Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Why You Should Schedule Sex

Woman with her claws in bedroom sheets

A lot of people think that sex should be spontaneous. Desire should just happen, and then you act on it. That's the romantic way. So if the desire isn't there, sex doesn't happen.

Because Sex Won't Just Happen


If you've been in a relationship for a while, you might realize that you're having sex less frequently. Kids, the PTA, work and family commitments all get in the way. At the end of the day, you fall into bed exhausted. You might think about the sex you're not having and even wish to have it, but it's just not having it.

When you schedule sex, you're setting aside time for sex that isn't just before sleep (although, it might happen that way). It ensures that sex isn't something that happens when you're fortunate to have enough energy to keep your eyes open after a long day.

If you don't schedule sex, you might not have any sex. Or you might find yourself utterly dissatisfied with the amount of sex you're having.

Because It Can Get You In The Mood


Do you know the sense of pleasure you get from planning a vacation? Some researchers even think that planning is more fun than going on a vacation itself! The same thing applies to scheduling sex or, at least, scheduling a date that will result in sex.

You get a chance to imagine the type of sex you want to have. You set the scene in your head and can do the same in person. Perhaps you grab some candles, break out your favorite toy and reach for some lingerie at the back of your closet – or go shopping for some new pieces.

The time you spend thinking about sex primes the pump, so by the time comes to have it, you're more than ready! This is especially true for women who often tend to have responsive desire, that is, they feel aroused after activities have begun and not before.

Because Sex Is Good For You


We're not talking about how sex is a light workout, which it is. No, e mean that sex relieves tension and helps you sleep better. It's usually a great mood booster. And if you have a partner – or several – to choose from, why wouldn't you take advantage of that free perk to your health?


Because It's Good For Your Relationship


Sex serves many purposes in relationships. It helps you connect both physically and emotionally. It helps you to come together after a fight. It shows how much you care for your partner and provides a venue for you to treat your partner with care and look after their needs. If you've got a good partner, you'll get the same in return.

A lack of sex is also distinctly damaging to many relationships. You can feel disconnected. Often, one partner feels resentful at the lack of sex. If one partner has lower desire, they might feel pressured to have sex. Scheduling sex offers a compromise. Knowing when sex will happen enables the person with lower sex drive to prepare. You know when you'll have sex, so there's no constant pressure or resentment building.

Plus, scheduling sex can feel like a team activity, which helps the two of you get back on the same page again.

How to Schedule Sex


Now that you're on board with scheduling sex, how do you do it? Some people simply agree that a specific day of the week will always be sex night. For example, it might be Sexy Saturday. However, irregular schedules might make this difficult. Agree on factors that determine when you'll have sex such as on nights when kids are sleeping over at a friend's house or on mornings when you can go to work late.

You might only be able to plan a day in advance. Consider scheduling sex right after a romp when you're feeling good about sex.

For others, a little more romance is necessary. It's okay if you need to have a date first, and that might even help you get into the mood for sex. Even if you want to have sex, you might need a little romance to get the juices flowing. Treating scheduled sex like a date might just help you spend more time with your partner.

What about those days when you just don't want to have sex? Here's where compromise comes in. Agree to an activity that you can do, even if it's not a marathon of sex. For example, mutual masturbation might be doable when sex just seems like too much effort. You might find that getting things going gets you in the mood to do more.

Of course, just because you schedule sex doesn't mean that you can't also have spontaneous sex. For many people, the more they have sex, the more they want it. You might eventually find that you don't have to schedule sex anymore because it happens more frequently on its own. But if you find that schedules or desires don't quite align, then you can always go back to scheduling sex to give your sex life a boost.

It's easy to fall out of the practice of having sex. If you find yourself in that position, you might need to make time simply to talk to your partner in addition to having sex. But adding a little thoughtfulness to the situation has plenty of benefits. It's the kind of work that you wind up enjoying, especially if your partner is someone whom you find incredibly sexy or are in love with.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes: Erogenous Zones That Aren’t Your Genitals

sexy girl in with bare lies on the silk bed

What body parts turn you on when touched? I mean, besides the obvious clitoris, vagina, anus, penis, and testicles? Humans are sexual creatures. Our bodies have all sorts of places that, when touched, have the ability to get our juices flowing. Erogenous zones are these such areas, and they’re different for everyone! What may feel dreamy to someone may send someone else into a giggle fit from the tickles, or make another cringe in discomfort. Here are just a few of these sexy spots from head to toe!

Ears 


There’s a reason the phrase “nibble your ear” exists. Ears have all sorts of delightfully sensitive nerve endings. Try working your way up from kissing their neck to the earlobes, then to the top where a cartilage piercing might be. Speaking of piercings, be careful not to accidentally munch any jewelry while you’re sucking, nibbling, and kissing.

