Thursday, November 6, 2014
I’ve covered recommended non-fiction books on sexuality but there’s another genre that can also help your sex life, Erotica. Erotica, literature intended to arouse sexual desire, has been around for a long time. Humans have enjoyed reading and writing about sex in a variety of ways with a myriad of themes. It’s a way to explore fantasies by using the theater of the mind. Evidence of erotica dates back to ancient Greece and Rome. Today, erotica has been gaining momentum in mainstream acceptance and popularity. There is so much out there, though, that it can be hard to separate the wheat from the chaff, or if chaff is your thing to find the one that appeals to you. Here are some recommendations of authors and genres, from the dawn of erotica to modern times, to help guide you in your quest for some delicious erotica
From the time humans began communicating with written text they seem to be writing about explicit sexual adventures. Early examples only exist in fragments but you can start with a 15th century erotic tale like The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio. This book contains 100 tales of seven women and three men hiding in a villa outside Florence during the Black Death. The 16th century brought us The Heptameron by Margueritte De Navarre is a collection of erotic takes inspired by The Decameron. The 18th Century had a number of erotic novels; Fanny Hill – A Memoir of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland, Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert and Justine or The Misadventures of Virtue by Marquis De Sade. The 19th century gave us The Autobiography of a Flea by Anonymous, a story told from the viewpoint of a flea, The Romance of Lust by Anonymous which is four volumes about a young man’s sexual adventures, and Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoc who’s name was used to coin the phrase masochism.
20th Century Erotica
The 20th century managed to release the grip of the conservative and buttoned up Victorian era enabling readers to find more erotica than ever before. Early novels like D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover published in the late 20’s, Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller from the mid ‘30’s, Story of O by Pauline Reage, from the mid 50s’, Emmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arasan, in the late ‘60’s, Fear of Flying by Erica Jong in the early ‘70’s, Delta of Venus by Anais Nin and 9 ½ weeks by Elizabeth McNeil from the late 70’s pushed boundaries. The 80’s became saturated with content leaving no specific titles coming to the forefront. Perhaps Endless Love by Scott Spencer and the memorable BDSM trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Roquelaure (Anne Rice) in the early 80’s.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Your biggest sex organ is your brain. Using your imagination to channel ideas into sexy role-play can be very hot. Erotic role-play can help in a number of ways. Here are some role-play tips and ideas to find the level of role-play that suits you.
First, what kind of role-play do you want to play? There are basics that come to mind, just don’t limit yourself. Think about your favorite story or fantasy. It can be as basic as a repairman fantasy or you’re really hot for firefighters. Maybe you think the barista is really sexy or perhaps you’ve always been hot for teacher (I brought my pencil). You can also think literary or cinematically so look into acting out a character in your favorite book or movie. You may have a TV character you really like. This is also a good time to look into edgy or unusual role-play. Pretending as characters is a great way to explore fantasies you may have been uncomfortable sharing or acting out before. Talk it over with your partner; they may have some great ideas to share.
Playing The Part
Once you’ve figure out what kind of role-play you want to try, you need to agree on how to go about it. Not all of us are comfortable acting out roles. Sometimes you can feel a little self conscious as you try to come up with things to say or you may feel silly wearing an outfit. If costumes feel like a bit too much, just try acting out the parts first. Go over your ideas beforehand; what role each of you will play, what are your goals, what is completely out of bounds, and if you want a cue or safeword that ends the scene. It’s ok to start with something simple. You don’t want to be so caught up with characters and costumes that it’s not sexy anymore. It can be as simple as, “when I come home tonight, I’m going to pretend I’m delivering pizza or come to fix your sink.” Or “At dinner lets pretend to be a king and his servant girl” or “Let’s act out this scene in this book tonight.” And if saying the words in character makes you or your partner laugh, that’s perfectly fine. It is role ‘play’ after all. Keep in mind that a sense of humor is sexy; so don’t take yourself too seriously. If playing the part throws you into a fit of giggles, just have a good laugh and move on. Laughter is sexy too.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Starting from the moment we consider being sexually active we have to consider the steps to protect ourselves. Sex comes with the risk of HIV and other STD/STIs. The term “safer sex” became widely used to signify that “safe” sex is not 100% safe and complete protection can’t be guaranteed. We can only work towards “safer” sex that minimizes risk as best we can. Safer sex is an important component to your overall sexual health. It’s important to stay up to date even if you’re in a long-term single partner relationship. From you’re earliest explorations, along a lifetime of adventures and into the golden years of continued sexual experiences, there are many types of safer sex options to keep in mind.
What Are The Risks?
