Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Thursday, July 13, 2017

When to Replace Sex Toys

Sex toys
You can now buy sex toys are your corner pharmacy, which means that more people than ever own a vibrator, dildo or butt plug (and some of us own quite a few of each!). Of course, few things last forever. Glass breaks, motors die, and softened plastics lose their integrity. What are the signs that a toy has provided its last pleasure and that you need a new one? Find out!


Not All Materials Are Equal


Jelly toys are porous, to begin with, which means you can never quite clean them all the way. Aside from not sharing your jelly you, you'll want to replace it (potentially with a body-safe sex toy) more frequently than nonporous toys. The porousness means that infections could potential infest your toy, so you'll want to replace those toys as soon as you realize you have a bacterial, yeast or sexually-transmitted infection just to be on the safe side. Needless to say, you want to ditch any toys that cause a reaction or infection because those toys are not compatible with your body!

Similarly, you shouldn't use porous toys vaginally after anal insertion. Not everyone knows this, however, so you may have used a toy that couldn't be sterilized in both orifices. As soon as you realize this fact, however, you'll want to get new toys for vaginal use (although, you could keep the toy for anal use).

Eventually, however, porous toys will often become stained or pick up smells that you can no longer remove no matter how diligently you clean those toys. This is, again, related to the toy's porosity.

Toys made from jelly and similar materials will eventually start leaching the chemicals that are used to produce a soft texture. They'll become oily and quite unappetizing if we're being honest. When jelly toys are stored together, they can become misshapen, fused together, and discolored during this process. At first sign of this leaching, you should toss your toy and not risk your health by using it any longer.

Although sometimes billed as safer than jelly/latex/PVC, TPE is another material that is softened with a chemical – mineral oil – and toys made from TPE will experience a similar effect over time. TPR is a similar substance that will suffer the same fate.

Chemical leaching over time and porosity isn't an issue with all soft sex toys, however. Silicone is a stable material that has no pores, allowing you to fully sterilize your toys (without motors or seams). In fact, you can even light silicone on fire safely (you'll need to wipe away some soot, but it won't damage your toy!).

The softest of silicones may leach a bit of silicone over time, but this is comparable to silicone-based lube and doesn't make the toy less safe to use. Harder silicones won't suffer this fate (nor do you need to worry about a reaction when storing your silicone sex toys close together), and you could feasibly keep a silicone sex toy for your entire life!

There is one exception, however. If you use silicone-based lube with your toys of the same material, a reaction will occur. The surface of the toy will become gummy. If you notice this, assume your toy is no longer nonporous and consider replacing it (and being more careful with lube in the future!).

Toys from inert materials including metal, glass, plastic, ceramic and treated wood could potentially provide a lifelong relationship. You could even will your favorite stainless steel dildo to someone upon your passing! Short of breaking your toy, you can keep them forever. This is why so many sex toy reviewers and bloggers recommend upgrading from your unsafe jelly toys, which have a limited lifespan, to body-safe materials.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Three Reasons Why Yes/No/Maybe Lists Rule

Couple wearing underware in sexual foreplay

Recently here on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider we’ve been chatting about how to talk about sex with a partner. We’ve written about how to communicate before, during, and after sex, but I saved my absolute favorite tip for its very own post. In my opinion, yes/no/maybe lists are the bee’s knees. Also known as a want/will/won’t list, a yes/no/maybe list is a chart of sex acts you create to communicate which sex acts you’re thrilled about (the “yes” or “want”), which ones you might be willing to try (the “will” or “maybe”), and which ones you’d rather stay away from (the “no” or “won’t”). This handy guide will by no means be the end-all be-all of your sexual adventures, but it’s a great place to start and build conversations. Here are a few reasons why these handy-dandy things rule, and some tips on how to create your own!


Yes/no/maybe lists give you a chance to reflect upon your own sexuality.


