An Introduction to Oral Pleasure: Cunnilingus

Depending on how you obtained your early sex education, you may not have had much discussion about oral sex. Just getting around to discussing basic sexual intercourse can be difficult. Oral pleasure may have been left to the realm of mystery in which you had to figure things out yourself, both giving and receiving. When it comes to female oral pleasure, cunnilingus, sometimes we’ve held onto myths, assumptions or misinformation. Whether you are long time fan or newly exploring, I hope this introduction to the how and why of oral pleasure will help you.

An anatomy lesson

Cunnilingus comes from the Latin words for vulva, cunnus, and licking, lingere. The Merriam-Webster definition is “The act of stimulating a woman's sexual organs with the mouth for sexual pleasure.” The woman’s sexual organs being the vulva (which includes the clitoris, labia majora, labia minor) and the vagina. The clitoris may have only a small section exposed, the tip of the iceberg so to speak, but it also continues under the surface. The exposed portion, the clitoral hood and the gland clitoris, is highly sensitive to pleasure in most women while the internal portion is sensitive to pressure and vibration. The area has a high concentration of nerve endings and blood vessels. Feelings of sexual pleasure not only come from direct stimulation of the clitoris but also the labia minora, the inner lips extended along the vulva just inside the outer labia majora. All areas from the mons pubis down to the perineum are open for lingual stimulation. Statistically, 70-80% of women find they orgasm much more readily with clitoral stimulation than with penetration or g-spot stimulation. This makes oral sex a great path to awesome orgasms.

Introducing Sex Toys - S&M toys

If you’re new to BDSM, you may be curious about how pain can be pleasurable. Most people experience pain as something unpleasant such as getting a spanking as corporal punishment, getting hit in anger or by accident. Pain play can feel good because of the chemicals released when experiencing both pain and pleasure. The rush we feel, with the release of endorphins and epinephrine, along with the release of melatonin and serotonin, react in our minds and bodies similar to a runner’s high. The impact also stimulates nerves that heighten arousal. So rather than thinking of pain play as just being beaten with painful objects to illicit extreme pain, think of it as a consensual stimulation of the senses that also triggers pleasure. The giver receives pleasure for the arousal of their partner and the intimate connection during play.

Where to start

Don’t just jump in, start with communication. Talk about what you’d like to try and what you’re afraid of trying. Incorporate safe words and discuss boundaries. Stay in tune with each other and check in from time to time. Try less intense toys and work your way up. Just remember that it doesn’t have to be scary and intense, it can be fun and lighthearted too.

What’s your pleasure?

There are different kinds of impact styles. Thudding, a blunt heavy hit and stinging, a sharp burning hit. Some prefer one more than the other, while some prefer a combination of the two. Paddles and heavy floggers have a thudding feel while crops, whips, slappers and canes are more stinging. You can also find softer versions of these toys that are neither thudding nor stinging. Start with gentle hits and work up. Move around the body; don’t just stay in the same place, and alternate smacks with soft touches. Take your time; anticipation can be an amazing turn on.

Dirty Talk for Shy Women

How many times have you been in the grocery store checkout line and seen the latest copy of Cosmo on the racks? Have you noticed how often the headlines include something about “talking dirty” for your man? It’s a popular topic and especially with the increase in sexting and online chats. But there are many other ways to utilize dirty talk or you may prefer naughty talk.

I’ve talked to many women that are intrigued by the idea of talking “dirty” to their partner, but they are concerned about how it may be perceived or they may not be comfortable using graphic words. Let’s talk about some ways you can work around both of these concerns.

How Will May Partner Feel About Talking Dirty

This is a logical concern and especially for women who tend to be more reserved or conservative. So, let’s look at some ways to ease into talking dirty. That will give you a chance to test the waters and see how your partner will respond.

You can start with some simple things. When he kisses you and especially if he kisses your neck or another spot you enjoy, moan softly. It doesn’t have to be an exaggerated moan, just enough to let him hear and to vocalize you are enjoying what he’s doing. You can also send a message or a text that says something as simple as “I can’t wait to see you when you get home” or maybe “I’d love to set aside some private time with you tonight”.

Playing With Cock Rings

Screaming O RingO's

What are cock rings?

A cock ring is a toy for the boy. It is used to help men maintain their erection. The penis is composed of spongy tissue that swells up with blood when aroused. A cock ring can help trap the blood within those tissues and can create a longer lasting or more firm erection. Some versions can be worn around the base of the penis and others go around the penis and scrotum.

