Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

National Orgasm Day

Sexy Woman Having Orgasm

 It’s wonderful that we live in a world that celebrates the orgasm. Granted, there are still many people in the world that don’t understand orgasms, realize their benefits, or seek to control them for negative reasons. Having a national observation day gives us a chance to focus on this amazing thing the body can do. Orgasms make us feel good, help us bond with partners, release helpful hormones, reduces stress and contributes to our overall health. We all experience orgasms in our own personal way; some quickly, some with lots of effort, some multiple times, some with one big blow out. How does this sexy bodily function work and what does it do for our bodies? Lets take a closer look.
Body and Brain

An orgasm is an incredible feat of mind and body, the result of physical stimulation and mental stimulation. Masters and Johnson considered it the third of four stages in human sexual response. Our genitals have sensitive nerve packed areas that are specifically designed for pleasure. Physical stimulation of these areas starts a chain reaction while our minds are processing what’s happening to cue different physical reactions. The groundwork is laid during foreplay. As we start getting aroused the brain sends blood flooding to our genitals. This increased blood flow causes our genitals to swell and become more sensitive. Women have an increase in lubrication in the vagina and vulva. Our breathing and heart rate increases. This process is changing not only our bodies but changing what’s happening in our brains. We shut down parts of our brain, mostly ones that regulate things like fear, worry and planning. Our minds are only focused in the moments leading up to orgasm. The hypothalamus releases hormones so we’re flooded with oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. When all these things reach a peak, the body releases all the tension that’s built up in waves through the genitals. This causes contractions within the vagina and usually results in ejaculation in the penis. The anal sphincter, pubococcygeus (pc) muscle, perineum and other muscles join in these contractions. Orgasms come in different sizes. They can be intense, light, last for ages, last a moment, can happen only once, happen repeatedly with multiple orgasms, and can be elusive and not happen at all.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Guide to Sensual Massage

Sexy Couple Massage

There’s probably very few of us who’d say no to a massage. Even the simplest neck massage after a long tough day can feel amazing. Massage stimulates blood flow, reduces stress and tension, while soothing overworked muscles. All these things can help put us in a sexy mood. You can use a combination of traditional message techniques with some sensual touches to make massage time a part of sexy time. It can be a wonderful part of foreplay, especially after a long or particularly stressful day when your head and body may not be feeling too hot. It can also be great bonding time with your partner. Here are some tips for a sexy and sensual massage.

Setting The Stage

As at a spa, the atmosphere in the room needs to be conducive to relaxation. You wouldn’t have your client in a brightly lit cold room with lots of noise so you definitely wouldn’t want a sexy massage in the same environment. Set the mood with dim/soft lighting. Perhaps changing to low watt bulbs or light some candles. You can find candles that will melt into massage oil; they are low temp and safe for the skin. You can go a little old school and throw a scarf over a lamp for some mood lighting. Make sure the room is warm enough so your undressed partner is comfortable. Music can help to set the right tone too, pick something sexy and soothing. Eliminate any outside noises and distractions. And don’t forget to turn off your phone!

Having The Right Props

Your hands are your basic tools for a massage but you are not limited to them. A Magic Wand may be too intense for this kind of work, try a smaller vibrator for both the body massage and for more intimate massage later. You can even find fingertip vibrators. Professional masseuses recommend sweet almond oil or apricot kernel oil but you can also try a variety such as grape seed oil or coconut oil. Oils can’t be used internally and shouldn’t be used with a latex condom as oil breaks them down lessening their effectiveness. Oils can also promote bacterial infections and irritation if used internally. Avoid warming and cooling lotions as they can irritate intimate areas rather than stimulating. If you don’t want to worry about switching oils for internal use, get a massage oil that can also be used as a lubricant. You can even find flavored edible massage oil too. Check for parabens and glycerin, an all natural water based or silicone based massage oil to use for lube later is recommended. A titillating scent can help too with some vanilla or sandalwood. Just make sure what you’re adding is safe and your partner is no allergic. Have towels handy for clean up and use a massage table or the floor instead of the bed is you can. The bed can be too soft for a comfortable massage.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

It’s Not You, Honestly! Why Your Guy Loses His Erections

Couple with Erection Problem

A very common, and sometimes embarrassing, situation for a man is losing his erection. Having a man who is consistently hard and ready to go is a common misconception. Between the countless commercials we see on television practically making every man question his own sexual prowess, it’s no wonder that there is so much pressure on men to perform. There are a whole host of possibilities of why your partner may be losing their erection and it is almost always never you. For instance, he could be…


Who doesn’t get nervous when hooking up with a new partner? Even if you and your partner are well established, a little case of nervousness can set off a whole host of reactions, including putting an erection in jeopardy. Subsequently, if your partner happens to lose their erection, the more pressure they put on themselves to get hard, and stay hard, will make it even more difficult for an erection to happen.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Sensation Play with Toys

Sexy Couple On White

The ability to use our whole bodies for sexual pleasure is amazing. Our five senses can be stimulated to turn us on with various techniques and toys. This is called “Sensation Play” and has its origins in BDSM. You can use sensation play to add some extra fun to your sexual play or as sexy foreplay. Sensation plays uses the sense of touch mostly but also can use sight, sound, taste, and smell. Sight is the one sense that is usually deprived to heighten the other senses. You can do as little or as much as you like as long as you communicate beforehand and agree to boundaries. There are some great toys out there to help with your sensory play along with some things you can find around the house. Finding the sensation that triggers arousal and pleasure in your partner can be quite fun.