A yes/no/maybe list starts with thinking about your own sexual habits. What do you like? What do you hate? Considering how you would categorize your favorite and not-so-favorite sexual activities is a great opportunity for some self-reflection. To sort through the multitude of sex acts and get inspiration for things to go on your chart, try peeking at Lindsey Doe’s video of a list of sex acts. You can also watch porn or read erotica to get ideas, and perhaps even peruse some sex toys for inspiration. Whatever you do, take some time to imagine yourself in these situations. You just might find yourself turned on by something you never would have thought of!

They spark conversations about sex and consent.


Yes/no/maybe lists are easy ways to get the ball rolling in giving and receiving consent. These lists aren't set in stone, however. What’s written on the paper may not reflect how you or your partner is feeling at any time, so although using a bondage set might be in the “yes” category, that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to tie or be tied every single time you have sex. Yes/no/maybe lists are great for creating dialogue and negotiations around what type of sex might be on the menu for the day. Just ask!


They give you your own homemade reference list to spice up your sex life.


“Hey, remember all these cool things that you can do with your bodies?”- Your yes/no/maybe list when you get bored of your usual sex routine. When once fiery passions turn into the same-old humdrum pattern, turn to your handy dandy list to rediscover other activities you might like to try. You might have to shift some sex acts from column to column, but you’re bound to find something new, or even uncover something you used to do that just doesn’t happen enough anymore.

Remember, your yes/no/maybe list is just a starting point for a conversation, and with time and experience, wants, wills, and won’ts may change! For more resources and information on yes/no/maybe lists, check out Lindsey Doe’s video and list of sex acts, a cool worksheet-style list, a kinky list, or check out Bex Talks Sex’s beautifully detailed blog post. Happy communicating!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Three New High-End Sex Toys We're Dying to Try



Masturbation is different for everyone. While some people use masturbation to quickly and frantically orgasm ASAP, touching oneself can also be a special time for others. It’s a chance to let go of worries and spend some time getting to know and love your body. Luckily, these toys should be great for both these sorts of folks (or anyone in between!), and man do they feel fancy. All of them are pricey at over $100, rechargeable and made with silicone so your bits stay safe. These toys are like caviar for your clitoris, prosecco for your penis, or truffles for your tush. They’ve just been released within the past few months, and everyone is dying to get their hands on them.


The b-Vibe Triplet 

b-Vibe first became popular for their Rimming plug, and then came out with the Trio and the Novice. The Triplet is their latest edition to the lineup, and these vibrating anal beads are cool for so many reasons. First of all, it has two motors; one in the bottom and one in the middle portion. These bumps are a classic anal bead shape, with the largest bead at the bottom (1.2”), and smallest at the top (.8”). If you’ve ever wanted a partner to make your butt vibrate with the push of a button, now is your chance because this baby is operated via remote control. Even if you’re not handing it over to a partner, how fab is it to not have to reach down to change the settings?

The We-Vibe Wish 

Squishy, soft, and sweet are three words to describe this adorable vibrator. Meant for buzzing against external body parts like the clitoris or penis, the We-Vibe Wish is a palm sized toy perfect for broad stimulation, but with the added bonus of a small tip for more precise action. It features a “PowerPulse” Technology that delivers a pulsing sensation different from any other toy on the market. Described as “waves of pleasure”, the tech sure sounds fun to us! Like the Triplet, you can hand over the controls to a partner either in your bedroom or across the world via the We-Connect app. Use a pre-programmed pattern, create your own custom settings, or tap the screen to control the vibes. The choice is yours.

Le Wand 

Everything about this vibrator feels luxurious: the shape, the colors (grey and pearl white), the simple yet elegant buttons. Heck, even the name sounds fancy. The Le Wand massager is a powerful thing, rumored to be wonderfully rumbly with ten vibrations strengths and twenty patterns. Unlike many wand vibrators, this one has a flexible neck perfect for getting just the right angle. Continuing the theme of luxury, the Le Wand comes with a handy little travel case, as well as a neat head cover patterned with a different texture for a different kind of pleasure.

