What Is “Sex”?

When you think of the word “sex”, you might immediately think of putting a penis in a vagina (PIV sex). That’s how it was explained to us in our horrible cringe-worthy sex ed classes taught by our middle school gym teacher and that’s what we see most widely talked about. However, when you really think about it, sex is so much more than just inserting part A into part B.

Think about it. Is that all anyone does when they have sex? Probably not. After all, the possibilities for sexy activities are pretty much endless. Sure, you’ve got other penis-centered stuff like hand jobs or blowjobs, but what about all the other things? There’s cunnilingus and fingering and making out and butt stuff and kink and so many different kinds of sex toys just to name a few.

While we’re talking about different types of sex acts, why do we refer to activities that pleasure penises as “sex”, and activities that pleasure vulvas as “foreplay”? People who have vulvas usually require clitoris stimulation in order to reach orgasm, yet so many types of clit-focused sex, including cunnilingus and the use of vibrators, is reduced to foreplay: the seemingly second place activities leading up to the “main event” of PIV. Looking at it in this way, defining all sex as inserting part A into part B leaves out so much of vulva pleasure. It falls right into our weird culture that values women’s pleasure less than it values the pleasure of men.

And what about couples that don’t even HAVE a penis? Lesbian women have sex, and their sex is just as much sex as heterosexual couples’ sex (say that five times fast). This applies equally to people who may avoid penetrative sex for other reasons. This could be because of trauma, gender dysphoria (when someone feels uncomfortable with their body because of societal norms that say men have penises and women have vaginas), or simply personal taste. Defining sex as all the activities instead of just penis-in-vagina penetration means we get to include more identities and preferences in the conversation.

But even if we did take a look at a couple comprised of a man with a penis and woman with a vagina, there are so many reasons why these two people may not choose penetration. For example, what if he has difficulties getting or keeping an erection? What if she has vaginismus, a condition where the vagina’s muscles clamp down and refuse penetration? What if they feel too nervous about the possibility of pregnancy? What if they don’t have protection available? Broadening what “sex” means allows people who don’t fit the mold of “normal” (read: PIV) sex to feel more normal and valid.

Finally, expanding the definition of sex also means expanding the definition of safer sex. Everyone knows about condoms, but what about a dental dam (a piece of latex meant to be draped over the anus or vulva to prevent the spread of skin contact based STIs)? Or gloves? Or lube, which, by lubricating sensitive tissues, prevents microtears that could be sites for STI transmission? Safer sex is so much more than just condoms, and everyone’s sex deserves to be safer regardless of what activities are being performed.

Sex can be whatever you want it to be. It’s so much more than just putting one body part into another. It’s even more than body part combinations in general. Sex is about emotions, pleasure, exploration, safety, vulnerability, and so much more, and those feelings have no body parts. Summing the vast expanses of what sex means to people to one single act is erasing so many ways of expressing these emotions. So, let’s call sex what it is, people consensually giving themselves sexual pleasure, and leave out the specifics of their actions. We’re all just finding our own personal sources of pleasure, and isn’t that the point of sex after all?

By: Sammi

Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs

Is Porn An Acceptable Form of Sex Ed?

In 2012, studies indicated that just 10% of young adults first learned about sex through porn. By 2018, that number has risen to 60%. With so many young people are discovering sex in porn, you have to wonder just what they're learning and whether it might be harmful.

Why Porn Is Bad Sex Education

There are many arguments against porn as sex education. Let's start with the way that actors look: large breasts, butts and penises prevail. Toned bodies and white skin are predominant. If you look closely enough, you'll see just how symmetrical everyone is. What we see in porn is definitely not a mirror of our own bedrooms and the world at large.

If you look just a little deeper, you can see a distinct lack of discussion about consent and safer sex. Sometimes a scene jumps, and you see a condom, but you won't see actors switching condoms after 30 minutes use like you're supposed to or even pinching the air out of the tip of the condom when first putting it on. Who needs lube when you have spit? Like anything that might increase a woman's comfort or pleasure in porn, it's an afterthought. Women fake orgasms, and both men and women phone in their performances with fake, loud moans and direct eye contact with the camera.

