Although tips on sex toys and techniques are valuable for any person who wants a satisfying sex life, it's advice about feeling sexually confident that proves invaluable to our readers. This is especially true for women, who want learn to compare themselves to other women at an early age!
No matter your height or weight, the amount of experience you have or how in love you might be, you're never impervious to feeling a little anxiety. No one is.
The good news is that it's not a terminal issue. With time, practice and even a little help from your partner, you can raise your confidence inside the bedroom – and this confidence might even spill over to other areas of your life. Keep reading to learn how!
Fake it 'til you make it:
Remember that no one is impervious to criticism. Stripping down in front of another person is vulnerable, no matter who you are. Do you know the secret of people who don't seem so vulnerable? They fake it, at least a little bit!
If you're incredibly uncomfortable, it shows. And it can be a turn-off. So instead of hiding behind the blanket, keeping your clothes on every time or refusing to turn on the lights, try this: take a deep breath, smile, and forge ahead as if you're not as bothered as you are.
One way to do that is to simply visualize yourself as the sexual create you can be – and are! Eventually, you will feel more confident. Plus, your partner will find this confidence a turn on!
Dress the part:
No one feels sexy after a long day at work. If you want to feel more confident, do a little makeup (if you'd like), style your hair and wear something that makes you feel like you just have to be touched. Perhaps it's your partner's t-shirt, a sexy chemise or your favorite bra and panty set. Whatever makes you feel good? Rock it!
Dim the lights:
Many people who lack confidence in the bedroom turn off the lights. Of course, this makes it more difficult to do some of those sexy things. Instead, we recommend using lower light. Consider a candle (battery operated candles are the safest option) or even just draping a scarf over your lamp for some instant ambiance!
Take some sexy photos:
It might sound silly, but this single act can really make a person feel more confident in the bedroom! Perhaps this is one reason why sexting has become so common! You can simply snap a photo with your camera or phone, or you can enlist your partner to help. There's no need to send them if you don't want to. Delete them right away.
If you know a photographer who does nude photos, you might find yourself in front of the camera for a beautiful portrait. Women especially find themselves feeling more confident when they pay for boudoir photography. When your hair and makeup are done, and you're in a sexy little something, you'll feel like a porn star! These photos can remain your little secret, but they'll also make a great gift to your partner!
Appreciate your uniqueness:
You are a whole person. Part of this is your looks, yes, and that's potentially more important during sex than other activities. But you're also your kind heart and your creative brain. You're a unique individual from everyone else, and that's something that no one can take for you. It's also likely part of the reason you're about to ditch your clothes and crawl between the sheets with another person. When you're in need of a confidence boost, remind yourself of this fact!
Remember that you don't have to be the best:
Is your partner the best looking or the most skilled you've ever had? Is he the most confident or does he have the largest penis? Chances are, you can't say “Yes” to all of these questions. Even if you could, you couldn't objectively rate your partner as the best for anyone other than you. There might be someone who would disagree or even wonder what you see in this person. But it's not up to anyone else. It's you and your partner in the bedroom, and that's all that matters, which leads us to our next point.
Your partner chooses you, and you do the same:
A lot of times, we call our partner the best because of the affection we feel for them and the connection we share. Being in love, for example, can make sex move from something more primal to love making, which many people desire. Even when you're only in a physical relationship, someone with whom you share amazing sexual chemistry is going to provide you with a better experience than a random person. Knowing that you both choose one another is quite the confidence booster and aphrodisiac.
Know that your partner has flaws, too:
It's normal to experience a little sexual anxiety, especially with a new partner of if you're inexperienced. But recognize that you're not the only person in the room having those feelings. While you might be worried about a roll or stretch marks, your partner might wonder if his thinner hair or smaller-than-average penis is something that you're going to focus on.
But maybe you don't even notice (partially because you're wrapped up in your own head). Or you did, and you find those quirks that your partner would write off as attractive. Maybe it doesn't matter because you're going to love him and/or have great sex either way! And your partner has similar affectionate or aroused thoughts about you. There's a lot less to worry about than you think!
While we've angled this article toward women, it's important to recognize that men are not immune to confidence issues in the bedroom. They're often expected to make the first move in dating and sex, which is understandably nerve-wracking. Men are judged on their physical appearance, and when it comes to sex, the size of a man's penis is often seen as a deal-breaker. This leaves even average-sized men feeling inadequate, despite the fact that their partners have no complaints in the bedroom!
We're all human. No one is perfect. Everyone is aware of that fact.
Appreciating your partner's potential issues can help you to feel better about your own. If the two of you communicate about sex, which you absolutely should do, then you can even use this as a way to become closer and have better sex!
By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r
