Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

What You Can Learn From How Lesbians Have Sex

Whether you're a straight woman who is fed up with the script you've been fed about sex, a man who wants to provide more pleasure for his female partners, or even a gay man, you can likely benefit from these findings of lesbian sexual behavior.

Sex Survey Says

According to one survey, women who have sex with women are more likely to define a wider variety of activities as “having sex.” While most only two activities (giving or receiving anal sex) “counted” as sex to everyone in the study, the majority of lesbians or bisexual women defined ten activities as definitely having sex. The list includes using a double-ended dildo, 69-ing, other uses of dildos, genital rubbing, oral sex, and mutual masturbation, among other sexual activities. This certainly answers the silly question “How do lesbians have sex?”!

A second survey of 822 lesbians uncovered the fact that women who have sex with women are having significantly less sex. However, this isn't necessarily cause for alarm. Instead, lesbians have fewer but longer sex sessions. While most couples spend 15-30 minutes engaged in sex, lesbians reported trysts that lasted a median of between 30 and 45 minutes. Furthermore, 20% of lesbian couples also reported having sexual encounters that lasted over an hour! Very few straight couples have sex that lasts an hour, let alone longer than 60 minutes!

Yet another survey reports that lesbian women are likely to have an orgasm with a familiar partner 74.7% of the time while their straight counterparts are only having an orgasm 61.6% of the time. You can look at this another way: women more consistently give other women orgasms than men do.

What You Can Learn From How Lesbians Have Sex

Now, you might think that this is all very interesting. But how does it relate to you? Perhaps you're a straight woman or man. You might be a man who only sleeps with men. Does the way lesbians define sex have anything to do with you?


The first thing you can learn from the way lesbians have sex is obvious. Define more activities as having sex. This might mean that you incorporate more fingering or oral sex into your routine. These activities can directly lead to orgasms for women who, the majority of whom require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. In fact, you might focus on activities that do not guarantee an orgasm for the male partner.

It might feel weird if you're a man who isn't trying to have an orgasm during sex. It may be a little awkward if you are your partner aren't sure when sex is over (whenever you want – unless you want to grab a snack from the kitchen and get back to it!). But looking at sex from a different angle cab also be rewarding.

When you broaden your definition of what counts as sex, you won't skip something because it's “just foreplay” or a “bonus.” You'll prioritize a wider range of activities in addition to penetrative sex, which means that you're less likely to fall back on the same recipe for sex. If you're in a rut, why not switch things up? Perhaps you don't go for penetration at all at one point. Maybe you try phone sex for the very first time!

The second thing that other people can learn from lesbians is to focus on quality over quantity. Lesbians are not having sex more frequently than others, but this doesn't seem to impair their satisfaction levels! If you define the end of sex as a man's orgasm, the other partner might be left out in the cold. However, if you slow things down (and continue with other activities even if one partner has already had an orgasm), female partners as well as men who require more stimulation to orgasm are going to have a greater chance at achieving the big O.

Remember that women tend to be better at getting their female partners off than men. While some of it might be due to a more intimate understanding of female erogenous zones, couldn't a lot of it simply come down to spending more time focusing on their partner's pleasure and spending more time on sex in general? Plus, lesbian couples don't zero in on activities that would provide a male partner with an orgasm – IE vaginal penetration and thrusting.

Of course, orgasm isn't necessarily the goal of sex. By slowing things down, you spend more time connecting with your partner, giving and receiving pleasure, and enjoying yourself in a way that makes sex meaningful even if you don't have an orgasm! Instead of jumping right to penetration, you might add a sensual massage or a steamy makeout session. Literally slow down your breathing and movements. Savor the moment – and your partner. That sounds like advice any person can use.

The goal of this information isn't to tell you exactly how to have sex or for you to mimic anyone else. Instead, you should look for ways that you can break out of your sexual routine and redefine the sex you have so that you and your partner are more sexually satisfied.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r