Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Is There A Right Way To Use A Sex Toy?

couple of woman and man buyers choosing color sexy toys in the sex shop
You might be surprised to learn about one question that patients sometimes ask their doctors: Is there a right way to use a sex toy? But doctors have fielded this question from people who have purchased sex toys and are wondering if they're using them right and potentially if there is something wrong with their bodies if they don't like the way it feels.

Is There A Right Way to Use a Toy?

Most retailers break down their toy selections into categories. You might see internal or G-spot vibrators, small or clitoral vibrators and anal toys. These categories make it easy to shop for the right toy for you, but you shouldn't consider them guidelines when it actually comes to using those toys. Instead, think of them more as suggestions.

For example, small vibrator that fits in the palm of your hand might be the perfect clitoral vibrator to use during solo sessions, but this doesn't mean it can't fit between you and your partner's body during sex, that you can't use it on your nipples, or that you can't lube it up and use it for an allover massage. Add it to a handjob to see how your partner responds.

Furthermore, a rabbit vibrator is intended for dual stimulation: vaginal/G-sot and clitoral. But you can turn it around so the bunny is rumbling against your perineum.

Switch up your position, whether you're alone or with a partner, to experience different sensations. If you reach around from behind to use your favorite dildo vaginally, does it feel different from reaching from the front?

You can try anal beads vaginally (see our safety warning below first), use strap-on dildos for prostate stimulation, or use a G-spot vibrator for any spot that tickles your fancy.

Press your wand vibrator against Kegel balls while you have them inserted to experience the difference.

Consider turning off vibration to simply thrust, rub or rock to your heart's desire.

If you're a man, you can use a vibrator, too. They're not just for women!

The more creative you are, the more pleasure you stand to experience. While you might not love vibration everywhere, or find that your favorite toy is better for clitoral stimulation than anything else, you might be surprised at how many erogenous zones your body actually has (definitely more than just your genitals!).

In fact, we might argue that a toy that is versatile is better than one that only serves a single purpose. An internal vibrator that's just as good clitoral stimulation means you're really getting your money's worth. And if you only like clit stim, you won't feel like you've wasted your time when you discover that your G-spot really doesn't respond to vibrations.

This leads us to our next point.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Men's Sexual Dysfunction

unhappy couple having problems at bedroom
Millions of men struggle with erection and orgasm difficulties. Three common types of sexual dysfunction are erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. It can be confusing or overwhelming to deal with these problems but it's important to be informed about their common causes and treatments.

Erectile Dysfunction 

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is maybe the most commonly discussed type of sexual dysfunction in men, and is the most commonly experienced. ED is defined as recurring inability to get or maintain an erection. It's not atypical to experience erection difficulties now and then, but continual problems can be an issue.

For many people experiencing ED, the cause is psychological. Feelings of stress or anxiety can impede the ability to get or maintain an erection. Particularly, performance anxiety can become problematic. Worries about ones performance or ability to stay erect can essentially become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This concern can lead to a viscous cycle where the anxiety impedes erections, and that reinforces the concern, and so on.

There are several physical causes for ED as well. The prevalence of ED in individuals with cardiovascular problems or diabetes is high. Anti-depressants, particularly SSRIs, are known to cause ED and other sexual side effects. Speak to your doctor if you have concerns about erectile dysfunction. Smoking and use of alcohol or other drugs may be responsible for ED in some cases.

In the case of psychological causes, sex therapy or mental health therapy can be beneficial. Focusing on relaxation prior to and during sex can help. Shifting focus from penetration to other kinds of stimulation can help as well as it can help decrease performance anxiety. Specifically, an exercise called sensate focus is often assigned as “homework” by sex therapists for this purpose. The basics of sensate focus are that partners take turns touching each other non-sexually, focusing on pleasant sensations, and then slowly work toward touch that includes genitals but without any expectations. Typically this leads to increased comfortability and higher likelihood of achieving an erection.

The use of cock rings or penis pumps can help maintain an erection. Hormone treatment or treatment with medication can help depending on medical causes. If cardiovascular or nerve injury is the cause, sometimes surgery may be necessary.

Premature Ejaculation

Also referred to as involuntary, early, or rapid ejaculation, premature ejaculation is recurrent ejaculation that occurs after minimal sexual stimulation. A quick response to sexual contact in the form of ejaculation isn't abnormal, and evolutionarily speaking might even be beneficial since it more efficiently transfers sperm! But, dissatisfaction may occur when this happens because the individual feels unable to satisfy their partner due to this issue.

