Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Kinky Toys for Couples

Riding crop, a whip flogger and blindfold mask on red satin, kinky sex toys for dom / sub sexual games and other forms of kink
If you and your partner are just venturing into kink, you might not know where to start. There are plenty of toys available to satiate your every desire, but there are also those that are quite costly or unsuitable for the newly-kinky couple. Below you'll find some of the most common toys you may want to add to your toy box, so they'll be ready for the next playtime.

1. Blindfolds

The blindfold is simple and might seem, to some, like it's not adding a whole lot to your kinky repertoire. But they're wrong! Simply blinding yourself – or your partner – can heighten playtime. Plus, an elastic blindfold can double as a sleep mask when it's not playtime.

Even if you do the same things you always do, you'll feel an increased sense of anticipation when waiting for your partner's next move or touch. And all that anticipation? Leads to an increased payoff in the end!

The blindfolds that come with other kits tend to be low quality and quite small. If you want to achieve full blackout, choose a blindfold that has a more defined shape in front and is larger than the space around your eyes. Elastic means a blindfold will fit a variety of wearers, but some are adjustable.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Lingerie Buying Basics

Woman in garter belt lingerie drinking wine
Lingerie can be your secret sexual weapon, but if you're not sure how to wear it or even shop for it, lingerie can be quite intimidating.

The perfect piece of lingerie for you will fit your body and, perhaps more importantly, be comfortable. After all, confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear, and it's nearly impossible to be confident when you're not comfortable.

Read on to learn more about lingerie styles and fit.

Types of Lingerie

There are a number of types of lingerie to consider when you're purchasing.

  • Bustier: This piece of lingerie is like a light corset. It's not designed to pull anything in, but it has the same general shape that will emphasize an hourglass figure but may highlight your tummy if it's a problem area.
  • Corset: A corset helps to pull in your hips and waist thanks to the ribbons or strings. It also boosts your cleavage. A corset with boning will be more effective, and premium corsets will have multiple metal bones to provide structure. However, they come at a much higher price. 
  • Camisole: Often worn with panties or something else on the bottom, a camisole is a sexy top often made from satin or silk and trimmed in lace. Camisoles are sometimes worn under day clothing.
  • Chemise: A form-fitting nightgown that covers your upper body but stops around your hips or butt.
  • Babydoll: Has an empire waist right below your breast. It's looser below the waist, which is great for hiding tummies. Some babydolls utilize a flyaway style, showing a hint of your belly or back (if the pieces separate in back).
  • Garter belts: Garter belts or skirts are worn at the hip or waist, typically over your panties. They connect to stockings to keep them up. This piece really pulls together your outfit. Garter belts aren't necessary when your other pieces of lingerie have garters.
  • Teddies: The classic teddy is like a sexy bathing suit or leotard. It covers your upper body and includes a panty portion. It's especially stunning on svelte bodies.
  • Bodystocking: A single-piece type of hosiery that covers your entire body in lace, mesh or similar material. Tall or shorter women may have trouble finding one that fits well.
  • Robe: A robe can be worn over any of the other lingerie on this list or by itself. Robes are loose and fit a variety of bodies.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

PVC Gets a Bad Wrap

collection of purple sex toys
For as long as I’ve been a part of the sex-positive blogging community, I’ve been aware of and echoed the need to buy only body safe sex toys. While the category includes many different materials, the leader of this cool kids club is far and away silicone. Since the popular kids get the most said about them, we often forget that the less popular ones have a lot to offer, too.
Recently, I ventured a little out of my comfort zone and now own a toy made of PVC. So far, it’s looking like one of the best decisions I’ve made in a while.

Although I love that toy now, until it arrived, I was scared it’d be like all those toys made from mystery material I bought as a horny youngin’. The horrors of those are burned into my mind and orifices permanently. Luckily, unlike those other toys, when I excitedly snapped open the clamshell pack, I failed to register any gnarly chemical odors – a sure sign we were off to a great start.


The decision to plop down my own hard-earned money on a toy made from PVC came from a lack of options. My partner wanted something larger than any toy made from silicone I could find… for less than $300. My hard-earned duckets are also minimal. So, spending almost half what I pay on rent for a sex toy is out of the question. Luckily, my toy was only about $40.

There’s a whole world of toys made from PVC that are just waiting to find a home and you don’t have to sell your house to give them one. Although, their reasonable price leads many people to say things like, “you get what you pay for.” As if every silicone toy’s high price is always justified by it’s quality. It’s most certainly not. Having seen the actual costs associated with producing things like this, $40 should get us a lot more than it usually does.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Anatomy of the Clitoris

woman touching herself on the bed

The clitoris is a rather complex part of our anatomy and it is unique because it exists purely for pleasure. But it is perhaps unsurprising if you're at all familiar with the history of women's health in the field of science that the clitoris has largely been misunderstood, misrepresented, and even deliberately ignored (hint: it's because patriarchy).

