A lot of people think that sex should be spontaneous. Desire should just happen, and then you act on it. That's the romantic way. So if the desire isn't there, sex doesn't happen.
Because Sex Won't Just Happen
If you've been in a relationship for a while, you might realize that you're having sex less frequently. Kids, the PTA, work and family commitments all get in the way. At the end of the day, you fall into bed exhausted. You might think about the sex you're not having and even wish to have it, but it's just not having it.
When you schedule sex, you're setting aside time for sex that isn't just before sleep (although, it might happen that way). It ensures that sex isn't something that happens when you're fortunate to have enough energy to keep your eyes open after a long day.
If you don't schedule sex, you might not have any sex. Or you might find yourself utterly dissatisfied with the amount of sex you're having.
Because It Can Get You In The Mood
Do you know the sense of pleasure you get from planning a vacation? Some researchers even think that planning is more fun than going on a vacation itself! The same thing applies to scheduling sex or, at least, scheduling a date that will result in sex.
You get a chance to imagine the type of sex you want to have. You set the scene in your head and can do the same in person. Perhaps you grab some candles, break out your favorite toy and reach for some lingerie at the back of your closet – or go shopping for some new pieces.
The time you spend thinking about sex primes the pump, so by the time comes to have it, you're more than ready! This is especially true for women who often tend to have responsive desire, that is, they feel aroused after activities have begun and not before.
Because Sex Is Good For You
We're not talking about how sex is a light workout, which it is. No, e mean that sex relieves tension and helps you sleep better. It's usually a great mood booster. And if you have a partner – or several – to choose from, why wouldn't you take advantage of that free perk to your health?
Because It's Good For Your Relationship
Sex serves many purposes in relationships. It helps you connect both physically and emotionally. It helps you to come together after a fight. It shows how much you care for your partner and provides a venue for you to treat your partner with care and look after their needs. If you've got a good partner, you'll get the same in return.
A lack of sex is also distinctly damaging to many relationships. You can feel disconnected. Often, one partner feels resentful at the lack of sex. If one partner has lower desire, they might feel pressured to have sex. Scheduling sex offers a compromise. Knowing when sex will happen enables the person with lower sex drive to prepare. You know when you'll have sex, so there's no constant pressure or resentment building.
Plus, scheduling sex can feel like a team activity, which helps the two of you get back on the same page again.
How to Schedule Sex
Now that you're on board with scheduling sex, how do you do it? Some people simply agree that a specific day of the week will always be sex night. For example, it might be Sexy Saturday. However, irregular schedules might make this difficult. Agree on factors that determine when you'll have sex such as on nights when kids are sleeping over at a friend's house or on mornings when you can go to work late.
You might only be able to plan a day in advance. Consider scheduling sex right after a romp when you're feeling good about sex.
For others, a little more romance is necessary. It's okay if you need to have a date first, and that might even help you get into the mood for sex. Even if you want to have sex, you might need a little romance to get the juices flowing. Treating scheduled sex like a date might just help you spend more time with your partner.
What about those days when you just don't want to have sex? Here's where compromise comes in. Agree to an activity that you can do, even if it's not a marathon of sex. For example, mutual masturbation might be doable when sex just seems like too much effort. You might find that getting things going gets you in the mood to do more.
Of course, just because you schedule sex doesn't mean that you can't also have spontaneous sex. For many people, the more they have sex, the more they want it. You might eventually find that you don't have to schedule sex anymore because it happens more frequently on its own. But if you find that schedules or desires don't quite align, then you can always go back to scheduling sex to give your sex life a boost.
It's easy to fall out of the practice of having sex. If you find yourself in that position, you might need to make time simply to talk to your partner in addition to having sex. But adding a little thoughtfulness to the situation has plenty of benefits. It's the kind of work that you wind up enjoying, especially if your partner is someone whom you find incredibly sexy or are in love with.
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r
