Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

How to Talk About Sex Part Three: After Sex

Happy young couple lying and hugging in bed
We all love that moment after a good shag when we finally roll off one another, panting heavily with sweat pouring down our backs. Flopping down on the bed and lying in a metaphorical (or physical) puddle of pleasure is nothing short of divine, but after that rush fades to a glow, it’s time to talk.

Talking about the sex you just experienced with your partner (or partner for the night) can bring you closer, help you explore kinks, and best of all, improve your sex! As we’ve mentioned in the past few posts on communicating about sex, doing so can be hard. Cultural norms and our own shyness can prevent us from speaking up about sex, but once we practice doing so, it becomes so much easier. Don’t know where to start? Here are five things you should chat about right after a romp.

How you’re feeling

First things first, check in with yourself and your partner. Sex can leave us feeling euphoric, but it can also cause feelings of vulnerability, discomfort, and other less-than-stellar emotions. Letting your partner know how you’re feeling can also let them know what you need, whether that might be a snack, some space, or some cuddles.

The good

Everyone loves compliments, and sex is something so many people are self-conscious about. Your words of encouragement can help combat all the negativity people are bombarded with everyday. Be sincere in these compliments. In the short term, saying nice things can give a great confidence boost and make your partner happy. Voice what you really love, and next time they might take the hint and do it again. In the long term, repeated guidance toward the aspects of sex that drive you wild will help form the best sex ever.

The bad

If the person in your bed will only be there for the night, feel free to skip this conversation and send them on their way. However, If they’ll be back, it might be handy to let them know they were a little too toothy with that blowjob. This shouldn’t be a list of criticisms intended to hurt their feelings, but one or two comments on not pulling your hair so hard or avoiding ticklish spots will go a long way.

The hilarious

Sex is awkward. Sex is messy. Sex is both of these beautiful things and more. Did your partner sneeze while going down on you? Did something tickle in an otherwise seriously sexy moment? So many of us are embarrassed about normal sex stuff (after all, no one talks about it!). The best way to avoid negative feelings after something embarrassing is to laugh it off. Bodies do weird and gross things sometimes and it’s totally okay, so giggle over that awkward fart together!

Next time

Once again, if the person in your bed will be gone by the morning, skip this. But if you’re looking forward to seeing their naked bum back between the sheets anytime soon, conversations about things you might like to try next time are so beneficial. Plan out any sex toys you might want to incorporate in the future, voice any position inspiration that struck you while bangin’, or bring up something new you might like to try. After sex is often when we feel most inspired.

These past few posts have discussed what to talk about before, during, and after sex, but these are only a few ideas. Talk about what matters to you. Your body and your pleasure are far more important than any “awkwardness” that our culture suggests you might feel if you use your words about sex. Sex isn’t something we just magically know how to do. It requires active and consistent communication between both partners, both in terms of consent and in figuring out what is most pleasurable. Your partner can’t read your mind, and you can’t read theirs, so before you hop into bed, speak your mind. While you’re going at it, use your words, and once you’re all done, have a conversation. Ditch those magazines with “top ten sex tips”, because the best way to get better sex is simply to talk about it

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs