Sexy Time Strategies for the Holidays

From Thanksgiving to New Years, we’re on an ever-speeding treadmill of events and obligations. We’re cooking, cleaning, shopping and spending more time with family and friends than at any other time of the year. The combination of stress and lack of free time makes it hard to even feel sexy much want to get sexy with anyone. We also eat and drink more than usual while having less time alone. It’s during this season that we need time to reconnect and take advantage of the great stress release and over all good cheer we get from sex. Don’t worry, these tips won’t get you on the naughty list but they might make both your and your partner’s spirits bright during the holidays.

One of the hardest things to do during the holidays is finding time to be sexy. The trick is to make time to be sexy. Even the smallest moments can make a difference. You can block out time to be together either early on a holiday morning before the rest of the house has awakened or scheduling a sexy break during the day or making time with an evening date. If you have to put it on a calendar or shopping list then make it so! Better to have sex on your to-do list than on your wish list. Set a reminder on your phone for a lunchtime lovemaking break or even just some sexy time alone after the kids have gone to bed. If you have kids get a sitter or, better yet, find someone who can take the kids for a little while. Put the grocery list aside and the shopping list away. Just focus on each other. Turning off all the problem solving, dinner menu planning and holiday logistics for even a short time is essential if you’re going to fully enjoy being with each other. It’ll all be there when you’re done and the release of hormones will combat stress and the revitalized feeling should help you go back to all that work with renewed vigor.

Prostate Health

Every November you’ll see men sporting mustaches in support of men’s health awareness called Movember. One of the important issues they often bring up is prostate health. Overall health and wellness affects your sexual health and wellness. In men, prostate health can be a major factor in their sex lives. As they get older the prostate can enlarge giving rise to a number of heath problems. These health problems can then cause issues that become sexual health problems. Let’s learn more about the prostate, where it is and how it works, and how it affects sexual health. Also, what can we do it improve prostate health.

What It Is and How It Works

The prostate is a gland found in male-bodied individuals. It’s located below the bladder, in front of the rectum, and surrounds the urethra. The urethra is the tube that carries urine from the bladder so the location of the prostate factors into certain health conditions. The gland is about the size of a walnut. It creates fluid that supports and nourishes sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes fluid through the urethra and the expelled fluid mixes with sperm coming from the testicles via the vasa differentia and seminal vesicle fluid to become semen. The prostate functions are regulated by testosterones. The milky white alkaline fluid, which houses the sperm, helps to neutralize the acidity of the vaginal track. It helps to prolong the life of the sperm and protect the genetic material they contain.

A Guide to Erotica

I’ve covered recommended non-fiction books on sexuality but there’s another genre that can also help your sex life, Erotica. Erotica, literature intended to arouse sexual desire, has been around for a long time. Humans have enjoyed reading and writing about sex in a variety of ways with a myriad of themes. It’s a way to explore fantasies by using the theater of the mind. Evidence of erotica dates back to ancient Greece and Rome. Today, erotica has been gaining momentum in mainstream acceptance and popularity. There is so much out there, though, that it can be hard to separate the wheat from the chaff, or if chaff is your thing to find the one that appeals to you. Here are some recommendations of authors and genres, from the dawn of erotica to modern times, to help guide you in your quest for some delicious erotica

Classic Erotica

From the time humans began communicating with written text they seem to be writing about explicit sexual adventures. Early examples only exist in fragments but you can start with a 15th century erotic tale like The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio. This book contains 100 tales of seven women and three men hiding in a villa outside Florence during the Black Death. The 16th century brought us The Heptameron by Margueritte De Navarre is a collection of erotic takes inspired by The Decameron. The 18th Century had a number of erotic novels; Fanny Hill – A Memoir of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland, Les Liaisons Dangereuses by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos, Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert and Justine or The Misadventures of Virtue by Marquis De Sade. The 19th century gave us The Autobiography of a Flea by Anonymous, a story told from the viewpoint of a flea, The Romance of Lust by Anonymous which is four volumes about a young man’s sexual adventures, and Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoc who’s name was used to coin the phrase masochism.

20th Century Erotica

The 20th century managed to release the grip of the conservative and buttoned up Victorian era enabling readers to find more erotica than ever before. Early novels like D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover published in the late 20’s, Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller from the mid ‘30’s, Story of O by Pauline Reage, from the mid 50s’, Emmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arasan, in the late ‘60’s, Fear of Flying by Erica Jong in the early ‘70’s, Delta of Venus by Anais Nin and 9 ½ weeks by Elizabeth McNeil from the late 70’s pushed boundaries. The 80’s became saturated with content leaving no specific titles coming to the forefront. Perhaps Endless Love by Scott Spencer and the memorable BDSM trilogy The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Roquelaure (Anne Rice) in the early 80’s.

Sexy Role-Play: Let’s Pretend!

Your biggest sex organ is your brain. Using your imagination to channel ideas into sexy role-play can be very hot. Erotic role-play can help in a number of ways. Here are some role-play tips and ideas to find the level of role-play that suits you.

