Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Best Sexy Books For Your Library

Sexy Couple Reading Book

Do you may remember the book The Joy of Sex? Most of you may need a Wayback Machine to know about this book but it was a very popular sex position book that was on the bookshelves of some of my friend’s parents when I was a kid. Few sex guides before The Joy of Sex came out where very helpful. This book signified a change towards open discussion of pleasurable sex. Since then more books have been readily available and taken on a host of specific topics and many a niche sexual interest. Unfortunately, there are still many books out there that are useless as manuals. Here is a list of sexy books worth investing both your time and money.

Sex Ed Books

Acquiring knowledge is a life long endeavor. One always has something to learn no matter how old you get. Reading some good sex education books can solidify things you learned ages ago or fill in the gaps in your knowledge that can often happen over a lifetime. The aforementioned The Joy of Sex was updated in ’92 then again in ’02 but unfortunately is still outmoded in the way it deals with gender and sexuality. There are better books out there. Paul Joannides’s Guide to Getting it On has been around since the 90’s and covers a large amount of information with a fun light-hearted fun tone. Sex Made Easy by Debbie Herbenic answers questions about sex and while geared towards women is useful to any gender. An excellent book about senior sex is Naked At Our Age by Joan Price. It reminds us we can have great sex into our golden years.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Anal August

Sexy Couple in Bed

Another month long sexy celebration! We had Masturbation May and now it’s Anal August. A month to learn new things, try something different or just enjoy sharing some conversation on the subject. Anal sex has become much less taboo over the years and can be a highly pleasurable addition to your sexy time repertoire. Some may balk at the idea because it has been uncomfortable, or downright painful, in the past, or are concerned with the cleanliness factor. There are ways to get around that and make anal sex easy, safe and satisfying. Here are some tips and techniques to get you started or up your anal game this month.

Anal Basics

For those of you who haven’t any prior knowledge, or missed my article on anal toys, here is a short lesson on anatomy. Anal sex is not just about the anus but the lower rectum, the perineum, the prostate as well as the clitoris. It is also not just about penetration with a penis but with fingers, tongue and sex toys. The anus and rectum have many nerve endings. They respond well to touch and pressure. The inner rectum has less nerve endings but is still sensitive to pressure and motion. Internally there is also a connection to the prostate and to the clitoral “legs” (part of the clitoris that extends on either side into the body) that enhances the pleasurable experience. Getting past the sphincter is what makes people think anal sex is painful or uncomfortable. The inner and outer sphincters will tense and tighten when stressed, scared or anxious. The rectum has delicate tissue so it’s important take the right steps to relax and lubricate to not damage them. Things to always remember are; take your time and use lots of lube. Ultimately it’s the ability to get your sphincter to not clench up too much that will alleviate most of the discomfort. Also taking time for the rectum to adjust to being pushed open will help. Start small with just a finger then progressively move up to larger things like more fingers, anal beads, a butt plug, dildo or penis. Orgasm can be achieved since anal sex stimulates the clitoral legs and clitoris, prostate massage through anal sex can also trigger orgasm.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Summer Sex Bucket List

Sexy Couple at the Beach

Don’t worry, summer isn’t over yet! You still have plenty of time to keep it sizzling. 

Go Skinny Dipping

Sure it sounds like something you may have done in high school, but I assure you, the level of fun and naughtiness doesn’t diminish with age. There is something inherently sexy about being fully naked and immersed in water. Add a partner to that action and there are no limits to how much excitement you can have. The easiest way to check this item off you list is to find a nude beach or naturist facility. If you don’t have one of those areas available to you, or if you want to live on the edge, you can always sneak out to the beach at midnight under the cover of darkness. Depending on where you live, there may be laws against public nudity, so please dip accordingly. 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

National Orgasm Day

Sexy Woman Having Orgasm

 It’s wonderful that we live in a world that celebrates the orgasm. Granted, there are still many people in the world that don’t understand orgasms, realize their benefits, or seek to control them for negative reasons. Having a national observation day gives us a chance to focus on this amazing thing the body can do. Orgasms make us feel good, help us bond with partners, release helpful hormones, reduces stress and contributes to our overall health. We all experience orgasms in our own personal way; some quickly, some with lots of effort, some multiple times, some with one big blow out. How does this sexy bodily function work and what does it do for our bodies? Lets take a closer look.
Body and Brain

An orgasm is an incredible feat of mind and body, the result of physical stimulation and mental stimulation. Masters and Johnson considered it the third of four stages in human sexual response. Our genitals have sensitive nerve packed areas that are specifically designed for pleasure. Physical stimulation of these areas starts a chain reaction while our minds are processing what’s happening to cue different physical reactions. The groundwork is laid during foreplay. As we start getting aroused the brain sends blood flooding to our genitals. This increased blood flow causes our genitals to swell and become more sensitive. Women have an increase in lubrication in the vagina and vulva. Our breathing and heart rate increases. This process is changing not only our bodies but changing what’s happening in our brains. We shut down parts of our brain, mostly ones that regulate things like fear, worry and planning. Our minds are only focused in the moments leading up to orgasm. The hypothalamus releases hormones so we’re flooded with oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. When all these things reach a peak, the body releases all the tension that’s built up in waves through the genitals. This causes contractions within the vagina and usually results in ejaculation in the penis. The anal sphincter, pubococcygeus (pc) muscle, perineum and other muscles join in these contractions. Orgasms come in different sizes. They can be intense, light, last for ages, last a moment, can happen only once, happen repeatedly with multiple orgasms, and can be elusive and not happen at all.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Guide to Sensual Massage