Porn can also condone unsafe sex habits or introduce people to activities such as anal sex or BDSM that can cause injury when done wrong. Although, porn does not shoulder the blame alone. Popular book and movie series Fifty Shades of Grey has inspired people to try they hands at BDSM without proper education, and injuries from sex toys and activities sored.

The list of problems with using porn as sex education goes on and on, much like the sex, which doesn't address the reality of erectile dysfunction or refractory period. After many position and activity changes, it's finally orgasm time. If you thought at least the man's orgasm was real, think again. Many times, the “money” shot is simply a mixture of components. Yogurt and hair conditioner are both common culprits.

In the end, we shouldn't be surprised. Porn is about looking – and sounding – good for the audience, typically a male audience. It's not about actual pleasure or the sometimes awkward realities of sex with another human being. It doesn't teach us how to explore our bodies safely, and watching porn is often done in private, a shameful secret. Is that what we want to educate people about sex – that it's something to hide and feel anguished about?

Sex educators the world over argue that porn doesn't make good sex and, and you may already agree with the sentiment, but many people do rely on porn to teach them about sex. Even some medical students counted porn among sex education according to one survey published in the July 2018 edition of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Why is this?

It could be that porn has become ubiquitous. You can easily search for porn on the Internet and even inadvertently run across porn while searching for an otherwise innocuous term. Social media is also full of images and videos, even when the terms of service specifically prohibit sharing content that depicts sex. Porn is everywhere and, well, sex education isn't.

When Sex Education Fails

Depending on where you live, the people who are responsible for sex education might be providing you with false information. In the United States, only 13 states require that sex education must be medically accurate. Some policies may forbid teachers from teaching about the positives of sex, instead relying on scare tactics to dissuade teenagers from having sex. While it might sound reasonable that focusing on the of STI transmission or pregnancy might reduce how many teens have sex, those states that focus on abstinence-only education actually have higher rates of teen pregnancy.

These classes don't discuss negotiating sex, how to ensure you receive pleasure, providing and respecting consent, the healthiness of masturbation, or how exploration can improve your sex life. Just nine states require education about LGBTQ+ identities. That's only two more than actively discourage non-mainstream sexual and gender identities. Even if kids don't wind up as teenage parents, it's unlikely they'll be having quality sex or have a healthy self-esteem about sex.

And that's if they get any education at all. Three U.S. States require parental permission for students to even learn about sex, and 37 states allow parents to remove their kids from classes that teach about sex.

Kids know it, too. Many are quick to give a failing grade to the sex education – if any – they had. And it's not just the younger crowd. Ask any group of people whether they had satisfactory sex education when they were younger (if you're brave enough), and the lack of response paints a grim picture. For all the technology in the world, we still haven't developed a way to teach comprehensive sex education.

When sex education is lacking but porn abundant, it's no wonder that people are seeking answers on screen. They've got questions that have been ha answered adequately or perhaps accurately. No one is teaching them how to filter the images on screen and to examine them critically.

It's no wonder that men think they have to thrust like jackhammers and having erections that last for an hour or that women find themselves trying to look like porn stars and pretending to have orgasms even though no one has thought to stimulate the clitoris. Thanks to porn, some people believe that sex should always be hardcore or acrobatic. And some studies indicate that greater use of porn correlates to more risky sexual behavior.

Don't misunderstand Porn isn't without its value: as erotic entertainment, not education. It can arouse and inspire, but if people continue to seek porn as sex education, they're unlikely to have the best sex possible.

And it's not like there aren't any examples of satisfying, comprehensive sex education. In the Netherlands, for example, diversity, communication, pleasure, and health are taught to students as part of a pragmatic sex education program that even allows students to ask all their own questions about sex.

If we can give students the knowledge they actually want – and need – about sex, they won't have to resort to porn to get answers. They'll not only have a roadmap to follow for the rest of their lives, but they'll be better prepared to discuss sex education with their own children when the time comes.