Character Development

First, what kind of role-play do you want to play? There are basics that come to mind, just don’t limit yourself. Think about your favorite story or fantasy. It can be as basic as a repairman fantasy or you’re really hot for firefighters. Maybe you think the barista is really sexy or perhaps you’ve always been hot for teacher (I brought my pencil). You can also think literary or cinematically so look into acting out a character in your favorite book or movie. You may have a TV character you really like. This is also a good time to look into edgy or unusual role-play. Pretending as characters is a great way to explore fantasies you may have been uncomfortable sharing or acting out before. Talk it over with your partner; they may have some great ideas to share.

Playing The Part

Once you’ve figure out what kind of role-play you want to try, you need to agree on how to go about it. Not all of us are comfortable acting out roles. Sometimes you can feel a little self conscious as you try to come up with things to say or you may feel silly wearing an outfit. If costumes feel like a bit too much, just try acting out the parts first. Go over your ideas beforehand; what role each of you will play, what are your goals, what is completely out of bounds, and if you want a cue or safeword that ends the scene. It’s ok to start with something simple. You don’t want to be so caught up with characters and costumes that it’s not sexy anymore. It can be as simple as, “when I come home tonight, I’m going to pretend I’m delivering pizza or come to fix your sink.” Or “At dinner lets pretend to be a king and his servant girl” or “Let’s act out this scene in this book tonight.” And if saying the words in character makes you or your partner laugh, that’s perfectly fine. It is role ‘play’ after all. Keep in mind that a sense of humor is sexy; so don’t take yourself too seriously. If playing the part throws you into a fit of giggles, just have a good laugh and move on. Laughter is sexy too.

Safer Sex

Starting from the moment we consider being sexually active we have to consider the steps to protect ourselves. Sex comes with the risk of HIV and other STD/STIs. The term “safer sex” became widely used to signify that “safe” sex is not 100% safe and complete protection can’t be guaranteed. We can only work towards “safer” sex that minimizes risk as best we can. Safer sex is an important component to your overall sexual health. It’s important to stay up to date even if you’re in a long-term single partner relationship. From you’re earliest explorations, along a lifetime of adventures and into the golden years of continued sexual experiences, there are many types of safer sex options to keep in mind.

What Are The Risks?
When engaging in sexual activity, there is not just the possibility of pregnancy but also the passing of sexually transmitted diseases (also known as sexually transmitted infections). There are several infections that can pass through the mucus membranes and during skin-to-skin contact. Some are passed through the exchange of bodily fluids. There’s also the chance of passing along infections through cuts, nicks, sores and micro abrasions on the skin, in the genital area and the mouth. Each STD has it’s own pathway to infection. HIV is transmitted when the bodily fluids blood, semen, pre-semen, vaginal fluids, rectal fluids and breast milk come in contact with mucus membranes or enter the bloodstream. Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2) can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact; this includes kissing, as well as, sexual contact. Syphilis is spread through sexual contact but sometimes is passed through kisses and extended close physical contact. Chlamydia is spread through mucus membrane and sperm contact during vaginal, anal and sometimes oral sex. Gonorrhea is passed through sexual contact and contact with bodily fluids. Hepatitis B is passed through contact with infected blood and bodily fluids. HPV is transferable through skin and contact with mucous membranes. Using condoms, oral barriers and limiting sexual encounters with higher risk individuals, like drug addicts and people who don’t regularly use barriers, can help reduce your risk. All of these STI’s also can be active without symptoms; they can be passed along even if there is not visible evidence of the infection.

Introducing New Partners: Threesomes to Moresomes

There are many fun and exciting things to try in the realm of sexuality, everything from role-play, to kink to sex toys. At some point you may find yourself wanting to add something else to your sexy time, another person… or two… or more. Adding someone new to your sexual adventures is definitely possible, and pleasurable, it just requires communication and planning between you and your partner. From threesomes to moresomes, here are some ideas on how to play in a way that is safe and consensual.

Are You Ready?

Adding another partner to your playtime can put undue stress on a relationship, especially if it’s already under duress. Your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect but it should be healthy. Adding a sex toy may help with issues in the bedroom but using another person as a sex toy will not. Communication is very important so you should be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner about how you want to open up to include another person. Do you just want a “play partner” that is a friend only for sexy fun times, like swinging, or do you want to include them in your life more fully like in polyamory. Polyamory is when you go beyond casual sex with one or more people into a more committed relationship. You can be anywhere on the spectrum from extremely casual to extremely committed. The choice is yours; there is no right way or wrong way in choosing your level of commitment (or non-commitment). Also understand that this is not infidelity if all parties are aware and approve of what’s going on. If your added partner has a partner, they need to be aware and on board with it too. What you’re looking for in an enthusiastic yes. No one should ever be cajoled or coerced into participating.

Best Sexy Books For Your Library

Do you may remember the book The Joy of Sex? Most of you may need a Wayback Machine to know about this book but it was a very popular sex position book that was on the bookshelves of some of my friend’s parents when I was a kid. Few sex guides before The Joy of Sex came out where very helpful. This book signified a change towards open discussion of pleasurable sex. Since then more books have been readily available and taken on a host of specific topics and many a niche sexual interest. Unfortunately, there are still many books out there that are useless as manuals. Here is a list of sexy books worth investing both your time and money.

