Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Friday, April 17, 2015

Consent Is Not Just Sexy, It’s Mandatory.

There are lots of important things to talk about during Sexual Assault Awareness Month every April. Each year’s campaign puts a spotlight on issues like preventing sexual assault on campus, healthy adolescent sexuality and child sexual abuse prevention. One subject that comes up often is teaching and understanding the importance of consent. We need to get past the victim blaming/slut shaming techniques used in the past. Telling women they were “asking for it” because of the clothing they were wearing, or being flirtatious, being intoxicated, or even just walking alone at night is no longer acceptable. This takes the responsibility away from the perpetrators. Teaching consent starts with learning how to say no and receive a no, how to say yes, how to have a conversation about what you want, how a person’s way of expressing themselves with their clothes is not inviting you to violate them, and learning that we are not ever entitled sex… ever. It’s a long row to hoe (no slut shaming here!) but even the campaign telling us that consent is sexy fell a little short. Consent can be sexy, but it can also be difficult and awkward. No matter how it happens, consent is mandatory.

What is Consent?

The definition of consent, according to Merriam Webster, is “to give assent or approval.” Unfortunately, that approval has for a long time been somewhat fuzzy in its definition. Consent needs to be given in an honest, sober and willing manner. While Yes always means Yes, the absence of a No does not mean Yes. It’s more than just a Yes, too. Consent is about a mutually agreed upon expression of desire that includes the discussion of boundaries along with these desires. Consent isn’t a maybe, maybe is always a no. What you need to look for is enthusiastic consent, not an “I don’t know.” “I’m not sure.” or “I guess so.” When looking for enthusiastic consent also look at body language. Are they turning away, folding their arms around their body, stiffening up, or being unresponsive? Then stop what you are doing and check in with your partner. Consent is not being freely given so either this person changed their mind or was not an enthusiastic yes to begin with.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Intimate Grooming Tips: From Brazilians to Manscaping

woman lowers her panties and shows waxed pubic area

Intimate grooming, specifically the removal of pubic hair, has many levels from the untouched natural to completely bare. Lots of people are happy to leave things as is. Many others want to neaten things up, shape, or outright remove what’s there. Whether you go for a simple bikini or want to try a full Brazilian with perhaps some vajazzling, here are some tips to do it safely and with minimal discomfort.

Shaving

You can start by picking a razor for intimate areas. They will have pivoting blades and moisturizing strips to protect the skin. You can even get personal groomers, electric trimmers, designed specifically for this area. Shaving does not last as long as waxing and can leave cuts and micro tears afterward. It is easy to do at home and has less discomfort than waxing. First trim the area so hair is not too long. Shower or soak first to soften hair. Do not use water that is too hot as it can irritate the skin, especially after shaving. Use a moisturizing shaving cream or foam instead of soap. This will provide more protection against irritation. You want to minimize the chance of razor burn. Men can use these same shaving techniques if they are looking to trim their pubic hair or even shave their testicles, as some men want to do.

Hold skin taught. Shave in the direction the hair grows and try not to go over the area too many times. The bikini area is sensitive (where your legs meet your pelvis and the outer labia) and you need to take even greater care once you get to the vulva. A Brazilian, where all or most of the pubic hair is removed, can be a challenge to remove. Aftercare is important too. Be kind to that area of your body at first and avoid overly tight clothing that doesn’t breathe. This can trigger ingrown hairs or encourage the growth of bacteria. Once the shaved skin has calmed, do a light exfoliation with a washcloth or soft brush to keep pores open and prevent ingrown hairs. You may find your skin is more sensitive when shaving during your period.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Sex Toys Go High-Tech

Fun Factory at ANME Expo

New technology has become an ever more popular subject when it comes to sex toys. Even Wired magazine is doing a Sex in the Digital Age issue this March. This year started with a few significant conferences when it comes to new products and technology. ANME (Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo), AVN Novelty Expo and CES (Consumers Electronics Show) each had a show in January of this year and each showcased new toys and tech. It may be hard to believe but there are people working all year long to create the best new sex toy. In some ways this may seem like reinventing the wheel, but advances in technology, and some incredible imaginations, have produced some interesting new sex toys. Some of these toys are updated versions of product already on the market but some are brand spankin’ new. Let’s take a look at what’s new and improved this year.

The HELLO Touch by Jimmyjane certainly wasn’t the first fingertip vibrator, or the first with multiple tips. It first appeared on the market in 2013 as the smallest fingertip vibrator ever invented. Dual pads are linked by a cord to a wristband powerpack with controls. It’s designed for both internal and external stimulation. This year they brought out the HELLO Touch X, which adds electro-stim, actually electrostatic stimulation, along with vibration. Electronic stimulation is when mild electric current is applied to the body with pleasurable results. With the HELLO Touch X you can swap out the vibrating pad for electro-stim pads. I’m sure this is much milder than a violet wand but could be a low-key way to introduce electro-stim to your playtime.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Flirtatious Flirting Tips

Low section view of a businessman and a businesswoman flirting in an office

It may be that time of year where we’re focusing on being coupled and all the cuddly, lovey, sexy that comes with it but learning ways to flirt is helpful whether you’re still searching for or already in a relationship. Flirting is defined as: to behave in a way that shows a sexual attraction for someone but is not meant to be taken seriously. Flirting can be fun but most of the time it’s a subtle way to let someone know you’re interested in them. In a society that doesn’t allow us to be upfront and straightforward about attraction, especially sexual attraction, we use gestures, words, movements and other forms of body language that are like a code to tell people we’re hot for them. This subtle, or sometimes not so subtle, body language is helpful in public situations where coming right out and saying you’re interested is either difficult or terrifying. You can use these tips to get the attention of that person you’ve been eyeing all night. Flirting can be used in established relationships to reconnect with your partner, let them know you still find them attractive and that they still make you hot.