Lips


Speaking of sucking, nibbling, and kissing, you lips and mouth are a great tool to use for exploring other erogenous zones, since they themselves are a sexy spot. I’m of the opinion that the only way be a bad kisser is by not reading the other person’s body signals. Since everyone has their own special kissing style, two people’s styles might just not line up. If you pair someone who likes a lot of tongue with someone who doesn’t like tongue, neither will be happy, and they’ll probably call the other a bad kisser. Really, the only thing that made those individuals bad kissers is not adapting their kissing style to suit the other person (but when you have completely opposite styles, can you blame them?.

Neck


Perhaps one of the most popular erogenous zones, the neck is often the site of purpleish spotted bruises called hickies. Hickies occur when skin is sucked to the point where blood vessels break under the skin. Some people love them, some hate them, so it’s always important to ask your partner if they’re okay with some souvenirs before you turn them into a vampire victim. Neck makeout sessions don’t have to involve hickies, though. Try licking, kissing, nibbling, using your hand to hold the back of the neck just below the head, or holding just below the chin to tilt the head to yours. Try spots like along the jaw, down to the side of the throat, behind the ear, or the collar bones.

Breasts and Nipples


Did you know that the nipples of some people are so responsive to touch that these folks can orgasm just from nipple stimulation? That’s right, no genital touching needed. While not all of us have this superpower, nipples can still be a great source of pleasure. Make sure not to squeeze too hard at first, some are sensitive! For some extra fun, try using nipple clamps, suckers, or a vibrator on them.

Hips 


Tracing someone’s hips is such a teasy move. Your hands are so close yet so far. It’s a good opportunity to trace circles around the hip bones or run a finger along the band of their pants. Hips (and belt loops) are also a heavenly place to pull someone closer for a kiss.

Inner thighs


Even more teasy than the hips are the inner thighs. Your face is right there, perfectly prepped for oral, but instead of roaming the genitals, you’re kissing and sucking right around them in a torturous but delicious way. Try tracing different shapes with your mouth, using different pressure or tongue movements, and see how close to their junk you can get until they grab your head and pull you closer. Even a massage along the thighs makes for some fantastic foreplay. If hickies are a no on the neck, the inner thighs are a great, more secretive place for them, just remember to ask first!

Because everyone will react differently to these touches, it’s important to ask your sex pal if it’s okay to touch these spots. It’s also great to read their reactions. For example, a giggle might mean “ooh yes, that feels good and I’m happy”, or it could mean “That tickles!”. On the flip side, if you know you like a certain spot touched or kiss, ask your partner to go there, or guide them to the spot. Really any part of your body could be an erogenous zone, and it’s up to you to discover them.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

College Student Sex Hacks

A shot of an ethnic college student studying on campus

Sex can be awkward no matter who or where you are. Genitals make funny sounds, teeth bump, and sometimes you fall off the bed (No? Just me?). Some issues, however, are particularly applicable to university students. Just try parading down the hallway to the communal bathroom with a lubey dildo in your hand. These tips can help ease some of that awkwardness and send you on your safe and sexy way!


Fix That Awful Dorm Bed


A tiny squeaky rickety twin-sized bed is possibly the furthest thing from an ideal place for sex. To make things a little comfier, pile on mattress toppers, pillows and blankets, and be sure to have multiple sets of sheets in case things get messy. To stop the incessant squeaking, you have three options:
1. Oil the springs (Both vegetable oil and WD-40 are fine. Even silicone lube can work!).
2. Place a flat sheet between the springs and your mattress.
3. Get rid of the whole bed and put the mattress on the floor. Bonus point: loft the bed frame, put your mattress on the floor underneath, and hang sheets around it. Congratulations, you’re now 20 something years old and sleeping in a blanket fort every night. Sexy.
Those beds do have one thing going for them. Usually the frames offer a whole new world of places to tie rope. If you’re interested in bondage, now is a great time to get creative.

Discreetly Wash Your Sex Toys


Cleaning your sex toys is important. Washing away your gunk after playing keeps your toy from growing infection-causing bacteria on it, especially if it’s made of porous materials. Understandably, not everyone wants to walk down their dorm hallway carrying a fluid-covered dildo to wash in the communal bathroom. To keep things a little more discreet, place used toys in your shower caddy and take it with you when you go shower. For extra sneakiness, cut the bottom out of an old shampoo bottle and hide your toy inside to ensure no one sees it.

Get Free Stuff


If there’s a place on earth to get free stuff it’s on a college campus. Besides the T-shirts and can cozies, you can often find sex-related things too. The head of your dorm or the student assistants may have free condoms and dental dams available, and so might your university health services or LGBT center. These locations may also offer free and confidential STI testing, as well as access to support groups for queer and trans students.