Sex Ed Books

Acquiring knowledge is a life long endeavor. One always has something to learn no matter how old you get. Reading some good sex education books can solidify things you learned ages ago or fill in the gaps in your knowledge that can often happen over a lifetime. The aforementioned The Joy of Sex was updated in ’92 then again in ’02 but unfortunately is still outmoded in the way it deals with gender and sexuality. There are better books out there. Paul Joannides’s Guide to Getting it On has been around since the 90’s and covers a large amount of information with a fun light-hearted fun tone. Sex Made Easy by Debbie Herbenic answers questions about sex and while geared towards women is useful to any gender. An excellent book about senior sex is Naked At Our Age by Joan Price. It reminds us we can have great sex into our golden years.

Anal August

Another month long sexy celebration! We had Masturbation May and now it’s Anal August. A month to learn new things, try something different or just enjoy sharing some conversation on the subject. Anal sex has become much less taboo over the years and can be a highly pleasurable addition to your sexy time repertoire. Some may balk at the idea because it has been uncomfortable, or downright painful, in the past, or are concerned with the cleanliness factor. There are ways to get around that and make anal sex easy, safe and satisfying. Here are some tips and techniques to get you started or up your anal game this month.

Anal Basics

For those of you who haven’t any prior knowledge, or missed my article on anal toys, here is a short lesson on anatomy. Anal sex is not just about the anus but the lower rectum, the perineum, the prostate as well as the clitoris. It is also not just about penetration with a penis but with fingers, tongue and sex toys. The anus and rectum have many nerve endings. They respond well to touch and pressure. The inner rectum has less nerve endings but is still sensitive to pressure and motion. Internally there is also a connection to the prostate and to the clitoral “legs” (part of the clitoris that extends on either side into the body) that enhances the pleasurable experience. Getting past the sphincter is what makes people think anal sex is painful or uncomfortable. The inner and outer sphincters will tense and tighten when stressed, scared or anxious. The rectum has delicate tissue so it’s important take the right steps to relax and lubricate to not damage them. Things to always remember are; take your time and use lots of lube. Ultimately it’s the ability to get your sphincter to not clench up too much that will alleviate most of the discomfort. Also taking time for the rectum to adjust to being pushed open will help. Start small with just a finger then progressively move up to larger things like more fingers, anal beads, a butt plug, dildo or penis. Orgasm can be achieved since anal sex stimulates the clitoral legs and clitoris, prostate massage through anal sex can also trigger orgasm.

Summer Sex Bucket List

Don’t worry, summer isn’t over yet! You still have plenty of time to keep it sizzling. 

Go Skinny Dipping

Sure it sounds like something you may have done in high school, but I assure you, the level of fun and naughtiness doesn’t diminish with age. There is something inherently sexy about being fully naked and immersed in water. Add a partner to that action and there are no limits to how much excitement you can have. The easiest way to check this item off you list is to find a nude beach or naturist facility. If you don’t have one of those areas available to you, or if you want to live on the edge, you can always sneak out to the beach at midnight under the cover of darkness. Depending on where you live, there may be laws against public nudity, so please dip accordingly. 

National Orgasm Day

 It’s wonderful that we live in a world that celebrates the orgasm. Granted, there are still many people in the world that don’t understand orgasms, realize their benefits, or seek to control them for negative reasons. Having a national observation day gives us a chance to focus on this amazing thing the body can do. Orgasms make us feel good, help us bond with partners, release helpful hormones, reduces stress and contributes to our overall health. We all experience orgasms in our own personal way; some quickly, some with lots of effort, some multiple times, some with one big blow out. How does this sexy bodily function work and what does it do for our bodies? Lets take a closer look.

 

Body and Brain

An orgasm is an incredible feat of mind and body, the result of physical stimulation and mental stimulation. Masters and Johnson considered it the third of four stages in human sexual response. Our genitals have sensitive nerve packed areas that are specifically designed for pleasure. Physical stimulation of these areas starts a chain reaction while our minds are processing what’s happening to cue different physical reactions. The groundwork is laid during foreplay. As we start getting aroused the brain sends blood flooding to our genitals. This increased blood flow causes our genitals to swell and become more sensitive. Women have an increase in lubrication in the vagina and vulva. Our breathing and heart rate increases. This process is changing not only our bodies but changing what’s happening in our brains. We shut down parts of our brain, mostly ones that regulate things like fear, worry and planning. Our minds are only focused in the moments leading up to orgasm. The hypothalamus releases hormones so we’re flooded with oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. When all these things reach a peak, the body releases all the tension that’s built up in waves through the genitals. This causes contractions within the vagina and usually results in ejaculation in the penis. The anal sphincter, pubococcygeus (pc) muscle, perineum and other muscles join in these contractions. Orgasms come in different sizes. They can be intense, light, last for ages, last a moment, can happen only once, happen repeatedly with multiple orgasms, and can be elusive and not happen at all.

Guide to Sensual Massage

There’s probably very few of us who’d say no to a massage. Even the simplest neck massage after a long tough day can feel amazing. Massage stimulates blood flow, reduces stress and tension, while soothing overworked muscles. All these things can help put us in a sexy mood. You can use a combination of traditional message techniques with some sensual touches to make massage time a part of sexy time. It can be a wonderful part of foreplay, especially after a long or particularly stressful day when your head and body may not be feeling too hot. It can also be great bonding time with your partner. Here are some tips for a sexy and sensual massage.

