Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Sex Toys Are a Man's Best Friend Too

Muscular young sexy man lies on the bed

There's a common idea that men are all self-satisfied horn dogs who get whatever kind of sex they want because they're guys and that's what they do. While people mean well when they say that, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Sure, women often get called names for having many sexual partners while men typically get a gentle chiding for the same behavior. Still, quantity and quality are not the same. Men might have sex with more people, but they aren't really allowed to enjoy it.

While there's a lot of attention and time spent educating and teaching women to advocate for their sexual pleasure, we actively discourage men from fully enjoying their sexuality. There's tons of examples of this in our culture, but one the saddest is the stigma against men using sex toys.

While this is fading with time, I really don't think it's moving fast enough. As a former victim of this continuing social plague, it's important for me speak openly about my love of sex toys and all the joys they've brought into my life.

I once believed wanting to try something more than just penetration was a sign of weakness. Now, I'm proud to have a sex toy box to rival my childhood X-Men & Power Ranger action figure collections. The change came gradually with a few restrained attempts at keeping up the facade of stoic masculinity followed by several purchases that changed my mind about the kind of pleasure I was capable of having.

While most of the specific products I bought aren't really sold anymore, the categories have only gotten better. So, let's go over a few sex toys that changed my life and could help step your sex game up, even if it's solo dolo.

Most people don't think of lube as a sex toy, but your hands are usually your first and best sex toys. So, that's usually the most comfortable place for guys to start experimenting.

Science has proven the lube makes sex objectively more enjoyable. While I've yet to see a study on solo sex, my personal case study suggests the result is the same. For a long time, I used nothing, then lotion, Vaseline and anything I could my hands on. In my mid-twenties, I reached peak jerk lube with the penis moisturizing wonder of specialty creamy lubes, like Wicked Masturbation Crème.

They're clean drying, obscenely smooth, react wonderfully to body heat, and aid in feeling the details of our hands. They usually cost more than I like, but if I'm ever single again, I will stock up immediately.

Masturbation Sleeves:
These are essentially toys you can use to stroke your penis instead of your hand or a willing partner. The Kleenex of penile masturbators/sleeve is Fleshlight and with good reason. They're quality devices, which last to my satisfaction through about 3 years of heavy use by my 20-something sex drive.

Looking back through all the amazing orgasms and ejaculations I've had due to spending $84.99 for the Fleshlight Original with the anus orifice and ribbed internal texture, it's an undeniably fantastic purchase. I even ended up buying the smaller, less expensive Fleshlight Flight upon its debut. Still, when looking originally, I had no idea what it would feel like and everything I'd imagine grossed me out. So, I opted to bring home a $10.99 Tenga Deep Throat.

While that is meant to be disposable, it still helped my inexperienced penis learn how to enjoy something other than my hand and taught me how utterly stupefying it feels to release with one of these wrapped around my penis. Both my masturbatory and partnered sex lives improved dramatically as a result.

Cock Rings:
Simple and infinitely useful, cock rings/c-rings work by restricting blood flow from leaving the penis. I thought they looked weird in porn but the results speak for themselves. I got one as a free add-on in some Pipedream penis pump I received to review and I was wowed.

I thought I'd experienced rock hard erections before. Still, with a cock ring, I regularly gain a full inch in length, 3/4 in in girth and a powerful vascular appearance, without pills. It's not nearly as uncomfortable as I feared, practice helped eliminate that completely.  Definitely $10 well spent.

I now own 3 different ones that look a lot like TitanMen's basic ring. Although, there's many other options including ones made from leather, rubber and steel. There's also vibrating, bulge enhancing, edible, simulated double penetration, and adjustable options.

Kink Gear:
I admit to some initial side eye at the 50 Shades books; they seemed silly. Plus, despite how traditionally masculine I appear, I'm actually gentle and opposed to violence - kinky stuff seemed like something for people with more time and collections of tailed clothing. Still, I gave the whole thing an honest try and they won me over.

I learned how much I didn't know about kink, to not be so judgmental of myself, and, most importantly, that the 50 Shades sex toy collection makes my bedroom pop. The Totally His Soft Handcuffs and Hard Limits Under Bed Restraints, are incredibly useful and look really cool, which is totally worth their reasonable asking prices. I'm definitely no Christian Grey, but even vanilla sex befits from theater of the mind and ergonomics.

I've written extensively on the benefits of blindfolds and the Grey collection's offering is my favorite. On the other hand, I've not dealt with ergonomics nearly at all, even though I'm very familiar with how we wear our bodies down with sports and hard labor.

Most guys use pillows or towels to do the job, but the kinksters have this one solved, too. Even if your back and knees are creak-free, a sex wedge will deepen your stroke and allow gravity to assist in movement. The restraints I mentioned earlier do a lot of the same things, but cost less, a major concern for me.

Male sexual pleasure isn't optional. Our bodies are made for it and just having sex isn't good enough. Sex toys are here to help us have the best sex we can. We have the technology. More importantly, though, we have the freedom to step outside our narrow masculinity boxes.

Blindfolds, restraints, canes, paddles, crops, ticklers, nipple clamps, spreader bars, cock rings, lube, masturbators, cuffs, wedges, etc. This gear may seem extreme or inaccessible, but it is only what you make it. We're all kind of nerds; let's nerd out about our bodies and sexual pleasure, too.

By: Jerome Stuart Nichols
Follow on Twitter @NotJeromeStuart