5 Reasons Why You Can't Cum During Sex

Everyone deserves to have an orgasm – or perhaps more than one! – during sex if that's what they want.  The way we teach and think about sex isn't always adequate for making this happen, however. There is any number of reasons you can't come during sex, however, and you should consider whether any of the following things are affecting you.

You're Anxious

A bout of nerves can work against anyone's orgasm and sexual response in general. Most people experience anxiety as a negative when it comes to sex; although, there are a few people who find it arousing.

Perhaps it's your first time (in general or with a new partner), you think your partner is way out of your league, you're struggling with body image, or you simply need a little more time to be comfortable in the situation. Your nerves are a wreck. Having an orgasm? Won't be easy. It might be difficult enough to become wet or maintain an erection.

Some of these fixes are easier than others. A glass of wine helps some people. Maybe you need to cuddle, make out or exchange massages to melt the nerves away. For issues such as body image and self-esteem, it will take more time and perhaps the help of a professional to work through.

When you recognize that anxiety is working against you, however, you've got a hell of a lot better odds at beating it!

You Skimped on the Foreplay

It's unfortunate that so many people think of sex only as bodily penetration (lesbians seem to be alone in defining more activities as having sex). Fingering, oral sex, and dry humping can all help you warm up for penetration, which can make orgasm even easier. Oral sex is especially effective when it comes to getting women off.

So don't rush to the finish line – if penetration is even part of your sexual repertoire. Take things slowly. Start with some sultry texts before you're even in the same room as your lover. By the time you get face-to-face, you'll want to rip one another's clothing off. The heightened anticipation is only a boon for orgasm!

You're Not Focusing on Clitoral Stimulation

This one's more for women who struggle to orgasm, but anyone who has sex with a woman (or transman) can benefit from reading it. Research finds that most women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. So sex without clitoral stimulation just isn't going to cut it. The same is true for ignoring the clit during masturbation.

Fortunately, the answer is simple! Rub your clitoris or invite your partner to do the same during intercourse. Grab your favorite vibrator if you prefer. Get into a position that more easily allows clit stim between your bodies (the Clitoral Alignment Technique positions your clit closer to your partner's mons pubis for more intense clitoral stimulation and Thigh Master is like Reverse Cowgirl, but your partner bends his knee, so you can grind against his thigh while you ride him), or position a pillow that you can grind against during sex.

Here's a sex trick you might not have heard of: when you're on top, have your partner place two fingers on either side of the base of his penis similar to the Spock sign. His knuckles will provide friction when you ride him!

Combining penetration with clitoral sensation is a great way to get off during sex.

You're Performing and Not Feeling

It's a wonderful thing to know that your partner is attracted to you and that the way you look, sound and feel is contributing to their pleasure and orgasm. But if you're stuck on that performance, you might not be having an orgasm. You might become self-conscious for one.

Furthermore, you might be distracted from your own pleasure. Sometimes, you need to take the helm and do whatever it is that you need to have an orgasm. Sometimes you may have to concentrate before that orgasm comes to fruition. If all your attention is on performing, you might not actually be in the moment and feeling.

It's good to think of your partner's desires, but don't forget about your own, that is, assuming you know them.

You've Never Masturbated

It's much easier to orgasm during sex if you've ever had an orgasm before. And one of the easiest ways for you to do this, especially for women, is if you've discovered how to orgasm during solo time. There's less pressure when you're on your own, and you can bring the knowledge you uncover into partner play and have more confidence that you'll be able to orgasm when you do.

Some people view masturbation as a substitution for sex, but they're different activities. You can enjoy masturbating even if you're in a relationship or regularly having sex.

You're Trying Too Hard

It might seem counter-intuitive, but trying to have an orgasm during sex might be the very reason that you cannot. This is especially true for women who have yet to have an orgasm. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply enjoy the sensations (and even distracted yourself a bit from the idea of orgasm) and enjoy what feels good, even if it doesn't lead to orgasm. If it does, great! If not, you still have a good time, and your sexual encounter isn't worth any less.