Setting The Stage

As at a spa, the atmosphere in the room needs to be conducive to relaxation. You wouldn’t have your client in a brightly lit cold room with lots of noise so you definitely wouldn’t want a sexy massage in the same environment. Set the mood with dim/soft lighting. Perhaps changing to low watt bulbs or light some candles. You can find candles that will melt into massage oil; they are low temp and safe for the skin. You can go a little old school and throw a scarf over a lamp for some mood lighting. Make sure the room is warm enough so your undressed partner is comfortable. Music can help to set the right tone too, pick something sexy and soothing. Eliminate any outside noises and distractions. And don’t forget to turn off your phone!

Having The Right Props

Your hands are your basic tools for a massage but you are not limited to them. A Magic Wand may be too intense for this kind of work, try a smaller vibrator for both the body massage and for more intimate massage later. You can even find fingertip vibrators. Professional masseuses recommend sweet almond oil or apricot kernel oil but you can also try a variety such as grape seed oil or coconut oil. Oils can’t be used internally and shouldn’t be used with a latex condom as oil breaks them down lessening their effectiveness. Oils can also promote bacterial infections and irritation if used internally. Avoid warming and cooling lotions as they can irritate intimate areas rather than stimulating. If you don’t want to worry about switching oils for internal use, get a massage oil that can also be used as a lubricant. You can even find flavored edible massage oil too. Check for parabens and glycerin, an all natural water based or silicone based massage oil to use for lube later is recommended. A titillating scent can help too with some vanilla or sandalwood. Just make sure what you’re adding is safe and your partner is no allergic. Have towels handy for clean up and use a massage table or the floor instead of the bed is you can. The bed can be too soft for a comfortable massage.

It’s Not You, Honestly! Why Your Guy Loses His Erections

A very common, and sometimes embarrassing, situation for a man is losing his erection. Having a man who is consistently hard and ready to go is a common misconception. Between the countless commercials we see on television practically making every man question his own sexual prowess, it’s no wonder that there is so much pressure on men to perform. There are a whole host of possibilities of why your partner may be losing their erection and it is almost always never you. For instance, he could be…

Nervous

Who doesn’t get nervous when hooking up with a new partner? Even if you and your partner are well established, a little case of nervousness can set off a whole host of reactions, including putting an erection in jeopardy. Subsequently, if your partner happens to lose their erection, the more pressure they put on themselves to get hard, and stay hard, will make it even more difficult for an erection to happen.

Sensation Play with Toys

The ability to use our whole bodies for sexual pleasure is amazing. Our five senses can be stimulated to turn us on with various techniques and toys. This is called “Sensation Play” and has its origins in BDSM. You can use sensation play to add some extra fun to your sexual play or as sexy foreplay. Sensation plays uses the sense of touch mostly but also can use sight, sound, taste, and smell. Sight is the one sense that is usually deprived to heighten the other senses. You can do as little or as much as you like as long as you communicate beforehand and agree to boundaries. There are some great toys out there to help with your sensory play along with some things you can find around the house. Finding the sensation that triggers arousal and pleasure in your partner can be quite fun.

Sight

A great way to start with sensation play is to remove or limiting the ability to see. This will heighten the other senses and will also engage your partner’s perception of what’s happening in a different way. Hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling something when you can’t see it can alter your experience in an exciting way. You can just dim the lights or shut them off all together. Add a little tactile sensation play to minimizing or eliminating sight by using a blindfold. A blindfold made out of something soft and sensuous or even out of something more hard and cold can put your partner in the right mood. Try a sash, scarf or traditional blindfold. You can also use a hood made of soft fabric or tight binding latex. If you want to try something different you can add light with mood lighting, flashing lights, or a bright light. Some play can include glasses with distorted lenses. Your choice depends on the desired effect and the level of experience and comfort (or discomfort) you are willing to participate in.

National HIV Testing Day: What Do You Know About HIV/AIDS?

The beginning of the AIDS crisis put a dark cloud over the sexual revolution. Few people knew much about it other than it was the “gay disease.” Now we know it starts with HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) and is spread through bodily fluids. HIV affects CD4 cells (T-Cells) that are specific to the immune system. HIV can destroy so many CD4 cells the body loses the ability to fight off infections. At this stage HIV leads to AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome). AIDS leads to a progressive failure of the body’s immune systems leaving it vulnerable to diseases and infections. Unlike other viruses, HIV never leaves your body and cannot be cured. So much has happened since the dark age of HIV ignorance to the age of enlightenment we have today. Let’s take a look at where we started, where we are today and what you can do to prevent it.

 

The 1970’s and 80’s

In the 70’s HIV makes its way to the United States. Doctors suspect various other illnesses until the early 1980’s. In 1982 this new disease is called AIDS. By 1984 they identify HIV (then known as HTLV-III or LAV) as the cause of AIDS. They would discover not only were gay men affected, it could be contracted through heterosexual sex, sharing contaminated needles and blood transfusions. The mid to late 1980’s saw discrimination of people with AIDS, famous people lost, projects like the AIDS quilt and the CDC’s first public service announcement. By the late 80’s AZT (azidothymidine) is being used to suppress the effects of HIV but its tendency to mutate makes it drug resistant. Trials are done on humans in a rush for a cure. Awareness and education about prevention starts to reduce the numbers of those affected. Early detection becomes an important factor, testing becomes a focus. By the end of the 80’s the US alone reaches 100,000 reported cases of AIDS.