Be Safe


If weekend parties are the way you find your sex pals, make sure to keep yourself safe and sound. First, parties are better (and safer!) when you arrive and leave with a friend. Stay safe getting home, too. Most universities have what’s called the “blue light system”. From anywhere you stand on campus you should be able to see a blue light, and from any blue light you should be able to see another one. Pressing the button alerts the police that you feel unsafe and require assistance. Many universities also have student safety officers who monitor the campus on weekends, or who you can call to drive or walk you home.

College is stereotypically a time for sexual exploration and rambunctiousness, but whether you’re out looking for a hookup every weekend or tucked in bed with your favorite sex toy (or doing nothing sexual at all!), make sure to get consent, communicate, and stay safe.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Why You Should Care About Sex Toy Materials

Many pink female vibrators, with red shoes on a white background

Let's establish a few things. Sex toys aren't regulated by an organization such as the FDA. Without regulations, sex toy makers can make less-than-true statements about their products, including what they're made of and how body-friendly those toys are.

Some sex toy makers care more about profit than your health. Companies have sold millions of toys, the quality of which is as low as the price. There are no ramifications if they mislead the customer. And every time you replace a cheap toy, the company pads their pockets even more.

Sadly, it's up to you, the consumer, to know what your sex toys are actually made from and why it matters.


It gives you an idea what using it will feel like


Glass, metal, wood and ceramic are all rigid. Textures feel more pronounced on these toys than softer materials. Silicone can be nearly rigid or soft enough to bend in half. It can also have a slick, shiny texture or a velvety feeling that's more “grabby.”

Glass and metal are especially receptive to temperature change. You can dip them in warm or cool water to change how they feel.

You could have a reaction to your toys


Checking the package allows you to avoid both materials that are known to cause discomfort to others and those materials that you personally have issues with. Say you have a known latex allergy. Any toy made from latex would be on the no-go list. Although latex toys are increasingly less common, some dildos and even strap-on harnesses are made from it. Unknown allergens could also be haunting sex toys.

Sil-A-Gel, for example, is an additive in some Doc Johnson toys. It might sound like it's made from silicone, but those toys contain PVC and often phthalates (the plastic softeners that cause that shower curtain smell). It is advertised as antibacterial, but many people have had reactions. Some even have chemical burns from dildos made with Sil-A-Gel.

Heads up: if you want to test any toy that's labeled as pure silicone, you can do a silicone test. Pure silicone may develop a dark smudge, but it won't melt or burn.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

5 Sexy Spooky Role-Plays for Halloween

©sakkmesterke

Today is Halloween and you know what that means. It’s costume time! Costumes don’t have to be reserved for the 31st though. Try bringing one into the bedroom for some role-playing! The grown-up version of playing pretend, role-play is a great way to test out a power dynamic, explore kinks, or just pretend to be someone (or something) else! You can play out fantasies by using props and costumes, or with nothing but the most powerful sexual organ you’ve got, your brain. Here’s a list of bone(r)-chilling role plays to spice up your sex life this spooky season!

A Vampire

Although plastic vampire teeth have no business around anyone’s genitals, rumor has it vampires are great at sucking things. What a perfect excuse for endless neck kisses. Trailing sharp claws over someone’s skin has never been so sexy, but leave the stakes to the real bloodsuckers.


A Dominatrix

If you’ve ever imagined yourself as a leather-clad dom, but have always been too nervous that you wouldn’t fit the part, now is your chance. Domming someone can be nerve-wracking and vulnerable, and one way to make it easier is to turn it into a role-play in which you pretend to be a formidable and unforgiving mistress or master. Accessories like a whip, riding crop, or wrist and ankle cuffs will help you get in the mood to drip hot wax all over your sub’s body, or perhaps gag their mouth so they can’t say a peep when you paddle their rear end.

A Kitten

If you reside on the other end of the domination/submission spectrum as a SUB, perhaps a spooky little black kitten would be more up your alley. Kitten-play celebrates innocence, gentleness, and care taking, so if you’re into being loved and cherished, put some sweet little ears on your head, maybe try out sporting a swishy tail, or slip a collar and leash around your neck. Purr.


A Trick or Treat Candy Basket

You know those gag gift candy thongs, underwear, and bras? Now is the perfect time to finally have the excuse to bring those suckers out. All dolled up, you’d be the perfect treat for your partner. Kick up the sweetness by drizzling some flavored lube over your most delicious parts too!


A Sorcerer, Witch, or Wizard

Enchant your partner by casting a spell on them to make them fall in love with you, or for something a little kinkier, make them do your bidding. Lure them to the bedroom with a siren song, or use your Magic Wand to bewitch them into pleasure. 