Sexy Couple Massage

There’s probably very few of us who’d say no to a massage. Even the simplest neck massage after a long tough day can feel amazing. Massage stimulates blood flow, reduces stress and tension, while soothing overworked muscles. All these things can help put us in a sexy mood. You can use a combination of traditional message techniques with some sensual touches to make massage time a part of sexy time. It can be a wonderful part of foreplay, especially after a long or particularly stressful day when your head and body may not be feeling too hot. It can also be great bonding time with your partner. Here are some tips for a sexy and sensual massage.

Setting The Stage

As at a spa, the atmosphere in the room needs to be conducive to relaxation. You wouldn’t have your client in a brightly lit cold room with lots of noise so you definitely wouldn’t want a sexy massage in the same environment. Set the mood with dim/soft lighting. Perhaps changing to low watt bulbs or light some candles. You can find candles that will melt into massage oil; they are low temp and safe for the skin. You can go a little old school and throw a scarf over a lamp for some mood lighting. Make sure the room is warm enough so your undressed partner is comfortable. Music can help to set the right tone too, pick something sexy and soothing. Eliminate any outside noises and distractions. And don’t forget to turn off your phone!

Having The Right Props

Your hands are your basic tools for a massage but you are not limited to them. A Magic Wand may be too intense for this kind of work, try a smaller vibrator for both the body massage and for more intimate massage later. You can even find fingertip vibrators. Professional masseuses recommend sweet almond oil or apricot kernel oil but you can also try a variety such as grape seed oil or coconut oil. Oils can’t be used internally and shouldn’t be used with a latex condom as oil breaks them down lessening their effectiveness. Oils can also promote bacterial infections and irritation if used internally. Avoid warming and cooling lotions as they can irritate intimate areas rather than stimulating. If you don’t want to worry about switching oils for internal use, get a massage oil that can also be used as a lubricant. You can even find flavored edible massage oil too. Check for parabens and glycerin, an all natural water based or silicone based massage oil to use for lube later is recommended. A titillating scent can help too with some vanilla or sandalwood. Just make sure what you’re adding is safe and your partner is no allergic. Have towels handy for clean up and use a massage table or the floor instead of the bed is you can. The bed can be too soft for a comfortable massage.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

It’s Not You, Honestly! Why Your Guy Loses His Erections

Couple with Erection Problem

A very common, and sometimes embarrassing, situation for a man is losing his erection. Having a man who is consistently hard and ready to go is a common misconception. Between the countless commercials we see on television practically making every man question his own sexual prowess, it’s no wonder that there is so much pressure on men to perform. There are a whole host of possibilities of why your partner may be losing their erection and it is almost always never you. For instance, he could be…


Who doesn’t get nervous when hooking up with a new partner? Even if you and your partner are well established, a little case of nervousness can set off a whole host of reactions, including putting an erection in jeopardy. Subsequently, if your partner happens to lose their erection, the more pressure they put on themselves to get hard, and stay hard, will make it even more difficult for an erection to happen.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Sensation Play with Toys

Sexy Couple On White

The ability to use our whole bodies for sexual pleasure is amazing. Our five senses can be stimulated to turn us on with various techniques and toys. This is called “Sensation Play” and has its origins in BDSM. You can use sensation play to add some extra fun to your sexual play or as sexy foreplay. Sensation plays uses the sense of touch mostly but also can use sight, sound, taste, and smell. Sight is the one sense that is usually deprived to heighten the other senses. You can do as little or as much as you like as long as you communicate beforehand and agree to boundaries. There are some great toys out there to help with your sensory play along with some things you can find around the house. Finding the sensation that triggers arousal and pleasure in your partner can be quite fun.


A great way to start with sensation play is to remove or limiting the ability to see. This will heighten the other senses and will also engage your partner’s perception of what’s happening in a different way. Hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling something when you can’t see it can alter your experience in an exciting way. You can just dim the lights or shut them off all together. Add a little tactile sensation play to minimizing or eliminating sight by using a blindfold. A blindfold made out of something soft and sensuous or even out of something more hard and cold can put your partner in the right mood. Try a sash, scarf or traditional blindfold. You can also use a hood made of soft fabric or tight binding latex. If you want to try something different you can add light with mood lighting, flashing lights, or a bright light. Some play can include glasses with distorted lenses. Your choice depends on the desired effect and the level of experience and comfort (or discomfort) you are willing to participate in.