LGBT Pride Month

As LGBT Pride month, June is full of celebrations and events. Around the world the LGBTQ community rallies together to form their own Pride parades with weekends full of advocacy, education, and remembrance in a festive setting. Some celebrate a week, some a weekend, some just a day. However your neck of the woods celebrates, it’s a great way for the LGBT communities and it’s allies to celebrate how far they’ve come since 1969 and how far they still have to go. Let’s look at how this all got started and what an amazing event it’s become over the past four decades.

Stonewall Inn

The impetus for Pride was started after the riots near the Stonewall Inn in 1969. The Stonewall Inn was a well-known gay bar in NYC’s Greenwich Village that was also a haven for the poor and extremely marginalized transgender and transvestite community as well as prostitutes and the homeless. For decades the gay community found few public places they could go to socialize or be even the slightest bit out about their sexuality. A few bars catered to the community but the police raided them often and sent anyone without proper identification or dressed in clothing of the opposite sex (men couldn’t look like women and women needed at least three pieces of feminine clothing) to jail. Wealthy patrons were often blackmailed to keep their orientation a secret. One early morning on June 28th, 1969, the police did a surprise raid at the Stonewall. This one was different as people started to gather outside and the patrons inside decided they had had enough and fought back. People out on the street joined in and soon a small-scale riot had started. During that week more protests occurred and while things started to calm down a need to take action had begun. The coming year would see big steps forward in the fight for gay rights.

Your Guide to Edging

What is better than one orgasm? A more powerful one! There are many names for this practice, sufing, peaking, edging, but no matter what you call it, they are all forms of orgasm control. This is where the goal is to stave off your orgasm to prolong your sexual experience and/or create a stronger orgasmic sensation. This technique can be practiced alone or with a partner and is something you can start today!

For the majority of males, ejaculation happens within a few minutes of penetration. While that is great for them, it often leaves their female partners unsatisfied. It takes a woman about 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm. And after a male ejaculates, he experiences a refractory period in which he has to wait to continue sexual stimulation. With edging, the male can prolong his sexual encounter with his partner and hopefully see her orgasm before his own. 

Is Sex Considered Exercise?

We’ve heard about the health benefits of sex. How it can help you mentally and physically, it can also help keep you feeling younger. We’ve heard the same things about exercise. Would these two great tastes taste great together? Can sex be considered exercise? For those of you who have had an all out sweaty session of hot sex, you’re probably nodding your head right now. Sex can take lots of energy if you’re using different positions and giving it all you’ve got. Regular exercise has been known to improve your sex life too. But as for actually scientifically proven exercise, there are certain factors to consider before you sexy time can be thought of as exercise.

How Many Calories Does Sex Burn

A recent study published in the journal PLOS ONE took 21 couples in their early 20’s and measured their energy expenditure with armbands while they did moderate exercise on a treadmill. After they had done 30 minutes on the treadmill, they were then asked to wear the armbands while having sex once a week over the course of a month. The couples averaged about 25 minutes each sexy time session. The findings were very interesting. After moderate jogging on the treadmill men burned 276 calories (about 9 calories a minute) and women burned 213 calories (about 7 calories a minute). They also measure 8.5 METS for men and 8.4 METS for women. METS are metabolic equivalent of task; this translates as the energy cost of physical activities. If you consider the rate of METs being 1 for sitting quietly (I’m using 1.5 sitting while using the computer) and jogging 6mph or bicycling around 15mph is a 10, this 8/5 average METS for jogging lightly falls into place. During sex, however, men burned 100 calories (about 4 calories a minute) and women about 72 calories about 3 calories a minute).  That’s only 6 METS for men and 5.5 METs for women. Researchers were surprised to find the numbers high during sex but the couples in the study found the jogging required much more exertion than sex and seemed like much harder work. Does this qualify sex as equivalent in exercise to light jogging? Not so much.

10 Health Benefits of Masturbation

Sex in general has many health benefits and solo sex has many benefits you may not be aware of. Masturbation can contribute to a happier, healthier, and sexier you. You get more than just some sexy time with yourself; you take steps to improve your health in many ways. Not everyone may feel some of these benefits but when all you need to do is pleasure yourself, it doesn’t hurt to try. The key to many of these is masturbating regularly. Some readers may not need much prompting for daily self-pleasure but others just may not be feeling the need to practice that often. Do what feels right when it comes to feeling good, so how often is up to you. No matter which way or how frequent you decide to get off; here are some of the benefits we get from masturbation.

1. Better Mental Health

Orgasms release dopamine and oxytocin that bring on a euphoric feeling. These neurochemicals help improve our overall feeling of well-being and help improve our mood. Masturbation can help to reduce the symptoms of depression. It can improve self-esteem and help us to feel better about ourselves overall.

2. Helps You Fall Asleep

Neurochemicals released by orgasms help you to relax along with lowering your blood pressure. These neurochemicals relax your muscles and the oxytocin released is a natural pain reliever. All together it helps you to relax while working to soothe any aches and pains. This helps you to fall asleep faster and easier.

3. Relieves Cramps

Orgasms help increase blood flow to and in the pelvic region. This increased blood flow can really help alleviate those annoying cramps most women get during their period. Add the same pain relieving benefits of oxytocin and the relaxation of muscles, which also helps you go to sleep, to the increased blood flow and you’ve found a great way to minimize cramps.

