Friday, December 5, 2014
From Thanksgiving to New Years, we’re on an ever-speeding treadmill of events and obligations. We’re cooking, cleaning, shopping and spending more time with family and friends than at any other time of the year. The combination of stress and lack of free time makes it hard to even feel sexy much want to get sexy with anyone. We also eat and drink more than usual while having less time alone. It’s during this season that we need time to reconnect and take advantage of the great stress release and over all good cheer we get from sex. Don’t worry, these tips won’t get you on the naughty list but they might make both your and your partner’s spirits bright during the holidays.
One of the hardest things to do during the holidays is finding time to be sexy. The trick is to make time to be sexy. Even the smallest moments can make a difference. You can block out time to be together either early on a holiday morning before the rest of the house has awakened or scheduling a sexy break during the day or making time with an evening date. If you have to put it on a calendar or shopping list then make it so! Better to have sex on your to-do list than on your wish list. Set a reminder on your phone for a lunchtime lovemaking break or even just some sexy time alone after the kids have gone to bed. If you have kids get a sitter or, better yet, find someone who can take the kids for a little while. Put the grocery list aside and the shopping list away. Just focus on each other. Turning off all the problem solving, dinner menu planning and holiday logistics for even a short time is essential if you’re going to fully enjoy being with each other. It’ll all be there when you’re done and the release of hormones will combat stress and the revitalized feeling should help you go back to all that work with renewed vigor.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Every November you’ll see men sporting mustaches in support of men’s health awareness called Movember. One of the important issues they often bring up is prostate health. Overall health and wellness affects your sexual health and wellness. In men, prostate health can be a major factor in their sex lives. As they get older the prostate can enlarge giving rise to a number of heath problems. These health problems can then cause issues that become sexual health problems. Let’s learn more about the prostate, where it is and how it works, and how it affects sexual health. Also, what can we do it improve prostate health.
What It Is and How It Works
The prostate is a gland found in male-bodied individuals. It’s located below the bladder, in front of the rectum, and surrounds the urethra. The urethra is the tube that carries urine from the bladder so the location of the prostate factors into certain health conditions. The gland is about the size of a walnut. It creates fluid that supports and nourishes sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes fluid through the urethra and the expelled fluid mixes with sperm coming from the testicles via the vasa differentia and seminal vesicle fluid to become semen. The prostate functions are regulated by testosterones. The milky white alkaline fluid, which houses the sperm, helps to neutralize the acidity of the vaginal track. It helps to prolong the life of the sperm and protect the genetic material they contain.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
I’ve covered recommended non-fiction books on sexuality but there’s another genre that can also help your sex life, Erotica. Erotica, literature intended to arouse sexual desire, has been around for a long time. Humans have enjoyed reading and writing about sex in a variety of ways with a myriad of themes. It’s a way to explore fantasies by using the theater of the mind. Evidence of erotica dates back to ancient Greece and Rome. Today, erotica has been gaining momentum in mainstream acceptance and popularity. There is so much out there, though, that it can be hard to separate the wheat from the chaff, or if chaff is your thing to find the one that appeals to you. Here are some recommendations of authors and genres, from the dawn of erotica to modern times, to help guide you in your quest for some delicious erotica
From the time humans began communicating with written text they seem to be writing about explicit sexual adventures. Early examples only exist in fragments but you can start with a 15th century erotic tale like The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio. This book contains 100 tales of seven women and three men hiding in a villa outside Florence during the Black Death. The 16th century brought us The Heptameron by Margueritte De Navarre is a collection of erotic takes inspired by The Decameron. The 18th Century had a number of erotic novels; Fanny Hill – A Memoir of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland, Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert and Justine or The Misadventures of Virtue by Marquis De Sade. The 19th century gave us The Autobiography of a Flea by Anonymous, a story told from the viewpoint of a flea, The Romance of Lust by Anonymous which is four volumes about a young man’s sexual adventures, and Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoc who’s name was used to coin the phrase masochism.
20th Century Erotica
The 20th century managed to release the grip of the conservative and buttoned up Victorian era enabling readers to find more erotica than ever before. Early novels like D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover published in the late 20’s, Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller from the mid ‘30’s, Story of O by Pauline Reage, from the mid 50s’, Emmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arasan, in the late ‘60’s, Fear of Flying by Erica Jong in the early ‘70’s, Delta of Venus by Anais Nin and 9 ½ weeks by Elizabeth McNeil from the late 70’s pushed boundaries. The 80’s became saturated with content leaving no specific titles coming to the forefront. Perhaps Endless Love by Scott Spencer and the memorable BDSM trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Roquelaure (Anne Rice) in the early 80’s.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Your biggest sex organ is your brain. Using your imagination to channel ideas into sexy role-play can be very hot. Erotic role-play can help in a number of ways. Here are some role-play tips and ideas to find the level of role-play that suits you.