Now, if you’ve never done this before, perhaps it’s best not to surprise your lover by suddenly appearing in nothing but kitten ears and candy nipple-tassels. Instead, talk about it beforehand, establishing that whatever costume you choose is something you both want. Then you can decide whether a surprise or a thoroughly planned-out night is right for you. Whatever you choose, role-play is a great way to explore sex in new way. Have a Happy Halloween!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

7 Reasons We Love Lube


What do you consider a must-have for amazing sex or solo time? We think that most people would benefit by adding lube to that list. However, people sometimes feel hesitant to use lube because they don't realize how awesome lube can be and that there's nothing wrong with using it. We're here to change a few minds about that, however. Without any further ado, here are seven reasons we love lube (and think you will, too!)


1. It Can Help You Get Pregnant


If you're trying to conceive or TTC, you'll find lube available to you that helps you to get pregnant. While most lubes are actually detrimental to sperm because of their osmolality – a measurement of particles dissolved in the solute – TTC lubes have an osmolality in the same range of sperm, which means the sperm remain healthy as they travel through vagina and cervix into the uterus.

Astroglide TTC, Pre-seed and Yes lube are among your options if you're trying to conceive.


2. It Makes Things More Comfortable


What does lubricant do? Well, it lubricates! This means added slickness and slipperiness when you're in the throes of passion. Even if you're young, healthy and incredibly turned on, you can benefit from lube. And if you take any medication or suffer from a condition that makes it difficult to produce your own lubricant, then personal lubricant is your friend.

Let's not forget about anal sex. The anus doesn't self-lubricate at all, so lube is a must! We recommend a thicker lube to provide cushioning for anal sex.

And lube isn't just for making it feel better for whoever is on the receiving end. Lack of lubrication can be unpleasant for the penetrating partner, too, which is why lube is everybody's friend!

But if you're going for a little solo play, lube is also a great tool to keep in your gear box. Water-based lube is compatible with everything, but you can use silicone lube with most inert toy materials (glass, wood, ceramic, plastic and metal) as well as high-quality silicone toys. Do a patch test on the base of a silicone lube and rub vigorously to see if it interacts.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Butts and Beaches and Bathing Suits, Oh My!: How Masturbation Can Help You Love Your Body

Four beautiful African American Bikini girls on the beach.

“Swimsuit Season” is upon us, and while some are thrilled to shed their clothes and show some skin, others dread the pool, beach, or lake, fearing what others will think of them for their body size. While there isn’t an overnight fix to overcome years of negative feelings about your body, there are some small steps that can help, and one of these unconventional tricks requires nothing more than your hand.

Feeling positive about your body is extremely difficult in a society filled with magazines emblazoned with the word “DIET” residing in every checkout line, the exact same body type on every movie screen, and jokes in which a larger bodied person is the punchline. Nearly every day we are told we are not attractive enough. Combating that takes work.

No matter one’s size or shape, everyone deserves to feel good about their body, and there are so many ways to do so: wearing clothes you love, exercising the way you like to, or practicing positive self-talk in the mirror. All of these are great options, and everyone will have a different preference for their source of good-feels. However, there might be another practice you haven’t yet thought of, and that’s masturbation.

From a physical and biological approach, masturbation simply feels good. Pleasure and orgasms cause chemicals called endorphins to be released in the brain, and these little hormones cause feelings of happiness and relaxation. Orgasms also cause muscles to relax, and encourage blood circulation throughout the body. For these physical reasons, masturbation (and sex in general!) is great for stress relief, helping to release physical and mental tension.

Masturbation is a great distraction from stress, and can also be an intentional moment of mindfulness. The goal of mindfulness, a practice often used in managing anxiety and stress, is to build the habit of focusing on the present moment instead of worrying about the past or what’s to come. Masturbating is an excellent way of bringing your attention away from worries and into your body, enjoying the pleasure at hand.

Pleasuring yourself is also just that, giving yourself pleasure. If having sex with someone is called “making love”, then masturbation could be akin to making love to yourself. Your body deserves to feel good. People have sex with one another because they’re attracted to one another, so why should sex with yourself be any different?

Just like sex has the potential to connect two people, masturbation can connect you with your own self. Both having control over and getting to know your body can give you a boost of confidence. Through self-pleasure, you learn what your body likes and how to make it feel good. Although it may seem like a stretch, feeling good in your body (Pleasure and orgasms!) can totally translate to feeling good about your body (Confidence and self-love!).


Masturbation may be often viewed as nothing more than a naughty secret act, but if you’re reading this little article on a sex toy store’s blog, than you may know that experiencing pleasure is neither naughty, nor does it need to be secretive. It has so many physical and mental health benefits, and using masturbation  to accept and appreciate your body is just one of it’s many perks. So get down to some self-lovin’ and lovin’ yourself.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs