It may be that time of year where we’re focusing on being coupled and all the cuddly, lovey, sexy that comes with it but learning ways to flirt is helpful whether you’re still searching for or already in a relationship. Flirting is defined as: to behave in a way that shows a sexual attraction for someone but is not meant to be taken seriously. Flirting can be fun but most of the time it’s a subtle way to let someone know you’re interested in them. In a society that doesn’t allow us to be upfront and straightforward about attraction, especially sexual attraction, we use gestures, words, movements and other forms of body language that are like a code to tell people we’re hot for them. This subtle, or sometimes not so subtle, body language is helpful in public situations where coming right out and saying you’re interested is either difficult or terrifying. You can use these tips to get the attention of that person you’ve been eyeing all night. Flirting can be used in established relationships to reconnect with your partner, let them know you still find them attractive and that they still make you hot.
Breaking The Ice
The first step towards successful flirting is actually doing something. Social interaction doesn’t come easy to everyone and initiating contact with someone you are attracted to can make it feel daunting. Finding an easy way to begin conversation could be as simple as brushing past them then stopping to talk or making eye contact then approaching. Close proximity or eye contact can also make you open to being approached. Find something about the event, location or situation that can start casual conversation. Or if you are so attracted you’re scared out of your mind, you can try to approach someone else with them in a friendly way that then lends itself to contact with your intended flirtation target. Most importantly just try to relax. Confidence is what’s sexy and research has shown that people who gave signals that they were open to being approached, available and confident almost always found people attracted to them.
Tried And True Techniques
Two things that seem to work every time is eye contact and smiling. These heavy hitters work on a subconscious level signaling availability and attraction. When we’re talking eye contact I don’t mean staring into their very soul for an uncomfortable amount of time. Staring is confrontational and in men can seem frighteningly dominant. You don’t want to creep them out with contact that’s too intense or uncomfortable. Once eye contact is made, hold briefly then look away. Eye contact along with a smile, then a look away that accompanies some kind of preening move like fixing your hair then looking back again makes the contact very flirtatious. Eye contact can signal to your intended “flirtee” to complete that contact by approaching you. A smile is also a great way to send warm flirty signals to someone. A soft genuine smile is all that you need. No large bordering on The Joker creeper smiles should be used unless you honestly are someone who smiles broadly. A smile makes people feel relaxed and opens up avenues of communication. Preening, as I mentioned before, subconsciously give the impression of interest through fixing your appearance. Running fingers through your hair, rearranging clothing in small ways, readjusting yourself in your seat all give the person an impression that you want to impress them. Believe it or not the hair flip thing you see women do actually works. There’s something about that hair toss that triggers attraction so keep it in your flirty bag of tricks. Another proven technique is to expose your neck. Turning or tilting your head so your neck is exposed is very sexy. Combine this with the hair flip and you’ve got a winning combination. Over the shoulder glances are very sexy too. As with all glances, the fact that you’re glancing at them more than once signals your interest. Add a hair flip with subtly licking or biting your lips (pretty much women only) and you’ve really got their attention.
Little Known Techniques
Mirroring others is also a way to signal attraction. I’m not talking about a Grouch Marx creepy level of mirroring every single move, just having similar body positioning signals that you are in tune with each other. Repeating a move they just did like a head scratch or brushing a sleeve gives the person an impression that you are connecting. Crossing your legs for women is not exactly an uncommon technique; most of us have seen or heard of the Basic Instinct move. That’s not what I’m suggesting. The act of cross and uncrossing legs can be very alluring. A touch on the arm can be very flirty too just make sure it’s not crossing anyone’s personal boundaries, this may be more difficult for men. Some people need space. If a soft touch isn’t an option just being fully present can be very flirtatious. You shouldn’t be scanning the room or looking around furtively. This looks like you’re looking for a way out of the conversation or for the bigger better deal. Stay engaged in the conversation, you can even reference back to something they said. Remember that smile and eye contact. A flirty laugh works too. If you’re finding it hard to get them to look at you during conversation because they’re shy or nervous, use a gesture that brings their eyes up to your face like touching your hair or adjusting an earring. Their eyes will follow the movement and hopefully will glance into your own.
Confidence is the Key
I know this is the hardest thing about flirting, feeling like the other person is just not going to want to buy what you’re selling. But as the ever-sexy Dita Von Teese once said, “You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” Don’t assume the person you want to approach isn’t going to be into you and if they’re not move on. You’ll never know until you try. Sometimes it takes a couple of flirty glances for the other party to notice you’re interested. As for coupled flirting, all these techniques can be use with your partner. Eye contact, a sultry smile, a touch on the arm, mimicking behaviors are great ways to connect with your partner whether you’re around the house or out in a public place. It’s a great way to fan the flames of desire, especially when you can get side tracked with stress and busy schedules. Whether you’re coupled or single remember to make sure you relax and be yourself.
By: Technogeisha
Follow on Twitter @Technogeisha
