Technically group sex includes sex with 3, 4, or more
people. That means there are more mouths, more hands, more arms, more legs –
but there is also more need to communicate, more need for coordination, more
feelings, more baggage… There are many
things to consider about group sex.
Let’s start with some of the reasons people want to add
another person to their sexual activities:
- Increased attention
- Showing off your sexual skills
- Curiosity about sex with another person of your gender
- Adding variety without the need to lie, hide or cheat
- Because you’re curious about sex with multiple people of any gender
- A chance to watch someone please your partner
- A chance to watch your partner interact with someone else
- Learn new skills
- Step outside your comfort zone or the “usual” and accepted behavior
- Explore and learn more about yourself
- Experiment and try new things
- Live out and act on a fantasy
We hear from many sources that one man and one woman is the
usual and accepted plan for sexual activities. One of the many activities that
are supposed to be “wrong” are threesomes and group sex. Each of us should have
the right and the ability to decide these things for ourselves, or with a
partner.
An issue that I often see with people who talk about having
a threesome, is their fear. This fear can
be caused by jealousy, insecurity for a variety of reasons, feeling that it is
wrong, being uncomfortable because it pushes their personal sexual boundaries
and worry over whether their partner is really ready to add another person to
their sexual activities.\
No matter how wonderful that fantasy may seem, you must have
an honest conversation with your
partner before you approach someone
about joining you. Neither person should ever agree just to please the other
person. Any sexual act you participate in, should be done because you both want to do it. A relationship can
be ruined for many reasons, but a threesome can definitely be a contributing
factor.
Having a threesome for the wrong reasons, can definitely
ruin or damage a relationship. These are some of the negative or “wrong” reasons
to participate in a threesome. If any of these describe your reasons for
deciding to have a threesome, you really need to reconsider.
- In an attempt to get your partner back
- Only to please a partner
- An attempt to hurt a partner
- To provide a buffer because you fear intimacy
- Again, to provide a buffer, because you fear commitment
- To attempt to recapture the rush of being in a new relationship
It is time to be brutally honest with yourself. If you are a
man or woman who fantasizes about having a threesome, why do you want to have
sex with multiple people? That isn’t to say you are bad if these are your
motivations – but be honest with yourself about the potential damage this can
do to your relationship – with your partner and with the other person.
To drive that point home, here is an actual scenario -
A couple had talked
since the time they dated about another woman having sex with them. The man
wanted to be with two women and to watch them together. The woman was
bi-curious and wanted to be with a woman and it was less pressure to do it with
her husband. They finally found a woman and asked her to spend the night with
them. The husband and wife were both friends with the other woman and the wife
had a crush on her.
So, they felt they
discussed all the important things before hand and they got together several
times to test the physical boundaries and everything seemed fine. The night came and the eventually went to the
bedroom. They were a little awkward at first, but everyone loosened up and
there was plenty of kissing, fondling, hands and mouths roaming from person to
person, things seemed to be going fine.
The husband and wife
had intercourse and the wife clearly wanted to leave the other woman out. So,
she stayed to the side. The wife got up and left the room a little later. When
she returned, the husband had his arm around the other woman, talking to her.
Nothing sexual was going on, although they were nude, but the wife abruptly
decided it was time for everyone to get out of bed.
The three of them were
together one more time after that. Shortly, each of the relationships
deteriorated, and the couple eventually divorced. This couple had talked about
a threesome for years, but still weren’t ready for the emotional repercussions.
By Nikki Leigh
