Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Monday, August 5, 2013

Back Door Basics


For some, the prospect of anal sex is very taboo. But for those who want to break through the stigma and revel in the pleasure, anal play can be super hot. Both men and woman can enjoy in anal pleasure. Yes, you too men. *(Just because you like anal play, it doesn’t make you gay. How you enjoy pleasure does not define your sexual orientation.)  The anus is a hot bed of nerve endings that result in an often overlooked erogenous zone.  So if you’re still with me, and want some must know butt basics, read on fellow sexual explorer.



 Anytime I ask someone about anal play and they tell me they would never do it, the number one reason is because “that is where poop comes out of.” Yes, you’re not wrong, but in a healthy person, the rectum is merely temporary storage of feces. There shouldn’t be any remnants left over. If you’re still concerned, you are welcome to use an enema. 

As with any new sexual activity, you have to be in the right mindset. Nervousness and apprehension are common. Take some time to relax your mind and body with some deep breaths. Check in with your anus. Are you clenching? Make a conscious effort to relax and really get in touch with your body. 




GRAB THE LUBE! Unlike the vagina, the anus does not naturally lubricate. Lube makes everything more comfortable and can help avoid injury. That being said, do not use numbing lubricants. It sounds like that would be the way to go, but unfortunately it can end in disaster. Because you cannot discern pain, you can get hurt (think rectal tearing and bleeding. Not fun or sexy). Pain is your body’s way of letting you know to slow down. If you’re doing it right, it shouldn’t hurt. Try a silicone lube for anal play or a specially formulated lubricant for back door pleasure like Wet Lubricant’s Uranus. Also, if you are going from anal to vaginal sex, make sure you change the condom!

Anal play isn’t something you just jump into. Make sure you take plenty of time for foreplay and to get aroused. And don’t feel like you need to lead with penis first. Start small. Use a finger or a small toy (base required). Experiment with different pressures and strokes and see what is right for you and your partner. A helpful hint which seems counter-intuitive is to bear down. The pushing helps relax your muscles and can help with insertion. Slowly work your way up from there so you can accommodate a penis or a larger toy. You anus is very dynamic. With adequate stimulation, relaxation, and patience, you can fit just about anything in there. 

Almost as important as lubrication is communication. This is key. Check in throughout the experience with your partner. This activity can be very invasive to the receiver, so positive reinforcement and encouragement are appreciated. As the receiver, you are always in control. You get to decide how fast or slow the play goes. Be sure to speak up if the stimulation is getting too painful. There are no awards to those who muscle through painful anal. 

Anal sex isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again. But if you do like it, more power to you! So if butt play sounds like something you’d be into, grab some lube and have at it! Check back later for my helpful tips to exploring prostate play and remember, when it comes to sex, everything is OK here. 

By Megan Stubbs 

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