Cock rings can be made of different materials like rubber, silicone, and metal. I recommend that you start out your play with a material that is able to stretch and have some give. I’m sure many people have heard horror stories about having to take a late night trip to the ER to get it removed because it is too tight. Since you do not know how your, or your partners, body will respond, it is important for you to be able to safely remove the ring if need be. Once you get to know your body, you can start playing with firmer materials like metal and wood.

Introducing Sex Toys – Anal Toys

We’ve been introduced to the vibrator, next up is anal toys. Now you can’t just dive right into this new relationship, it takes patience and care. You’ve got to take your time getting to know these toys. They might seem daunting or even downright frightening. There’s also worry about cleanliness, pain or even injury. Using these toys safely and properly can introduce a wonderful new level of pleasure to your relationship. It may not be for you, and that’s ok. Try different things and see what works for you. Anal toys can also be a great precursor to anal sex. There are safety issues that are necessary to discuss so unlike the vibrator introduction, this one will include an extremely basic “how-to” beforehand.

Pipedream Products Anal Fantasy - Mini Anal Teazer

Technique

You may be wondering, “how does an anal toy provide pleasure?” Anal toys work for both men and women. In men, pressure against the p-spot (an area adjacent to the prostate) provokes a pleasurable sensation. In women, the close proximity to the internal portions of the clitoris (yes, the clitoris is also internal!) and the g-spot also make anal play pleasurable. Anal penetration can trigger orgasm in both men and women. Some like the pressure and full feeling as it adds to their arousal during foreplay and/or sex. With so many nerve ending around the anus and inside the rectum, there are many options for sexy play.

Your Guide to Sexting

One of the hottest trends in connecting with your special someone is sexting. Sexting is the act of sending sexy words or pictures to a partner. With the amazing quality of picture and video we have on our phones, this is now the best time to combine sex and technology. This is like phone sex 2.0. Never let distance be a problem with you and your partner again. You two can now be connected with literally a push of a button. While this sounds pretty simple and straightforward, there are a few guidelines to make sure you abide by that can make your sexting experience easy.

Turn Sweetest Day Into Sweetest Night

Do you know what is happening October 19, 2013? It’s Sweetest Day! What’s that? You’ve never heard of it? Being from the Mitten state, this is a holiday that I grew up with. It is a Midwest construct which involves giving your ‘sweetie’ something sweet to show that you care. Think Valentine’s day, but only in the Fall. This isn’t a national holiday, which often makes people call it a ‘Hallmark Holiday.’ This is insinuating that it was created by the card company to make you buy their goods, but it allegedly originated from a Cleveland candy company employee. According the history on Hallmark’s website, Sweetest Day was imagined by Herbert Birch Kingston in 1922. He wanted to bring happiness to those people who were often forgotten such as orphans and people confined to their homes. 

Now fast forward to present day, Hallmark, as well as many other candy, card, and gift companies, are on board with this holiday which is celebrated every third Saturday in October. People shower their friends, family, and loved ones with gifts such as chocolates, cards, and flowers, but I want to challenge to you add a little something to this holiday. Sweeten the deal, if you will. If you’re looking for something extra special to give your sweet one, give them the gift of sex. I’m calling this Sweetest Night. 

Introducing Sex Toys – The Vibrator

I’d like to continue our introduction to sex toys with something very basic, a vibrator. What’s interesting about the vibrator is that it has evolved since the earlier phallic shaped “massagers” most of us have seen. Vibrators now come in all sorts of shapes, configurations and styles. They also come in a variety of materials like silicone, metal, glass and even ceramic. So without further ado… Relationship, meet the vibrator.

Why a Vibrator?

Adding vibration can be stimulating for both partners. A vibrator can be used during foreplay to tease over the top of clothes or along bare skin, around nipples, on the clitoris or in the vagina. You can use it in front of your partner, allowing them to watch you as you please yourself. A little seductive voyeurism! It also gives you a chance to show your partner where you really like to be touched. Your partner can use it on you, adding to caresses and touches with the purring of the vibrator. You can use it to enhance oral sex. It can also be used during sex to increase stimulation, help to find that elusive peak or help to continue when one partner is spent but would like to continue to please their partner. The vibrator is not for the female body alone, men can use vibrators too. It can be pressed against the nipples, penis, balls, perineum and anus to add more stimulation. Experiment all over. You might find a spot that works wonders for you.

