Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

The Truth about Couple’s Sex Toys

Different sex toys on a light background

If you’ve ever been on a sex toy website or blog or even read a page on sex toys in a magazine, you’ve probably heard of toys like cock rings, the We-Vibe or the Eva, designed to be used during sex involving a penis and a vagina. These toys are super cool and can work for a whole bunch of bodies, but I have a secret for you…

Any sex toy can be a couple’s sex toy.

What I mean is, your toy doesn’t have to be labeled for use with a partner in order to be used with a partner. Sex toys can be used any way you want!

Let’s start with an example, do you know what’s easier than using a dildo on yourself? Having a partner use one on you! Same goes for vibrators, butt plugs, and strokers. Using a sex toy on a partner for the first time can be nerve-wracking, but there are a whole bunch of ways to introduce a sex toy of any type. You can watch your partner use it, have them show you how to use it on them, or each use your own sex toy next to one another (a sexy activity called mutual masturbation!).

You may be wondering why you might use a sex toy instead of your partner’s penis, hands, or mouth. “Aren’t they good enough? Will a sex toy replace them?” you ask.  Worry not, my friend. Your partner’s sexual expertise is probably absolutely wonderful. Using sex toys doesn’t replace your partner though, it only offers something different! Sex toys can provide new sensations, textures, and activities. A biological penis, no matter who it is attached to, cannot spin around 360 degrees inside another human while vibrating. It’s just not a thing, but do you know what can? A sex toy.

I’ve got another secret for you: sex doesn’t have to mean putting a penis in a vagina, and for many couples, it doesn’t mean that at all! Sex can mean oral stimulation (blowjobs or cunnilingus!), manual action (fingering and handjobs!), or simply masturbating next to one another. Even kissing and roaming hands can count as sex for some folks.

Having only one narrow definition for sex, and one definition for a “couples sex toy” leaves many people out of the conversation. For example, take the classic question “How do lesbians have sex?” Our narrow definition of sex is the reason that question exists. Lesbians have sex in the way they choose to define sex, and everyone gets to define sex in the way they want to.

Some couples may use sex toys almost every time they have sex. This can be two folks who adore strap-on sex, and therefore use a harness and dildo for their penetrative fun, or someone who needs the strong vibrations of their magic wand in order to orgasm, or extra-kinky folks who are head-over-heels about impact play, pulling out an arsenal of riding crops or paddles every time they get busy!

So keep using your We-Vibes and cock rings for partnered sex (they’re great!), but remember you can also throw a magic wand, stroker, or dildo in the mix. You define your own version of sex, whatever that may mean to you, so sex can be whatever you want it to be!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Why You Should Schedule Sex

Woman with her claws in bedroom sheets

A lot of people think that sex should be spontaneous. Desire should just happen, and then you act on it. That's the romantic way. So if the desire isn't there, sex doesn't happen.

Because Sex Won't Just Happen

If you've been in a relationship for a while, you might realize that you're having sex less frequently. Kids, the PTA, work and family commitments all get in the way. At the end of the day, you fall into bed exhausted. You might think about the sex you're not having and even wish to have it, but it's just not having it.

When you schedule sex, you're setting aside time for sex that isn't just before sleep (although, it might happen that way). It ensures that sex isn't something that happens when you're fortunate to have enough energy to keep your eyes open after a long day.

If you don't schedule sex, you might not have any sex. Or you might find yourself utterly dissatisfied with the amount of sex you're having.

Because It Can Get You In The Mood

Do you know the sense of pleasure you get from planning a vacation? Some researchers even think that planning is more fun than going on a vacation itself! The same thing applies to scheduling sex or, at least, scheduling a date that will result in sex.

You get a chance to imagine the type of sex you want to have. You set the scene in your head and can do the same in person. Perhaps you grab some candles, break out your favorite toy and reach for some lingerie at the back of your closet – or go shopping for some new pieces.

The time you spend thinking about sex primes the pump, so by the time comes to have it, you're more than ready! This is especially true for women who often tend to have responsive desire, that is, they feel aroused after activities have begun and not before.

Because Sex Is Good For You

We're not talking about how sex is a light workout, which it is. No, e mean that sex relieves tension and helps you sleep better. It's usually a great mood booster. And if you have a partner – or several – to choose from, why wouldn't you take advantage of that free perk to your health?

Because It's Good For Your Relationship

Sex serves many purposes in relationships. It helps you connect both physically and emotionally. It helps you to come together after a fight. It shows how much you care for your partner and provides a venue for you to treat your partner with care and look after their needs. If you've got a good partner, you'll get the same in return.

A lack of sex is also distinctly damaging to many relationships. You can feel disconnected. Often, one partner feels resentful at the lack of sex. If one partner has lower desire, they might feel pressured to have sex. Scheduling sex offers a compromise. Knowing when sex will happen enables the person with lower sex drive to prepare. You know when you'll have sex, so there's no constant pressure or resentment building.

Plus, scheduling sex can feel like a team activity, which helps the two of you get back on the same page again.

How to Schedule Sex

Now that you're on board with scheduling sex, how do you do it? Some people simply agree that a specific day of the week will always be sex night. For example, it might be Sexy Saturday. However, irregular schedules might make this difficult. Agree on factors that determine when you'll have sex such as on nights when kids are sleeping over at a friend's house or on mornings when you can go to work late.

You might only be able to plan a day in advance. Consider scheduling sex right after a romp when you're feeling good about sex.

For others, a little more romance is necessary. It's okay if you need to have a date first, and that might even help you get into the mood for sex. Even if you want to have sex, you might need a little romance to get the juices flowing. Treating scheduled sex like a date might just help you spend more time with your partner.

What about those days when you just don't want to have sex? Here's where compromise comes in. Agree to an activity that you can do, even if it's not a marathon of sex. For example, mutual masturbation might be doable when sex just seems like too much effort. You might find that getting things going gets you in the mood to do more.

Of course, just because you schedule sex doesn't mean that you can't also have spontaneous sex. For many people, the more they have sex, the more they want it. You might eventually find that you don't have to schedule sex anymore because it happens more frequently on its own. But if you find that schedules or desires don't quite align, then you can always go back to scheduling sex to give your sex life a boost.

It's easy to fall out of the practice of having sex. If you find yourself in that position, you might need to make time simply to talk to your partner in addition to having sex. But adding a little thoughtfulness to the situation has plenty of benefits. It's the kind of work that you wind up enjoying, especially if your partner is someone whom you find incredibly sexy or are in love with.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r