So if you’ve been hankering to treat your body to some fancy new toys, check out the Triplet, Wish, or Le Wand. It only takes some imagination to close your eyes and picture yourself lounging on silk sheets pressing these toys into or against your pampered body. Lay back, relax, and enjoy your fanciest wank yet.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, June 15, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part Three: After Sex

Happy young couple lying and hugging in bed
We all love that moment after a good shag when we finally roll off one another, panting heavily with sweat pouring down our backs. Flopping down on the bed and lying in a metaphorical (or physical) puddle of pleasure is nothing short of divine, but after that rush fades to a glow, it’s time to talk.

Talking about the sex you just experienced with your partner (or partner for the night) can bring you closer, help you explore kinks, and best of all, improve your sex! As we’ve mentioned in the past few posts on communicating about sex, doing so can be hard. Cultural norms and our own shyness can prevent us from speaking up about sex, but once we practice doing so, it becomes so much easier. Don’t know where to start? Here are five things you should chat about right after a romp.

How you’re feeling


First things first, check in with yourself and your partner. Sex can leave us feeling euphoric, but it can also cause feelings of vulnerability, discomfort, and other less-than-stellar emotions. Letting your partner know how you’re feeling can also let them know what you need, whether that might be a snack, some space, or some cuddles.

The good


Everyone loves compliments, and sex is something so many people are self-conscious about. Your words of encouragement can help combat all the negativity people are bombarded with everyday. Be sincere in these compliments. In the short term, saying nice things can give a great confidence boost and make your partner happy. Voice what you really love, and next time they might take the hint and do it again. In the long term, repeated guidance toward the aspects of sex that drive you wild will help form the best sex ever.

The bad


If the person in your bed will only be there for the night, feel free to skip this conversation and send them on their way. However, If they’ll be back, it might be handy to let them know they were a little too toothy with that blowjob. This shouldn’t be a list of criticisms intended to hurt their feelings, but one or two comments on not pulling your hair so hard or avoiding ticklish spots will go a long way.

Friday, May 26, 2017

12 Sex Myths That Are Untrue

Sexy young couple kissing and playing in bed.

No matter how much we try to educate people are sex, some sex myths just keep getting passed around. These urban legends are so persistent that you might believe them to be true, but we're here to shed some light on the subject.

Myth: Guys Always Want Sex and There's Something Wrong If They Don't


This goes hand-in-hand with the sex myth that a guy is always hard and ready to go, but both are simply wrong. Not every man wants sex all the time, and a man who wants sex may not be able to get erect, even if he's younger than is typically associated with erectile dysfunction. But society expects men to be on standby at all times when it comes to sex, and men who don't want sex at a given moment or who can't get hard are treated as less masculine.

One thing to remember is that a semi-erect penis can still function, and sex can include all sorts of activities that aren't penis-centric.


Myth: The Goal of Sex Is Orgasm


This sex myth is dead wrong if only because there's no one goal of sex. It might be pleasure, which you can achieve without orgasm. Perhaps you want to feel desired or closer to your partner. You might want to cheer them up. Sex might be giving your mood a boost.
There's no one reason to have sex (or to masturbate!), and that's perfectly fine.

Myth: Women Only Want Sex for Men and Need to Be Convinced to Have It


Many women like sex and some enjoy and desire sex more than men or their partners. Secondly, we should never coerce people into sex. That only perpetuates rape culture. When it comes to sex, only an enthusiastic “Yes” is a yes.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part Two: During Sex


Gentle young couple lying and making love in bed

Watching a hollywood sex scene would have you thinking that the way sex works is a neat little equation of two people making out, the scene fading to black, and some moaning. The next second, the pair is lying in bed with the sheets pulled up to their chests.