When engaging in sexual activity, there is not just the possibility of pregnancy but also the passing of sexually transmitted diseases (also known as sexually transmitted infections). There are several infections that can pass through the mucus membranes and during skin-to-skin contact. Some are passed through the exchange of bodily fluids. There’s also the chance of passing along infections through cuts, nicks, sores and micro abrasions on the skin, in the genital area and the mouth. Each STD has it’s own pathway to infection. HIV is transmitted when the bodily fluids blood, semen, pre-semen, vaginal fluids, rectal fluids and breast milk come in contact with mucus membranes or enter the bloodstream. Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact; this includes kissing, as well as, sexual contact. Syphilis is spread through sexual contact but sometimes is passed through kisses and extended close physical contact. Chlamydia is spread through mucus membrane and sperm contact during vaginal, anal and sometimes oral sex. Gonorrhea is passed through sexual contact and contact with bodily fluids. Hepatitis B is passed through contact with infected blood and bodily fluids. HPV is transferable through skin and contact with mucous membranes. Using condoms, oral barriers and limiting sexual encounters with higher risk individuals, like drug addicts and people who don’t regularly use barriers, can help reduce your risk. All of these STI’s also can be active without symptoms; they can be passed along even if there is not visible evidence of the infection.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
There are many fun and exciting things to try in the realm of sexuality, everything from role-play, to kink to sex toys. At some point you may find yourself wanting to add something else to your sexy time, another person… or two… or more. Adding someone new to your sexual adventures is definitely possible, and pleasurable, it just requires communication and planning between you and your partner. From threesomes to moresomes, here are some ideas on how to play in a way that is safe and consensual.
Are You Ready?
Adding another partner to your playtime can put undue stress on a relationship, especially if it’s already under duress. Your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect but it should be healthy. Adding a sex toy may help with issues in the bedroom but using another person as a sex toy will not. Communication is very important so you should be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner about how you want to open up to include another person. Do you just want a “play partner” that is a friend only for sexy fun times, like swinging, or do you want to include them in your life more fully like in polyamory. Polyamory is when you go beyond casual sex with one or more people into a more committed relationship. You can be anywhere on the spectrum from extremely casual to extremely committed. The choice is yours; there is no right way or wrong way in choosing your level of commitment (or non-commitment). Also understand that this is not infidelity if all parties are aware and approve of what’s going on. If your added partner has a partner, they need to be aware and on board with it too. What you’re looking for in an enthusiastic yes. No one should ever be cajoled or coerced into participating.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sex Ed Books
Acquiring knowledge is a life long endeavor. One always has something to learn no matter how old you get. Reading some good sex education books can solidify things you learned ages ago or fill in the gaps in your knowledge that can often happen over a lifetime. The aforementioned The Joy of Sex was updated in ’92 then again in ’02 but unfortunately is still outmoded in the way it deals with gender and sexuality. There are better books out there. Paul Joannides’s Guide to Getting it On has been around since the 90’s and covers a large amount of information with a fun light-hearted fun tone. Sex Made Easy by Debbie Herbenic answers questions about sex and while geared towards women is useful to any gender. An excellent book about senior sex is Naked At Our Age by Joan Price. It reminds us we can have great sex into our golden years.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Another month long sexy celebration! We had Masturbation May and now it’s Anal August. A month to learn new things, try something different or just enjoy sharing some conversation on the subject. Anal sex has become much less taboo over the years and can be a highly pleasurable addition to your sexy time repertoire. Some may balk at the idea because it has been uncomfortable, or downright painful, in the past, or are concerned with the cleanliness factor. There are ways to get around that and make anal sex easy, safe and satisfying. Here are some tips and techniques to get you started or up your anal game this month.
For those of you who haven’t any prior knowledge, or missed my article on anal toys, here is a short lesson on anatomy. Anal sex is not just about the anus but the lower rectum, the perineum, the prostate as well as the clitoris. It is also not just about penetration with a penis but with fingers, tongue and sex toys. The anus and rectum have many nerve endings. They respond well to touch and pressure. The inner rectum has less nerve endings but is still sensitive to pressure and motion. Internally there is also a connection to the prostate and to the clitoral “legs” (part of the clitoris that extends on either side into the body) that enhances the pleasurable experience. Getting past the sphincter is what makes people think anal sex is painful or uncomfortable. The inner and outer sphincters will tense and tighten when stressed, scared or anxious. The rectum has delicate tissue so it’s important take the right steps to relax and lubricate to not damage them. Things to always remember are; take your time and use lots of lube. Ultimately it’s the ability to get your sphincter to not clench up too much that will alleviate most of the discomfort. Also taking time for the rectum to adjust to being pushed open will help. Start small with just a finger then progressively move up to larger things like more fingers, anal beads, a butt plug, dildo or penis. Orgasm can be achieved since anal sex stimulates the clitoral legs and clitoris, prostate massage through anal sex can also trigger orgasm.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Don’t worry, summer isn’t over yet! You still have plenty of time to keep it sizzling.
Go Skinny Dipping
Sure it sounds like something you may have done in high school, but I assure you, the level of fun and naughtiness doesn’t diminish with age. There is something inherently sexy about being fully naked and immersed in water. Add a partner to that action and there are no limits to how much excitement you can have. The easiest way to check this item off you list is to find a nude beach or naturist facility. If you don’t have one of those areas available to you, or if you want to live on the edge, you can always sneak out to the beach at midnight under the cover of darkness. Depending on where you live, there may be laws against public nudity, so please dip accordingly.