But Aren't I Enough?
Some people flinch when their partners suggest using sex toys in the bedroom. You might be wondering if your partner is boring or if you're somehow not good enough. That is not true. Think of it like ice cream: there are hundreds of flavors, and you might have a favorite. But it's okay if you sometimes want to try something new or add some toppings. This doesn't mean your favorite is any less good. Sex is much like that, and variety is the spice of your sex life!
Many women are already familiar with sex toys because they provide the clitoral stimulation that most women need to get off, and it's a lot less stress on hands and wrists when a toy can do most of the work. You might be surprised how much fun you have shopping for and using new items, and toys and accessories can open up doorways to roleplay, bondage and other types of kink.
How to Incorporate Sex Toys Into Your Bedroom
Trying too much too soon can be overwhelming and sometimes disappointing. Instead of buying an entire arsenal, take the time to shop around and find the toy that seems the most likely to meet your needs. If your partner seems reluctant, remind them of the points above and err on the side of caution
when it comes to surprising them with a new sex toy. On the other hand, someone who has expressed interest in toys might not mind a surprise!
You can use sex toys on your partner and vice versa, either of both of you can use toys as part of mutual masturbation, or the two of you can find toys specifically intended for sex.
Using a toy on a partner can be fun and can relieve the stress of oral or manual stimulation. Sending your partner over the edge – or bringing them just to the precipice and backing off repeatedly – can make you feel quite powerful. Nipple toys and clamps, anal toys and most bondage gear can be used on anyone. Try having sex while one or both of you is wearing a butt plug to see how it feels!
A wand vibrator such as the classic Magic Wand works just as well to provide powerful clitoral orgasms while you can also hold it against the base of a man's penis or his scrotum for stimulation that he's probably not accustomed to as well. Because most guys don't have vibrator experience, you'll want to start low and work your way up. A bullet vibrator is a good introductory toy in those instances.
Female partners can enjoy a wide variety of internal vibrators and dildos (try the Fun Factory Stronic line or a glass dildo with a G-spot bulb). Although a woman may have enjoyed many hours of solo play with her toy, a partner does it from a different angle and can provide a new sensation. Many of these can also be used anally on a man for prostate stimulation, but the toy should have a flared base or handle to prevent it from getting lost in the rectum.
You can use a toy on your partner as part of foreplay or even during penetration, but it's just as fun to incorporate them when you're engaging in some mutual masturbation. Consider how hot it'll look as you stroke yourself with a sleeve – Tenga brand comes highly rated -- while your partner watches or, if you're a woman, you could fuck yourself with a dildo or hold a vibrator against your clitoris until you orgasm. Because you know what your body needs and likes better than anyone else, it's easier to feel pleasure and get off, but this can still be an intimate activity.
However, most people think of toys that can be used during sex as the pinnacle of incorporating sex toys in the bedroom, and it's certainly a lot of fun. Whether you want to orgasm more easily, make sex last longer or simply spice things up, there are plenty of options.
- Cock rings are worn around the base of a man's penis or scrotum. They prolong erection and can make you larger. Vibration cock rings provide stimulation to a woman's clitoris, and some even have anal attachments for double penetration.
- Vibrators add clitoral stimulation and can also be used on the nipples. Couple's vibrators include small, flatter vibes like the Lelo Lily or the new Eva, which sit between your bodies, and the We-Vibe, which is intended to be worn during sex. Some can even be controlled by your partner with a remote.
- Paddles, whips, and floggers are an excellent way to experiment with BDSM. Try something soft and furry before moving on to more extreme leather, wood or even metal toys.
- Restraints are ideal for role play. Fuzzy handcuffs aren't intimidating, but leather feels more luxurious, and you can create beautiful art if you learn to tie a few knots with silk rope. Don't forget the blindfold!
- Massage creams and accessories aren't technically toys, but they're worth looking into.
- Massage candles melt at a low temperature but feel warm and silky on your skin. You'll also find cooling, tingling, scented and flavored massage products.
- Strap-ons and dildos aren't just great for same-sex couples. Women can experience power exchange be penetrating their male partners!
- Sex dice are a classic way to try something new. Sex cards, questions, and games also up the ante if you're not sure what to do.
Many people get so excited to try sex toys that they forget the practical. It's easy to go overboard and spend money on a dildo that will never fit or make your partner feel inadequate by accident. So talk to your partner, shop for your toy, have lube on hand, charge your batteries and read the manual for your best chance at success.
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r