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

How Often Do People Normally Have Sex, Pt 1 - Sex Statistics

Here's a question that sex educators often get: How often do people normally have sex? Of course, they might hear other variations, but the inquiry is always about frequency and normalcy. It's pretty common to wonder how often other people have sex, especially when you cannot see into their bedrooms.

Sex Survey Says..

The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior is among the largest sexual studies ever performed. In 2010, researchers from the University of Indiana polled 5,865 adults about their sexual behavior. This gives us some great insight into how often people have sex.

Let's start with women. These numbers apply to married women specifically.

• Women between 18-24 are the most likely to have sex 2-3 times per week (35.3%), followed next by women who have sex four or more times weekly (23.5).
• This shifts for women in their mid to late-twenties: 47.7% have sex a few times to month per weekly.
• Over half of women in their thirties (50.2%) have sex several times per month.
• That number slips for women in their forties (46.6%) but still remains the most common sexual frequency.
• Over one-third (36.2%) of women in their fifties have sex more than once per month. At this point, women are about equally as likely to not have sex in the last year (22%) as there are to have sex a few times per year (23.7%).
• By the time her sixties roll around, a woman is about equally as likely to have sex a few times per month (25.9%) as she is to not have had sex in the past year (37.9%). 
• Over half of all women in their 70s (53.5%) haven't had sex in the past year while a quarter have sex just a few times a year.

How does this look for men who are married?

There is no age group in which more men report having sex four or more times per week than other frequencies. Younger married men have sex more frequently than their female counterparts, and fewer men report having no sex in the past year for every age group below 70. However, the group sizes between men and women usually differ only by a few percentage points, and the largest groups are the same between men and women.

Another study finds that 18 through 29-year-olds have sex an average 112 times per year. This drops to 86 for the thirties crowd, and 69 times annually for folks in their forties.

You might also be surprised to learn that millennials are having sex less than any generation over the past sixty years. One study looked at Gen Yers born in the 90s and found that they had less sex in their twenties than previous generations. The trend continues for those people who are currently in high school. They're not having as much sex, and they aren't as into dating, either.

Another study found that American adults have less sex overall than they once did. Specifically, comparing rates from 2000 to 2004 and 2010 to 2014 revealed a drop in sex by nine times per year, and it was almost doubled for married couples!

This might look bad for people who are married. After all, married people were having more sex than singles just a few years ago according to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior.

Frequency doesn't just differ between the sexes and age groups. Straight couples are more likely to have frequent sex than same-sex couples, especially lesbians who are most likely to say they never, hardly ever or occasionally have sex more than twice per week.

Just in case you were wondering, couples report being happiest when they crawl between the sheets once every week.

Everything You Need to Know About STI Testing

The idea of STI testing can seem daunting. The possibility of bad news looms over your head. But getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also known as STDs) is a way to be proactive about your sexual health and to potentially prevent more significant health concerns down the road. The more you know about STI screening, the more prepared you are to make smart choices, so we've gathered information to make you smarter about STI testing.

You Should Get Screened When

•  You have symptoms of STIs
• You have a new partner, and you haven't been tested in the last 3 to 6 months
• A sexual partner revealed they have an STI
• You had unprotected sex

You Should Get Tested Even If You Have No Symptoms

You might think that because you feel okay and have no outward symptoms that you are STI-free or that you cannot transmit an infection to another person. But this isn't necessarily the case. Some infections, including certain strains of HPV, chlamydia, herpes, and gonorrhea, have no symptoms. And you can still transmit them to a partner.

Just because you have no symptoms doesn't mean there's no reason to worry. Remember that HPV can be asymptomatic? But some HPV can lead to genital and anal cancers even if you don't have any warts on your body.

Are Luxury Toys Really Worth The Price?

Le Wand Petite Rechargeable Wand Massager

      

Once upon a time, you would be hard-pressed to find a worthy sex toy that costs less than $50, and if you did, it might be made cheaply or from materials that were not body-safe. Fortunately, this is no longer the case. While the first silicone and stainless steel toys were made only by luxury companies (and had the price tag to go with the brand name), you can find well-built toys made from quality materials if you're not specifically interested in a toy from the company that did it first.

