Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Three Reasons Why Yes/No/Maybe Lists Rule

Couple wearing underware in sexual foreplay

Recently here on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider we’ve been chatting about how to talk about sex with a partner. We’ve written about how to communicate before, during, and after sex, but I saved my absolute favorite tip for its very own post. In my opinion, yes/no/maybe lists are the bee’s knees. Also known as a want/will/won’t list, a yes/no/maybe list is a chart of sex acts you create to communicate which sex acts you’re thrilled about (the “yes” or “want”), which ones you might be willing to try (the “will” or “maybe”), and which ones you’d rather stay away from (the “no” or “won’t”). This handy guide will by no means be the end-all be-all of your sexual adventures, but it’s a great place to start and build conversations. Here are a few reasons why these handy-dandy things rule, and some tips on how to create your own!

Yes/no/maybe lists give you a chance to reflect upon your own sexuality.

A yes/no/maybe list starts with thinking about your own sexual habits. What do you like? What do you hate? Considering how you would categorize your favorite and not-so-favorite sexual activities is a great opportunity for some self-reflection. To sort through the multitude of sex acts and get inspiration for things to go on your chart, try peeking at Lindsey Doe’s video of a list of sex acts. You can also watch porn or read erotica to get ideas, and perhaps even peruse some sex toys for inspiration. Whatever you do, take some time to imagine yourself in these situations. You just might find yourself turned on by something you never would have thought of!

They spark conversations about sex and consent.

Yes/no/maybe lists are easy ways to get the ball rolling in giving and receiving consent. These lists aren't set in stone, however. What’s written on the paper may not reflect how you or your partner is feeling at any time, so although using a bondage set might be in the “yes” category, that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to tie or be tied every single time you have sex. Yes/no/maybe lists are great for creating dialogue and negotiations around what type of sex might be on the menu for the day. Just ask!

They give you your own homemade reference list to spice up your sex life.

“Hey, remember all these cool things that you can do with your bodies?”- Your yes/no/maybe list when you get bored of your usual sex routine. When once fiery passions turn into the same-old humdrum pattern, turn to your handy dandy list to rediscover other activities you might like to try. You might have to shift some sex acts from column to column, but you’re bound to find something new, or even uncover something you used to do that just doesn’t happen enough anymore.

Remember, your yes/no/maybe list is just a starting point for a conversation, and with time and experience, wants, wills, and won’ts may change! For more resources and information on yes/no/maybe lists, check out Lindsey Doe’s video and list of sex acts, a cool worksheet-style list, a kinky list, or check out Bex Talks Sex’s beautifully detailed blog post. Happy communicating!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs


  1. OMG!! a couple weeks ago, my husband was going through some old papers and files looking for some info for his elderly mom. he ran across a tattered sheet of notebook paper with my handwriting on it. turns out after my divorce, and before we met i had made a wish list of sexual "adventures' that i'd never experienced, or things that i liked and wanted to do again. i went as far as checking each item off, including the date it happened. come to find out by the time we had our 3rd "date",(actually long weekends, we lived 1200 miles apart at the time) nearly everything on my list was checked off!!! there were things i was curious about, but my ex didnt want to delve into, even after over 9 years together. my list covered everything i could think of, positions, light bondage, anal, masterbation, public places, cars, trucks, everywhere (and anywhere) around the house, at work, and even the one thing i didnt think would ever happen, playing with my GF. :-0 thr 1st time my BFF visited us, he was working very, very late on a friday night, we got dressed up and went out for drinks and dancing at a local club. once we got home one thing led to another, and my husband walked in on us while we were on the couch. he said hi and headed for the bedroom, he was nearly asleep by the time i walked in. i wanted him really bad, we got down to business, ad could see in the shadows of the hallway my GF watching our performance.. a 3sum wasnt on my "wish list" ad he's never mentioned it

  2. well something happened today that i had never thought about..garage sex!!! it started out as a typical day for me, husband left for work at 5 am, i got up around 6 and went downstairs to work out for a little bit, since my daughter was at work, i decided to work out naked, i finished up and jumped in the shower, my mind was full of sexual thoughts the whole time i was in the shower. i made it to the bedroom and laid back down, my hand made it's way between my legs, and brought myself to orgasm once with my fingers, and again with my rabbit vibe. i hurriedly got dressed, ran some errands i had been putting off. i'd only been home 10 minutes or so, when my daughter got home from work (UGH). soon after my husband came home early from work, it's been hot and humid this week, and he works outside in the heat.
    he didnt say much, just mumbled "have some stuff to finish welding, i'll be in the garage" after a while i decided to take him a couple bottles of water. he didnt hear me come in, so i just sat down on the seat of his harley and waited. he turned and saw me sitting there and smiled... i dont know if he sensed that i was horny, or it was just time for a break.
    off came his welding hood, gloves and jacket, he grabbed a bottle of water and drank it down in one gulp, he took the 2nd and put it down my tank top between my boobs.. almost immediately my nipples got hard, and i was starting to get THAT feeling... he unzipped my shorts and his hand found it's way to my bare pussy, i felt my tank top being pulled down and his mouth alternately sucking on my nipples.
    i eased myself up, and pulled my shorts down, and they fell on the floor. his fingers were working their magic on my pussy, i was getting wetter by the second, i unzipped him, and pulled his cock out, stroking it firmly, and guiding it towards my waiting pussy.
    he fucked me slow and deep for nearly 20 minutes, i was telling not to cum yet, but i knew he was close, my pussy was pulsing, i was gonna cum hard this time.
    "give it to me baby" was all the urging he needed, we both came at the same time, i could feel his cock unloading, pulsing and twitching inside me.
    he held me, so i couldnt pull away, until his erection was gone, and he slipped out..
    he's in the shower now, i'm dripping, i hope he's ready for anotehr round later tonight !!

  3. for some unknown reason, i decided i wanted to secretly video my husband and i having sex.. actually, the idea started when my GF called me the other night, and i'd told her about "peeping" on my husband in the shower, one thing led to another and i decided to record our next "session".
    we had a date night planned for that night and all during the day i was working on my plan. by chance, hubby had bought several new thongs and bras for me and they arrived that day. i found a spot to hide the video camera, and picked out what i'd wear that night to insure that we'd end up having sex.
    we ate, and after several drinks, i was teasing him in the bar, and in the car on the way home
    the plan worked out just as i imagined, i woke up the next morning (still dressed) to my phone ringing, my GF was calling to hear the details of the night before. i connected the camera to the TV and hit the play button.....
    as i watched, and described to her, what was going on, i felt "guilty", naughty and ashamed of what i'd done, but turned on at the same time. i'd never let him even take a picture of me in ANYTHING revealing at all, not even in a skirt or low cut blouse. ( my EX husband had taken a a few pictures of me, without me knowing, in "compromising" positions, and used them against me during the custody battle for my kids) i had decided that NOBODY would ever have evidence of that again.
    now i'm trying to rationalize the thought of making a copy of our sextape and sending ti to my GF for her enjoyment....
    dazed and confused to say the least

  4. well... i decided not to send her a copy of the tape. weve had several phone conversations since i made the recording. she's been hinting that she'd really like to SEE us "in the flesh" again, and possibly more.
    i brought the subject of a 3rd person, and he accepted the idea, but witha few ground rules, he doesnt want to have sex with her, (i'd rather he didnt either), but us girls are free to do whatever we want.
    i'm feeling very anxious/scared about what may happen in a couple weeks when she comes to visit.......