Breaking The Ice


The first step towards successful flirting is actually doing something. Social interaction doesn’t come easy to everyone and initiating contact with someone you are attracted to can make it feel daunting. Finding an easy way to begin conversation could be as simple as brushing past them then stopping to talk or making eye contact then approaching. Close proximity or eye contact can also make you open to being approached. Find something about the event, location or situation that can start casual conversation. Or if you are so attracted you’re scared out of your mind, you can try to approach someone else with them in a friendly way that then lends itself to contact with your intended flirtation target. Most importantly just try to relax. Confidence is what’s sexy and research has shown that people who gave signals that they were open to being approached, available and confident almost always found people attracted to them.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Aphrodisiacs

Woman Holding a Strawberry.

Humans have been looking for just about anything to stimulate sexual desire for as long as we’ve been in existence. Every culture in the world has come up with something they claim will instantly boost libido. Aphrodisiacs, from the Greek goddess of love Aphrodite, are used as an agent to arouse sexual desire and have been found in recorded history for about 60,000 years. Even though the FDA has debunked the idea that a food or drug can activate a strong desire for sex, people still use and recommend many of these long standing aphrodisiacs. In some cases the aphrodisiac does stimulate the body in ways that can help libido, others are completely useless and some are downright deadly. Let’s take a look at the wide variety of ways we’ve tried to feel sexier through chemistry.

A Seductive Shape

Certain aphrodisiacs were thought to work simply because their shape looked like a penis or vulva. Ginseng, which translates to “person root” in Chinese because of its person like shape, was thought of as an aphrodisiac and a cure for sexual dysfunction in men. Tiger penis, deer penis, oysters, abalone, rhinoceros horn, caviar, asparagus, bananas and even roses all have been linked to sexual arousal because of their genitalia shape. Avocados were referred to as “testicle tree” by the Aztecs and thought to have an aphrodisiac effect. Figs, which once opened give the impression of a vulva, are one of the oldest aphrodisiacs. Strawberries are thought to look like nipples and were once given to newlyweds in the French countryside as a cold soup. While all of these aren’t proven to stimulate desire some of them may help to nudge them along. Oysters are high in zinc that is essential for testosterone production and have amino acids that may trigger sex hormones. Abalone has selenium, which is a mood enhancer, and magnesium that helps with the production of sex hormones. Asparagus and bananas also contain nutrients that help with hormone production. In India bananas are symbol of fertility and in Central America the sap of the red banana tree was used as an aphrodisiac drink.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Sexy Bath Time

Beautiful Couple is Taking a Bath


The bath is a great place to get a little dirty while you’re getting squeaky clean.  The bath can be a break from the cold polar vortex, to reconnect after a stressful day or just the only place your kids won’t barge into. There are some super sexy ways to enjoy your bath time, and shower time too. So let’s get that water going so it can be hot and steamy by the time we’re ready to dive in with some of these tips to make your bath time even hotter.

Slippery When Wet

Sex in the shower can be a slippery situation. Even getting into the right position in the tub can feel a little risky in the slip and fall department. You can find handles in many different sizes and configurations that adhere to your bath with a suction base. These are mighty strong as they’re made to take some manhandling. Sportsheets has a great line called, plainly, Sex in the Shower. They have single locking suction handles and single locking suction footrest. The footrest will come in handy when you want to change up positions and that narrow strip between those shallow tub corners gets too small. They even have a dual locking suction handle that has two suction ends if you need something more secure to hold on to. Want to get your kink on safely; they have something for that too. There are suction cup thigh restraints, wrist cuffs, and even a suction cup attached to a collar. They easily attached to any smooth surface. You just flip the locking lever up, press firmly against the wall, then flip lever down to activate suction. With these you can try different positions in the bath or shower with more confidence.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Fifty Shades of Play - Toys from the Erotic Trilogy

Dominating Beauty in Handcuffs

With the premiere of Fifty Shades of Grey the movie only a few weeks away, many people are feeling inspired to find ways to create their very own red room. With quick tips, some purchases, and an open mind, you’ll be on your way to living the life of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Here is a selection of toys to consider, straight from the pages of the books, and into your hands.

Blindfold

Nothing adds to erotic mystery like a blindfold. These can be lacy and sheer or totally opaque. It is up to you to decide how much you want your partner to be able to see. With one of your partners senses dulled, the remaining ones will be on high alert, waiting for your touch. A great way to experience a power exchange.

Restraints

From silk neck ties to handcuffs, restraints can be a key component to relinquishing control to your partner. Maybe even try reversing the roles to add to the spice. Be sure to be able to release your partner with ease otherwise adverse happenings may follow. You don’t want to end up using a saw to cut your headboard and carry it to the nearest locksmith.

The Bullet Vibrator

This is one of my favorite sex toys. Think of it as the gateway toy to sexual exploration. It is versatile, discrete, and very inexpensive. It is the perfect toy for clitoral stimulation and to use in any kinky situation you can imagine. *Pro tip – While the sky is the limit, do not use this for anal play as most varieties do not have a flared base. Your night may turn into fifty shades of red as you sit in the ER waiting to get it removed if it gets lost.