Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Is There A Right Way To Use A Sex Toy?

couple of woman and man buyers choosing color sexy toys in the sex shop
You might be surprised to learn about one question that patients sometimes ask their doctors: Is there a right way to use a sex toy? But doctors have fielded this question from people who have purchased sex toys and are wondering if they're using them right and potentially if there is something wrong with their bodies if they don't like the way it feels.

Is There A Right Way to Use a Toy?

Most retailers break down their toy selections into categories. You might see internal or G-spot vibrators, small or clitoral vibrators and anal toys. These categories make it easy to shop for the right toy for you, but you shouldn't consider them guidelines when it actually comes to using those toys. Instead, think of them more as suggestions.

For example, small vibrator that fits in the palm of your hand might be the perfect clitoral vibrator to use during solo sessions, but this doesn't mean it can't fit between you and your partner's body during sex, that you can't use it on your nipples, or that you can't lube it up and use it for an allover massage. Add it to a handjob to see how your partner responds.

Furthermore, a rabbit vibrator is intended for dual stimulation: vaginal/G-sot and clitoral. But you can turn it around so the bunny is rumbling against your perineum.

Switch up your position, whether you're alone or with a partner, to experience different sensations. If you reach around from behind to use your favorite dildo vaginally, does it feel different from reaching from the front?

You can try anal beads vaginally (see our safety warning below first), use strap-on dildos for prostate stimulation, or use a G-spot vibrator for any spot that tickles your fancy.

Press your wand vibrator against Kegel balls while you have them inserted to experience the difference.

Consider turning off vibration to simply thrust, rub or rock to your heart's desire.

If you're a man, you can use a vibrator, too. They're not just for women!

The more creative you are, the more pleasure you stand to experience. While you might not love vibration everywhere, or find that your favorite toy is better for clitoral stimulation than anything else, you might be surprised at how many erogenous zones your body actually has (definitely more than just your genitals!).

In fact, we might argue that a toy that is versatile is better than one that only serves a single purpose. An internal vibrator that's just as good clitoral stimulation means you're really getting your money's worth. And if you only like clit stim, you won't feel like you've wasted your time when you discover that your G-spot really doesn't respond to vibrations.

This leads us to our next point.

There's Nothing Wrong With You If You Don't Like A Toy

Perhaps one reason so many people are curious how to use a sex toy is because they're not experiencing toy-curling orgasms from their new battery-operated buddy. It's true that sex toys make it easier for many people to orgasm, even for the first time. But they won't necessarily unlock your sexuality, and here's why.

  • Not all sex toys are quality: Read a few sex toy review blogs, and you'll see this is sadly the case. Some are incredibly cheap. The power output is low. They'll break upon just a few uses. The reason the toy does nothing for you is because it wouldn't work for anyone.
  • Different strokes for different folks: Sometimes you can use a perfectly good sex toy only to find out that it's not for you. Perhaps the size or shape is wrong. It might provide pinpoint vibrations when you need more diffused vibes. You may need rumbly vibes while a toy produces buzzy ones, or texture might be more important for the body part you're trying to stimulate than vibration. Unfortunately, sex toys are not one-size-fits-all.
  • Orgasm takes practice: It also typically requires that you're relaxed and comfortable. You might still need to press a toy into your anatomy to get enough pressure. Just because you don't orgasm while using a sex toy the first (or first few) time, doesn't mean you won't ever. Focus on the pleasure and experiment, and you might be pleasantly surprised.
  • You don't need to orgasm: That's right, you can enjoy using sex toys even if you don't come. And some people do!

A toy that doesn't work for you doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with the toy, either. After you use a few toys, you'll gain a better understanding of what you need specifically.

Don't Forget Safety

While you should experiment with the various ways in which you can use your favorite sex toys, we would be remiss not to mention safety, specifically with anal experimentation.

You might be keen to see if your butt likes vibrations as much as your other parts (hint: it just may!). But you shouldn't insert anything anally that lacks a handle or flared base, which prevents it from slipping inside. This saves you the trouble of having to go into the emergency room.

If you do find a toy that's safe to use (some G-spot toys can double as prostate massagers, for example), you never want to use that toy vaginally without disinfecting it first. Because some materials cannot be disinfected, you should save them only for one orifice. Glasses, silicone, stainless steel and plastic are among the materials that are nonporous and can be boiled (if there isn't a motor), cleaned in the dishwasher or sprayed with a 10% bleach solution to disinfect the toy.

Similarly, we recommend disinfecting toys if you share them with others.

Aside from anal safety, make sure you're not using your toy so roughly that you cause damage. And use plenty of lube to make sure insertion is pain-free and as easy as possible! Lube also helps your sessions last longer, and you can reapply it as often as necessary.

Finally, safety is a major concern when it comes to BDSM activities, which include bondage and discipline. Binding someone with a material that can constrict (think silk scarves) can cut off circulation, and you should never bind someone's neck. When spanking or playing with impact play toys, it's important to stick to the butt and back of thighs, which contain fatty tissue. Paddling over any area that contains an organ is a bad idea!

Aside from safety, there really is no right way to use a sex toy such as a vibrator or dildo. And you don't have to take our word for it! There's even a survey that finds there is no correct way to use a sex toy.

So use sex toys in ways that feel good, even if it's not how it's intended. Just make sure to be safe!

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r