As much as movies and porn will try to make you believe it, sex is not seamless. Just as there are moans and giggles and pleasure, there are hydration breaks, spilled lube, an accidental knee to the stomach, and bumped teeth. There are farts and queefs and even *gasp* talking.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking up in bed, don’t worry, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Our culture tells us it’s weird and awkward to use our words during sex. We’re just expected to know exactly what to do. Of course, this isn’t the case at all, and it leaves so many people without the pleasure they deserve. In the heat of the moment, it can be so hard to say the words “Um, actually, my clit is a little to the right”, so here is a little guide with different ways to get you more comfortable using your voice in bed.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part One: Before Sex

Tender young couple lying and hugging on couch

For some reason, sex tips from popular magazines always involve some type of physical movement. Usually it’s “wiggle your tongue this way” or “move your hand that way”. They’ll list uncomfortable, wild positions or expensive lingerie that they claim will get you in the right mood, which will naturally lead to flawless sex. Of course, in practice, these grand ideas often fall short.

The truth is, the best way to get the sex you want is to ask for it. Your partner can’t read your mind, and as effortless and perfect porn may make sex look, what porn and movies don’t show are the directions given beforehand on what the people should do to make it look so effortless. The reason it looks effortless is because they planned it to be that way by talking about it. This series on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider tackles what you should be talking about to get the best sex ever, as well as ways to make talking about sex less awkward. Here we’ll focus on what to talk about before any sex even happens.


Protection and boundaries


Of course, the first step to getting the good stuff is avoiding the bad stuff. Talking about STI and pregnancy prevention methods and your personal sexual boundaries before you even hop into bed is a way to make sure everything is clear and laid out. It helps avoid stressful in-the-moment situations. Ask your partner about their preferences by simply saying “What sorts of pregnancy/STI protection do you use?” (For example: condoms, dental dams, hormonal contraceptives), and let your partner know your own protection preferences by saying something like “Is it cool if we use condoms? I get so much more into it if I know I’m having safe sex”. If you’re adventuring into kinky territory, come up with a safeword, and clarify boundaries by asking “Are there any parts of your body you don’t want touched?”.  If you explicitly mention what you don’t want, achieving what you do want will be so much easier.

Friday, April 28, 2017

12 Things Porn Gets Wrong

sexy couple in shower

With the ubiquity of porn, it seems like many people see others having sex before they take a sex ed class. Porn might be a great way to enjoy some downtime (and we have nothing against it in general), but it isn't a good source for sex ed (unless you're watching a hybrid porn/sex ed flick like those by jessica drake), and the lessons you take out from it can be misleading if not dangerous. It's not always easy to spot what's real, fake or harmful, either. Read on to discover 12 things porn gets wrong.

1. Perpetual Erections


Men in porn always have impressive boners. They never get soft. And they can keep it up, literally, for hours. But erections aren't always never-ending (nor does every man have an 8-inch penis – or need to!).

2. Cunnilingus


It's awesome to see people going down on women in porn as it's a reminder that the orgasm gap between men and women may slowly be closing. But you have to remember that porn is filmed to please the viewer (who is often male), and that what's happening may not be realistic.

When it comes to oral sex, this means there's more movement than there may actually be, including awkward motorboating of vulvas. You don't see the consistent techniques that are often necessary for a woman to get off. After all, that would quickly become boring for the audience.


3. No Foreplay


In porn, everyone is ready to go at a moment's notice. But that's now how it works in real life. Both men and women need some time to connect with their partners and bodies. Enter foreplay: making out, dry humping, fingering, oral sex and sensual massage, just to name a few. But these activities in porn films are often rushed and lackluster.

4. Long Fingernails


Most porn starlets have French tips that would be beautiful in most settings but don't actually make sense when it comes to sex, especially fingering. One of the basic tenets of fingering either a vagina or anus is to keep your nails tripped short and filed clean to prevent possible scratches or cuts in your partner's most intimate parts. And those scrapes aren't just painful in the moment; they can make it easier to get an infection (bacterial or STI).

If you do like your manicure, you can still finger someone. Just push a cotton ball into the end of a rubber glove that you wear during the activity to make it more comfortable and safe.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

What Goes in a Sex-On-The-Go Kit?

