Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Consent Is Not Just Sexy, It’s Mandatory.

There are lots of important things to talk about during Sexual Assault Awareness Month every April. Each year’s campaign puts a spotlight on issues like preventing sexual assault on campus, healthy adolescent sexuality and child sexual abuse prevention. One subject that comes up often is teaching and understanding the importance of consent. We need to get past the victim blaming/slut shaming techniques used in the past. Telling women they were “asking for it” because of the clothing they were wearing, or being flirtatious, being intoxicated, or even just walking alone at night is no longer acceptable. This takes the responsibility away from the perpetrators. Teaching consent starts with learning how to say no and receive a no, how to say yes, how to have a conversation about what you want, how a person’s way of expressing themselves with their clothes is not inviting you to violate them, and learning that we are not ever entitled sex… ever. It’s a long row to hoe (no slut shaming here!) but even the campaign telling us that consent is sexy fell a little short. Consent can be sexy, but it can also be difficult and awkward. No matter how it happens, consent is mandatory.

What is Consent?

The definition of consent, according to Merriam Webster, is “to give assent or approval.” Unfortunately, that approval has for a long time been somewhat fuzzy in its definition. Consent needs to be given in an honest, sober and willing manner. While Yes always means Yes, the absence of a No does not mean Yes. It’s more than just a Yes, too. Consent is about a mutually agreed upon expression of desire that includes the discussion of boundaries along with these desires. Consent isn’t a maybe, maybe is always a no. What you need to look for is enthusiastic consent, not an “I don’t know.” “I’m not sure.” or “I guess so.” When looking for enthusiastic consent also look at body language. Are they turning away, folding their arms around their body, stiffening up, or being unresponsive? Then stop what you are doing and check in with your partner. Consent is not being freely given so either this person changed their mind or was not an enthusiastic yes to begin with.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Intimate Grooming Tips: From Brazilians to Manscaping

woman lowers her panties and shows waxed pubic area

Intimate grooming, specifically the removal of pubic hair, has many levels from the untouched natural to completely bare. Lots of people are happy to leave things as is. Many others want to neaten things up, shape, or outright remove what’s there. Whether you go for a simple bikini or want to try a full Brazilian with perhaps some vajazzling, here are some tips to do it safely and with minimal discomfort.


You can start by picking a razor for intimate areas. They will have pivoting blades and moisturizing strips to protect the skin. You can even get personal groomers, electric trimmers, designed specifically for this area. Shaving does not last as long as waxing and can leave cuts and micro tears afterward. It is easy to do at home and has less discomfort than waxing. First trim the area so hair is not too long. Shower or soak first to soften hair. Do not use water that is too hot as it can irritate the skin, especially after shaving. Use a moisturizing shaving cream or foam instead of soap. This will provide more protection against irritation. You want to minimize the chance of razor burn. Men can use these same shaving techniques if they are looking to trim their pubic hair or even shave their testicles, as some men want to do.

Hold skin taught. Shave in the direction the hair grows and try not to go over the area too many times. The bikini area is sensitive (where your legs meet your pelvis and the outer labia) and you need to take even greater care once you get to the vulva. A Brazilian, where all or most of the pubic hair is removed, can be a challenge to remove. Aftercare is important too. Be kind to that area of your body at first and avoid overly tight clothing that doesn’t breathe. This can trigger ingrown hairs or encourage the growth of bacteria. Once the shaved skin has calmed, do a light exfoliation with a washcloth or soft brush to keep pores open and prevent ingrown hairs. You may find your skin is more sensitive when shaving during your period.