Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Thursday, May 18, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part Two: During Sex


Gentle young couple lying and making love in bed

Watching a hollywood sex scene would have you thinking that the way sex works is a neat little equation of two people making out, the scene fading to black, and some moaning. The next second, the pair is lying in bed with the sheets pulled up to their chests.

As much as movies and porn will try to make you believe it, sex is not seamless. Just as there are moans and giggles and pleasure, there are hydration breaks, spilled lube, an accidental knee to the stomach, and bumped teeth. There are farts and queefs and even *gasp* talking.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking up in bed, don’t worry, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Our culture tells us it’s weird and awkward to use our words during sex. We’re just expected to know exactly what to do. Of course, this isn’t the case at all, and it leaves so many people without the pleasure they deserve. In the heat of the moment, it can be so hard to say the words “Um, actually, my clit is a little to the right”, so here is a little guide with different ways to get you more comfortable using your voice in bed.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part One: Before Sex

Tender young couple lying and hugging on couch

For some reason, sex tips from popular magazines always involve some type of physical movement. Usually it’s “wiggle your tongue this way” or “move your hand that way”. They’ll list uncomfortable, wild positions or expensive lingerie that they claim will get you in the right mood, which will naturally lead to flawless sex. Of course, in practice, these grand ideas often fall short.

The truth is, the best way to get the sex you want is to ask for it. Your partner can’t read your mind, and as effortless and perfect porn may make sex look, what porn and movies don’t show are the directions given beforehand on what the people should do to make it look so effortless. The reason it looks effortless is because they planned it to be that way by talking about it. This series on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider tackles what you should be talking about to get the best sex ever, as well as ways to make talking about sex less awkward. Here we’ll focus on what to talk about before any sex even happens.


Protection and boundaries


Of course, the first step to getting the good stuff is avoiding the bad stuff. Talking about STI and pregnancy prevention methods and your personal sexual boundaries before you even hop into bed is a way to make sure everything is clear and laid out. It helps avoid stressful in-the-moment situations. Ask your partner about their preferences by simply saying “What sorts of pregnancy/STI protection do you use?” (For example: condoms, dental dams, hormonal contraceptives), and let your partner know your own protection preferences by saying something like “Is it cool if we use condoms? I get so much more into it if I know I’m having safe sex”. If you’re adventuring into kinky territory, come up with a safeword, and clarify boundaries by asking “Are there any parts of your body you don’t want touched?”.  If you explicitly mention what you don’t want, achieving what you do want will be so much easier.

Friday, April 28, 2017

12 Things Porn Gets Wrong

sexy couple in shower

With the ubiquity of porn, it seems like many people see others having sex before they take a sex ed class. Porn might be a great way to enjoy some downtime (and we have nothing against it in general), but it isn't a good source for sex ed (unless you're watching a hybrid porn/sex ed flick like those by jessica drake), and the lessons you take out from it can be misleading if not dangerous. It's not always easy to spot what's real, fake or harmful, either. Read on to discover 12 things porn gets wrong.

1. Perpetual Erections


Men in porn always have impressive boners. They never get soft. And they can keep it up, literally, for hours. But erections aren't always never-ending (nor does every man have an 8-inch penis – or need to!).

2. Cunnilingus


It's awesome to see people going down on women in porn as it's a reminder that the orgasm gap between men and women may slowly be closing. But you have to remember that porn is filmed to please the viewer (who is often male), and that what's happening may not be realistic.

When it comes to oral sex, this means there's more movement than there may actually be, including awkward motorboating of vulvas. You don't see the consistent techniques that are often necessary for a woman to get off. After all, that would quickly become boring for the audience.


3. No Foreplay


In porn, everyone is ready to go at a moment's notice. But that's now how it works in real life. Both men and women need some time to connect with their partners and bodies. Enter foreplay: making out, dry humping, fingering, oral sex and sensual massage, just to name a few. But these activities in porn films are often rushed and lackluster.

4. Long Fingernails


Most porn starlets have French tips that would be beautiful in most settings but don't actually make sense when it comes to sex, especially fingering. One of the basic tenets of fingering either a vagina or anus is to keep your nails tripped short and filed clean to prevent possible scratches or cuts in your partner's most intimate parts. And those scrapes aren't just painful in the moment; they can make it easier to get an infection (bacterial or STI).

If you do like your manicure, you can still finger someone. Just push a cotton ball into the end of a rubber glove that you wear during the activity to make it more comfortable and safe.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

What Goes in a Sex-On-The-Go Kit?

Woman holding condom behind her back

You’ve waited for this moment all day. Clothes are coming off, breathing is getting heavier, hands are roaming. As passions escalate, you both pause, looking at one another with the “time to get a condom” face. You didn’t bring one. They didn’t bring one. You’re condomless and heartbroken.

Whether you’re off on a one night stand, casual fling, or a date with your committed partner, being unprepared for a sexual encounter is certainly a mood-killer. To make things a bit easier, we recommend packing up a “sex-on-the-go” kit, a case filled with safer sex supplies and a few other handy tidbits to grab when you’re in a hurry. Of course, these are only a few ideas, and you’re free to take creative liberties as you please. Fit three condoms and a lube packet in a coin purse, or fill a backpack to the brim with dildos. The possibilities are only limited by your imagination.