Woman holding condom behind her back

You’ve waited for this moment all day. Clothes are coming off, breathing is getting heavier, hands are roaming. As passions escalate, you both pause, looking at one another with the “time to get a condom” face. You didn’t bring one. They didn’t bring one. You’re condomless and heartbroken.

Whether you’re off on a one night stand, casual fling, or a date with your committed partner, being unprepared for a sexual encounter is certainly a mood-killer. To make things a bit easier, we recommend packing up a “sex-on-the-go” kit, a case filled with safer sex supplies and a few other handy tidbits to grab when you’re in a hurry. Of course, these are only a few ideas, and you’re free to take creative liberties as you please. Fit three condoms and a lube packet in a coin purse, or fill a backpack to the brim with dildos. The possibilities are only limited by your imagination.

Barrier methods:


Whether you use condoms, dental dams, gloves, or in-condoms, a hookup kit always starts with safer-sex materials. Pack your favorite protection, but also keep a few different options on hand (non-latex if you don't know your partner’s allergies, or condoms of different sizes to ensure a comfortable and safer fit!). Remember that if this kit goes unused for some time to check the expiration dates, as expired condoms are more prone to breakage. (Bonus tip: In a pinch, a dental dam can be created by unrolling a condom and cutting it up the middle.)

Monday, April 17, 2017

Know Your Birth Control Options

Woman holding condoms

Birth control is crucial to preventing pregnancy, and you'll find the right option no matter your lifestyle, price range or preferences. But there are so many options, how do you choose the best fit? Keep reading to determine which birth control is for you.

Barrier Methods

A barrier method blocks sperm from moving into your uterus where it would fertilize the egg. Most barrier methods can be paired with spermicide to further increase efficacy. It is worth noting that Nonoxynol-9, which is the active ingredient in spermicide, is quite abrasive and can cause micro-tears to sensitive tissue. Studies have shown that using spermicide can actually increase the rate of STI transmission.

Barrier methods of birth control typically don't have the same sort of side effects as hormonal methods. You might have a reaction to latex in your condoms, but you can simply choose to use condoms made from a different material.

Condoms


How it works: A thin sheath of latex (or polyurethane, lambskin or polyisoprene for those with a latex allergy) prevents ejaculate from leaving the vagina. Use a condom once and toss it.

You can buy condoms in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. They even come in various flavors. Some include lube and spermicide for extra protection. Unique textures can add to the experience.

Condoms are available from a variety of retailers at an affordable price, and you may be able to get them for free from your family planning provider.

Who it's for: Everyone who wants to prevent pregnancy and transmission of certain STIs, anyone who does not have birth control coverage, and people who do not like hormonal birth control.

Female Condoms


How it works: The female condom doesn't look like the male condom. It's a much larger bag-like tube with a reinforced lip that you pinch to insert. Part of the condom remains outside of the vagina,

Who it's for: People who want extra skin-to-skin STI protection, well-endowed partners, and women who want to take control of their sex lives.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

5 App-Controlled Sex Toys for Tech Geeks and Sex Geeks

Technology is advancing by leaps and bounds these days. TVs are getting bigger, phones are getting smaller, and even sex toys are getting upgrades. Gone are the days where the only sex toy options were a realistic dildo or a massive wand vibrator. This is the future, a future in which you (or your partner) can control your vibrator, butt plug, and more all from your phone. The toys below feature fun, interactive settings, neat ways to create your own patterns, and special features for long-distance play with a partner. Even better, they’re all rechargeable and made of body-safe silicone or ABS plastic. Whether your goal is to play in public or connect from across the world, these toys have you covered.
Ohmibod BlueMotion Bluetooth Vibrator


For Secretive Play: The Ohmibod BlueMotion Bluetooth Vibrator- $129.99
Compatible with: iPhones, iPads, iPod Touches and Android.

