When was the last time you saw sex seen in the movies that
looked anything at all like real sex? Have you laughed or cringed or wondered
why exactly sex looks that way and who are having sex like that? Perhaps
you've felt disappointing or shame because the sexual experiences you've had
don't match up with what you expect due to how sex is portrayed on screen. There's a reason why sex doesn't look
realistic in media.
What Looks Good May Be Fake
First, remember that everything you see and hear on screen has
to keep your interest. It doesn't need to look real as much as it needs to look
interesting. So while your body can wind up contorted in ways that
aren't exactly attractive when you actually have sex, you wouldn't see that in
a steamy sex scene in a movie. The same goes for sounds, which may not always
be so appetizing.
Movies and TV shows get away with this in part because sex
scenes are short. At most, we see a few seconds of the action. It's a highlight
reel. You can imagine that things such as consent, awkward position changes,
and the application of lube are happening behind the scenes. But those things
are boring, and viewers want to see the good stuff. At the very least, we've
been trained to want to see those things and not the weird reality of sex.
But just because sex scenes may be short doesn't mean they
don't involve a ton of production. Makeup, bodily enhancements, lingerie,
specially-cut sheets and blankets, sexy lighting, and creative camera shots
help to create all those steamy moments on film. That's not considering
everything that's done after the initial filming including editing the visuals
and adding music.
Of course, there isn't any sexy music playing when these
scenes are being shot. There are, however, dozens of people watching actors in
various states of undress as they attempt to simulate sex without making too
much contact with another actor's body or revealing their own. Cameras, body
parts, and blankets are arranged strategically to hide that actors are, in
fact, not naked at all. Those simultaneous screaming orgasms are faked because
that's what an actor does. No one has to rush to the bathroom to clean
up dripping cum or fight over who sleeps in the wet spot on the bed because the
scene has already ended. How can sex look real when it's imitation like any
other thing we watch?
Shortcuts Save Time But Miss Details
Secondly, sex on the screen follows a script, and we're not
just talking about the script that actors follow. There's a sexual script that
people tend to follow on-screen and off. It goes a little something like this
when we're talking about straight, cis-gendered folks: flirt, kiss, grope,
remove some or all clothing, “foreplay,”
penetration, man's orgasm.
These sexual scripts more often than not focus on
penetration as the main course. Not only does this too often overlook a woman's
sexual pleasure, but it suggests that a man's worth equates to the performance
of his penis. Of course, the couple is always ready to go physically and
mentally. It just wouldn't look good any other way.
To be fair, movies and shows frequently rely on shortcuts.
We know that one character is the hero because they're wearing white and another
is a villain because they're bedecked in dark colors. We expect that some
things will appear a certain way because it helps us to understand what's going
on. Our brains take shortcuts and fill in information all the time to be more
efficient and to help make sense of the world. In some ways, it only makes
sense that the media we create would do the same.
But seeing those same scripts repeated time and again if
we're not occasionally reminded that this is just one way for sex to look and
that every person can define sex individually can enforce a narrow depiction of
sex. We can – and should – create our own scripts or feel free to ditch the
script altogether. Sex can be much more varied than what appears in movies or
on TV, which rarely shows couples of average appearance or disabled people
enjoying sex.
Sexual scripts might be a bit more creative with other
arrangements (two women, group sex, et cetera), but you might be surprised to
realize how that sex walks the “straight” and narrow as well. We haven't even
gotten into porn, in which sexual acts are often filmed from the (straight)
man's point of view. POV porn is a popular segment of the porn market, perhaps
because so much content caters to men, what they want to see, and how they see
the world.
Question The Media You Consume
The problem is many of us accept what we see and don't think
twice about it. This might not seem like a big deal, but questioning these
portrayals of sex can be enlightening and healthy. We're not taught to analyze
the media we consume to determine if it's realistic or complete. If we don't
make a point to examine media, however, we might not realize there's a
disconnect between the big screen and real life.
TV shows and porn
fill in the gaps when there's a lack of quality sex education. However,
this media doesn't paint the full picture. We might accept that sex should look
and sound like what's in the movies and wonder what's wrong with us if that's
not what we like to do with our partners in bed when, in reality, there's
nothing at all wrong with our wants and desires. Real sex simply doesn't get
any screen time.
Of course, it's not all bad. Slowly but surely, audiences
have been able to see a wider variety of bodies and abilities. It's more common
to see sex occurring between same-sex couples and bisexual characters exploring
their sexuality on screen. Trans characters have appeared in more than a few TV
shows. Writers make a point to show consent and negotiation before any clothes
come off. Sexual activity isn't quite as routine, and there are nods given to a
woman's pleasure, which often requires clitoral stimulation and not just
penetration.
Change is happening, albeit slowly. Every time a viewer sees
a character with whom they can identify, whether it's because of appearance,
sexual orientation, or something else, or characters having sex that actually
includes the activities they enjoy, they feel validated and normal. And every
time we can gaze at the screen and see the awkwardness that sometimes
accompanies sex, we are reminded that sex isn't picture perfect, but it doesn't
have to be. It's okay when things don't go as planned. It's all part of the
experience and that experience cannot be accurately portrayed in a few minutes
of film.
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r