Premature ejaculation is often caused by a habit of rushed masturbation and can be altered by changing that habit. Like erectile dysfunction, it can be cause by performance anxiety as well.

By practicing the start-stop technique you can learn to control your orgasms. Practice this by starting arousal, stopping when you begin to feel moderately aroused, then start again once your arousal level has gone down, and repeat the process a few times before allowing yourself to orgasm. Try this alone or with a partner.

Another technique to try is the squeeze technique developed by renowned sexologists Masters and Johnson. Just before reaching orgasm, squeeze the penis just below the head for about 30 seconds. Repeat a few times before allowing yourself to orgasm.

The simple act of thinking of something boring or distracting can work, also!

Reframing expectations of sex can be important, too. Just because one person comes, it doesn't mean the sex is over. There are plenty of ways you can still please them, including toys, hands, and mouths!

Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation, also referred to as male orgasmic disorder, is a pattern of inability to ejaculate during prolonged intercourse (30-45 minutes or longer). Sometimes this is a lifelong occurrence and sometimes it is temporary or situational. Typically a person experiencing delayed ejaculation during sex is still able to ejaculate within minutes when masturbating. There's a lot of variation in how long it takes a person to reach orgasm during intercourse, but if the length of time this takes becomes distressing, then one might seek out solutions.

The cause of delayed ejaculation is often psychological, including depression or anxiety disorders, performance anxiety, poor body image, relationship issues, feelings of shame or guilt regarding sex, etc. Sex therapy or mental health therapy can be beneficial to address these issues.

Sometimes the cause can be medical, such as injury to or loss of sensation in nerves, UTI, low thyroid hormone or testosterone, neurological diseases, retrograde ejaculation, or medication side effects (especially SSRIs). In some of these cases, a doctor may prescribe (or alter) medication to treat the underlying issue. Speak to your doctor if you are worried about delayed ejaculation.

Like with premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation may be related to masturbation habits. Often times when people have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner it's because they are used to orgasming while alone and/or sensations are not the same as the specific ones felt during masturbation. To recondition oneself to achieve orgasm with a partner, a technique called bridging is recommended, which consists of three stages. In the first stage, you masturbate while your partner is with you. Once this becomes comfortable and orgasm can be reached with a partner present, then instead of masturbating, your partner will perform manual stimulation (hands only). During the final stage, your partner puts your penis inside them once you're ready to orgasm. Good communication is key to let your partner know what feels good to you.

By: April
Follow on Twitter @VivaLaSexyBlog 

Monday, February 12, 2018

Dealing With Valentine's Day As a Single

Sensual beautiful lady

Valentine's Day is right around the corner, which means you're about to be inundated by commercials for jewelry and chocolates, and stores will soon have entire aisles bedecked in red and pink! If you're single, Valentine's Day might rub salt an already existing wound. After all, society makes such a big deal out of it! But there's no reason that you cannot enjoy Cupid's holiday even if you're solo (and perhaps even more because you are!)

Be Realistic

It's easy to pour over all the happy posts on Valentine's Day, which will surely includes gifts and smiling faces and might even depict a few engagement proposals. But remember that February 14th isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Some couples are separated due to deployments and other issues. Other people receive no gifts from their partners. Many people expect proposals or something else only to be let down.

And those happy photos? They show a couple on one day of the year, even if you know they're miserable and bickering the other 364 days. Those gifts and dates might be apologies or last-ditch efforts to make it work. Remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side!

To Hook Up Or Not

Valentine's Day might typically be about romance, but what if that's not what you want? That's okay, too! Thanks to Tinder and similar services, you can match with someone in your area, schedule a date and knock boots without any strings.

So what if you're single? You can still have fun!

Treat Yourself

Just because you're single on February 14th doesn't mean that you have to stay home. You can enjoy your favorite restaurant, ice cream parlor or coffee shop. Hit up your favorite bar while you're dressed to the nines and enjoy the glances you get. Note that you might want to avoid going out for dinner if you don't want to see all the happy couples or compete with them for reservations.

Another idea? Invite your favorite ladies out for a Galentine's Brunch like Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation! Exchange small gifts or remind these women why they're your favorite as you munch on pancakes and bask in love!

Thursday, February 8, 2018

That’s for Your Genitals? These Five Sex Toys Look Nothing like Dicks.

