Bedroom Insider

A blog about relationships, intimacy and sex toys.


Thursday, August 22, 2013

B is for Bondage: Bondage for Beginners

The recent interest in all things kinky has sparked the desire to learn more about BDSM. If you’re new to BDSM, I’d like to introduce you to the “B” in that acronym: Bondage. Bondage can be a sexy bit of kink easily added to your routine. 

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The first thing you should do when starting to explore bondage is talk. Communication is the key when starting any new venture. We’ve seen enough stories on the internet about unsuspecting partners being “surprised” and only managing to spice up the evening with an extremely upset partner or, worse yet, physical injury. Find out what turns you on by reading different types of erotica. There are also instructional books, instructional DVDs and websites that can help introduce you to a variety of options. Try writing an email or letter to your partner if talking makes you uncomfortable. Once you’ve agreed upon what you’re both comfortable doing, also talk about what you won’t do. Limits are important. Once you’ve established what you are willing, and not willing to do, you can start looking for ways to safely make that happen.




You may be tempted to go all out in your first bondage attempt but I highly advise you start simple and work up. Getting frustrated with a complicated shibari rope dress that makes you feel more like you’ve failed getting your boy scout badge will not make for a sexy evening. Nor will trying something too uncomfortable or painful help either. There are many ways to explore and many types of restraints. You can DIY or pick up at your local Cirilla's store or shop online. The type of restraint you use has to do with how quickly you’d like to be able to undo the restraints, what feels comfortable on your skin, and how much restraint you desire.

Rope is often the first type of restraint that comes to mind. I highly suggest you don’t just pickup that roll of twine you keep in the kitchen. Rope that is too thin will cut uncomfortably into your skin and the roughness may not be what you’re looking for. Single braided nylon rope can be found in any hardware store or Cirilla's. You can also get natural fibers like hemp, cotton, and linen that have more tooth so are less slippery than nylon. Most importantly, you should always have a pair of surgical scissors or blunt tipped household scissors handy to use for quick emergency release.

Bondage tape is an easy and inexpensive alternative to rope. Made of PVC, it comes in a variety of colors in a roll like packing tape. Bondage tape only sticks to itself, not to skin or hair like conventional tape. You can wrap it around wrists, arms, legs, even the whole body if you have enough. One roll goes a long way and if you’re patient you can roll that baby back up and use it again. The tape will break if pulled on too hard so don’t use it to support body weight. Bondage tape can also be easily cut in an emergency.

Bondage cuffs don’t require any knot tying knowledge and can be found with buckled closures, velcro closures or both. Cuffs are an easy way to get the job done. They can be clipped to each other or onto other accessories using snap clips or carabiners. They come in leather, vinyl or cloth in a variety of colors. You can find them lined with soft material, even fur! This is a great alternative to handcuffs that may look entry level but come with their own set of problems. Handcuffs can be very uncomfortable and over tightening can damage skin or even cause nerve damage. You need fully adjustable cuffs that lock so they don’t tighten by accident and always have two sets of keys. Bondage cuffs wont tighten accidentally and can be removed by unbuckling or just ripping open the Velcro. The wider cuff also provides more comfort if you are looking for restraint without pain.

There are other options like collars and arm binders, even straightjackets and full body encasements. As I said earlier, lets start simple and work your way up. You have other household items at your disposal too. Scarves, pantyhose, even neckties can be used as restraints.

Before you start using any of these items, the discussion of safe words is a necessity. Words like “Yellow” for “Warning, I’m not feeling comfortable.” and “Red” for “Stop immediately!” quickly alerts you that your partner is not roleplaying and action must be taken immediately. But hey, if you prefer words like “Swordfish!” or “Justin Beiber!” please feel free to use them. “Stop” is also perfectly acceptable; just make sure your partner knows this too.

You can start by tying your partner’s wrists together. Not too tight, a little wriggle room is fine. You can tie in front which will leave the option for the tied up partner to control their arms, to let you hold them down, to put them behind their head or tie them to the headboard. If your partner feels comfortable you can tie wrists apart to bedposts. If you don’t have bedposts there are kits you can buy that attach straps to your bed you can tie to. You don’t even have to start in bed; you can tie your partner while seated in a chair. You also don’t need to jump straight into sex. Tease them by undressing while they are incapable of touching. Having your body close enough to touch if they weren’t tied down can be a great turn on. Kissing, touching with fingertips (or a feather, fuzzy mitt or scarf), using a favorite sex toy or teasing with a vibrator can make them wriggle in sexy anticipation. Some people prefer to be untied before sex, and that’s ok. Bondage just as foreplay can be lots of fun. Bondage during sex can be fun too. The feeling of having limbs restrained or tied to something often heightens arousal and can add to the intensity of an orgasm.

You’ll have a better idea of what more you’d like to explore after you’ve had your first bondage experience. You may decide it’s just not for you. I know people who have trouble giving up that kind of trust even to a close partner or simply don’t enjoy giving up that much control. Do what feels good for both of you while never forgetting things like the importance of trust and communication. Who know, you may find yourself interested in trying some of those other kinky letters in BDSM.

By: Technogeisha

Follow on Twitter @Technogeisha

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