Occasionally, you might notice that less-expensive toys lack the attention to detail that luxury toy makers provide (some storage bags to wax seals to gorgeous packaging to included extras). If you're willing to sacrifice an internal motor or don't need a sex toy that will last a lifetime, you may find that more cost-effective toys do you just fine. A lost or broken toy is less of a worry because you can buy a new one without breaking the bank.

You can find wonderful alternatives to luxury sex toys at a fraction of the price. Often, if you wait a few months after a company releases a toy with new technology, you can find something similar at a reduced cost. This happened with the clitoral suction device Womanizer and the more affordable Satisfyer. But sometimes you just can't find an alternative, so there's no less expensive option.

The Brightest Stars in Sex Tech

The Cowgirl Premium Riding Sex Machine 

It's been a while since we talked about the innovations in sex toys, so let's take a look at the newest developments in sex tech. While many of these creative toys and accessories are available, you'll have to wait for a few of them to hit the shelves. Still, that doesn't mean you can't plan for how they'll fit into your sex life!

Clitoral Suction 

Clitoral suction toys aren't exactly new. They've actually been around for a couple years, starting first with models by the company Womanizer. Satisfyer followed up with similar toys, and big-name sex toy company Lelo now makes their own version called Sona. Several other brands have their own toys that are obviously inspired by this trend. Regardless of the brand, these toys all use pulsated air to create a sensation that's different from other sex toys on the market.

If you're looking to try one of these suction toys, Satisfyer models tend to cost a little less. However, quality is a bit lower, too.

You'll notice that there are many models available, which can make choosing the right toy confusing. The size of the nozzle can affect pleasure, and Womanizer sells a few models with interchangeable nozzles to account for this. Womanizer, Satisfyer and Cloud 9 all make dual-stimulators with internal vibration and external suction.

While many people enjoy suction, it's not everyone's cup of tea. So keep your expectations realistic.

Smart Kegel Toys

Smart Kegel toys have actually been around for a couple of years, too, with the best-known being Minna's kGoal. However, there are now more options than ever, including the Gballs by Fun Toys and the similar Lovelife Krush by OhMiBod. A newer kid on the block is the Lovense Lush, which curves around your pubic bone as you wear it.

Despite differences in shape and mechanism for sensing the contractions of your PC muscles, these smart toys all have one thing in common: they rely on an app to guide you through your pelvic floor exercises, to sense when you're contracting (and how hard), and to track your progress so that you can reach your fitness goals.

UV Sanitation for Your Sex Toy

You probably know that you can sterilize your nonporous sex toys with bleach, by boiling or using the sanitize setting in your dishwasher. But what if you're in a hurry or if you want to sterilize a vibrator that cannot be submerged? Say 'Hello' to sex toy sanitizers.

Among the first was Dorr, but Uvee has entered the market with a bang!

Uvee comes in three sizes, and the largest is big enough to fit even a Hitachi Magic Wand and is designed that you can charge your toys while the UV light sanitizes them! The medium and large Uvee both have three USB ports inside the devices as well as a hole for toys that must be plugged into an outlet. The smaller Uvee has only one port and no A/C accommodation, but it's more cost-effective and requires less room.

This system will set you back a little bit initially, but you'll save a lot of time and energy – not to mention worry – not having to worry about the cleanliness of your sex toys in the future. Plus, Uvee acts as a storage container, is travel-friendly and neatly tucks cords away when not in use, so you'll never have to deal with tangled cords again!

JimmyJane also offers a device that sanitizes your set toys, and it's conveniently disguised as a “mood light.” This way, you can keep it on your nightstand or dressed with no one the wiser as to its true use or what is hidden inside.

Toy and Lube Warmers

If you're the type of person whose body shuts right down whenever it comes into contact with a cold glass dildo or a chilly dollop of lube, this might be your year! You can now find pouches that hold your sex toys and warm them at the same time. Warm Intimate Toy Warmer makes a surprisingly chic envelope to tuck away your favorite toy before you're ready for it.