Masturbation Tips: For Men and Women

One would think that masturbation would come naturally, that we would do it easily and often. Unfortunately, most of us were taught masturbation is bad when we were young. Many others were simply not told about it at all. Self-pleasure is something our bodies don’t always figure out on their own. If you haven’t spent a whole lot of time exploring your body or getting to know what types of pleasure you enjoy, you may not know what really rings your bell when it comes to masturbation. You might be using the same technique your whole life a “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” kind of way. These tips might help you get started if you haven’t explored much or give you something you may never have thought to try. They’re useful to all genders and orientations, so pick and choose what you like.

How We Work

Your body responds to both touch and pressure. There are well known highly sensitive areas like the clitoris for women and the frenulum for men, but there are many other areas that can be stimulated during masturbation. The clitoris has an external nub (glans) and extends into your body cradling the urethra and vagina. It is estimated there are about 8,000 nerve endings in the glans alone. The urethral sponge (area between the clitoris nub and the vagina) and the perineal sponge (area between the vagina and the anus) are sensitive to touch and pressure. Basically you have the entire area from your pubis to your anus as a self-pleasure playground. Clitoral stimulation may be your go-to way to get off but don’t forget these other areas. The penis is most sensitive at the glans (the head of the penis), particularly underneath at the area called the frenulum, but also along the underside of the shaft. The frenulum has just as many nerve endings as the clitoris. The penis is not the only area that feels good, pay some attention to the testicles and the perineum (area between the anus and testicles) and don’t forget the anus, which has many nerve endings. Anal play and fingering can add so much more to the experience.

Kegels and Kegel Balls - Exercise With Sexy Benefits

Kegels, or Kegel exercises, were something I had heard about often over the many years since my sexual maturity but only in terms of incontinence and post pregnancy recovery. It would show up in women’s magazines and only occasionally would it mention how it could also improve your sex life. That has changed quite a bit over the decades since then. It almost seems like a role reversal, articles talk about the sex benefits first then throw in the post pregnancy/incontinence stuff as a bonus. While Kegel exercises may be known to many women (but not all I’m sure) Kegel balls or other Kegel specific toys can still be a mystery. Let’s learn about the muscles, the exercise and the equipment.

Icicles No.41 Small Glass Ben-Wa Balls

Important Muscles

Kegel exercises work on the pelvic floor muscles. The Pubucoccygeus, or PC muscles, are muscles that stretch from the pubic bone to the coccyx (tail bone) like a hammock that supports the pelvic organs. They are found in both men and women. In 1948, the gynecologist Arnold Kegel was the first to realize that the weakened pelvic floor muscles were linked to urinary incontinence (inability to control urination), genital prolapse (collapse of the vagina wall) and weakened pelvic muscles due to childbirth. He also developed the perineometer to measure the strength of PC muscle contractions to help diagnose weakened muscles. He then developed exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Now known as Kegel Exercises, they consist of contractions that strengthen this muscle. In women, Kegel exercises not only can help with incontinence but also help build up weakened muscles due to pregnancy and childbirth, they can help to increase orgasms and sexual pleasure. Kegel exercises can even help some women who have trouble achieving, or can’t achieve, orgasm. In men they can help with male urinary incontinence, inflammation of the prostate, and possibly even premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.

Five Must Try Woman on Top Positions

Are you in a sex position rut? Why not try a woman on top position? Roles are completely reversed in this configuration. This is a great way to be in charge of the action and still feel close with your partner. Being on top allows you to set whatever pace you like and how much penetration you want to receive. It is also makes it easier for you to try climax because you can adjust your body to receive better clitoral stimulation. And besides increasing your chances of orgasm, your partner loves to see you on top. Many people enjoy watching their partner take control and the front row view of breasts isn’t bad either. Don’t worry about any imperfections you think you may have. The last thing your partner is going to notice is that spot you missed shaving or whether or not you’re bloated from dinner, trust me. So relax, jump in the saddle and ride ‘em with these positions!

Standard Woman on Top

This is a great starting point for those who are not familiar with this position. Suddenly jumping on your partner can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be an awkward endeavor. You can ease into the position quite smoothly if you are already part way there. You can be laying side by side with your partner kissing and then you can move yourself so that you’re laying on top of them. Slide your body down theirs until you’re in the right spot. You can use an arm to push yourself up and lean your body forward so you can use your other hand to guide them into you. Once they are inside of you, you can continue to lay on them and make subtle hip movements or you can push yourself up to a seated position and make more exaggerated hip movements. 

Intro To Sex Toys For Men

When it comes to sex toys it often seems like girls have all the fun. Recently sex toy manufacturers are starting to realize that some men may want something more than their own hand to help them in solo play. Some toys have been around for a long time but haven’t been explored or are simply not talked about much. There are many new toys too. You may be looking for some new ideas for sex toys for yourself or for your partner but some find the idea of male oriented sex toys a bit intimidating. Just as women are breaking free of sex toy stigma and normalizing the use of toys, so should men. To get you started, let’s take a walk through the men’s toy section and explain some of the options you have available to you.

