real” Sex
Tell that to any gay person who has never had penis-in-vagina sex. People are free to define sex as they please. So oral and anal sex are sex just like PIV. These activities can lead to pleasure and increased feelings of closeness between you and your partner. They also include the risk of contracting an STI, so safer sex measures should be taken regardless.
Myth: The First Time Will Hurt a Woman
Why do we advise young women that the first time will hurt and possibly be a bloody mess? Sex should never hurt; although, it may be uncomfortable if you rush into it, don't communicate and forget lube.
This advice leads women to be tense, which actually can cause the pain and trauma mentioned above. So let's skip this line because sex doesn't hurt for many women (and most women don't bleed during their first time, either).
Myth: Sex Will Be Automatically Be Awesome
Maybe you're a virgin eagerly awaiting someone to pop that cherry. Perhaps you're dating a new person and feel super smitten and attracted to them. You might have been waiting for marriage and your wedding night is soon approaching. You're excited for sex and drooling over your partner, so it'll be great, right?
Not so fast. The first time or even the first few times you have sex with a partner might be awkward. You need to learn each other's preferences and rhythms. If one or both of you are inexperienced, it can take longer to find the groove. You may have different expectations or need to figure out how to talk about sex effectively.
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be having sex with this person or that you're just not meant to enjoy sex. Sex is something that we become better at over the course of our relationships and lives, which means that debunking this sex myth is actually pretty fun!
Now that you know a little bit more about sex, it's time to put your knowledge to the test and have better sex!
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r