Thankfully, research during the past two decades, including MRI imaging and 3D sonography, has provided more solid evidence regarding the extensive internal components of the clitoris. Despite this research many people still don't know that the clitoris is more than a small sensitive nub at the top of the vulva (external genitals). This part of our external anatomy that we refer to as the clitoris is actually just a part of the clitoris. It's called the glans and is homologous to the head of a penis, meaning they are similar and develop from the same tissue in utero.

A common analogy is that the glans is like the tip of an iceberg; it's the part that is visible externally, but there is a lot more going on internally.

So what else is the clitoris besides the glans?

The other major parts of the clitoris include the shaft, crura (singular: crus), and vestibular bulbs, all of which are made of erectile tissue. That means that during arousal, these parts will fill with blood and become firm, like a penis does. The crura and bulbs don't exactly become as stiffly hard as an erect penis does, but they become engorged with blood, making the vulva more sensitive.

The shaft is what connects the glans to the rest of the internal clitoris and can be felt under the clitoral hood just above the glans. The shaft is made of two corpora cavernosa (plural: corpus cavernosum), which is erectile tissue that fills with blood and causes clitoral erection. The corpus cavernosum then split into the crura.

The crura are the wishbone-shaped “legs” that extend outward from the shaft. They attach to the pelvic bone and may even wrap around the vagina during arousal.

The vestibular bulbs lay between the crura and surround the urethra and part of the vagina. During arousal the bulbs cuff the vagina and cause the vulva to expand outward.

And how does this affect pleasure?

It makes sense that typically when we discuss the clitoris we tend to focus so on the glans. With 8,000 nerve endings – twice as many as a penis – it is an incredibly sensitive and pleasurable spot! But it's important to understand what else is going on behind the scenes, so to speak, since the the internal clitoris is so extensive and interacts with other pleasurable parts of our anatomy.

As described above, when the crura and vestibular bulbs become engorged with blood, it increases sensitivity of the vulva. These structures also surround the urethra and vaginal walls, interacting with even more nerve endings. This means more pleasure from both external stimulation and through vaginal penetration.

Vibrators can be used to stimulate the entire clitoris through both internal and external stimulation. Using a strong, rumbly insertable vibrator like the LELO Mona 2 or We-Vibe Rave can stimulate the internal clitoris through the vagina for more intense sensations. And while the glans of the clitoris is already very sensitive, stimulating the internal structure is possible as well with powerful and/or rumbly external vibrators such as the We-Vibe Tango or Magic Wand Original.

According to researchers, less than 10% of folks with vaginas report reliably reaching orgasm through vaginal sex only, and about 25% report never being able to, so incorporating the clitoris in sexual stimulation is very important! Luckily, there are lots of ways to do that.

By: April
Follow on Twitter @VivaLaSexyBlog 

Monday, July 25, 2016

Benefits of Male Chastity

Matching metal chastity cages

There's nothing I love more than control. Even still, having control over some things gives me a queasy sensation in my belly like I've moved a bit too fast just after eating a large meal. Chastity play is one such situation where my enjoyment is a confusing mix of feelings that is best described as uncomfortably fun.  As a beginner, these feelings often mean my wonderful CB-6000 sits around collecting dust, which is sad.

The best way to ease discomfort with things like this is to simply explore what it is and how it works. So, I set out on a mission to figure out what people actually get out of chastity play, with the hope that I can answer that for myself when I’m all done.

It’s hot

While it seems unnecessary to say, many people, myself included, forget that things being fun is enough often a perfectly valid reason to do them. Much like sweet grits and Pok√©mon Go, chastity play is fun for lots of people and it really doesn’t matter if it’s understood or not. If that was enough to get over self-doubt and general anxiety, we wouldn’t be here. So, let’s dig a little deeper.


My sub is full of energy, has an one-track mind, and a preoccupation with how sexy their Dom is. While I enjoy it, he could definitely use a bit more focus in general. From my conversations with fellow D-type folks, that seems to be an incredibly common refrain. So, perhaps the sub community can use a bit more focus en mass. Luckily, many people find that chastity play helps the wearer focus on things other than sex.

Although I’m a little dubious, it’s true my pup finds solace in the weight of the collar around his neck. When locked in his cage, I definitely notice that mine becomes more attentive and present. I guess urban legend, that infamous George-focused Seinfeld episode, and the echoing words on semen retention from Tibetan Tantra educator Devi Ward can’t all be wrong.

Plus, even my pup Bubby agrees. “My time in Chastity allows me enough focus to explore alternative avenues of pleasure, such as: personal self-care, nipple play, and getting off in providing my Dom his daily services.”

