Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Squirting 101: How to Squirt

Squirting through Gray Panties
Squirting. Is it the holy grail of a woman's sexual pleasure? Is it overblown? Is it really a sexual response at all? Read on to find out.

The Science of Squirting

There have been a lot of studies that indicate squirting is or isn't urine – or related to urine at the very least. Because of a lack of research on the study, it's difficult to be sure. New science may come out tomorrow that tells us even more about squirting. But here's what we know so far. If you're a woman who can squirt, you probably already know this!

During sex or masturbation, a woman's bladder quickly fills with fluid, including prostate fluid from the G-spot. If you find that you squirt just a little during sex, it might only be prostate fluid. For most women who are able to ejaculate, this liquid is ejaculated during a vaginal/G-spot orgasm. However, some women are able to squirt without any orgasm at all!

Although squirting seems really popular in porn, it's not something that every woman finds herself able or even willing to do! It also tends to look different in person. While you can push out more ejaculate by bearing down with your PC muscles – the opposite you would do to stop the flow of urine – it doesn't tend to dribble or bubble out from the vagina. In porn, women who “squirt” are sometimes pushing out water that they've been holding in their vagina for effect.

Can Everyone Squirt?

It's difficult to determine how many women can squirt it for several reasons. First, some women's G-spots aren't particularly responsive to even direct stimulation. Secondly, that lack of research makes it difficult to pinpoint what enables squirting. Finally, some women may be able to squirt but hold back because they're worried it's urine.

Recently, one study concluded that it was urine simply because a woman's ejaculate comes from the bladder and exits through the urethra, which has made some women -- and their partners -- reluctant to try squirting. Squirters don't necessarily agree with this search, however. Their experiences prove otherwise! Medication that affects urine doesn't affect a woman's ejaculate.

Regardless, squirting can be erotic and pleasurable if you're willing to give it a go. Make sure to put a few towels beneath you or invest in a Liberator Throe if you're a serious squirter. This blanket keeps the mess to a minimum! It's great for cleanup during sex even if you don't squirt, and you can protect your sheets from lube stains, too.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Guide to Personal Lubricants

Wicked Sensual Care Aqua Collection
A lot of people buy personal lubricant because it's available and cheap, but they could be making a mistake. For example, you can't use all lube with condoms, and some contain ingredients that are potentially harmful to your health or sex toys.

Why Use Lube At All?

Lube keeps things slippery. Not every vagina makes enough natural lubrication for sex (and the rectum doesn't lubricate at all!), especially if it's going to be a long session. Plenty of foreplay helps, but there's no shame in reaching for lube. Personal lubricants keep things comfortable.
You can also find lube with special features such as warming, cooling or flavors, which can make your sex life more fun. If you're struggling not to orgasm, numbing lubricants can delay ejaculation, but we don't recommend them for anal sex. There are even lubes intended to help you conceive and hypoallergenic formulas for those who are prone to infections.

What do you need to know when choosing lube? Read on.

Know Your Ingredients

In general, there are three types of lube: water-based, silicone and oil-based lubes. Plus, there are hybrids, lubes that contain both water and silicone ingredients to consider.

There are a few things to know about these ingredients.

  1. Oil-based lubricants are great for male masturbation and anal sex but are not safe if you use condoms, diaphragms or dental dams for safer sex because the oil degrades latex. Some people love the luxurious feel of coconut oil, and they reach into their kitchen cabinets before sex. Lube makers are paying attention and have begun including it in their products. We recommend caution when using oil-based lube for vaginal sex because it can interfere with your vagina's natural cleansing process. 
  2. Silicone lubes like Pjur tend to be slicker and last longer than water-based, so you'll need to apply them less. They're also condom compatible. But they can react with your silicone toys, especially if your lube is lower quality. You can do a patch test on part of the toy that you don't insert. If it becomes gummy, try a water-based lube. 
  3. Water-based lubes are the most economical and readily available. You can refresh them with water, but they do tend to become sticky as they dry. Try ID Glide if you're looking for a brand. However, ingredients such as parabens and glycerin can lead to yeast infections in some women. There are plenty of water-based lubes that don't use these ingredients, however, and they're safe with all toys and condoms. 
  4. Hybrid lubes like the one made by System Jo could potentially react with silicone toys, but they're condom safe and offer a balance between silicone slickness and water's easy clean up.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Queer Porn Talk

Latex Lesbians

In honor of Pride month, I want to talk about queer porn. Queer porn is an inclusive and often subversive genre that showcases performers of many sexual orientations and gender identities which are seldom included in mainstream porn. The genre is steadily growing but there are still a lot of people who aren't familiar with it. So, let's look at the “who, what, when, where, and why” of queer porn!

            Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise Houston are responsible for some of the most popular queer porn sites and production companies. Trouble runs the websites Indie Porn Revolution (formerly NoFauxxx) and Queer Porn TV, as well as her own production company TROUBLEfilms.  Houston is the creator and director of the Crash Pad Series, which is made by her company Pink & White Productions. She also runs PinkLabel.TV, a streaming site that features her films and films from other queer porn producers. Both Trouble and Houston (and their production companies) have won multiple Feminist Porn Awards, Xbiz Awards, and have been nominated for AVN awards. Aside from these two fantastic producers, there's a growing number of other indie porn producers and individuals creating sexy queer porn. As for queer porn performers, they are a wonderfully diverse group of people. You'll see lots of different gender presentations, body sizes, ethnicities, kinks, etc.