This handy-dandy panty vibe is designed to be placed in the included (one size fits most) thong underwear. Where you decide to wear it is up to you! The small vibrator itself features a shape contoured to the body, with a mound that rests over the clitoris, providing pleasure exactly where needed. The app features numerous ways to take control: using the volume control buttons on your phone, tapping your screen, waving the phone around in the air, voice control, and even an option to let music guide the vibrations. If these sound too fancy, no worries. There are four easy pre-set vibration patterns to choose from too.


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Sex Toys for Men

Shirtless sexy male model lying alone on his bed
Although there aren't quite as many sex toy options for men, there may be more than you realize. From tools that make masturbation easier and more intense to sex toys that you can use during sex, there are plenty innovative sex toys for men on the market!

Fleshlights


The Fleshlight might be the most men's toy available. It's encased in hard plastic that looks like a flashlight for giants. When you take off the cap, you're greeted by an opening – vagina, mouth or anus depending upon your model. Many are designed after famous porn starlets, and there's even a line designed after lusty male stars!

The soft material inside of Fleshlights surrounds your penis, and there are literally dozens of textures, some of which are limited edition. You'll be swatched in ridges, bumps, swirls and more. Can it get better? Yes!

Fleshlights allow you to add suction by twisting over the opposite end of the toy. Plus, you can choose the color of the case and sleeve, the latter which is available in clear, blue and beige. The Fleshlight you buy is unique to you.

Accessories allow you to mount your Fleshlight to the shower wall or use it with your iPad, too.

If you're looking for a similar toy, try the Autoblow line.


Strokers


Strokers and other masturbators are made from soft materials. You use the grip of your hand to provide sensation, and you can easily rinse strokers before storing in between uses.

Masturbators come in all sorts of shape and sizes, from realistic body parts to contemporary designs that are more discreet. A few even allow you to use a bullet vibrator in conjunction. Sleeves aren't necessarily known for their resilience, and many of them eventually rip. But they can help you determine the materials and textures that you prefer.

One particular note is the Tenga brand whose disposable strokers come in adorable eggs that you break open to reveal their prize. The Soft Cup line encases the Tenga sleeves in an adjustable cup, and the Tenga Flip Zero Masturbator is a revolutionary sex toy that enables you to insert your penis seamlessly thanks to the folding design.

Another unique type of stroker is the kind that has a handle. Your penis slips through a hole similar to an enlarged bubble wand, and you use the handle to stroke yourself. These strokers may vibrate or have another function as is the case with the Sqweel. This sex toy for men features soft silicone “tongues” that lap at your shaft as you use it.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

How Sex Changes in Your Thirties

There's an adage that men reach their sexual peaks in their 20s while women reach their peaks in their 30s. Although it's obviously incorrect that a man will no longer desire sex once he reaches his thirtieth birthday, many women do feel more comfortable with their sexualities once they pass those same birthdays. Why is this?

Multiple factors are involved, and we'll discuss them.



  • They're more likely to be in a stable relationship. So they can ask for what you want without fear of judgment, and they've got time to explore anything from role playing to BDSM. Plus, you might focus on preventing pregnancy (or trying to get pregnant) without the fear of STI transmission so that you might ditch condoms for the first time in exchange for other types of birth control.
  • They're aware of how time is passing. Many people no longer feel young, mentally or physically, once they're in their thirties. Time is passing, and you can't get it back. So you try to make better use of time, and who has the time to be having bad or mediocre sex? This freedom allows women to speak up to get theirs when, previously, they may have just lay there and taken it.
  • They recognize that everyone is self-conscious about their bodies. Other women. Their partners. So they take a deep breath and get into positions that might not be flattering but feel good. They have sex with the light on for the first time. They're sexually emboldened and having better sex because of it!
  • They've had more partners and more time to masturbate. This allows women to better know what they like, which is vastly different from what men may like or even other women. The knowledge paired with a little timely impatience means women go for what they want.
  • They've ditched culturally-imbued slut-shaming. Humans like sex, both men and women! But girls and women are often taught that it's bad to show this desire. Once a woman hits thirty, she might give up on denying herself that pleasure for another decade, and we think that's great!