Humility & Obedience

It is said that for a man to submit, one must grab him firmly by the balls. Chastity play has a sub by their dick and balls, lock and key. The Vulcan in me logics that the combination should be somewhat if not significantly more effective.  Looking back, the times my pup is in his cage are some of the most cooperative times we share. He’s generally very mouthy, but the cage tends to help keep his smart-assed comments to a minimum.

Since we only use our chastity cage for short periods, I’m not sitting on a mountain of data. Still, I must give the cock cage its due credit; it’s only one of a few physical things that help my bull-headed boy behave. I’m not sure of the how behind the attitudinal adjustment, but it’s a comforting tool to have regardless.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Squirting 101: How to Squirt

Squirting through Gray Panties
Squirting. Is it the holy grail of a woman's sexual pleasure? Is it overblown? Is it really a sexual response at all? Read on to find out.

The Science of Squirting

There have been a lot of studies that indicate squirting is or isn't urine – or related to urine at the very least. Because of a lack of research on the study, it's difficult to be sure. New science may come out tomorrow that tells us even more about squirting. But here's what we know so far. If you're a woman who can squirt, you probably already know this!

During sex or masturbation, a woman's bladder quickly fills with fluid, including prostate fluid from the G-spot. If you find that you squirt just a little during sex, it might only be prostate fluid. For most women who are able to ejaculate, this liquid is ejaculated during a vaginal/G-spot orgasm. However, some women are able to squirt without any orgasm at all!

Although squirting seems really popular in porn, it's not something that every woman finds herself able or even willing to do! It also tends to look different in person. While you can push out more ejaculate by bearing down with your PC muscles – the opposite you would do to stop the flow of urine – it doesn't tend to dribble or bubble out from the vagina. In porn, women who “squirt” are sometimes pushing out water that they've been holding in their vagina for effect.

Can Everyone Squirt?

It's difficult to determine how many women can squirt it for several reasons. First, some women's G-spots aren't particularly responsive to even direct stimulation. Secondly, that lack of research makes it difficult to pinpoint what enables squirting. Finally, some women may be able to squirt but hold back because they're worried it's urine.

Recently, one study concluded that it was urine simply because a woman's ejaculate comes from the bladder and exits through the urethra, which has made some women -- and their partners -- reluctant to try squirting. Squirters don't necessarily agree with this search, however. Their experiences prove otherwise! Medication that affects urine doesn't affect a woman's ejaculate.

Regardless, squirting can be erotic and pleasurable if you're willing to give it a go. Make sure to put a few towels beneath you or invest in a Liberator Throe if you're a serious squirter. This blanket keeps the mess to a minimum! It's great for cleanup during sex even if you don't squirt, and you can protect your sheets from lube stains, too.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Guide to Personal Lubricants

Wicked Sensual Care Aqua Collection
A lot of people buy personal lubricant because it's available and cheap, but they could be making a mistake. For example, you can't use all lube with condoms, and some contain ingredients that are potentially harmful to your health or sex toys.

Why Use Lube At All?

Lube keeps things slippery. Not every vagina makes enough natural lubrication for sex (and the rectum doesn't lubricate at all!), especially if it's going to be a long session. Plenty of foreplay helps, but there's no shame in reaching for lube. Personal lubricants keep things comfortable.
You can also find lube with special features such as warming, cooling or flavors, which can make your sex life more fun. If you're struggling not to orgasm, numbing lubricants can delay ejaculation, but we don't recommend them for anal sex. There are even lubes intended to help you conceive and hypoallergenic formulas for those who are prone to infections.

What do you need to know when choosing lube? Read on.

Know Your Ingredients

In general, there are three types of lube: water-based, silicone and oil-based lubes. Plus, there are hybrids, lubes that contain both water and silicone ingredients to consider.

There are a few things to know about these ingredients.

  1. Oil-based lubricants are great for male masturbation and anal sex but are not safe if you use condoms, diaphragms or dental dams for safer sex because the oil degrades latex. Some people love the luxurious feel of coconut oil, and they reach into their kitchen cabinets before sex. Lube makers are paying attention and have begun including it in their products. We recommend caution when using oil-based lube for vaginal sex because it can interfere with your vagina's natural cleansing process. 
  2. Silicone lubes like Pjur tend to be slicker and last longer than water-based, so you'll need to apply them less. They're also condom compatible. But they can react with your silicone toys, especially if your lube is lower quality. You can do a patch test on part of the toy that you don't insert. If it becomes gummy, try a water-based lube. 
  3. Water-based lubes are the most economical and readily available. You can refresh them with water, but they do tend to become sticky as they dry. Try ID Glide if you're looking for a brand. However, ingredients such as parabens and glycerin can lead to yeast infections in some women. There are plenty of water-based lubes that don't use these ingredients, however, and they're safe with all toys and condoms. 
  4. Hybrid lubes like the one made by System Jo could potentially react with silicone toys, but they're condom safe and offer a balance between silicone slickness and water's easy clean up.