A great way to start with sensation play is to remove or limiting the ability to see. This will heighten the other senses and will also engage your partner’s perception of what’s happening in a different way. Hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling something when you can’t see it can alter your experience in an exciting way. You can just dim the lights or shut them off all together. Add a little tactile sensation play to minimizing or eliminating sight by using a blindfold. A blindfold made out of something soft and sensuous or even out of something more hard and cold can put your partner in the right mood. Try a sash, scarf or traditional blindfold. You can also use a hood made of soft fabric or tight binding latex. If you want to try something different you can add light with mood lighting, flashing lights, or a bright light. Some play can include glasses with distorted lenses. Your choice depends on the desired effect and the level of experience and comfort (or discomfort) you are willing to participate in.

Monday, June 23, 2014

National HIV Testing Day: What Do You Know About HIV/AIDS?

The beginning of the AIDS crisis put a dark cloud over the sexual revolution. Few people knew much about it other than it was the “gay disease.” Now we know it starts with HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) and is spread through bodily fluids. HIV affects CD4 cells (T-Cells) that are specific to the immune system. HIV can destroy so many CD4 cells the body loses the ability to fight off infections. At this stage HIV leads to AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome). AIDS leads to a progressive failure of the body’s immune systems leaving it vulnerable to diseases and infections. Unlike other viruses, HIV never leaves your body and cannot be cured. So much has happened since the dark age of HIV ignorance to the age of enlightenment we have today. Let’s take a look at where we started, where we are today and what you can do to prevent it.
The 1970’s and 80’s

In the 70’s HIV makes its way to the United States. Doctors suspect various other illnesses until the early 1980’s. In 1982 this new disease is called AIDS. By 1984 they identify HIV (then known as HTLV-III or LAV) as the cause of AIDS. They would discover not only were gay men affected, it could be contracted through heterosexual sex, sharing contaminated needles and blood transfusions. The mid to late 1980’s saw discrimination of people with AIDS, famous people lost, projects like the AIDS quilt and the CDC’s first public service announcement. By the late 80’s AZT (azidothymidine) is being used to suppress the effects of HIV but its tendency to mutate makes it drug resistant. Trials are done on humans in a rush for a cure. Awareness and education about prevention starts to reduce the numbers of those affected. Early detection becomes an important factor, testing becomes a focus. By the end of the 80’s the US alone reaches 100,000 reported cases of AIDS.

Monday, June 16, 2014

LGBT Pride Month

As LGBT Pride month, June is full of celebrations and events. Around the world the LGBTQ community rallies together to form their own Pride parades with weekends full of advocacy, education, and remembrance in a festive setting. Some celebrate a week, some a weekend, some just a day. However your neck of the woods celebrates, it’s a great way for the LGBT communities and it’s allies to celebrate how far they’ve come since 1969 and how far they still have to go. Let’s look at how this all got started and what an amazing event it’s become over the past four decades.

Stonewall Inn

The impetus for Pride was started after the riots near the Stonewall Inn in 1969. The Stonewall Inn was a well-known gay bar in NYC’s Greenwich Village that was also a haven for the poor and extremely marginalized transgender and transvestite community as well as prostitutes and the homeless. For decades the gay community found few public places they could go to socialize or be even the slightest bit out about their sexuality. A few bars catered to the community but the police raided them often and sent anyone without proper identification or dressed in clothing of the opposite sex (men couldn’t look like women and women needed at least three pieces of feminine clothing) to jail. Wealthy patrons were often blackmailed to keep their orientation a secret. One early morning on June 28th, 1969, the police did a surprise raid at the Stonewall. This one was different as people started to gather outside and the patrons inside decided they had had enough and fought back. People out on the street joined in and soon a small-scale riot had started. During that week more protests occurred and while things started to calm down a need to take action had begun. The coming year would see big steps forward in the fight for gay rights.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Your Guide to Edging

Sexy Couple in Bed

What is better than one orgasm? A more powerful one! There are many names for this practice, sufing, peaking, edging, but no matter what you call it, they are all forms of orgasm control. This is where the goal is to stave off your orgasm to prolong your sexual experience and/or create a stronger orgasmic sensation. This technique can be practiced alone or with a partner and is something you can start today!

For the majority of males, ejaculation happens within a few minutes of penetration. While that is great for them, it often leaves their female partners unsatisfied. It takes a woman about 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm. And after a male ejaculates, he experiences a refractory period in which he has to wait to continue sexual stimulation. With edging, the male can prolong his sexual encounter with his partner and hopefully see her orgasm before his own.