Clandestine Devices Mimic Massager

You think you’ve seen it all, haven’t you? You’ve scrolled past hundreds of realistic dildos, pink and purple bullet vibrators, and vagina-shaped masturbators. However, somewhere in the midst of the mountain of monochrome phallic objects, there lies some real gems. These toys look nothing like their run-of-the-mill counterparts, and will definitely have you do a double-take when passing by.

Is that… a manta ray?

The Clandestine Devices Mimic Massager sports a flashy turquoise hue. Designed to fit perfectly in one’s hand, the Mimic features flexible wing-like shapes on either side of it’s vibrating body. I’m picturing it swimming through the sea, gracefully passing fish of all sorts of colors. Or, I guess, you could use it on your body. You know, cause it is a sex toy.

Is that… a pill?

The BS Atelier Capsula Butt Plug looks like it may have just fallen out of your medicine cabinet. Half pink, half blue, and shaped like a pill, this is probably one of the cutest butt plugs I’ve ever seen. It’s probably much more fun than a regular ol’ vitamin. Do you think a butt plug a day keeps the doctor away? Instead of reaching for the aspirin, you could totally reach for this (orgasms have been shown to help headaches!). Seriously though, this plug is perfect for medical fetishists.

Is that… a spacecraft?

Houston, we have a stroker. Perhaps it’s not exactly spacecraft like, but the Tenga Flip Zero Masturbator looks like something off the sleek spaceship of a sci-fi movie. Maybe it’ll cryogenically freeze your dick, but in a good way, you know? Anyway, at the very least you’ll be able to giggle when you “blast off”.

Is that… a whale?

Whale, whale, whale, look what we have here. Another stroker, this one looks like an orca with it’s mouth wide open. This sleek, high-tech device vibrates in time with music, videos, video games, and can be controlled with a cell phone. I suppose the Nalone Oxxy Masturbator would give you a whale of a time!

Is that… an alien?

The O Venus Clitoral Stimulator looks like it came out of an outer space thriller, but really it’s designed to provide pleasure to both the g-spot and clitoris at the same time. The smooth end rests inside the vagina while the pronged end rests against the clitoris, and get this: both ends vibrate. That sounds pretty out of this world to me.

Sex toys come in so many shapes, colors, sizes and textures. Some are classically dick-shaped, some are neat little bullets, and some even look like manta rays. Even if a few are a little goofy looking, it just goes to show that there’s a sex toy out there for everyone. All bodies deserve to feel pleasure, no matter what shape or size that pleasure comes in, and these odd-looking toys are here to help!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Thursday, January 18, 2018

The Truth about Couple’s Sex Toys

Different sex toys on a light background

If you’ve ever been on a sex toy website or blog or even read a page on sex toys in a magazine, you’ve probably heard of toys like cock rings, the We-Vibe or the Eva, designed to be used during sex involving a penis and a vagina. These toys are super cool and can work for a whole bunch of bodies, but I have a secret for you…

Any sex toy can be a couple’s sex toy.

What I mean is, your toy doesn’t have to be labeled for use with a partner in order to be used with a partner. Sex toys can be used any way you want!

Let’s start with an example, do you know what’s easier than using a dildo on yourself? Having a partner use one on you! Same goes for vibrators, butt plugs, and strokers. Using a sex toy on a partner for the first time can be nerve-wracking, but there are a whole bunch of ways to introduce a sex toy of any type. You can watch your partner use it, have them show you how to use it on them, or each use your own sex toy next to one another (a sexy activity called mutual masturbation!).

You may be wondering why you might use a sex toy instead of your partner’s penis, hands, or mouth. “Aren’t they good enough? Will a sex toy replace them?” you ask.  Worry not, my friend. Your partner’s sexual expertise is probably absolutely wonderful. Using sex toys doesn’t replace your partner though, it only offers something different! Sex toys can provide new sensations, textures, and activities. A biological penis, no matter who it is attached to, cannot spin around 360 degrees inside another human while vibrating. It’s just not a thing, but do you know what can? A sex toy.

I’ve got another secret for you: sex doesn’t have to mean putting a penis in a vagina, and for many couples, it doesn’t mean that at all! Sex can mean oral stimulation (blowjobs or cunnilingus!), manual action (fingering and handjobs!), or simply masturbating next to one another. Even kissing and roaming hands can count as sex for some folks.

Having only one narrow definition for sex, and one definition for a “couples sex toy” leaves many people out of the conversation. For example, take the classic question “How do lesbians have sex?” Our narrow definition of sex is the reason that question exists. Lesbians have sex in the way they choose to define sex, and everyone gets to define sex in the way they want to.