Female Erogenous Zones

Recently I shared an article about erogenous zones for men and I included a lot of areas around the penis. Most men enjoy direct and aggressive touching and I think it is good to know different areas that can turn your man on.

On the other hand, women often like you to take it slower and work up to genital touching. So, let’s take a very different approach in this article. A lot of women know the other areas on their body that excite them. This could be because many women get more pleasure from extensive foreplay than they do from intercourse. But your woman may not be willing to tell you where and how she wants to be touched. So, I’m going to give you some tips.

Erogenous Zones of Men

Men have a wide variety of erogenous zones on their body. Most people – male and female - have the widespread misunderstanding that boys and men only have sexual feelings in their penis, or only in the head of their penis. There are many possible reasons for this misconception but let’s focus on getting the truth out there and not the myths.

Most of the erogenous zones in a male body are easiest to stimulate when he’s relaxed and contrary to what you may think – start off gently. This gentle stimulation on a relaxed body can be just as arousing as penal stimulation and in some cases it can result in orgasm. Here is your cheat sheet on where and how to stimulate your man. Let’s focus on areas around his genitals and breasts – although, keep in mind there are erogenous zones all over his body.

Introducing Sex Toys to a Relationship

Delight Vibrator by Fun Factory

As we become more open minded (and open in discussion) about sex toys, an increased number of people are looking past the previous stigmas and into new possibilities. Sex toys were usually thought of as “solo play” devices, i.e., masturbatory aids, but an increasing number of couples are discovering the benefits of sex toys with their partners. There are still many out there who haven’t tried it, or even thought of it. This may be because some have never used sex toys before, while those with previous experience may have assume they just don’t need toys with a full time partner or, worse yet, that a sex toy will replace them. Lately, it seems more people who never thought of adding sex toys before are realizing they are not just for “alone time” anymore. They can use them augment an already satisfying sex life or, perhaps, put a bit more zing into one that could use a little… improvement.

I’m assuming since you’re reading this, you are one of those who either haven’t used sex toys before or have never used sex toys with your partner, but would like too. Let’s start with a simple introduction, shall we. Relationship, this is sex toys. Sex toys, this is relationship.

Your Guide To Ben Wa Balls

Thanks to the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, certain sex toys have seen a large increase in sales and popularity. Ben Wa Balls have seen the greatest boost in sales since the inception of the novels. You’ve probably seen them in shops and wondered ‘Where do those things go?’ ‘Are those for men or women?’ or ‘Do I hear jingling?’ Well read on and see if these are something you may want to add to your treasure chest.

LUNA BEADS Classic by LELO

Ben Wa balls, (Geisha balls, Kegel balls, or orgasm balls) are small balls that are inserted into the vagina for sexual stimulation and/or exercise. Traditionally they were made of metal and were about the size of a marble. They were inserted for increasing sexual pleasure for men during intercourse.

Today, they can be made from a variety of materials such as metal, glass, or silicone. Commonly sold in pairs, they can be loose or connected to a string for easier removal. They come in a wide range of styles such as brightly colored or weighted for exercise. Be wary of balls that are made with sub-par materials and that have a rope string. Make sure you can properly clean them with ease. 

B is for Bondage: Bondage for Beginners

The recent interest in all things kinky has sparked the desire to learn more about BDSM. If you’re new to BDSM, I’d like to introduce you to the “B” in that acronym: Bondage. Bondage can be a sexy bit of kink easily added to your routine. 

The first thing you should do when starting to explore bondage is talk. Communication is the key when starting any new venture. We’ve seen enough stories on the internet about unsuspecting partners being “surprised” and only managing to spice up the evening with an extremely upset partner or, worse yet, physical injury. Find out what turns you on by reading different types of erotica. There are also instructional books, instructional DVDs and websites that can help introduce you to a variety of options. Try writing an email or letter to your partner if talking makes you uncomfortable. Once you’ve agreed upon what you’re both comfortable doing, also talk about what you won’t do. Limits are important. Once you’ve established what you are willing, and not willing to do, you can start looking for ways to safely make that happen.

6 Tips to be a Sexy Goddess for Your Partner

 

We all like to believe we make our partner happy, in many ways, but let’s talk about ways to make your partner happy sexually. If I asked your partner – what would they say? Before we find out anything negative, I’ll share some tips to help you be a sex goddess for your partner.