Masturbation Sleeves

Sometimes your hand is not enough. It does a great job but there’s little variety unless, well, you change hands. Masturbation sleeves provide you with an option to enhance this stimulation with a variety of textures, pressure and sensations. The masturbation sleeves that I’m talking about here are not enclosed in rigid plastic but are the soft sleeve where you can feel the pressure of you own hand. Sleeves can come in body safe TPE (Thermo Plasticplastic Elastomor) or silicone. Some are closed at one end, which provides more suction. The open-ended sleeves are helpful if you don’t want too much stimulation at the head of the penis, you’re not a fan of lots of suction, or to use in conjunction with oral sex from another partner. Inside the sleeve can be found a variety of textures making it easy to find one that works for you or, better yet, gives you a variety to choose from.

When Sex Hurts

During an activity that commonly brings about pleasure and joy, painful sex can certainly put a damper on the mood. Painful sex can happen to anyone and there are many common culprits. Many can be treated without medical intervention and some are best addressed with your gynecologist. 

Lack of Lubrication

This is probably the most common. When you become aroused, your body produces lubricant in your vagina. Sometimes this lubricant is not adequate enough for penetrative sex and without additional lubricant, tearing and pulling can lead to discomfort. Keep some lubricant handy bedside and apply liberally. And don’t worry, the amount of lubricant you naturally produce is not a reflection on how aroused you are. 

Too Deep of Penetration

In certain positions or if your partner is very large, you can be experiencing discomfort from deep penetration. The force of a penis of object ramming against your cervix can cause intense pain. If this is the case, try positions that allow for more shallow penetration. 

Pervertables – Your Introduction to DIY Kink

With all of the hype still surrounding 50 Shades of Grey, and the interest in BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and/or Sadism/Masochism), there has never been a better time to explore your kinky side. Now before you start worrying about spending money on all new toys and props, look around your house. You’ve got a treasure trove of DIY kinky toys already in your house waiting for you to play with. 

Silk Neck Tie

You don’t need to splurge on rope or bondage tape when you have a silk tie hanging around. This can easily be used to restrain your partner in all sorts of erotic positions. A silk neck tie also doubles as an instant blindfold. For an added level of fun, take the tie directly off from your partner, blindfold them, and begin your seduction. Losing their sense of sight will enhance their remaining ones and leave them wondering what you will do next. 

Female Ejaculation 101

 

 

Female ejaculation, also known as squirting or gushing, has gone from myth to reality and back to myth about as many times as the g-spot. While some are touting that it, like the g-spot, doesn’t exist there are still many others whose experience say otherwise. Female ejaculation does happen; it just doesn’t happen to everyone and may not happen all the time. Let’s look into the mechanics behind female ejaculation, the difference between ejaculation and squirting/gushing, and dispel some misconceptions. Perhaps you’ll gain greater understanding of why you do it if you already do it or give you ideas of how to get it going if you’ve never experienced it.

A History Lesson

Reports of female ejaculation have shown up in ancient literature. It’s written about in the Kama Sutra, in 4th century China, in ancient Greece and Rome, 16th century Japan, the South Pacific, even in Catholic documents dating back to the Middle Ages. In the 16th and 17th centuries we find references in a couple of physician’s documents, Dutch physician Laevinius Lemnius in the 16th century and François Mauriceau in the 17th century. In the 17th century, Dutch anatomist Regnier de Graaf’s studies included female ejaculation and he was the earliest to begin to identify a part of the vagina that he linked to the male prostate. This made him the first to refer to the periurethral glands as the female prostate. Studies continued up until the 19th century when Alexander Skene would also identify the periurethral glands (glands around the urethra) that would be later known as the Skene Glands. Ernst Gräfenberg’s work in the 20th century provide more knowledge about this erogenous or erotic spot in the vagina, now known at the Gräfenberg or G-spot, while also observing female ejaculation. Interest in female ejaculation has only recently come to the forefront of both conversation and research.

Sexy Games

You may have seen that section of the sex shop, the one with card games, board games, dice and other ways to make gaming sexy. You may be wondering if any of these are worth trying. If you’re unsure if sexy games are for you, here is a breakdown of the different types of games out there. Adult games can get a sexy evening started, a fun way to get to know your partner better, or an interesting way to try something new. This is not a review, mind you, but an overview of options to help you choose a game rather than just going for a random option. Let’s spin the wheel, toss those dice or pop that pop-o-matic and move down the game path to the different types of sex games available. With these games, everybody wins.

Domin8 Game

Board games

These games come in a wide variety of styles and game play but the overall objective is to arouse. They look like classic board games; a fold open board with a path of some sort to follow and a counting method like a spinner or dice. You can answer questions or perform the activities provided on the spaces or with cards. The graphics on some can tend toward the silly, but you can find more sensuous games out there. Some games are all about the pleasure, asking players to perform erotic actions as they move around the game board. Games like Lust!, Oral Sex Game, and Sex! (A sex trivia and sex play game) to name a few. There are several spicy spins on the Monopoly theme like Lover’sopoly, XXXopoly, and Sexopoly. Tease is a game that is edgier since it’s geared for group play but also more on the quality side in terms of production. Choose carefully as some games are just slightly sexier versions of adult drinking games or games like “I Never…” or “Would You Ever…” that are more about revealing fun sexy things about each other rather than performing anything sexual. That being said, conversation starter games can lead to some interesting playtime later.