            So what exactly is queer porn, and how is it different from other porn? Well, most importantly, queer folks are involved in the whole process: directing, starring, and buying. Its focus is on representing different sexual orientations and gender identities, usually in a way that is very authentic and sometimes also educational or political. Unlike most mainstream porn, it's target demographic isn't necessarily straight white men. Courtney Trouble explains it like this: “I feel like [queer porn] is porn that's been taken a step above and beyond what 'lesbian porn' or 'gay porn' has offered. It includes all genders, all identities, and shows sex between queers in an honest, respectful, and artistic light.” Similarly, Chelsea Poe, a trans porn actress, put it this way: “I think the reality of queer porn is it's art and it's about creating space for marginalized people.”
            Queer porn inherently means showing many kinds of sex acts and ways to have sex. You're more likely to see people using sex toys, strap-ons, and lube, and practicing safer sex. It's typically less scripted and more authentic. This is how Kitty Stryker explains being on a queer porn set: “You really feel the electricity of how these various people have sex together... The goal is to have sex in the ways that feel good for you and your partner/s, right at that moment. As a performer I’ve found it very freeing; as a [production assistant], I find it healing and informative to watch.”

            A lot of queer porn is being made is San Francisco and the Bay Area, which makes a lot of sense considering the area's long history of having a large LGBTQ+ community. As the genre grows, an increasing number of retailers are selling queer porn films.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

How to Incorporate Sex Toys Into Your Bedroom

Sex toys for adults
Sex toys aren't just for solo play. They can be great with your partner in the bedroom, too! Find new ways to pleasure your partner and strengthen your bond when you add sex toys to your next bedroom

But Aren't I Enough?

Some people flinch when their partners suggest using sex toys in the bedroom. You might be wondering if your partner is boring or if you're somehow not good enough. That is not true. Think of it like ice cream: there are hundreds of flavors, and you might have a favorite. But it's okay if you sometimes want to try something new or add some toppings. This doesn't mean your favorite is any less good. Sex is much like that, and variety is the spice of your sex life!

Many women are already familiar with sex toys because they provide the clitoral stimulation that most women need to get off, and it's a lot less stress on hands and wrists when a toy can do most of the work. You might be surprised how much fun you have shopping for and using new items, and toys and accessories can open up doorways to roleplay, bondage and other types of kink.

Friday, June 3, 2016

National LGBT Pride Month


Rejoice spread across the nation when the US Supreme Court finally made same-sex marriage legal nationwide June 26, 2015. In the year since the queens of the court set up the most legendary QueerPride & History Month of my lifetime, it’s been relatively quiet.

Then again, there’s few events beside the release of Lemonade and T’Challa’s life-altering catwalk in Civil War that have made as much of a stir. Even still, it’s been one heck of the year.

Montana, New York state, and the city of Charlotte now offer their LGBT citizens legal protections against discrimination. Unfortunately, North Carolina had to show out at the function passing the infamous and much protested HB 2 bathroom bill. My favorite president and America’s dad jumped in with a directive to public schools nationwide to allow students to use the bathrooms that match their gender identity. See NY Times article

If he could slap the spit out of North Carolina Governor Pat McCory’s stupid mouth, he probably wouldn’t; Barry O is all class, which why part of why we love him. Instead, he’d sit back, wait and then so something like this:  Obama Issues Pride Month Proclamation

“NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2016 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.  I call upon the people of the United States to eliminate prejudice everywhere it exists, and to celebrate the great diversity of the American people.”

He's so dreamy <3

Friday, May 20, 2016

Masturbation Is Essential for A Better Sex Life

You know, there’s this pervasive idea that masturbation makes partnered sex less fun. While it certainly can cool off one's raging libido, masturbation is definitely no substitute for a cuddles, smiles and everything else a partner brings into your sex and life. Even more, when done with care, masturbation actually does way more good than most people give it credit for.

Let's take a moment to think about the phrase "masturbation makes sex less fun;" there's so many problems with it. Like, firstly, masturbation is sex. I know people usually mean partnered sex, but masturbation can and often does happen during sex with someone(s) else, so... what's the problem?

Though I feign ignorance, I know that beneath all various complaints about masturbation, the true problem: fear that our partners can be replaced by the convenience of masturbation alone.

There's so much more to sex than masturbation can provide. Even the pleasure of masturbation isn't quite the same as the pleasure of intercourse or even simply human connection. Still they aren't at odds. In fact, here’s a few of the most thrilling ways masturbation can make your partnered sex even hotter!

Thursday, April 28, 2016

CB-6000 Male Chastity Device Review

Before I was offered to review the CB-6000 Male Chastity Device, orgasm and chastity control sat on my list of things to try eventually - once I wrap my mind around it. While I still haven't quite done that, it's safe to say CB-6000 is an excellent device to explore this burgeoning kink of mine.

My first thoughts about the CB-6000 could be summarized as thus: Wow this thing has a lot of parts. Metal locks, plastic locks, two-part cage system, plus a bunch of spacers, lube, and other various doodads to customize the fit of the unit. It’s great that there's a ton of things to play around with. Still, it’s an intimidating number of options.

As a beginner in the world of male chastity and only two years or so into exploring kink in my life, the most important thing for me is accessibility. I don't mind instructions, but I shouldn't feel like I'm putting together Ikea furniture, either. On our first time testing CB-6000 together, we didn't use the instructions and found it very easy to jump into.