Some couples may use sex toys almost every time they have sex. This can be two folks who adore strap-on sex, and therefore use a harness and dildo for their penetrative fun, or someone who needs the strong vibrations of their magic wand in order to orgasm, or extra-kinky folks who are head-over-heels about impact play, pulling out an arsenal of riding crops or paddles every time they get busy!

So keep using your We-Vibes and cock rings for partnered sex (they’re great!), but remember you can also throw a magic wand, stroker, or dildo in the mix. You define your own version of sex, whatever that may mean to you, so sex can be whatever you want it to be!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Why You Should Schedule Sex

Woman with her claws in bedroom sheets

A lot of people think that sex should be spontaneous. Desire should just happen, and then you act on it. That's the romantic way. So if the desire isn't there, sex doesn't happen.

Because Sex Won't Just Happen

If you've been in a relationship for a while, you might realize that you're having sex less frequently. Kids, the PTA, work and family commitments all get in the way. At the end of the day, you fall into bed exhausted. You might think about the sex you're not having and even wish to have it, but it's just not having it.

When you schedule sex, you're setting aside time for sex that isn't just before sleep (although, it might happen that way). It ensures that sex isn't something that happens when you're fortunate to have enough energy to keep your eyes open after a long day.

If you don't schedule sex, you might not have any sex. Or you might find yourself utterly dissatisfied with the amount of sex you're having.

Because It Can Get You In The Mood

Do you know the sense of pleasure you get from planning a vacation? Some researchers even think that planning is more fun than going on a vacation itself! The same thing applies to scheduling sex or, at least, scheduling a date that will result in sex.

You get a chance to imagine the type of sex you want to have. You set the scene in your head and can do the same in person. Perhaps you grab some candles, break out your favorite toy and reach for some lingerie at the back of your closet – or go shopping for some new pieces.

The time you spend thinking about sex primes the pump, so by the time comes to have it, you're more than ready! This is especially true for women who often tend to have responsive desire, that is, they feel aroused after activities have begun and not before.

Because Sex Is Good For You

We're not talking about how sex is a light workout, which it is. No, e mean that sex relieves tension and helps you sleep better. It's usually a great mood booster. And if you have a partner – or several – to choose from, why wouldn't you take advantage of that free perk to your health?

Because It's Good For Your Relationship

Sex serves many purposes in relationships. It helps you connect both physically and emotionally. It helps you to come together after a fight. It shows how much you care for your partner and provides a venue for you to treat your partner with care and look after their needs. If you've got a good partner, you'll get the same in return.

A lack of sex is also distinctly damaging to many relationships. You can feel disconnected. Often, one partner feels resentful at the lack of sex. If one partner has lower desire, they might feel pressured to have sex. Scheduling sex offers a compromise. Knowing when sex will happen enables the person with lower sex drive to prepare. You know when you'll have sex, so there's no constant pressure or resentment building.

Plus, scheduling sex can feel like a team activity, which helps the two of you get back on the same page again.

How to Schedule Sex

Now that you're on board with scheduling sex, how do you do it? Some people simply agree that a specific day of the week will always be sex night. For example, it might be Sexy Saturday. However, irregular schedules might make this difficult. Agree on factors that determine when you'll have sex such as on nights when kids are sleeping over at a friend's house or on mornings when you can go to work late.

You might only be able to plan a day in advance. Consider scheduling sex right after a romp when you're feeling good about sex.

For others, a little more romance is necessary. It's okay if you need to have a date first, and that might even help you get into the mood for sex. Even if you want to have sex, you might need a little romance to get the juices flowing. Treating scheduled sex like a date might just help you spend more time with your partner.

What about those days when you just don't want to have sex? Here's where compromise comes in. Agree to an activity that you can do, even if it's not a marathon of sex. For example, mutual masturbation might be doable when sex just seems like too much effort. You might find that getting things going gets you in the mood to do more.

Of course, just because you schedule sex doesn't mean that you can't also have spontaneous sex. For many people, the more they have sex, the more they want it. You might eventually find that you don't have to schedule sex anymore because it happens more frequently on its own. But if you find that schedules or desires don't quite align, then you can always go back to scheduling sex to give your sex life a boost.

It's easy to fall out of the practice of having sex. If you find yourself in that position, you might need to make time simply to talk to your partner in addition to having sex. But adding a little thoughtfulness to the situation has plenty of benefits. It's the kind of work that you wind up enjoying, especially if your partner is someone whom you find incredibly sexy or are in love with.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r