Anal sex is a
big taboo for many couples. However, for other couples, it can be a big turn
on. There are many reasons why people may consider anal sex to be taboo. Here
are just a few of the misconceptions about anal sex –
- The anus is “exit only”
- Only homosexual men like anal sex
- Bodily fluids and functions may get in the way
- It is painful
- A person has been told it isn’t acceptable
Do you agree
with these ideas about anal sex? Society, family, friends and a person’s
beliefs can be the reason people don’t like or refuse to even experiment with
anal sex.
On the other
hand, let’s look at some of the reasons why people enjoy anal sex –
- It feels good.
- You can’t get pregnant.
- The anus is often tighter and more stimulating than the vagina.
- It is an alternative when vaginal sex is painful
- Some women enjoy “double penetration” – Anal and vaginal penetration at the same time
Anal sex is
becoming more acceptable and likely people you know are enjoying anal pleasure,
whether they admit it to you or not. Let’s start with some basics.
Prepare Yourself for Anal Play
For people
who are hesitant to experiment with anal play with your partner, try these tips
on your own. When you are in the shower and when you’re participating in some
self-love – you can test the waters to see if you may enjoy it. When you are
bathing or showering and cleaning your anus – give these things a try.
Use a clean
hand to stroke your penis or your clitoris – depending on whether you’re a man
or a woman. This will distract you.
Tense and
tighten your anus – then let go. Repeat this several times while you continue
to masturbate.
Play with
your anus in the bath or shower - Touch the area around your anus, stroke the
opening, and if you are enjoying yourself, slip your finger in a little bit to
see how it feels.
Massage
around the anal area and just let yourself go with what feels good. You want it
to be enjoyable – so if you slide your pinky into your anus and it feels good,
slide it a little deeper, or add another finger. If you don’t enjoy it, pull
your finger out. There is no right or wrong, it is all about what you enjoy.
Just like any massage, use massage oil or lube. This enhances the pleasure and
reduces friction.
Play with
your genitals and your anus at the same time – if you normally masturbate, do
the same things you enjoy with your genitals and add anal play. This can
distract you and enhance or double your potential pleasure.
Never rush
the play – whether you’re playing alone or with a partner. Take your time. Push
your usual boundaries and experiment, but if there is something you try and you
don’t like it – stop and do something else.
The wetter
the better – always use plenty of lube with your anal play, alone or with a
partner. For some people, even with plenty of lube, you are likely to have some
discomfort or pain. There are several reasons for this: 1 – the anus does not
lubricate itself, 2 – if you are tense, the anus constricts and anything inside
will hurt.
Push ahead
with care - In the beginning, you may want to “push ahead” even if it hurts a
bit, and see if it gets better. I know that may sound crazy, but once the
penetration (finger, butt plug, penis, etc) passes a certain point, it is
likely that you will begin to have very pleasurable feelings. With fingers and
toys, you can also experiment with various size items, or only 1 or 2 fingers
at first. Ease into it – literally and be patient. This is a reason why I
recommend experimenting on your own before playing with a partner.
Anal Tips Including Your Partner
Let’s start
with a couple of facts – never rush your partner into something they aren’t
comfortable doing. And, never do something that makes you uncomfortable just to
please your partner. This is one of the many places in a relationship where you
need open and honest communication. Once you decide that you are both ready for
anal play, here are some tips.
You will find
variations of the tips I shared for yourself, but the self-play was to get you
to start experimenting on your own first.
Never Insist
on Penetration – You don’t have to penetrate the anus to generate pleasurable
sensations for your partner or yourself. Rubbing the anus with your fingers,
the head of the penis, a toy or a tongue (known as rimming) – can be stimulating.
This can be a great way to get started, for people who are hesitant.
Create Good
Feelings – Remember, anal play can hurt and especially at first. Find a lube
that you and your partner both enjoy. There are some lubes specifically
formulated for anal sex. Generally they are thicker consistency and last
longer. Another key is to be relaxed and calm. Remember, being tense, will make
anal sex hurt more. With many things in life, people think you should use the “rip
off the bandaid” approach. Anal sex is not one of those things. Shoving
anything into your anus or your partner’s fast and hard, is likely to turn your
partner off to the idea of future play.
Anal Sex and
Other Play at the Same Time – it is good to play with your partner’s anus while
you’re doing something else with them. You may want to give your partner oral
sex while you massage their anus with your finger or the tip of a toy. This
will help them associate anal play with something else they enjoy. However, never
trick your partner into anal play, but agree to start experimenting.
Diet and
Hygiene – Not to get graphic, but there are some things you need to consider to
make your anal play more enjoyable and healthy. Eating fiber and raw vegetables
will keep your bodily functions more regular, and this will help you be more
confident about no “slip ups” during anal sex. Enemas can also be beneficial
and especially for people who want to participate in anilingus and rimming –
since these include oral contact around the anus. When engaging in any type of anal play, clean
your hands, penis, toys etc – when moving from the anus to the vagina. You can
use a washcloth, a baby wipe, a different condom etc – but it is very important
for her to stay healthy.
Remember,
keep it fun and enjoyable for you and your partner and take your time to have
the most fun.
By Nikki Leigh
By Nikki Leigh