Discovering the reason you aren't having an orgasm is the first step to solving the problem, but don't forget to enjoy yourself even if you don't always come during sex!

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Five Ways to Use a Tenga Egg

Tenga Eggs are probably one of my favorite “first sex toy”s to recommend. They’re small, easy to use, discreet, cheap, and disposable. They’re perfect for anyone looking to try a stroker who doesn’t want to spend a lot of money or have a giant dick tube lying around waiting for someone to find it. The use of a Tenga Egg goes far beyond that, though. They can be transformed to fit a whole bunch of purposes for any set of genitals! Here are a myriad of ways to transform your Tenga Egg.

Use It For Its Intended Purpose

Tenga Eggs are small, textured, egg-shaped sleeves that come in small easter-egg-esque containers. To use one, remove the packaging, pour some of the included lubricant into the sleeve, and pull over your penis, moving it up and down with whatever tightness and speed you’d normally use to masturbate. It’s that simple! Tenga Eggs are fun strokers because of their lack of a case, which means your hand controls the tightness.

Turn It Inside Out

For a smoother feeling, do the same thing, but turn the toy inside out. These mini strokers come in all sorts of textures (from zig zag patterns to circles) and levels of firmness, but if you find yourself less than thrilled with your chosen texture, turning it inside out reveals a smoother experience.

Trim Off the Tip to Amp Up a Blowjob

Have you heard of the Fleshlight Quickshot? It’s a short masturbator intended for assisting with oral sex. It’s open on both ends so the penis can fit through and leave the tip exposed to go in someone’s mouth. With just a simple modification of snipping the tip off of a Tenga Egg, you can have the same thing for just a few bucks. If your penis is on the smaller side, Tenga Eggs might actually work even better for you than a Quickshot!

Cut It Open for Hand Sex On Any Genitals

A cut down the side creates a flat piece of stretchy squishy textured fun to use in any sort of way you want. Use it like a different sort of stroker on a penis or place it over a vulva and use it to massage the labia and clitoris. You could even use it as a dental dam!

Stretch It Over a Wand Vibrator

Another trick for use on any sort of genitals is to turn the stroker inside out and place it over a wand or other vibrator for a new way to combine texture and vibration. This can, of course, be used on a vulva, but penises can also benefit from vibration. Try holding a vibrator against the “frenulum” of the penis, or where the head meets the shaft on the side facing your belly. Another option is to place the sleeve over the penis and then hold a vibrator against it to send vibrations through the whole sleeve.

If you’re still not sold in this wonderful little hand dandy device, might I mention that it’s only $8? One of my favorite toys, Tenga Eggs are great for sex toy newbies and pros alike and can be used in so many different ways. If you have another great Tenga Egg tip, let us know in the comments.

Happy experimenting!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

How to Measure for a Cock Ring

Cock rings are easily one of my favorite kinds of sex toys. They’re super simple to use and make a huge impact on basically any sex I’m having. Despite their awesomeness and simplicity, it’s surprisingly difficult to find one that fits properly. Not all materials, designs, and bodies are made the same. Plus, depending on your planned usage, your needs may vary greatly.

My first cock ring was some jelly garbage that broke after a couple stroke sessions. Luckily it came with some other toy that worked out much better. I was also lucky in that I really enjoyed what it did, despite it being cheaply made and entirely too small. It was very stretchy, though which helped a lot.

When it came time to buy my first real cock ring, I just kinda guessed at what I needed and just kinda got it wrong. I didn’t measure at all and greatly underestimated how much ring I needed to encompass everything. This new ring was a better material – silicone – but not nearly a stretchy despite its name. So, although its diameter was 3x as large normally, when stretched, the original turned out to be twice as large. From that and many subsequent test runs, I learned a few things:

Consider your materials

Silicone, while ideal for most cock ring uses will only stretch about double its normal size, while thicker banded silicone rings will stretch roughly 1.25 times its normal size. Jelly or other softer materials, while incompatible with most condom materials, will stretch up to four times the size with the same amount of pull applied. Steel has absolutely no give. Leather is slightly forgiving but, more importantly, usually features variable sizing through steel buttons. Nylon bands have lots of give but usually feature some kind of Velcro closure, which isn’t great for body hair.