First, what kind of role-play do you want to play? There are basics that come to mind, just don’t limit yourself. Think about your favorite story or fantasy. It can be as basic as a repairman fantasy or you’re really hot for firefighters. Maybe you think the barista is really sexy or perhaps you’ve always been hot for teacher (I brought my pencil). You can also think literary or cinematically so look into acting out a character in your favorite book or movie. You may have a TV character you really like. This is also a good time to look into edgy or unusual role-play. Pretending as characters is a great way to explore fantasies you may have been uncomfortable sharing or acting out before. Talk it over with your partner; they may have some great ideas to share.
Playing The Part
Once you’ve figure out what kind of role-play you want to try, you need to agree on how to go about it. Not all of us are comfortable acting out roles. Sometimes you can feel a little self conscious as you try to come up with things to say or you may feel silly wearing an outfit. If costumes feel like a bit too much, just try acting out the parts first. Go over your ideas beforehand; what role each of you will play, what are your goals, what is completely out of bounds, and if you want a cue or safeword that ends the scene. It’s ok to start with something simple. You don’t want to be so caught up with characters and costumes that it’s not sexy anymore. It can be as simple as, “when I come home tonight, I’m going to pretend I’m delivering pizza or come to fix your sink.” Or “At dinner lets pretend to be a king and his servant girl” or “Let’s act out this scene in this book tonight.” And if saying the words in character makes you or your partner laugh, that’s perfectly fine. It is role ‘play’ after all. Keep in mind that a sense of humor is sexy; so don’t take yourself too seriously. If playing the part throws you into a fit of giggles, just have a good laugh and move on. Laughter is sexy too.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Starting from the moment we consider being sexually active we have to consider the steps to protect ourselves. Sex comes with the risk of HIV and other STD/STIs. The term “safer sex” became widely used to signify that “safe” sex is not 100% safe and complete protection can’t be guaranteed. We can only work towards “safer” sex that minimizes risk as best we can. Safer sex is an important component to your overall sexual health. It’s important to stay up to date even if you’re in a long-term single partner relationship. From you’re earliest explorations, along a lifetime of adventures and into the golden years of continued sexual experiences, there are many types of safer sex options to keep in mind.
What Are The Risks?
When engaging in sexual activity, there is not just the possibility of pregnancy but also the passing of sexually transmitted diseases (also known as sexually transmitted infections). There are several infections that can pass through the mucus membranes and during skin-to-skin contact. Some are passed through the exchange of bodily fluids. There’s also the chance of passing along infections through cuts, nicks, sores and micro abrasions on the skin, in the genital area and the mouth. Each STD has it’s own pathway to infection. HIV is transmitted when the bodily fluids blood, semen, pre-semen, vaginal fluids, rectal fluids and breast milk come in contact with mucus membranes or enter the bloodstream. Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact; this includes kissing, as well as, sexual contact. Syphilis is spread through sexual contact but sometimes is passed through kisses and extended close physical contact. Chlamydia is spread through mucus membrane and sperm contact during vaginal, anal and sometimes oral sex. Gonorrhea is passed through sexual contact and contact with bodily fluids. Hepatitis B is passed through contact with infected blood and bodily fluids. HPV is transferable through skin and contact with mucous membranes. Using condoms, oral barriers and limiting sexual encounters with higher risk individuals, like drug addicts and people who don’t regularly use barriers, can help reduce your risk. All of these STI’s also can be active without symptoms; they can be passed along even if there is not visible evidence of the infection.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
There are many fun and exciting things to try in the realm of sexuality, everything from role-play, to kink to sex toys. At some point you may find yourself wanting to add something else to your sexy time, another person… or two… or more. Adding someone new to your sexual adventures is definitely possible, and pleasurable, it just requires communication and planning between you and your partner. From threesomes to moresomes, here are some ideas on how to play in a way that is safe and consensual.
Are You Ready?
Adding another partner to your playtime can put undue stress on a relationship, especially if it’s already under duress. Your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect but it should be healthy. Adding a sex toy may help with issues in the bedroom but using another person as a sex toy will not. Communication is very important so you should be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner about how you want to open up to include another person. Do you just want a “play partner” that is a friend only for sexy fun times, like swinging, or do you want to include them in your life more fully like in polyamory. Polyamory is when you go beyond casual sex with one or more people into a more committed relationship. You can be anywhere on the spectrum from extremely casual to extremely committed. The choice is yours; there is no right way or wrong way in choosing your level of commitment (or non-commitment). Also understand that this is not infidelity if all parties are aware and approve of what’s going on. If your added partner has a partner, they need to be aware and on board with it too. What you’re looking for in an enthusiastic yes. No one should ever be cajoled or coerced into participating.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sex Ed Books
Acquiring knowledge is a life long endeavor. One always has something to learn no matter how old you get. Reading some good sex education books can solidify things you learned ages ago or fill in the gaps in your knowledge that can often happen over a lifetime. The aforementioned The Joy of Sex was updated in ’92 then again in ’02 but unfortunately is still outmoded in the way it deals with gender and sexuality. There are better books out there. Paul Joannides’s Guide to Getting it On has been around since the 90’s and covers a large amount of information with a fun light-hearted fun tone. Sex Made Easy by Debbie Herbenic answers questions about sex and while geared towards women is useful to any gender. An excellent book about senior sex is Naked At Our Age by Joan Price. It reminds us we can have great sex into our golden years.