When people find out I’m a Relationship Coach and a Master Sexpert, their first comment is to tell me how great they are in bed. However, they need to understand there is always something new to learn or something new to try. So, let’s talk about things you can do to be the sex goddess your partner wants... and it is likely to help you enjoy sex more. 

 

Back Door Basics

For some, the prospect of anal sex is very taboo. But for those who want to break through the stigma and revel in the pleasure, anal play can be super hot. Both men and woman can enjoy in anal pleasure. Yes, you too men. *(Just because you like anal play, it doesn’t make you gay. How you enjoy pleasure does not define your sexual orientation.)  The anus is a hot bed of nerve endings that result in an often overlooked erogenous zone.  So if you’re still with me, and want some must know butt basics, read on fellow sexual explorer.

 Anytime I ask someone about anal play and they tell me they would never do it, the number one reason is because “that is where poop comes out of.” Yes, you’re not wrong, but in a healthy person, the rectum is merely temporary storage of feces. There shouldn’t be any remnants left over. If you’re still concerned, you are welcome to use an enema. 

As with any new sexual activity, you have to be in the right mindset. Nervousness and apprehension are common. Take some time to relax your mind and body with some deep breaths. Check in with your anus. Are you clenching? Make a conscious effort to relax and really get in touch with your body. 

Things to Consider Before You Have a Threesome

It is pretty universal that most men are interested in or fantasize about having a threesome – usually with two women. But, no matter what combination, a threesome is something many men think about.

Technically group sex includes sex with 3, 4, or more people. That means there are more mouths, more hands, more arms, more legs – but there is also more need to communicate, more need for coordination, more feelings, more baggage…  There are many things to consider about group sex.

Safer Oral Sex

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Please a Woman

Think about this scenario for a minute. Imagine your woman comes to you asking for sex. That’s right – you don’t have to ask, you don’t worry that she’ll claim to have a headache or to be too busy. She is the one to initiate sex – and that means you don’t have to think about being turned down. You may wonder what would cause a typical woman to start taking the initiative and to be the aggressor in your relationship.

The answer is simple – you have proven to be the “ideal” partner and lover. You help her embrace and enjoy her sexuality, you make her feel comfortable and sexy when you’re together. You have also shown her that you want to do your part to make her very happy and encourage her sexual pleasure.

She wants you. She wants you to make love to her. Does that sound good? I’m going to give you the secret formula…

My love coach mentor said, “anyone can have sex, but making love is an art form.” That is very true, and pleasing your woman is an art. Pay attention – these are the “secrets” you need to know to please your woman and to take both of you to a more satisfying level.

Lube 101 - Wetter is Better

Biologically we naturally lubricate when we are sexually aroused. The lubrication produced helps facilitate sexual intercourse by reducing friction between the vagina and penis. But we don’t only have PV sex, and not all of us are having sex just to procreate. We engage in all kinds of sexual activities and most of the time our natural lubrication can’t keep up with the duration of our sex sessions. The use of lube is NOT a sign that you aren’t turned on enough or a cop out. Lube is a great staple to include in your solo and partnered sex life and everyone has heard that wetter is better!

Like the colors of the rainbow, lube comes in many different varieties. Lubes can be water, silicone, or oil based and each of these has their benefits. Some things to keep in mind while lube shopping-

How You Can Share Anal Pleasure

Anal sex is a big taboo for many couples. However, for other couples, it can be a big turn on. There are many reasons why people may consider anal sex to be taboo. Here are just a few of the misconceptions about anal sex –

•  The anus is “exit only” 
•  Only homosexual men like anal sex 
•  Bodily fluids and functions may get in the way 
•  It is painful 
• A person has been told it isn’t acceptable

Do you agree with these ideas about anal sex? Society, family, friends and a person’s beliefs can be the reason people don’t like or refuse to even experiment with anal sex.

On the other hand, let’s look at some of the reasons why people enjoy anal sex – 

• It feels good.
• You can’t get pregnant. 
• The anus is often tighter and more stimulating than the vagina.
• It is an alternative when vaginal sex is painful
• Some women enjoy “double penetration” – Anal and vaginal penetration at the same time

Anal sex is becoming more acceptable and likely people you know are enjoying anal pleasure, whether they admit it to you or not. Let’s start with some basics.