Something else that’s not great for body hair, stretchy silicone and pull adjustable rings, for similar reasons. If the skin around your penis and scrotum is taught, adjustable rings will be more comfortable for you. If it’s looser, you’ll probably prefer something with more grip and rigidity.

Measuring

If you choose stiffer silicone, steel, or any unforgiving material, measurement becomes crucial. For most folks, you’ll be better off using a string than a tape measure to do this, unless the tape is relatively thin. If you know you want a thicker ring a regular tape measure is going to be preferable. You’re going to measure from the base of your penis, down the thigh crease, behind the scrotum, and back up the other side to make a complete circle.

You may be surprised by the number of inches you get from this measurement. Our genitals often have a heft and presence one only experiences through close contact. Perhaps it’s a good time to re-familiarize yourself with what’s going on down there, but that’s a topic for another time.

The next measurement, you’ll want to do is around the largest circumference of your larger testicle. You’re trying to make sure you can easily plop your testicles through a stiffer ring. If you can’t get your largest testicle through, there’s no chance for anything to fit comfortably. With those two measurements you can safely estimate a size that fits you.

Sizing 

Most cock rings are sold by diameter not circumference. The latter value is usually much bigger. So, to get a usable number, we go back to algebra one. Simply take the circumference and divide it by pi or roughly 3.14.

For me: Base of penis and scrotum 8"/3.14=about 2.5 inches.

I’ll use that sizing for general suggestions going forward.

If you’re getting an extra stretchy cock ring, you’ll want to get one closer to 2 inches. If it’s more rigid, you’ll want to try 2.25 inches. If it’s steel, you’ll actually want to get one almost exactly 2.5”. Just by applying the ring, you’ll begin to swell a bit and it’ll be easier to remove if it’s in the larger range for you. As you become more aroused, your testicles will bunch up a bit too, adding more girth and pressure.

For thinner rings, you can safely try shifting the sizes down by a quarter inch. For thicker rings, you’ll want to go up by the same amount.

Bodily considerations

As a fat hairy guy, my favorite rings are thicker, more rigid silicone roughly 2.25” in diameter. Although, as I age that diameter is a little small for my testicles, so it might be time to size up or switch to steel from silicone for a slicker/larger entryway. Something for you to consider as well, if your scrotum hangs. If it doesn’t, you’re probably going to prefer thinner or stretchier rings since you don’t have the flesh to support a thicker one.

If you have rather large testicles, make sure to find the diameter for your testicles as well. This will let you know if it will fit through the ring you choose. Keep in mind you’ll place one testicle in at a time, so if your testicle is any smaller than the ring, you’re good.

Usage needs:

How long do you plan to wear your cock ring? If it’s all day long, you’re going to need to be careful that it’s looser than normal. In fact, if possible try for the more rigid steel or silicone. Those are usually the most comfortable as they don’t press down harder or get twisted throughout the day. In this case the looseness is more that it holds its shape rather than trying to pull tight like a stretchy material would.

Is this treatment for erectile issues? If so, a smaller, stretchy ring might be better. Because they do tighten slightly over time, you’ll find it settling into a stronger seal on your erection. Yet, if your erection expands beyond what you expect, it won’t be much of a hindrance. You might also try something that only wraps around the penis.

Are you trying to create or enhance your bulge? If so a cock sling or ring with more heft to push everything forward would do wonders for that goal. If you don’t want anyone to know, opt for something smaller. You’ll still get amplified erections, but you won’t be grabbing as much immediate attention.

By: Jerome Stuart Nichols
Follow on Twitter @NotJeromeStuart