Three Reasons Why Yes/No/Maybe Lists Rule

Recently here on Cirilla’s Bedroom Insider we’ve been chatting about how to talk about sex with a partner. We’ve written about how to communicate before, during, and after sex, but I saved my absolute favorite tip for its very own post. In my opinion, yes/no/maybe lists are the bee’s knees. Also known as a want/will/won’t list, a yes/no/maybe list is a chart of sex acts you create to communicate which sex acts you’re thrilled about (the “yes” or “want”), which ones you might be willing to try (the “will” or “maybe”), and which ones you’d rather stay away from (the “no” or “won’t”). This handy guide will by no means be the end-all be-all of your sexual adventures, but it’s a great place to start and build conversations. Here are a few reasons why these handy-dandy things rule, and some tips on how to create your own!

Yes/no/maybe lists give you a chance to reflect upon your own sexuality.

A yes/no/maybe list starts with thinking about your own sexual habits. What do you like? What do you hate? Considering how you would categorize your favorite and not-so-favorite sexual activities is a great opportunity for some self-reflection. To sort through the multitude of sex acts and get inspiration for things to go on your chart, try peeking at Lindsey Doe’s video of a list of sex acts. You can also watch porn or read erotica to get ideas, and perhaps even peruse some sex toys for inspiration. Whatever you do, take some time to imagine yourself in these situations. You just might find yourself turned on by something you never would have thought of!

They spark conversations about sex and consent.

Yes/no/maybe lists are easy ways to get the ball rolling in giving and receiving consent. These lists aren't set in stone, however. What’s written on the paper may not reflect how you or your partner is feeling at any time, so although using a bondage set might be in the “yes” category, that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to tie or be tied every single time you have sex. Yes/no/maybe lists are great for creating dialogue and negotiations around what type of sex might be on the menu for the day. Just ask!

They give you your own homemade reference list to spice up your sex life.

“Hey, remember all these cool things that you can do with your bodies?”- Your yes/no/maybe list when you get bored of your usual sex routine. When once fiery passions turn into the same-old humdrum pattern, turn to your handy dandy list to rediscover other activities you might like to try. You might have to shift some sex acts from column to column, but you’re bound to find something new, or even uncover something you used to do that just doesn’t happen enough anymore.

Remember, your yes/no/maybe list is just a starting point for a conversation, and with time and experience, wants, wills, and won’ts may change! For more resources and information on yes/no/maybe lists, check out Lindsey Doe’s video and list of sex acts, a cool worksheet-style list, a kinky list, or check out Bex Talks Sex’s beautifully detailed blog post. Happy communicating!

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Three New High-End Sex Toys We're Dying to Try

Masturbation is different for everyone. While some people use masturbation to quickly and frantically orgasm ASAP, touching oneself can also be a special time for others. It’s a chance to let go of worries and spend some time getting to know and love your body. Luckily, these toys should be great for both these sorts of folks (or anyone in between!), and man do they feel fancy. All of them are pricey at over $100, rechargeable and made with silicone so your bits stay safe. These toys are like caviar for your clitoris, prosecco for your penis, or truffles for your tush. They’ve just been released within the past few months, and everyone is dying to get their hands on them.

The b-Vibe Triplet 

b-Vibe first became popular for their Rimming plug, and then came out with the Trio and the Novice. The Triplet is their latest edition to the lineup, and these vibrating anal beads are cool for so many reasons. First of all, it has two motors; one in the bottom and one in the middle portion. These bumps are a classic anal bead shape, with the largest bead at the bottom (1.2”), and smallest at the top (.8”). If you’ve ever wanted a partner to make your butt vibrate with the push of a button, now is your chance because this baby is operated via remote control. Even if you’re not handing it over to a partner, how fab is it to not have to reach down to change the settings?

The We-Vibe Wish 

Squishy, soft, and sweet are three words to describe this adorable vibrator. Meant for buzzing against external body parts like the clitoris or penis, the We-Vibe Wish is a palm sized toy perfect for broad stimulation, but with the added bonus of a small tip for more precise action. It features a “PowerPulse” Technology that delivers a pulsing sensation different from any other toy on the market. Described as “waves of pleasure”, the tech sure sounds fun to us! Like the Triplet, you can hand over the controls to a partner either in your bedroom or across the world via the We-Connect app. Use a pre-programmed pattern, create your own custom settings, or tap the screen to control the vibes. The choice is yours.

Le Wand 

Everything about this vibrator feels luxurious: the shape, the colors (grey and pearl white), the simple yet elegant buttons. Heck, even the name sounds fancy. The Le Wand massager is a powerful thing, rumored to be wonderfully rumbly with ten vibrations strengths and twenty patterns. Unlike many wand vibrators, this one has a flexible neck perfect for getting just the right angle. Continuing the theme of luxury, the Le Wand comes with a handy little travel case, as well as a neat head cover patterned with a different texture for a different kind of pleasure.

So if you’ve been hankering to treat your body to some fancy new toys, check out the Triplet, Wish, or Le Wand. It only takes some imagination to close your eyes and picture yourself lounging on silk sheets pressing these toys into or against your pampered body. Lay back, relax, and enjoy your fanciest wank yet.

By: Sammi
Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

How to Talk About Sex Part Three: After Sex

We all love that moment after a good shag when we finally roll off one another, panting heavily with sweat pouring down our backs. Flopping down on the bed and lying in a metaphorical (or physical) puddle of pleasure is nothing short of divine, but after that rush fades to a glow, it’s time to talk.

Talking about the sex you just experienced with your partner (or partner for the night) can bring you closer, help you explore kinks, and best of all, improve your sex! As we’ve mentioned in the past few posts on communicating about sex, doing so can be hard. Cultural norms and our own shyness can prevent us from speaking up about sex, but once we practice doing so, it becomes so much easier. Don’t know where to start? Here are five things you should chat about right after a romp.

How you’re feeling

First things first, check in with yourself and your partner. Sex can leave us feeling euphoric, but it can also cause feelings of vulnerability, discomfort, and other less-than-stellar emotions. Letting your partner know how you’re feeling can also let them know what you need, whether that might be a snack, some space, or some cuddles.

The good

Everyone loves compliments, and sex is something so many people are self-conscious about. Your words of encouragement can help combat all the negativity people are bombarded with everyday. Be sincere in these compliments. In the short term, saying nice things can give a great confidence boost and make your partner happy. Voice what you really love, and next time they might take the hint and do it again. In the long term, repeated guidance toward the aspects of sex that drive you wild will help form the best sex ever.

The bad

If the person in your bed will only be there for the night, feel free to skip this conversation and send them on their way. However, If they’ll be back, it might be handy to let them know they were a little too toothy with that blowjob. This shouldn’t be a list of criticisms intended to hurt their feelings, but one or two comments on not pulling your hair so hard or avoiding ticklish spots will go a long way.