Anal sex is a big taboo for many couples. However, for other couples, it can be a big turn on. There are many reasons why people may consider anal sex to be taboo. Here are just a few of the misconceptions about anal sex –
- The anus is “exit only”
- Only homosexual men like anal sex
- Bodily fluids and functions may get in the way
- It is painful
- A person has been told it isn’t acceptable
Do you agree with these ideas about anal sex? Society, family, friends and a person’s beliefs can be the reason people don’t like or refuse to even experiment with anal sex.
On the other hand, let’s look at some of the reasons why people enjoy anal sex –
- It feels good.
- You can’t get pregnant.
- The anus is often tighter and more stimulating than the vagina.
- It is an alternative when vaginal sex is painful
- Some women enjoy “double penetration” – Anal and vaginal penetration at the same time
Anal sex is becoming more acceptable and likely people you know are enjoying anal pleasure, whether they admit it to you or not. Let’s start with some basics.
Prepare Yourself for Anal Play
For people who are hesitant to experiment with anal play with your partner, try these tips on your own. When you are in the shower and when you’re participating in some self-love – you can test the waters to see if you may enjoy it. When you are bathing or showering and cleaning your anus – give these things a try.
Use a clean hand to stroke your penis or your clitoris – depending on whether you’re a man or a woman. This will distract you.
Tense and tighten your anus – then let go. Repeat this several times while you continue to masturbate.
Play with your anus in the bath or shower - Touch the area around your anus, stroke the opening, and if you are enjoying yourself, slip your finger in a little bit to see how it feels.
Massage around the anal area and just let yourself go with what feels good. You want it to be enjoyable – so if you slide your pinky into your anus and it feels good, slide it a little deeper, or add another finger. If you don’t enjoy it, pull your finger out. There is no right or wrong, it is all about what you enjoy. Just like any massage, use massage oil or lube. This enhances the pleasure and reduces friction.
Play with your genitals and your anus at the same time – if you normally masturbate, do the same things you enjoy with your genitals and add anal play. This can distract you and enhance or double your potential pleasure.
Never rush the play – whether you’re playing alone or with a partner. Take your time. Push your usual boundaries and experiment, but if there is something you try and you don’t like it – stop and do something else.
The wetter the better – always use plenty of lube with your anal play, alone or with a partner. For some people, even with plenty of lube, you are likely to have some discomfort or pain. There are several reasons for this: 1 – the anus does not lubricate itself, 2 – if you are tense, the anus constricts and anything inside will hurt.
Push ahead with care - In the beginning, you may want to “push ahead” even if it hurts a bit, and see if it gets better. I know that may sound crazy, but once the penetration (finger, butt plug, penis, etc) passes a certain point, it is likely that you will begin to have very pleasurable feelings. With fingers and toys, you can also experiment with various size items, or only 1 or 2 fingers at first. Ease into it – literally and be patient. This is a reason why I recommend experimenting on your own before playing with a partner.
Anal Tips Including Your Partner
Let’s start with a couple of facts – never rush your partner into something they aren’t comfortable doing. And, never do something that makes you uncomfortable just to please your partner. This is one of the many places in a relationship where you need open and honest communication. Once you decide that you are both ready for anal play, here are some tips.
You will find variations of the tips I shared for yourself, but the self-play was to get you to start experimenting on your own first.
Never Insist on Penetration – You don’t have to penetrate the anus to generate pleasurable sensations for your partner or yourself. Rubbing the anus with your fingers, the head of the penis, a toy or a tongue (known as rimming) – can be stimulating. This can be a great way to get started, for people who are hesitant.
Create Good Feelings – Remember, anal play can hurt and especially at first. Find a lube that you and your partner both enjoy. There are some lubes specifically formulated for anal sex. Generally they are thicker consistency and last longer. Another key is to be relaxed and calm. Remember, being tense, will make anal sex hurt more. With many things in life, people think you should use the “rip off the bandaid” approach. Anal sex is not one of those things. Shoving anything into your anus or your partner’s fast and hard, is likely to turn your partner off to the idea of future play.
Anal Sex and Other Play at the Same Time – it is good to play with your partner’s anus while you’re doing something else with them. You may want to give your partner oral sex while you massage their anus with your finger or the tip of a toy. This will help them associate anal play with something else they enjoy. However, never trick your partner into anal play, but agree to start experimenting.
Diet and Hygiene – Not to get graphic, but there are some things you need to consider to make your anal play more enjoyable and healthy. Eating fiber and raw vegetables will keep your bodily functions more regular, and this will help you be more confident about no “slip ups” during anal sex. Enemas can also be beneficial and especially for people who want to participate in anilingus and rimming – since these include oral contact around the anus. When engaging in any type of anal play, clean your hands, penis, toys etc – when moving from the anus to the vagina. You can use a washcloth, a baby wipe, a different condom etc – but it is very important for her to stay healthy.
Remember, keep it fun and enjoyable for you and your partner and take your time to have the most fun.
By Nikki Leigh
By Nikki Leigh