Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Thursday, December 5, 2019

How To Help A Woman Orgasm

It's far more common for men to orgasm during sexual encounters than women, especially when it comes to casual encounters. Why is this? Research has found that most women either need clitoral stimulation to orgasm or prefer it to do so. But penetration alone typically provides little to no clitoral pleasure for a woman.

This means that it doesn't matter how hard your erection is or how long you can keep it up. However, the bright side is that you can use your entire body to give her pleasure, which gives your penis a break. And if you and your partner are willing to explore, you can discover how she can have consistent orgasms.

Take Your Time


The first step to ensuring a woman has an orgasm is taking time to ensure she's adequately aroused. Without this arousal, sex can be uncomfortable or even painful. So don't rush to penetration. Use your hands and mouth. Spend more time making out rather than just giving a few perfunctory kisses. As a result, you'll be more aroused, too!

Understand Her Desire


Many people misunderstand how sexual desire works. For many women who have responsive desire, desire can only appear after physical arousal, which is one reason why taking your is important. On top of that, desire problems can interfere with a person's ability to have an orgasm.

But it's not just about ramping up that sex drive. There are things that inhibit the sex drive, too. This is known as the dual-control model of sexual response, which was suggested by Bancroft and Janssen as a way to explain desire. You can add all the candles and kisses you want, but if you don't deal with things that kill desires such as stress, low body image, relationship issues, and health issues including medications, it's like hitting the gas while the parking brake is still on.

A sensual massage can release stress and get her mind and body on the same page so she can really let go and enjoy sensual pleasure. She may also benefit from mindfulness techniques.
If you're interested in some reading material, Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are expands on the issue of desire.

Get Handsy


Your hands are perfect for rubbing her clitoris until she's writhing in ecstasy. Any time you have a free hand, reach out and touch her most sensitive place! A few positions are especially conducive for this, including doggie style and any position where you're behind her and don't need both hands for stabilization.

Here's a way to spice it up: either place your hand over hers to stimulate her clitoris, or place your hand under hers so she can guide you and show you exactly what she wants.
You can also place your hand around the base of your penis when she's riding you with two fingers on either side similar to Spock's hand. This allows her to grind against your knuckles.

Don't forget to use your finger and hands before and after penetration. If your fingers are inside her, you can use your thumb to stimulate your clitoris. For even more pressure, insert just your ring and middle finger with your pinky and index finger resting on either side of her labia. Bend your wrist up to stimulate her clitoris with the palm of your hand.

Become a Cunning Linguist


Although this wordplay might be a bit dated, the advice is always fresh. Oral sex is a great way to help your partner become turned on and experience an orgasm. To make sure she gets the most out of it, show enthusiasm and don't rush through it. Pay attention to her bodily cues to see what she responds to, and don't switch things up if orgasm is imminent.

Try a New Sex Position


Coital Alignment Technique, in which you move your body up so you can grind against her clitoris was designed by psychotherapist Edward Eichel precisely to give women more pleasure during sex.
Thigh Tide is a variation of Reverse Cowgirl where the woman is on top but facing away from her partner. If you're the partner on the bottom, lift one of your legs and bend your knee so that your foot is flat on the bed beneath you. As your partner rides you, she can grind against your thigh for clitoral stimulation.
Position pillows made from memory foam can change angles to provide more pleasure for both of you. Your partner may also enjoy grinding against them, and some pillows (such as those made by Liberator) even have pockets to insert a vibrator, which brings us to our next point.

Fill Your Toolbox


One of the most effective ways for a woman to have an orgasm is with the use of a sex toy. If you already know she finds it easier to orgasm with her vibrator, you can use that toy or even shop together for one that you use together. 

Many people start with a small bullet vibrator that's not intimidating, easy to use, and ideal for clitoral stimulation. However, bullet vibes are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sex toys. You'll find there are toys that each of you can enjoy alone as well as those you can use together. Consider the following examples.

  • The Magic Wand Original has been lauded for years as the “Cadillac” of sex toys by power queens
  • Womanizer was the first to come out with a line of air pulsators that create suction around the clitoris, but many others have joined the game since then
  • Try a G-spot vibrator with a curved head for internal stimulation
  •  She can wear a couples vibrator such as the We-Vibe during sex, and you'll get to enjoy it, too
  •  Put on a vibrating cock ring to stimulate her clitoris as you thrust

There are plenty of options to choose from, so don't think you need to try all of them or break the bank by going for a luxury toy. However, beware that not every sex toy works for everybody, and there is some trial and error involved.

Experimenting with these tricks can bring her closer to orgasm and the two of you closer together.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r