Introducing Sex Toys - The Dildo

 The difference between a vibrator and a dildo is, just as one of the words implies, vibration. A vibrator is any sex toy that uses vibration for stimulation and can come in a variety of shapes. A dildo doesn’t vibrate and is penis or phallic shaped for penetration. A dildo can have a pocket to insert a bullet vibe to convert it into a vibrator. Dildos shapes may not vary as much a vibrator but there are still lots of options out there. Here is an overview to help you pick one out that works for you. Have one that works for everything or have a variety to suit your needs.

Phallic shape is subject to interpretation

Merriam-Webster defines a dildo as “An object resembling a penis used for sexual stimulation.” Dildos can come in a variety of phallic shapes. Some are exquisitely detailed and realistic in shape. There are almost as many varieties in life like dildos as there are real life penises. They come in different lengths, different widths, and different textures. You can find shorter more slender ones, bigger and wider ones, a thickly flanged head or a slim one, balls attached or ball free. There are even dildos that have detailed veins on the shaft to add more texture. You can pick the color that suits your taste since you can find them in a variety of skin tones and some wacky colors too. You can also make a cast of someone’s penis for a homemade custom-made dildo. This can be tricky, and a little messy, but if all works out right you’ll have a duplicate of the penis you know and love. If realistic is not what you’re looking for, there are shapes with no detail at all just simple cylinders. There are others that still look somewhat like a penis but have more artistic shapes and textures designed not to replicate an actual penis but to enhance pleasure with spirals, nubs and swirls. While dildos can be used for any kind of insertion, you can get dildos specifically shaped and designed for anal play.

Condom Awareness: A Variety Of Condoms To Suit Your Needs

February is National Condom Awareness month. It’s a good time to look at what kinds of condoms are currently available. If you haven’t picked any up in a while, or you’ve been sticking to your favorite brand, you may have missed some of the alternatives that have been developed. This will be an overview of condom materials that might teach you something new or give you something different to look for next time you go shopping. Condoms have come a long way since the early use of linen, animal intestines, tortoise shell and galvanized rubber. Latex is not the only material on the block. Let’s look at all the options available today.

Latex condom

Latex condoms have been around since 1920 when it replaced vulcanized rubber. Vulcanized rubber, and later cement dipped rubber, were thicker and less comfortable. The invention of latex rubber improved this significantly. Latex was thinner and could be mass-produced with automated machines, a big improvement on the earlier handmade condoms. Latex hasn’t changed much in nearly 100 years. They tightened quality control, which produced better quality condoms. The 50’s also saw the introduction of lubricated condoms and the reservoir tip. Spermicides were later added, although Nonoxynol 9 is no longer recommended since research has shown it may increase the risk of HIV transmission, as well as HPV plus it can be an irritant to vaginal and anal tissue. There’s more variety in sizes and shapes now with ribbed, textured, colored and flavored latex condoms readily available. Latex produces a thin condom with elasticity and durability that makes it the most popular type used today. There are some drawbacks. Some people are allergic to latex causing redness, dryness, burning and other reactions. It’s also not compatible with oil-based products. Oil base lube, petroleum jelly, and mineral oil will cause the latex to break down and tear.

An Introduction to Oral Pleasure - Fellatio

Fellatio, most commonly known as a blowjob or giving head, has myths and misinformation surrounding it just like it’s female counterpart cunnilingus. This is not something often covered in sex ed and even something you feel comfortable talking about with friends or family. Fellatio is still steeped in taboo for many and you can find laws against in it some states even today. Some just think they won’t enjoy giving it. Perhaps some information and myth busting will help make fellatio a more fun and enjoyable part of sexy time.

An Anatomy Lesson

The word fellatio comes from the latin fellatus, which is the past participle of fellare, meaning to suck. Merriam-Webster’s definition of fellatio is “the act of stimulating a man's penis with the mouth for sexual pleasure.” Just as the vulva come in all shapes and sized, the penis comes in various shapes, lengths, and widths. The tip of the penis is the glans (the head) with the urethral opening; then the foreskin (if you happen to be uncircumcised); the underside of the glans has an area called the frenulum and the rounded base of the glans is called the corona. The whole glans area has the highest concentration of nerves. The frenulum has the most nerve endings so can be the most sensitive part of the penis. The glans connects to the shaft. The ridge along the underside of the shaft is the raphe and it extends from the glans, past the scrotum to the perineum. This area is the most sensitive part of the shaft. The whole of the penis extends into the body, which includes the prostate. The opening of the urethra is called the meatus; I will pause for a moment to allow you to giggle about that.

Gift Ideas To Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day

If you’re over the pink, the heart shaped boxes of chocolates, and the generic check-out lane bought bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day, consider these five unique ideas.

Gift Mutual Lingerie

Why not take your partner shopping for some sexy under things? This can be a great way for both of you to play in the store and get some new garb to wear for your erotic encounters. Single? Take this time to splurge and do something special for yourself! Buy yourself anything that makes you feel sexy or helps you boost your confidence in the bedroom. Get double your money’s worth by not only getting to look extra sexy, but use the chance to do an slow strip tease for your partner as well.

Snail Mail an Erotic Letter

The art of letter writing is slowly becoming a lost art. Surprise your partner by actually hand writing them a letter and sending it in the mail. The letter can be as mild or wild as you would like. It can describe things that you love about them or a very graphic, detailed letter about what you plan to do to them on Valentine’s night.

A Strap-On Harness Guide

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