Barrier methods:


Whether you use condoms, dental dams, gloves, or in-condoms, a hookup kit always starts with safer-sex materials. Pack your favorite protection, but also keep a few different options on hand (non-latex if you don't know your partner’s allergies, or condoms of different sizes to ensure a comfortable and safer fit!). Remember that if this kit goes unused for some time to check the expiration dates, as expired condoms are more prone to breakage. (Bonus tip: In a pinch, a dental dam can be created by unrolling a condom and cutting it up the middle.)

Monday, April 17, 2017

Know Your Birth Control Options

Woman holding condoms

Birth control is crucial to preventing pregnancy, and you'll find the right option no matter your lifestyle, price range or preferences. But there are so many options, how do you choose the best fit? Keep reading to determine which birth control is for you.

Barrier Methods

A barrier method blocks sperm from moving into your uterus where it would fertilize the egg. Most barrier methods can be paired with spermicide to further increase efficacy. It is worth noting that Nonoxynol-9, which is the active ingredient in spermicide, is quite abrasive and can cause micro-tears to sensitive tissue. Studies have shown that using spermicide can actually increase the rate of STI transmission.

Barrier methods of birth control typically don't have the same sort of side effects as hormonal methods. You might have a reaction to latex in your condoms, but you can simply choose to use condoms made from a different material.

Condoms


How it works: A thin sheath of latex (or polyurethane, lambskin or polyisoprene for those with a latex allergy) prevents ejaculate from leaving the vagina. Use a condom once and toss it.

You can buy condoms in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. They even come in various flavors. Some include lube and spermicide for extra protection. Unique textures can add to the experience.

Condoms are available from a variety of retailers at an affordable price, and you may be able to get them for free from your family planning provider.

Who it's for: Everyone who wants to prevent pregnancy and transmission of certain STIs, anyone who does not have birth control coverage, and people who do not like hormonal birth control.

Female Condoms


How it works: The female condom doesn't look like the male condom. It's a much larger bag-like tube with a reinforced lip that you pinch to insert. Part of the condom remains outside of the vagina,

Who it's for: People who want extra skin-to-skin STI protection, well-endowed partners, and women who want to take control of their sex lives.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

5 App-Controlled Sex Toys for Tech Geeks and Sex Geeks

Technology is advancing by leaps and bounds these days. TVs are getting bigger, phones are getting smaller, and even sex toys are getting upgrades. Gone are the days where the only sex toy options were a realistic dildo or a massive wand vibrator. This is the future, a future in which you (or your partner) can control your vibrator, butt plug, and more all from your phone. The toys below feature fun, interactive settings, neat ways to create your own patterns, and special features for long-distance play with a partner. Even better, they’re all rechargeable and made of body-safe silicone or ABS plastic. Whether your goal is to play in public or connect from across the world, these toys have you covered.
Ohmibod BlueMotion Bluetooth Vibrator


For Secretive Play: The Ohmibod BlueMotion Bluetooth Vibrator- $129.99
Compatible with: iPhones, iPads, iPod Touches and Android.

This handy-dandy panty vibe is designed to be placed in the included (one size fits most) thong underwear. Where you decide to wear it is up to you! The small vibrator itself features a shape contoured to the body, with a mound that rests over the clitoris, providing pleasure exactly where needed. The app features numerous ways to take control: using the volume control buttons on your phone, tapping your screen, waving the phone around in the air, voice control, and even an option to let music guide the vibrations. If these sound too fancy, no worries. There are four easy pre-set vibration patterns to choose from too.


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Sex Toys for Men

Shirtless sexy male model lying alone on his bed
Although there aren't quite as many sex toy options for men, there may be more than you realize. From tools that make masturbation easier and more intense to sex toys that you can use during sex, there are plenty innovative sex toys for men on the market!

Fleshlights


The Fleshlight might be the most men's toy available. It's encased in hard plastic that looks like a flashlight for giants. When you take off the cap, you're greeted by an opening – vagina, mouth or anus depending upon your model. Many are designed after famous porn starlets, and there's even a line designed after lusty male stars!

The soft material inside of Fleshlights surrounds your penis, and there are literally dozens of textures, some of which are limited edition. You'll be swatched in ridges, bumps, swirls and more. Can it get better? Yes!

Fleshlights allow you to add suction by twisting over the opposite end of the toy. Plus, you can choose the color of the case and sleeve, the latter which is available in clear, blue and beige. The Fleshlight you buy is unique to you.

Accessories allow you to mount your Fleshlight to the shower wall or use it with your iPad, too.

If you're looking for a similar toy, try the Autoblow line.


Strokers


Strokers and other masturbators are made from soft materials. You use the grip of your hand to provide sensation, and you can easily rinse strokers before storing in between uses.

Masturbators come in all sorts of shape and sizes, from realistic body parts to contemporary designs that are more discreet. A few even allow you to use a bullet vibrator in conjunction. Sleeves aren't necessarily known for their resilience, and many of them eventually rip. But they can help you determine the materials and textures that you prefer.

One particular note is the Tenga brand whose disposable strokers come in adorable eggs that you break open to reveal their prize. The Soft Cup line encases the Tenga sleeves in an adjustable cup, and the Tenga Flip Zero Masturbator is a revolutionary sex toy that enables you to insert your penis seamlessly thanks to the folding design.

Another unique type of stroker is the kind that has a handle. Your penis slips through a hole similar to an enlarged bubble wand, and you use the handle to stroke yourself. These strokers may vibrate or have another function as is the case with the Sqweel. This sex toy for men features soft silicone “tongues” that lap at your shaft as you use it.