There are at least two companies offering warming lube dispensers, too! One is Pulse, which makes a smaller dispenser that looks like it comes straight from the future of a Sci-fi flick and warms lube from a cartridge before dispensing it into your hand. Touch is another company that makes a similar lube warmer and dispenser; although, the design is a bit larger.

Fucking Machines

Finally, the last item on our list isn't an entirely new type of sex tech. Rather, it's a re-imagining of existing tech. You might have seen traditional Sybians, also known as fucking machines. They were bulky and decidedly unsexy. JimmyJane has decided to enter the market of fucking machines with an updated appears.

The Cowgirl is still a machine that you mount to enjoy penetration, but it now has a sleek black veneer made from vegan leather. It's also compatible with apps on your smartphone, and the shaft both vibrates and rotates as you're riding it.

Another update to the fucking machine category comes in the way of Cloud 9's F-Machine Gigolo Mini with Wireless Remote. You can adjust the position of this machine, which is compatible with any Vac-U-Lock dildo.

Of course, any good idea in the world of sex toys will be copied and expanded upon, which is a good  thing for consumers who love to try new things and get off in new ways!

By: Adriana Ravenlust
Follow on Twitter @adriana_r

Affordable Sex Toys for Back to School Blues

Fall is in the air, and so is the smell of books, dorms, and student debt. Time to return to all-nighters in the library and a massively increased caffeine consumption. Perhaps these five sex toys will at least make study breaks a little more fun. Perfect for college students, these toys are quiet, so neighbors won’t hear them through paper-thin dorm walls, easy to hide from nosey roommates (although we’re fans of combating sexual shame and talking openly about pleasure), and all under $20, so you can afford them even after buying yourself your weekly ramen. If this sounds like you, fear not, friend. I’m right there with you.

Cici Silicone Dildo

A dildo is a staple of any sex toy collection, and the Cici dildo by Blush Novelties works wonderfully for solo masturbation or, because of its flared base, in a harness for strap-on play. Curved for G-spot or prostate stimulation and average sized at 1.5” wide, the Cici works for a whole bunch of bodies, able to venture into vaginas and butts alike!

INYA Spade Butt Plug 

The best thing about butts is that everyone has one. Buttplugs can add a little extra excitement to any sort of sexual play. If you’ve got a penis (or strap-on), wear it while penetrating someone, or if you’ve got a vagina, wear it while being penetrated! Plugs can make using vibrators or strokers more exciting, and can enhance orgasms no matter what gender you are. These plugs come in small and medium and are made of silicone with a T-base for both comfort and safety.

Tenga Egg 

Thinking of trying a stroker? A Tenga Egg is a great place to start. These tiny masturbators will only last a few uses, but the tiny egg-shaped case is perfect for tucking away in a sock drawer to avoid the eyes of any roommate. A simple sleeve of squishiness, these strokers add a little extra texture and sensation to what your hand can do, and allow you to control the exact pressure on your peen.

Silky Rope Kit 

If you and bae are thinking of getting a little kinky, rope is a great place to start. This soft rope can be used as handcuffs, ankle cuffs or to string someone up in a hogtie. Trust me, those standard-issue bunk beds they give you make the perfect anchor for tying your playpal to the bed in all manner of ways. Just don’t forget the pre-kink conversation, safeword, and safety scissors.

Safer Sex Materials

Of course, this list (and your hookup) wouldn’t be complete without condoms! Keep a variety on hand to practice safer sex. They don’t have to boring, either! Although basic condoms both with lube and without are great, some condoms are studded for extra stimulation, flavored for oral pleasure, or glow in the dark for giggles! Looking for a little oral action on a vulva or anus? Try strawberry flavored dental dams: wide pieces of latex that act as a barrier between your mouth and their vulva or anus to prevent the transmission of STIs like herpes.

Sex toys don’t have to break the bank to be body safe (and super fun). Whether you’re canoodling at midday or midnight, by yourself or with a pal, with a long term boo or a one-night stand, trying a new toy is always exciting. Now, I know you’re reading this to procrastinate doing homework, so get back to it. Have a great semester!

By: Sammi

Follow on Twitter @Squeaky_Springs